Why no man should ever Kiss and Tell

I had readied another post to be displayed today and when I was about to publish it, my phone rang. An old College friend called and hell, we hadn’t talked in over 10 years.

As always with old friends you tend to catch up on what has occurred in each others lives in your absence. We both have children and unfortunately, he’s divorced, twice!

We laughed about that and I asked how he didn’t learn his lesson the first time. He informed me through laughter that those were simply dress rehearsals for the true love in his life which happens to be a young woman he met in Beijing, China. I wished him well and he thanked me after informing me that she is definitely the one. My friend, always the optimist.

During our conversation he brought up names of people I hadn’t thought about in eons. With each name we fondly remembered funny stories about old friends and classmates. He brought up an incident that occurred during our time in school and even today, many years later,it still made me laugh.

After hanging up with a smile on my face from reminiscing, I thought about that story and laughed again. When I got back on my computer to complete the post I was about to publish, that story was still fresh in my mind and I don’t know why, but I felt that some of you would get a real kick out of it. Especially those of you who have been confronted with the same type of embarrassing situation.

So, I’ve decided to write about it here for you to decide for yourselves if you think it’s funny or not. Oh, and if it’s not funny to you, maybe you simply had to be there to see the humor in it. Lol.

I am sure that many of you have done somethings with men or boys that you’d just assume would remain between the two of you. However, when that man or boy betrays your trust, it can be somewhat embarrassing, to say the least.

In College, men or rather boys for whatever odd reason feel the need to boast about their conquests, if you know what I mean. Oh, before I go on please let me clarify that statement- not me! I learned my lesson in my senior year of high school. I talked a College Junior into coming by my home to entertain me since I was home for the weekend alone. Only problem was she told me that she would drop by after a party she wanted to attend. My dumb ass made a Cardinal sin, I spoke out of turn. Who do you tell secrets to? Your best friends, that’s who. So after telling my two best friends of what I had set up, I felt like the big man on campus. Damn, a college junior to boot.

Well, unfortunately they went to the same party. After a few beers, one of my friends opened his mouth and informed her that I was home waiting for her to arrive. Damn, I get a phone call and she’s not happy. I can still remember her exact words to me: “You talk to much, and I refuse to deal with anyone who tells my personal business”, and then she hung up on me. I learned a very important lesson that night, anything that is to occur or has occurred between a man and a woman, should remain solely between them and no one else, ever.

Sorry I got off track, lets get back to the original story. Well some guys never learn this lesson and as with this story it can catch up to you when you least expect it.

So, Frank (not his real name, of course) supposedly had a sexual tryst with Tammy (made up name as well). He couldn’t wait to tell all of us that were his friends. He was really excited about the fact that he had finally got to sleep with her, which had been his dream since the day we set foot on campus as snot nosed freshman.

Now, since the campus had only approximately 20 thousand students and that included a vast majority who commuted to class each day, exactly how long do you think it would take for this story to travel across campus? If you said not long, you’re right!

Now Frank whom I hadn’t talked to in years was a really nice guy, but he was always trying to fit in somewhere. He was really harmless and a bit spoiled since he was the only child of an affluent family. Looking back, he was always trying to impress us in one way or another. But what the hell, we were in college and everyone was trying to find their identities.

Now Tammy, she was drop dead beautiful and she knew it (as of course did all of us). Funny thing though, most men don’t understand this but sometimes beauty has a mean streak in it. Frank didn’t know it, and looking back I wish I had warned him about it. The first time I laid eyes on Tammy I was sitting in the lobby of the female’s dorm and she and several other upperclassmen came through. A football player, I cannot recall his name to save my life, made the mistake of telling her how nice she looked on this particular day. Wrong move! She looked at him and stated, “I don’t need you to tell me how I look!” She continued on through the lobby and other guys sitting around tried to contain their laughter. I knew the guy was embarrassed, but hey, he should have kept that thought to himself.

On another note, later I got to see the weak side of her as well. Somehow I became friends with her boyfriend and he didn’t treat her all that well. Once after I had been to her room with him on several occasions, he asked me to meet him there. I arrived and he wasn’t there, it was just she and I. After about 30 minutes I became impatient and was about to leave when she began crying. Hell, I was only 18 and she wasn’t my girl so the last thing I wanted to do was comfort someone else s girlfriend when this had absolutely nothing to do with me.

She confided in me that night that their relationship wasn’t very good and that he had at least one other girlfriend on campus and one in his hometown. What really bothered me about this whole thing is something I’d like to ask all women whom are like her. How can one-day you seem so confident (the incident in the lobby) and the next day you’re crying over a man that you know is clearly worthless? I’m confused, however if any of you would like to enlighten me on this matter, I would certainly welcome it.

Back to her and the Frank incident. Her boyfriend soon left college apparently because his hometown girlfriend was having his baby, at least that’s what she (Tammy) told me, which I am sure is the reason that she ended up spending the night in Franks room after a party.

Poor Frank, he really should have kept this whole thing a secret for two reasons. One being that it could have possibly developed into so much more and secondly he may have never had to face the music about a week later. That is exactly how long it took for this story to travel around campus and get back to her.

It was after lunch and as usual on the day of basketball games everyone hung out at the Student Union. Frank and I were sitting at a table with several other basketball players and my roommate. Everyone was having a great time, that is until the cheerleaders showed up. Oh, did I forget to mention that Tammy was also the head cheerleader?

When they came in some of the guys around started giving Frank pats on the back, that’s how big this story had gotten. He was a little embarrassed to say the least, telling people probably sounded like a good idea in the beginning but, wow.

The cheerleaders went to the customary booths where guys with no self confidence could ogle them and guys with too much confidence could get shot down in front of everyone.

After what seemed like a line of guys had past, most acknowledging Frank in a manner I’d never even sen before. From her vantage point Tammy could see our table and I think this ritual of men heaping praise on him for what should have been a private moment simply got the best of her. She walked over to the DJ that was there every game day, to try to get the students pumped up before game time. After the song went off, he handed her the mike, and the floor. All I can remember thinking was, “this is not going to be nice.”

She started by talking about the upcoming game and got everyone revved up, as people started pounding on tables and clapping. Then she stated that she needed to end with a personal note. She looked across to our table and said, “Frank, stand up!” Now, I knew that this wasn’t going to be good.

People started chanting Frank, Frank, Frank! Like he was on the basketball team. He didn’t stand but all eyes were on him anyway. She continued by saying, that she was sure that many of the students had probably heard the tale of a night of passion shared by she and Frank. With that admission, students started whistling and cheering even more.

Then she smiled and dropped a bomb on everyone there. She said, this story would have been true, however Frank left out one very important detail. Really smiling now and about to laugh, she screamed, He couldn’t get an erection! Ouch!

Damn, now all eyes were truly on Frank and he laughed, as we all did. People in the room laughed because they thought it was a funny and embarrassing situation for Frank. Frank my roommate and I laughed because we knew it was payback for him breaking an unwritten code between men and women- don’t kiss and tell. We also laughed because by her making the statement, she verified that which we already knew was true, Frank was telling the truth. However, he still should have kept it to himself.

After the game I was on my way to the locker room and Tammy ran up to me to congratulate me on a great game. After giving me a courtesy hug, she asked if I could come to her room after I was dressed. Stating that she wanted to talk to me about something.

When I arrived, she was as beautiful as ever, however, she was sad. She went on to tell me that she thought Frank was different and that she felt that he had betrayed her confidence. She stated that as with all of us, we have a reputation to uphold and she refused to have it damaged by someone who was simply too immature to understand this.

She then asked if I would mind apologizing to him for her. She went on to say that she would feel uncomfortable talking to him at this time. I informed her that I would talk to him, and then I asked a question of my own. I started by saying that I knew that it was none of my business, but I wanted to know if his story was true. She smiled sheepishly, and stated, “he’s your friend, you tell me.” We both laughed and she hugged me and I was off to my dorm room for a beer celebration for the win.

Now, before you determine how you feel about this story and how she handled it, I think I should warn you that it does have a happy ending. Yep! They’ve been married for 18 years and have three beautiful children to show for it.

You see, Frank manned up, apologized for his speaking out on a private matter and promised never to do anything like that ever again. She forgave him because he really meant no harm, he was simply so happy to have had the opportunity to be with her he couldn’t contain it.

After I sat down and began writing this post, I dusted off my old address book and called Frank. They still have the same number after all these years. When he answered the phone not knowing who was calling him from Vegas, I quickly said, “Hey remember that time Tammy busted you out for telling her business?” He started laughing and soon she was on the other line taking up for him. It’s great to have friends and even better to have friends for life.

Could your man survive The Pregnacy Test?

Before I get started and explain the title above, I would first like to wish each and everyone of you a very Happy New Year! Many of you have written to me inquiring about my absence and I appreciate your letters. To those whom were left to simply wonder, I have been busy preparing (finally) for the release of the book “Eavesdropping in the Boys Club”. I will provide further details later.

However today I would like to talk to you about something different by far. Hopefully you will find it as interesting as I did.

Recently, I was out with several friends and co-workers and as usual we began talking about relationships, with women on one side of the topic, my male friends on the other and me right square in the middle. Lol!

One of the females who worked in a different department is a 30 year old very attractive young woman who has been married for 4 years. Happily married as she explained it.

During the conversation she explained a very fascinating plan that she had created to determine if a man was really worthy of being with her or not. As men in the group cringed at this revelation I sat in awe as this young woman described how she set about eliminating men from her life that she simply thought were a waste of her time.

She stated that she came up with the idea while she was in college. During her sophomore year her roommate had become pregnant. She stated that she was very close to her roommate and the roommates boyfriend. For days she stated that she watched her roommate struggle with how to inform her boyfriend that she was pregnant as if it was all of her fault, if there was any fault at all.

She went on to tell us that she had known these two people since high school and even there they were a couple and as with everyone that knew them she thought that they were destined to be together forever anyway. So, she thought one night as she went to sleep, whats the big deal?

The next night her roommate returned to their dorm room hysterical. The boyfriend had accused her of cheating on him among other things to include trying to trap him into marriage. She said her roommate was inconsolable, crushed by the turn of events. The roommate dropped out of school the next day to return home.

My friend stated that she saw the boyfriend from time to time and that he could never even look her in the eye, let alone speak to her. To her he simply became a piece of shit!

During this time, she stated that she had a boyfriend of her own and that they had talked about this situation while it was going on. He had admirably informed her that had it been her that was pregnant, that they would have discussed it to determine what was best for them all. She said, being a 19 year old girl, this sounded really good to me.

As the year passed, she said that she still couldn’t shake the emotions that she had in regards to her roommates situation. She said that she spent countless hours unable to sleep and in her restlessness she decided that before she allowed any man to waste too much of her time only be determined that he wasn’t worthy, he’d have to pass a simple test.

She went on to say that it started with her boyfriend. They’d been dating exclusively for approximately 2 years and he swore that he loved her. One night she went to his house and proclaimed that she was pregnant. She said that upon hearing that, the blood completely drained from his face. She thought that he was going to pass out. After gathering himself, she said the first thing out of his mouth was, “Is it mine?”

She stated that she quickly did an about face and informed him, “No, it’s not!” She said that she quickly marched out the door, crying all the way to back to her dorm. According to her, he called and she refused to answer the phone. He also came by but she refused to answer the door, apologizing through the door for his words. She said he even stood outside her classroom waiting for her to come out so that he could talk to her. Nothing he could say would make her come back to him because she said she now knew exactly who and what he was.To her, he wasn’t a man, but merely a boy whom constantly wanted men type of fun, but none of the responsibility in the event things went wrong.

She said that she took a break from men and didn’t date seriously until she was began working on her Masters degree. While working on her Masters she was employed as a Cosmetics Counter Manager at a large Mall. There she met a young store manager and they became a couple.

She stated that he said and did all of the right things to attract her and her family loved him as his loved her. He was way on his way to becoming a General Manager for the company he worked for, owned his own home which he begged her to move into. She stated that she refused telling him it was too soon, even after almost a year of dating. Loving the guy for her was an understatement, she was head over hills in love with him at this point.

They had, she said, many conversations about their futures and how his vision was for her to be a stay at home mom, while he provided for the family. However, many of those same sleepless nights would come and she would remember her roommate from college.

So, one day she said that she invited him to a nice quiet restaurant exclaiming that she had great news! He arrived, punctual as always according to her. He was excited and couldn’t wait to share in her great news. She said that she looked him in the eye and with a smile so broad said, “We’re pregnant!”

She said that there was no joy or excitement on his part. Actually, she went on, he got mad! Between the crowded restaurant and the waitress bringing their meal, he had to whisper his responses and they weren’t nice. She said that he went on by telling her that it wasn’t possible, that he had been careful and always utilized protection. He continued by informing her that it was her fault, stating that she was reckless, falling short of saying that she cheated on him. Which at that point she already determined that she would have hit him with her plate. He told her that he wasn’t prepared to be a father and that he had plans for when he became one, to include being at the top of his profession.

Halfway through the meal she stated that she got up, dropped several hundred dollars on the table to pay for the meal and left. She said that he didn’t call her or attempt to contact her again. Which by the way according to her was simply fine.

I asked her if it hurt for him to just walk away like that. She stated that she loved him and that was hard to not give in and call him and just talk, to give him the opportunity to explain since he had often talked about us being together with children. However, she went on by saying that in her weakest moments she would remember something her father told her as a kid. She said that he told her that the initial reaction is always the truth about how someone feels.

She said looking back on it, he wanted to control everything to include when and if we got married, how many kids, hell even me being a stay at home mother and wife. I wanted a partner, not another father in my life.

The third time she utilized this method of men elimination she said was approximately three years later. She said she had met a wonderful man through friends and that he lived in a nearby City which meant a long distance relationship to begin. She said that they met and she really enjoyed him because he seemed so genuine.

Soon he moved to the same town as her so that they could be together much more and really get to know one another. She went on that after being together for quite some time, she had fallen hopelessly in love with him and she was sure he felt the same way. She said that her feeling were so strong that she almost forgot about the test. However, when those sleepless nights came calling again, she tried to put it out of her mind because she was really afraid to lose him if he failed.

However, she felt it should be done just to ensure that she was being honest with herself and to make sure that she wouldn’t be wasting anymore time on someone who really wasn’t worthy of her. By this time, to make matters even more challenging, they had begun living together.

She said that she was trying to sleep and simply couldn’t, she kept thinking about her roommate from years past and it bugged her. While tossing and turning in bed attempting to sleep, her boyfriend came home from work. She said that he came in a sat on the edge of the bed trying not to awaken her. Finally after a few minutes she rolled over and turned on the lamp in the room.

Before she could say anything, he asked her if she was alright. He said that he had noticed for the past several weeks that she had been tossing and turning in her sleep. She said that before she had known it, she had blurted out, “I think I am pregnant!”

She said that he dived across the bed grabbing her into his arms screaming, in delight! She said he told her over and over again how much he loved her. She was swept away by his kindness and affection to the situation.

However, she added that afterwords he wanted to make love to her without protection seeing that he thought that they were already pregnant with child. She said she had to tell him, “Hold on babe”, we might be pregnant, we don’t know just yet. Whereas he went on to tell her that he wanted her as his wife and mother of his children, forever.

When a few days later she informed him that it was a false alarm, she said he simply smiled and gave her a huge hug and kiss. Informing her that he still wanted to marry her. She stated that this very important day informed her that he was indeed the man she was going to marry.

A year later, they were married, however, not before she confessed to him about the pregnancy test. She stated that it was an awkward moment for them both, until he broke out in laughter and told her that with child or not, he had determined way before that incident that she was the only woman for him.

They wed and the rest is history and now that they do have a child together she states that he is the best husband and father anyone could ever ask for.

She stated that when she did finally get pregnant, he ran into the restroom and came back with a pregnancy test, exclaiming that he didn’t want to get his hopes up again, to which she said that they both laughed.

Before ending her story, she did offer this advice. Her methods are not for everyone and she is sure that many may think it’s like playing tricks on men. However, she felt that it is much better to determine how he feels while you are in a position to walk away, then to wait until you actually get pregnant and are left alone with a child by a man who tricked you into believing he really cared.

As for me, I am not sure I know exactly how I feel about this test. In one hand I think that it could be considered cruel and unusual punishment, on the other hand I think that it was simply her way of making sure that regardless of the situation that she was getting a man that would stand with her and not run and hide at the most important prospect any man can face, that of being a father.

If you love someone and you’re sleeping with them, having a child could become a reality. What is unreal is the way some men face this situation. I for one being a father to a son whose mother I didn’t marry refused to run and hide. We didn’t get married, but I did my best to provide for them both. When she informed me that she was pregnant, I didn’t blink, I did what my father would have done and accepted my responsibility. Because I stood up as being a man, and my true feelings for my sons mom, we are even to this day as close as ever. I love her dearly, because she gave me the best gift that any man could ever ask for, a child!

So now, back to the topic of this article, could your relationship survive the pregnancy test?

50 Good reasons you should be in a relationship- Part 1

Wow! I was trying to sleep and unfortunately I simply couldn’t. So I dragged my pillow out to the couch and turned on that idiot box in the family room.

I figured I could locate something so boring at 3am, that I would be forced into sleep quickly. Re-runs usually do that for me. Unfortunately, even a few of those didn’t seem to be working.

After channel surfing for what seemed to be ions, I finally dozed off while watching some movie that I cannot for the life of me remember.

What I do remember was that it was in black and white, which means that it was really old. Other than that I recall that instead of actually falling into a dead sleep, I fell just enough asleep where I could still hear the dialog in my head.

In one particular scene the male lead asked his female counterpart an important question. He asked, “give me one good reason why we should be together?” and her reply, ” I can give you 100!”

That thought somehow sunk into my subconscious and when I awoke a few hours later, this dialog was stuck in my head.
So I figured this must have some meaning or purpose, right?
Well, if you know what it means please clue me in, OK?

So since by now you probably realize that I am clueless, I figured I would try to make sense of this all by writing this post. So today I will attempt to give you 50 reasons to be in a relationship. Hey, I’m a guy so even 50 is a stretch.

The female in the movie said she could give him 100 reason, right? She said this probably 50 years ago, today I should be able to do at least 50, or at least I hope I can. Wish me luck!

1) Because no one wants to be alone:

That’s right, you’ll meet some guys who profess that they enjoy being single. Some women say this same line of B.S. They’ll go on about how happy they are to be alone, and how they can do whatever they please without asking for anyone’s permission.

This lie sounds good on the surface, however if they really enjoy being alone so much, why in the hell are they calling you all the time asking to go hang out? Any relationship, well almost any (excluding abusive ones) is so much better than going home to an empty apartment to a cat/dog.

Now don’t get me wrong, I like animals but being in the company of someone you can talk and laugh with is so much more fun.

2) The special way they look at you:

Ever watch the way your friends significant other looks at them? The love is in the eyes. You can tell a lot about how a man feels about a woman just by the way he looks at her. You know something else? Women know it, they can feel his eyes gazing over them and they glow in the knowledge of being loved.

3) Missing someone:

Knowing that the person you love may be gone for whatever reason, but knowing that they will soon be back in your arms again! The anticipation is overwhelming.

4) The way they smell:

When you’re with someone they have a special smell, a scent. It can be a certain cologne, perfume or body lotion they wear. After they’re gone and you lay your head on your pillow and that scent takes you back in time.

I had a girlfriend in College and years later I walked into a Department Store and caught the scent of the perfume she used to wear. It was like I had traveled back in time, well until my wife interrupted me and asked me about the silly grin I had on my face.

5) Breaking up:

Not permanently! But those break-up where you have some silly little disagreement and you go to your place and your significant other to theirs. You both swear that you won’t call one another again, however you both jump at your cell phones with each ring hoping its the other.

Finally, one of you gives in and calls and the other is relieved because they were on the verge of calling anyway. Then you make up, promising to never let a simple misunderstanding come between you again, ever. Then you know what comes next?

6) Make-up Sex:

I don’t even have to explain this one do I? Some people pick arguments and break-up just to get this reward. If you’re one of those people, you’re sick, but if it works, more power to you!

7) Short vacations together:

There’s nothing like taking a short vacation with someone you love. Ever been to a Bed and Breakfast in Vermont in the Fall? How about driving up the Pacific Coast Highway to Monterrey, California and spending the weekend in Carmel?

Taking short trips to places neither of you have ever been is fun and exciting. It allows you the opportunity to talk, just the two of you and explore new places together.

8) Having someone to go to the movies with:

Yeah, you can go to the movies with your friends if you want to.  However, I get the feeling that theaters and Drive-ins were actually made for lovers. How else could you explain the necessity to create horror movies? Besides that, these places are dimly lit and the seats are very close together so that you can hold hands or cuddle in the dark.

Note: Anything more than cuddling could get you thrown out, so be careful.

9) It makes it easier to turn down guys you didn’t want to go out with anyway:

Thanks for asking, but I’m in a relationship. No harm, no foul. You just let him down very easily without hurting his feelings. He is able to walk away with his dignity still intact.

10) Someone listens to you:

Some days we go through life feeling as though we’re invisible. It’s like no one can see or hear us and its enough to make you want to scream. However, when you’re in a relationship you know that at least one person on this planet cares what you think and is willing to listen.

11) Butterflies:

No not the ones you see in the garden. The ones that float around in your stomach when you are with the person you love. In the beginning I have to admit they can seem more like birds than butterflies, but its all good. Don’t you agree?

12) The possibilities:

The idea that this could be your last first date or kiss for that matter. Building a new relationship is fun and exciting especially when you are positive that there is a future for it.

13) Starting over:

Ok, so your last relationship failed. A new start is generally what the doctor ordered. You should have learned a lot with your last mate. With a new mate you can put that experience into good use. There is nothing like getting a fresh new start in love.

14) Caring for someone:

It has been said that being in love is when the needs of another become more important than your own. So I guess that truly successful relationships mean that both parties subscribe to this same line of thought. End result, a well balanced love affair.

15) Late night phone conversations:

Remember when you first started out in your relationship and you’d get all excited when your phone would ring because you knew who would be on the other end? How many of you have played that game late at night after you’d been talking for hours? You know the game, right? No, you hang up,no, you hang up. Ok, lets hang up together. We’ve all played that game at least once in our lives haven’t we?

16) The anticipation of seeing that special someone again:

Getting dressed for school or work and knowing that you’ll see the person that makes your heart beat faster brings a smile to your face. You simply cannot wait to see their smiling face again and hopefully, just hopefully they’ll brush up against you or touch your hand.

17) The glow that you exude when you’re in love:

Isn’t it amazing that your friends know when you’re in love or have special feelings for someone? It’s all in the smile. You cannot hide it, love makes not smiling impossible. Even when you don’t know it you’ve got this silly little smile on your face and your mind is in a different place, a happy place. Smiling during these great times is akin to glowing. Everyone knows you’re in love.

18) The possibility of getting married:

Yep, I said it. I think all relationships begin with the thought that he/she may be the one to permanently take us off the market.  Is he/she that person? We’ll never know unless we try, right?

19) Having someone to be silly with:

 Ever notice how being in love brings out the silliness in us all? People whom are thought of as always deadly serious can surprise you when they are in love. There is nothing more enchanting than to discover that the grizzle bear of a man you met is actually a puppy at heart.

20) Getting recognized as the significant other:

Hi, aren’t you so-and-so’s girlfriend? Everyone wants a label in life and women really enjoy it, particularly when its a guy that they really like and wasn’t sure how he really felt about them. This all goes out the window as soon as you’re at an outing and someone identifies you as his girlfriend. It’s even more exciting when that someone is his mother, father or someone very close to him.

21) Surprises!:

Everyone likes surprises, even if we profess that we don’t. There is nothing like receiving a small token of appreciation that not only did you not ask for, but you didn’t expect to receive.  It’s even equally satisfying when it’s a gesture of love.  Roses are always a positive sign. If they’re sent to your work place, he gets even higher marks because he just made you the center of attention for all the co-workers that are unappreciated in their current relationships.

22) Getting to know someone:

Ever dated a person and discovered that they were entirely different than what you could have ever thought? Not in a bad way, but in a very good way.  like finding out that a guy you thought was a player, really loved kids and expressed his plans for when he finally had children of his own? Or the guy that you thought was anti-social who was the life of the party within the confines of his close family and friends? Discovering the real person is exciting and fun, don’t you think?

23) Holding hands:

It’s funny how you ex boyfriend detested holding hands in the end. However, in the beginning he wanted to hold your hand everywhere you two went to assure that everyone knew you were his. This phenomenon occurs with some men over time, however there are still many who continue to do this long after the newness of the relationship wears off. Maybe your next one will be like this.

24) Anticipating that first kiss:

So the first date went great and now he’s driving you home. You and he chit chat about various topics as you determine exactly how much you have in common. The problem is that you’re in a fog? Why? Because your answers aren’t as sharp as you’d like. You simply cannot focus on the words you’re hearing. It’s ok, because his responses aren’t as sharp as he’d like as well.

In case you didn’t know it’s because you both are preoccupied with what may happen next. You’re wondering if he will kiss you good night and trying to determine if you should allow him to or not. Or you may be hoping that he does, and how you will feel if he doesn’t. Add to this, the thought that you think you shouldn’t have had that burger with the extra onions.

On the other hand, he’s trying to plan things out because as men we like to be under control in situations like this. He is wrestling with if he should try to kiss you or not.  What is a man to do? Its a first date and he really enjoyed your company, however, if he moves too fast there may not be a second date. But then again, if he moves too slow there may not be a second date. Wow, talk about pressure!

You’re both thinking what if  an attempt is made and it is awkward? This thought makes your hearts race just thinking about it, huh? We’ve all been there before and this event is second only to the first time you about to make love.

25) Fill in the blank____________________________

I get many readers and tons of e-mail from women worldwide. I thought for #25 and the next 25 Good reasons I would ask that you ladies participate and assist me with completing the list. So if you enjoy this blog and what it represents, please give me your Good reason to be in a relationship. I will select 25 and complete the list for women everywhere. Please send your replies to anonymousmalewv@yahoo.com .

Thanks,

Anonymousmale1

Are you guilty of trying to buy love?

“In the end, who among us does not choose to be a little less right to be a little less lonely”.  ~Robert Brault

Ever walked into a store and although you had only been with your new boyfriend for several weeks, saw something that you just knew he would love? Then on the way home with this new gift you were just giddy with excitement and bursting at the seams to see the reaction on his face?

This situation plays out day after day in new relationships (and old ones as well), on every continent on this planet. Men do it, women do it and very few realize that this can be a very financially draining habit. One that can also cause you tons of heartaches and set you up as a victim of false love.

How many times have you been out shopping with your girlfriend and she stopped to buy a shirt or slacks for a man that you knew to be no good for her? Secretly you knew that there was no way in hell that this same man would ever come home to surprise her with a gift. You may not have understood it at that particular moment, but you had just witnessed your friend as she was attempting to buy love.

Women do this all the time, men not so often but it does occur. Remember the time that a guy you had went out with a few times, arrived at your place with a nicely wrapped box containing an item that you would never in a thousand years ask someone to buy for you? Yeah, he was trying to buy your love.

So what did you do with this unexpected gift? Inform him that you couldn’t accept it, that it was too expensive? Or did you accept it because it was oh so pretty and sparkly? Did you thank him profusely and offer to make dinner for him or allow him to take you out once again even though in your heart you really weren’t interested in him?

However, later though when you were alone you probably felt guilty. You know that it was wrong to accept such a gift, but you keep telling yourself that he’s a nice guy and he had assured you that he didn’t spend too much money on it.

Then when you went to work or school wearing the item, all of your friends commented on its beauty making you feel so special. But you still cannot shake the feeling that you simply shouldn’t have accepted it. How many of your friends made the statement to you that they wished their boyfriend was so thoughtful. You listened and decided against explaining that he’s not your boyfriend because it would lead to too many questions.

So you only tell your closest girlfriends and as in all friendships you have one that is cool with it. She tells you that hey, he’s cute and at least he has good taste in gifts and women. Why not date him a little to see if you can learn to love him. She tells you the worst case scenario is that it doesn’t work out and you get to keep the gift for at least trying.

However, your second friend chastises you for accepting an expensive gift from a man that you are the least bit interested in. She informs you that by accepting it, you are simply leading him on and that you should return it ASAP!

What are you going to do? Hey this item is nice, women would kill for something like this and this guy thought enough of me to buy it for me without my even asking. Then your phone rings and he asks if you’re busy, he’d like to take you out for a few drinks and to talk. Its harmless, so why not right?

He picks you up and you go to a nice place and walking in you see a few guys that you could really find yourself attracted to. However, you are with a guy who although he is nice, simply isn’t what you’d select as your ideal man. Hey, but does it really hurt to at least try?

You sit in the restaurant and the drinks are ordered and the waitress spots the gift and comments on it. She then tells you that you are a very lucky girl to have a guy who thinks that highly of you. Then to assure that she gets a great tip she remarks that you two look great together. He smiles like a cat that swallowed a canary and you feign a quick smile to be polite, but you never correct the waitress.

After trying to find something interesting to talk about you find that he’s simply not that exciting. However, the guy that has walked past your table several time to go to the bathroom certainly is and how you wish that they could actually trade places.

You get to your apartment and go through that awkward moment where he is not sure if he should try to kiss you or not and you are not sure if you should let him. So the two of you compromise and hug before parting ways. This is not going to work, you know it, you already know it.

The next day you arrive at work (or school) and talk to the friend who told you that you should at least try to see if you can learn to like him. Hell, you can’t even remember why you went out with him in the first place, it must have been because you were getting over your ex and would have went out with anyone to get out of the house.

She informs you of this; “Hey, at least he has a job, his own place, treats you great and is most definitely into you. He’s not going to cheat on you, beat you or screw up your credit, right. Go with it girl! Just as she finishes her lecture, before you respond a delivery arrives. Yep, you just received a bouquet of roses from yours truly.

Now you are the envy of every woman in your office (or class) and you feel terrible. Everyone is walking by telling you how nice the roses look and making comments about how much this guy must love you. The only problem is that you don’t feel the same way. It gets worse when they begin to ask you when you’re going to have him stop by so that they can all meet him.

Now, the one person in the room that is not amused at all of this besides you is your other good friend. You know, the one who instructed you to return the first gift back and now you’re sitting there with a dozen roses and she has a look that shows she is not too happy with you.

She requests that you accompany her to the ladies room and although you know what she will say, it drains you all the more with each step because you know that she is going to be right. There is nothing as annoying as having a person preach to you about something that you already know is right, is there?

Once in the restroom she gets directly to the point. She points out the obvious, being that you didn’t return the first gift and that she is so disappointed in your decision to keep it. You know that she is not jealous, she’s just telling you that she knows you are better than that.

She then explains something to you that you didn’t know. She says, “You do know that he is trying to buy your love?” She has your attention now, doesn’t she? She goes on to tell you that she had been guilty of trying to do the same thing with her former boyfriend. She said that she brought him clothes, a Gucci watch, Boss suits, expensive shoes and ties and he accepted them all. She said that she was in love and she thought that by buying these items for him that he would love her as well.

However, she informed you that she was wrong. She went on to say that after thousands of dollars worth of trying to buy his love, it all came crashing down on her via a photograph. She had paid for him to visit his family in another State, even given him spending money for while he was there. Upon his return he had brought her back a silly ass t-shirt. You know, the ones that they sell in airports everywhere that read, “Someone in (fill in the blank) loves you.”

A few months later he had left his laptop computer on while he had ran to the store and hesitantly she had discovered his Facebook page open. Now get this, this was a different FB page then the one she had been sending him messages to, the one where it said that they were in a relationship. This was a totally different page, with different photos and friends and a totally different girlfriend.

But, you know what hurt her the most? There were forty to fifty photos of him on this new page with this other woman, and in everyone of them he was wearing something that she had actually purchased for him. The Boss suite was worn while they went out to dinner, a jacket she had purchased while they were at a baseball game and so much more.

She also discovered that the plane ticket she paid for, wasn’t to go home to visit his parents and family. Nope, it was to visit this other girl she discovered by the date and time stamps on the photos.

She said that she didn’t tell him that she knew right away. She had to digest and process all of this new found information first. She reminded you how she had went on emergency leave a few months back and you had thought someone in her family was ill. No, she tells you now that it was her that was ill, she needed to get away and at one point she had contemplated suicide. She had loved him just that much only to discover that he had no feelings for her whatsoever.

She finished by telling you that she came to terms with the situation once she reviewed the relationship and through tears discovered that it really wasn’t totally his fault. She had without knowing it, been attempting to buy his love from the very beginning. And you know what? It started with buying him a very nice bracelet that he hadn’t asked for. It was an innocent enough gift, or so she thought. But who the hell gives someone they barely know a $300.00 bracelet?

He had tried to refuse it but she convinced him that it was just a token and she wanted him to have it. She said just the look on his face was reward enough and in the end she would become euphoric with the thought that he could look at her this way. She confused this look for his love of her, but it reality, it was his love of the gifts that she was showering him with. This she said, was a painful and expensive lesson to learn.

The scar she bore on her heart was still raw, and then she asked you with conviction, “Do you really want to keep that gift, knowing that he means nothing to you?” Its a good question, one that you had been wrestling with yourself over the last 48 hours or so. What is a girl to do?

Now for any of you that are reading this post and are not exactly sure if you have ever actually attempted to buy someones love, answer this question; Have you ever gotten into an argument with a man you were going out with, and in anger you blurted out, “I buy you everything you’ve asked for”, or even brought up the fact that you purchased things for him? If you have, then you were guilty of trying to buy his love.

Now that you know that this is what you were attempting to do, please stop immediately and never repeat it in any future relationships, even if he asks for something you know you can afford. I know, men make comments all the time about things that they would like to have, like a new iphone or Ipad. Fight the urge to buy it, hoping he will be happy and reward you with his love. Because at the end of the day, its false love and eventually it will collapse, leaving you with a broken heart and a mountain of bills, alone again.

Psst! Wanna know the secret to keeping your man out of another woman’s bed?

Do you really believe that the only thing men want is sex? If you do and you still have a man in your life, what exactly does that say about you? Yep, it says that you really enjoy doing the nasty too! Why hide it? Why on earth do women hide the fact that they enjoy sex just as much or more than the next guy? And I really mean guy, lol.

Sex is a fact of life, it’s been going on since the beginning of time (thus the worlds population) and the billions of dollars generated by the industry itself. You can try to deny it but not only men are looking at porn on the internet. Everyone has needs, wants and desires and if women didn’t then there would be absolutely no market for adult toys.

Now, with all of this love making occurring throughout this planet why is it that men tend to feel the need to stray and conduct business outside of his current relationship? This is the million dollar question that has been asked since the neanderthal age. Why on earth does a man with a healthy, beautiful, sexy cave woman feel the need to sleep with the cave woman on the other side of the mountain?

Over the years there has been numerous articles written on the subject and for this post, I for one  will stay away from to concentrate on a simple solution that could possibly eliminate that situation in your own relationship. Interested?

I was once informed that smart women take up all of the free time of the men that they are in a relationship with. In other words, they eliminate the chance for him to be idle, since we all know that idle hands are the devils tools, right? I am not sure if this is true but over the years I’ve heard this saying often. Maybe there is merit to it, maybe not. I don’t know, personally.

However, what I do know is that for whatever reason, men are more inclined to cheat in a relationship after he has been in it for sometime. Very few guys cheat in the beginning of a real relationship, although they will if the relationship wasn’t considered a real relationship to begin with. Interesting huh? Lets look at this statement again in laymen terms. “Chances are that he will not cheat on you in the beginning of a relationship that he actually considers real.” Meaning that he considers the two of you to be an actual couple.

Now, some of you are scratching your head in wonder as to why a man you had cheated on you in the first month, week or day of the relationship, right? Well, I am sorry to inform you of this but you thought you were in a actual relationship, but for whatever reason, he didn’t. Perception is a killer, especially when your views on where you stand differ so greatly.

So yeah, if he cheated on you very quickly, or you discovered he had another girlfriend while you were just starting out you should now know he wasn’t all in as far as being in an exclusive relationship with you. Sorry to have to tell you that.

Later yeah, if the relationship goes into routine mode and he becomes listless, he is more ample to stray. Not that it has anything to do with you, but more importantly it is a flaw in his own character. A flaw that is exploited by what he has been told on a regular basis by his male counterparts and society. 

If you are told something over and over again, at what point does it become real? Probably when you accept it as being real in your mind. How long before a man in your life allows it to become real, that once he gets married sex goes out the window? Or that being with the same woman for a long period of time is like eating the same meal, over and over again?

Comedians have made jokes about these same issues and men as well as women have all laughed, at least until it became real for the man in your life. What did Chris Rock say about being married? ” If you like f**king, marriage ain’t for you! (See video) Unfortunately, some of us buy into this thought process and chose to seek excitement elsewhere.

Women of course have been victims of societal views as well. Yeah, you know what I am talking about. You’re supposed to suppress your sexual urges, act like a lady, right. I can understand and appreciate that outside of a relationship, however, in a relationship, you should be you! So if you really enjoy sex, then now is the time to become uninhibited and enjoy yourself with someone you love who loves you as well.

Oh, let me get back on topic because you are reading this to discover how to keep your man out of another woman’s bed, right? That’s easy, think about where you are sexually in your relationship. Ask yourself, who initiates sexual contact most of the time? 10 to 1 (I live in Vegas) says it’s the man in your life. You see women most times without realizing it take their cue for sex from the male. Why? Because society has said that men have a higher sex drive than women, and if a woman has one as well then she’d be better suited by hiding it.

So what women tend to do is they wait for the male to request sex and if she is in the mood, OK, it can be done. If she is not, then he’s pissed because you’ve rebuked him. It also has falsely led women to believe that men are oversexed. Not because he actually is, but rather because you’ve reduced him into guessing when you are in the mood.

Let me try to explain this simple logic to you. You’ve went from participating in the when and where you two have sex, to waiting on him to determine when and where and you participate only if you feel up to it. It’s understandable that you are not in the mood every single time on his schedule. However, what you failed to understand is that you have buried your schedule, and didn’t even realize it and this creates a problem that may result in his diving into another woman’s bed.

Lets try looking at it this way, OK? You enjoy sex, right? You enjoy making love to the man you love, right? So why in the hell would you do it only on his schedule? That’s asinine and problematic! It also creates a view of him that is not altogether true. He’s not oversexed, its just that you’ve stopped initiating it when you want it choosing to wait until he requests to make love.

Why not try this, everyone of you have those times when you want to make love or simply have sex just like men do, right? When you get these urges which I am sure occur on a weekly basis, act on them with your man. Don’t wait until he wants you, let him know that not only do you want him but you need him to fulfill your needs as well.

Want to know what the results will be? Eventually you and he will become balanced in the bedroom. If he is getting sexual satisfaction when he wants and when you want, he’ll be less likely to look elsewhere because he’ll be too busy being satisfied at home. The thought you had of him possibly being totally consumed by sex will be a thing of the past because since now you’re selecting your own days for intimacy based on your needs  will leave him fulfilled and you happier. The only unhappy party in this equation is the adult toy industry since you’ll have little need for that device you’ve hidden away in the closet in that shoe box.

Jumping into another woman’s bed will be the last thing on his mind ever, because there is something else that is said that you may have never heard. “Men with empty scrotum’s have no reason to stray!” Lol!

Why you’re so afraid to end a relationship that you’re not happy in……

You’ve been mulling this decision in your head for months, should I end this relationship or not? You ask your friends and possibly relatives and you soak in all of this information and you still can’t decide exactly what you should do. To make matters worse, you know in your heart that its the best thing for you and your emotional well being.

You deserve someone who will treat you with respect, someone you can count on, someone you know in your heart that is capable of loving you with all of their heart. You thirst for someone that is exciting and makes you burn with desire again. The man in your life now, he was once like that. He was attentive, responsible, caring and appeared to be head over heels in love with you, and he once knew how to light your flame.

However, that seems like such a long time ago and even those memories are fading. Now, he may or may not call you today.  He may stand you up on a date you’ve planned, something he’d never even considered doing when you first started dating. Hell, during those days he’d come to your work place with an umbrella for you just because the forecast  called for rain. Those were the days huh? When you were the envy of all of your friends because he placed you on a pedestal.

He’s totally different now, huh? Ok, he’s never hit you or anything and although late at night you have that nagging thought in your head and gut that he may have someone else you have no proof. All you know deep inside is that even though he tells you that he loves you, you don’t feel it anymore, period.

So now, is that enough to end this long relationship? That depends on you and only you. No one is going to have the exact answer you’re looking for. You know the one where they say just the right thing and a switch goes off in your head that says, “Yep, I’m ending this right now!”

However, what I can do is explain to you why it’s so damn hard to pull the trigger on a unhappy relationship. Interested? If you are, read on.

If you’re at this point then above everything else, you’re simply not happy. When I say this I’m not talking about being sad or depressed or anything like that. I mean that your relationship has lost its luster and you know in your heart that it has ran its course. However, you still cannot understand why you can’t simply end it.

You can’t end it because of one word; change!

Many people fear this word and most of us aren’t sure why.  It really boggles my mind because change means a new beginning, starting over with a clean slate. I know its venturing into the unknown, but who knows what awaits you on the other side?

When contemplating ending a relationship we tend to think about all of this small stuff, such as what do I tell my friends, family and co-workers. What happens if I make a mistake, will he take me back? Will I be able to find someone better or will I end up with someone worse? A real dilemma, huh?

Oh, and my favorite, I don’t want him to hate me for ending it. I want us to remain friends, always. Hey, and don’t forget, what if no one else wants me? Better yet, how about this thought that I know all of you have had at one time or another; the fear that he will be out of your life, forever! Yeah, you know the one where you are so used to having him in your life and the thought that he will no longer be around scares you. Well guess what? How about before you two ever met? You got along fine during that time of your life, didn’t you?

You know what I think of all of this stuff? Its just stuff! That’s all it is, stuff. It enough to make a sane person go mad, seriously. So tell me, who in their right mind would stay in a relationship that they are not satisfied with? You?

Life is short and its fleeting. Why you’re reading this post time is flying by. Time that you’ll never get back so I try to write things that you can get something out of. I don’t want to waste your time, because its extremely precious. With that in mind, can you really afford to spend another hour, day, week, month or year in a relationship that you’re not happy with?

To make matters a little more interesting let me give you something to think about. How do you really know that he’s not feeling the same way? Yep, men stay in relationships because they want to avoid change as well.  Any of you ever been in a relationship and one of you decided it was time to call it quits and you both breathed a sigh of relief? It happens, I promise.

Hell, it happened to me years ago. I dated a girl for roughly 6 months and one night while watching TV she asked me if I was really happy in the relationship and after dancing around the question (I thought it was a trick) I confessed that actually I wasn’t. I told her that I was content, but not truly happy.

She laughed and told me that she felt the same way. Yep, there was a sigh of relief on both of our parts. We both had a good laugh about it and through talking we discovered that we’d probably make better friends, which we did. I mean, we liked the same things, we loved to talk to one another and we laughed a lot. However, once we became a couple the magic kinda disappeared. Afterward, it wasn’t awkward at all since we quickly went back to being friends.

We still hung out together, called each other often and held Friday night movie vigils at her home or mine. Then after a couple of months she called me really excited and informed me that she had met a guy that she thought was the right person for her. I wished her well and I met him a couple of years later at their wedding. He’s a very nice guy and they are still very happily married with children to this day.

The moral to that story is that hell, he may not be happy in the relationship either and chances are that if you’re not happy, neither is he. How can he be happy if he knows that you are not? You may not say whats on your mind but if you’ve been together for awhile he knows your body language and he knows that there is something wrong. The girl I spoke of above, she later told me that she noticed that I seemed distant. She went on to inform me that she noticed that I seemed as though things weren’t fun and exciting anymore and she began to feel the pressure as well, and it she too became unhappy with the relationship. We only dated for about six months, how long have you and your man been dating?

Now, for those of you in this situation I hope that this post opened your eyes a little. I hope you stop thinking about only you and think about how he may feel as well. If you’re not happy, maybe he isn’t as well. I hope you stop worrying about the changes you assume you’ll be faced to deal with and begin looking forward to what can be awaiting you in the future.

Good luck to you all!

Why you should have a “Single Women” survival kit!

There is nothing on earth as frustrating as being at the whim of someone else. Especially when its someone that you have grown to know, fell head over heals in love with and without warning they radically changed. Damn, it makes me want to pull my hair out just thinking about it.

Many of you will suffer through this in your lifetime, a few of you will suffer through it more than once (because some learn lessons at a different pace). Hell, I went through this phenomenon myself. However, when I came out the other side I made an important decision about dating. Especially when the relationship moved to a point and you have that very important talk.

You ladies know the talk I am referring to.   The one where the guy says, “Look, we spend all of our time together anyway. You have an apartment, and I have one. We spend all of this time sleeping at each others place, but we’re paying two separate rents.” Then he goes on a says, “Wouldn’t it be better if we just moved in together?” “Think of all of the money we could save?”

Wow! You start to think maybe there is a future in this relationship and you as all women do, ask, “Are you sure?” However, inside you’re bursting at the seams with excitement. You cannot wait to tell your girlfriends that he asked you to move in with him.  You were so excited, you failed to carefully think this plan through and you really overlooked exactly whose apartment should you two move into. But, that’s OK, because you’re so happy whatever he wants to do is fine by you.

You can’t wait to move in with him and make all of the modifications that will turn his place into a happy home, right? You should have read the fine print in the offer because this is a recipe for disaster filled with a hidden minefield.

When he brings saving money into the equation you need to know that’s a red flag.  “Think of all of the money we can save?”  In real love money is not an issue. However, let me clarify that statement for you. If I really love you, then I want you to move in with me, not because it allows me to save more cash to buy more toys. I want you there because I want to wake up next to you every single morning. I want you to be the first person i see when I get up to start my day, and the last person I see and hold before I fall asleep. These feeling you make me have are priceless and money pales in comparison.

So, anyway you’re thinking about how great it is to be able to live with him and he’s thinking about the money he’ll be able to save by sharing the rent, bills and expenses. Get the picture now? Yeah, you’re really just a beautiful, sexy roommate that he has bedroom privileges with.

You on the other hand think that this is a prelude to marriage and you quickly begin to treat it just like that. You rush home to make him dinner everyday, you rearrange his apartment to make it more of a home instead of a bachelor pad and within weeks you convince him that you two need a joint account. Why? Because its what married couples do.

Now, currently he’s still on board but what happens when he starts to feel crowded? You start to see a side of him you haven’t seen before. He become irritable, starts coming home later from work and everything becomes an argument.  The next thing you know, he’s sleeping on the couch and you’re crying yourself to sleep on a weekly basis.

Do you understand why this occurs? Believe me when I say that this happens everyday worldwide, so if its happened to you then rest assured you are not alone. It happens because you and he were never on the same page to begin with. The expectations of both parties were totally different and neither took the time to set up rules and expectations before the move actually occurred.

To make matters worse, when people live separately while they are dating there are loads of things they learn about one another over time. When you chose to move in together you learn a lot about one another very quickly and some of the things you learn you may not like. Living together you don’t have that safe place to go to while you attempt to come to grips with his short comings as you would if you lived apart.

If you lived separately and a girl called him on the phone, you’d be a little upset, go home and think about it. He’d call and explain the situation and everything would be forgiven in most cases.  If a girl calls him while you’re living together, its a whole different emotion. You have no where to think this thing through except maybe another bedroom.  Also, the thought that a girl called him infuriates you even more because now you’re wondering if he’s even informed her that he’s in this makeshift marriage, uh, living with you.

When things get really bad and you simply cannot take it anymore (as he may be feeling as well), what are you going to do? It was really easy to get into this situation but getting out of it can be difficult. Where are you going to go? You gave up your apartment, remember?

This is the point where you should have had a “Single Women Survival Kit.” Because when things get really bad, you’ll be able to take complete control of your life and situation again. Trust me when I tell you that there is no worse feeling than the feeling of being trapped.

You’ve given up your apartment, your life, your freedom to make someone else happy and it just didn’t work out. Now, you’re sitting in the bedroom that you two once shared and he’s drinking a beer on the couch watching sports after another silly argument.  You feel trapped and confined and all you really want is to get out!

If you had planned ahead and had a “Survival Kit”, you’d be able to do just that because you’d be prepared. Now, some will say, ” If you’re preparing for failure then it will do that, fail.” However, we don’t plan on having a auto accident, but we get insurance, just in case.

This survival kit, consists of some material items and a good deal of common sense. I’ll give you a list I made up for you, it differed from the one I once had, but then again I am a man.

Item #1: A secret bank account:

I know, you shouldn’t keep secrets in your relationship but this is basically insurance and believe me you may need it. You should place approximately $50.00 into this account every payday. The one thing that will be a hurdle for you is in the event that you feel as though you need to move out, is having enough cash on hand to get another place.

It sucks when you know that you once had a nice quiet place that you called home. It was your sanctuary, a place you could close out the world if need be. If you placed money into that account, you could find one quickly and move on. If not, it may take you a while to save up enough to move out. This means that you’re subjected to many more months of frustration while trying to save something you could have already had.

Now, in the event that the relationship blossoms into something more as in marriage. Guess what? You can roll that money into an investment account, or utilize it to offset some of your wedding expenses. You can’t lose by being prepared!

Item #2: Stockpile birth control:

Hey, until you are on your honeymoon it might be wise to protect yourself from an unplanned pregnancy. If your live in arrangement falls apart the very last thing that you need to discover is that you’re expecting. Children are the greatest thing on this planet, however, caring for one as a single mom is a challenge.

A Professor once gave me this advice about sex. “Never sleep with a woman that you could not see as being the mother of your children.” We all know that was not the case in some of the relationships I had over the years, however to eliminate the chance of an unplanned event I stockpiled condoms. Hell, when I was in my early 20’s I think I purchased enough to give everyone at the Magnum plant a raise in pay. Lol!

There is nothing wrong with protecting yourself and making sure he’s the right one. Then planning on having the child as a family, yep, you and he. Families can be only two people you know.

Item #3: Locate a neutral place to reside together:

If a man requests that you and he move in together, don’t move into his apartment or allow him to move into yours. If you’re serious about it and he is as well, the two of you together go and locate a suitable neutral abode to begin your trial live-in.

However, and this is extremely important, discuss with him his expectations and explain yours to him. If you two accommodate one another, this thing could really work to both of your advantages and grow into the ultimate goal. If you fail to examine what you both expect your chances of success are quite slim. This is just a thought, but you may want to explain to him at this time that you have no plans of being a lifelong girlfriend and live-in lover. Just putting that out there, OK? Remember what your mom used to say, “Why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?”

Item #4) Keep your Finances separate:

In the beginning do not under any circumstances intertwine your bills or credit. You should agree to pay your half and he his. The only thing that both of your names should appear on is the rental agreement.

You want to do this to give you an opportunity to see how he handles his finances. If  you intertwine your finances and share an account, it may affect your credit score.  If his score is low, you may get dinged or worse credit agencies may start calling you about his debts. This is a horrible thing to discover after you’re living together, but it happens.

Each of you should select a utility and place it in your own names, making sure that they pretty much are equal in the amounts you pay monthly.  To clarify this, you shouldn’t be paying $200 in cable bills and he’s only paying $70.00 for water and the electric bill. Understand?

Item #5) An Emergency Credit Card:

You should if possible obtain a credit card with a credit line of at least $500. This card is for emergencies only and you should only utilize it once a month. During this monthly usage, go out to dinner or purchase a pair of stockings or anything that you can pay the bill in full on its due date.

This practice keeps the card active and paying it off monthly helps your credit score. As i said above though, this card is for emergencies only! What I mean by this is that in the event you need to stay at a hotel after a severe argument, this is when you utilize it. Need to rent a truck to move out because the relationship is sour, use this card. In a sense, its a safety net.

If you’ve been setting aside money as in item number one and you have this emergency card you have your freedom intact. Regardless of the situation you can move on and any frustrations will be minimal at worst.

Conclusion:

Relationships are a risks, however that’s what makes them so much fun.  We also all know that without risk there is no possibility of reward. There is nothing wrong with hedging your bets by protecting yourself in the event that things don’t work as planned. By covering your bases, its a win-win scenario for you. As I wrote above, if it works out then you have this small nest egg that you can utilize for something else.  That something else could be whatever you want it to be, to include a nice Rolex for your new husband. I’m just saying. Men like nice gifts too.

The most Powerful words any man can say to you……..

In past posts I have discussed the “L” words, meaning love and like and their meaning in the relationships you’ve had or currently have. Today I would like to discuss a sentence that will, well, leave you spellbound if it ever comes out of the mouth of any man that you are dating or have dated.

Men are very proud creatures and to go along with that pride we carry around we like to think that we can control any and every situation that present itself.  Many, many men have lost women that they knew in their hearts were the perfect mate for them because they refused to tell them exactly what she needed to hear. They refused to bow and put their pride to the side in order to make their hearts happy.

There is nothing as awkward as seeing a grown man cry over a woman, it’s not pretty I must confess and it occurs more than most women could possibly imagine.  Please don’t be so cynical in your views of men to believe that  no man has ever shed a tear for the loss of a relationship with you. Because I can assure you that at least one has, maybe even more.

Unfortunately, men generally chose to suffer in silence. They tend to keep things bottled up and try to drown their heartbroken sorrow in alcohol or worse. It amazes me that more people don’t understand that regardless of how you attempt to mask your suffering, by utilizing drink or worse drugs, you only compound the problem. Not to mention, when the effects wear off, she’s still gone. Uh!

I once wrote a post where I described the emotions people go through when suffering heartbreak. Many of you commented on this description for its honesty and candor. One visitor asked me how I could so vividly describe how women feel during these unsettling moments of hurt and anguish. Well, its because I’ve suffered my share of heartbreaks as well over the years. What, you thought women had a monopoly on being heartbroken?

However, I learned my lessons and judging by the amount of years I’ve been married I feel I benefited from those earlier failures. Yep, love teaches us all and what we learn is more important than the heartbreaks we suffer in the process because it makes us into the people we will eventually be in life.

I often tell my wife that she received the finished product, molded by many women over the years and a much better man for it. At least I hope so.

Back to those powerful words that you are so interested in knowing. Most men have this idea that simply telling you that he loves you will cure any and everything that ails your relationship. That’s why so many men are so hell bent against utilizing these words. They feel if by saying them so soon and much it diminishes its meaning. Unfortunately, they also want to save it for when they really need it to keep you from leaving them. It works right? Well sometimes anyway.

However, there is one thing that all women want to hear that few men know about. Its a phrase that truly comes from the heart, with honesty and commitment. Because of the over usage of  “I love you” , this is definitely a head turner and its something that we all need to hear both women and men alike from the people we love.

I’ve told my wife this over the years and I generally get a very positive reaction. However, I tell her this because as with all people its something we need to hear but not too often as a sign of respect and appreciation.

Last week I was laying on the couch as usual after a hard day of work and flipping through the channels I stopped on a Kevin Costner movie, one of my favorites. I hadn’t seen it in years and relaxed to take it all in. Maybe you’ve seen it before, if not it’s a very good movie for both men and women. It’s called, “For the Love of the game”.

However, I must caution you that as with all of his movies it’s quite long.  The storyline for this movie is about an aging baseball pitcher who happens to meet a beautiful woman (Kelly Preston) after her car broke down. During the movie Costner’s character while pitching a game in Yankee Stadium is reflecting on  his life and relationship with Preston whom at the time of the game is at the Airport about to depart and start her life in London.

Costner reflects on their meeting, their ups and downs over a five year period. At one point, Preston informs Costner that he doesn’t need her. She says that all he needs is the ball and the diamond and everything is perfect when he’s on the mound. Costner thinks about it because this is all he has known for almost his entire life, since his father first placed a ball in his hands.

With her at the airport about to depart the U.S., he pitches the game of his life, a perfect game. However, on what should have been the happiest day of his life he had no one to share it with. I don’t want to spoil this beautiful movie for those of you who may want to check it out.

But, what I can tell you is this, in the end he uttered what could be considered the most powerful words any man can tell a woman. He didn’t tell her he loved her because she already knew that. He said, “I need you”. Everyone wants to be needed however, few men tell women this even though they know it to be true.

We need you to help us to become better people, better men, better fathers and husbands. These are not things we can do without the assistance of women like you. Men for whatever reason don’t tell women they love this important statement even though by informing you of this could make the difference between you staying or leaving.

This statement is a testimony to exactly how much you mean to him and that your contributions haven’t gone unnoticed. It tells you that he knows that he is a better person because you are in his life and that together you two can accomplish anything. It also shows that if you leave him now, he’s going to be crushed and if you didn’t know it before I explained it above, he will be heartbroken and the tears he sheds will be for you. Or rather the lack of you.

Now, if whatever he did or didn’t do to get to the point where he told you he needs you wasn’t too bad, just maybe you could possibly give him another chance, please? We all make mistakes and none of us are actually perfect even if we think at times we are.

The secret that men hope women never discover…..

“Women are going to form a chain, a greater sisterhood than the world has ever known.”
— Nellie McClung

You meet a new guy and you love everything about him. He calls and your stomach gets knotted up, and when you’re around him you have butterflies. You cannot sleep because he’s always on your mind. Love, isn’t it grand?  There is nothing as precious as new love, you cannot get enough of it. The feelings you get are indescribable, and you feel like you’re about to burst with excitement.

Late at night you lay in bed and you think of every single moment of time that you spent with him during the day. You review every single word spoken and chastise yourself for not saying the right thing at the right moment of the conversation. You feel awkward, like you’re a school girl with a crush and he’s the big man on campus.

You cannot wait for the next day to see him and take in the aroma of his cologne and look into his eyes once again. Every time he brushes against you or slightly touches your hand you get weak in the knees and you blush uncontrollably.

You find it difficult to concentrate and eating is a second thought, your appitite is vertually gone and you often wonder if you’ll actually be able to eat in front of him when you go out on your long anticipated date.

Love, there is nothing like it is there? However, on the flip side these same emotions can describe the way women feel when they’re heartbroken. The two basic issues of course are lack of appetite and sleep, but of course your stomach gets knotted just the same. You also wonder if it was something you said or did and if you could have done things differently.

Now the issue here is how do you keep from ever feeling like the latter of these two emotions? How do we insure that you never have your heart and emotions drug through the mud while you shed tears that could have been prevented.

Did you know that women can protect their own hearts by simply doing one thing at the beginning of every relationship, even before you begin to act like a love struck schoolgirl. Before you place your heart in the hands of a person that you thought dropped out of heaven, but may have came from a much lower area, you should find out from where he really came.

“There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”
— Madeleine Albright

Every man that you meet has a past. It’s that past that can determine your relationship fate. Before you throw caution to the wolves and fall head over heels in love with someone who may break your heart into, it behooves you to proceed with caution. Do your homework and attempt to discover who he really is and if possible, why?

It is amazing that more women don’t do what I am about to introduce you to, because if done properly it works to your benefit.  Its also the hidden secret that men never want you to discover. Its the inside information straight from the horses mouth that could sink them where they stand when they are dishonest.

What is this secret that make men tremble in their boots? The girl that held his heart before you! She holds all the secrets that can mean success or failure for you if you enter into a relationship with the man that makes your heart pound faster.

Now before you decide that this is not a route you would chose to take lets take a look at it from a different angle. Think about your last boyfriend, what could you share with another woman that could spare her a harsh break-up and a broken heart. Was he good to you? Did he cheat on you or god forbid, hit you. You hold valuable information that could assist another woman whom might be sitting at home right now with butterflies in her stomach over a man that you know to be a liar and a cheat. If you could save her from heartbreak and despair, why wouldn’t you. If you don’t, when the day comes that he rips her heart out or hurt her in any other manner, you are just as responsible as he is because you could have and should have warned her if she asked.

It amazes me that we tend to not inquire about the person that held our love interests heart until after we break up with them. We tend to believe what our partners say about them and as with nature we side with the one we’re with. That is until that day after our hearts have been broken into tiny pieces, we wonder if all that was told to us was actually true.

Then by chance you meet the person, and discover that they are nothing like the person you were led to believe they were. These meetings always end with you gaining a good friend and with them informing you that had you contacted them they would have warned you about your former partner.

In every relationship there are two sides to the story of why it ended, the side you’re hearing and the silent side. Isn’t it interesting that the side you’re hearing is always the fault of the silent side. But lets be real, how many men have you met that will confess to cheating, beating, stealing from or lying to their ex’s? Better yet, how many men have you met that will inform you that yes, they do have a current girlfriend while they attempt to seduce you?

These are all the more reason for you to seek out his former partner before you jump into a relationship with him. Now we all know that sometimes people make up lies and are deceitful when they have been heartbroken, but all you have to remember is that somewhere between those lies is the truth.

Now many of you are scratching your heads wondering, “How would you react if a strange woman approached you and inquired about your ex?” How would you respond? Hopefully, with dignity and respect as all adults should. If the relationship is over then its over, you both  should have moved on by now, so what could it really hurt to assist someone else?

If your ex was a great guy and things simply flamed out on your relationship, then wouldn’t it be wise to inform her of that fact. Would it seriously hurt you to offer her pointers in how she might make their relationship last? Hell, in actuality you know so much about him and if you chose to hold on to that information, then you are really doing a disservice to your ex and the female that’s interested in him, don’t you think?

Now, on the other hand if he was a total jerk and she needs to be warned about him it could be wise to do so. However, it should be done with tactfulness. Sit her down and ask her exactly what she wants to know? Put yourself in her shoes, if his ex before you had told you what you needed to know, would it have prevented your heartbreak? Could it have saved you from anguish and sadness? Would you have headed her warnings? Then ask yourself this, “Can you really walk away knowing that she is headed down a path to pain and refuse to help? Ever heard of karma?

This failure to assist one another is a prime example of why our society is decaying right now. It’s not my problem, so I don’t want to get involved is our new motto. Many times I have wondered what may have been if OJ’s ex before Nichole had informed her of what he was really like? Would Scott Peterson’s late wife have heeded a warning from another woman before choosing to marrying him? I know that these examples are extreme, or are they? However, what I am sure of is that each and everyone of you hold the key to the happiness or suffering of another woman. The only question that remains, is are you willing to share that key or not?

I know it would be awkward for someone to approach you about your ex, however these questions come in many forms. So the next time you get a friend request from your ex’s current girlfriend, don’t be so quick to dismiss it. There may be something that she wants to ask you but isn’t sure how to proceed.

If the thought of this make you uneasy there is another way as there always is. Visit my fellow bloggers site and you can post about your ex anonymously. This way any woman that is interested in him can locate the info she needs right there and no one will be the wiser. Also, while you are there, you can check up on your current beau, or someone you may have had you eye on. Its free, and although most of the comments are negative, like I stated earlier, somewhere between the two extremes, lies the truth.

So if you have the time or you’re simply curious, please visit www.cheateralert.com, you never know what you may discover or what you may be able to contribute to someone else s happiness.

8 Things you should never say to a man…… If you want to keep him

Sometimes, when we get just too damn comfortable too soon with a new person we tend to let our guard down and throw caution to the wind.  You have to understand that just because you feel comfortable with him doesn’t necessarily mean that he feels the same way about you. He may tell you he does, but then again he may be on the bubble with where your relationship is heading.

In my past I terminated several relationships because of a simple comment that just grated me to the point where regardless of how I tried I couldn’t get over. Looking back now, I agree I was really very shallow when it came to relationships. Now that I know this, I also understand that as a man, I am not alone and men that you have met or will meet may be shallow in the beginning as well.

With this knowledge, I figured it may benefit you to know that there are some things that you may not want to say, regardless of how comfortable you may feel in the beginning of the relationship.  However, as many of you probably know, once the relationship is defined and is solid then anything you say will not be held against you in the court of love.  (Ah, unless it’s a lie, then all bets are off.)

Moving on, lets get to “8 Things you should never say to a man, if you want to keep him!” (note: These are things that you may not want to say while you two are in the beginning stages of what you hope to be a long term relationship, ok?)

1) I want to be a stay at home mom;

  What men hear: She wants a rich guy to take care of her and do nothing but have kids. Men want partners and since for years women have preached equality, we expect you to help carry the load. Now on the other hand, if he is rich or on his way to being rich this may work out fine. However in this economy it’s all hands on deck and that means you as well.

2) I once dated my boss;

What men hear:  She’s looking for a man with power and if I am not it, it could be her next or current boss. Also, there is this old saying that you should never shit where you eat,  which means sleeping with the boss is not a smart move. Oh, and now we think about what her reputation in the office is like. Office gossip is brutal and she gave them a lot to work with. Time to move on suddenly sounds good for us.

3) I like women too:

What men hear:  Most of the men I have talked to regarding this type of situation informed me that in the beginning they thought that they had hit the jackpot. In the end they said they wish they had never known. Visions of three ways clouded their judgment. They all assured me that it was great and exciting when it first began because they had convinced themselves that it wasn’t cheating as long as it was only with women. Wrong!

How secure could he possibly be when he knows that his girlfriend is trolling for women with a higher success rate than he and his friends ever had? After awhile the excitement wears off and jealousy appears as with any relationship when a third person is introduced into the equation.

A woman once told me that there is no such thing as being bi-sexual. She said that people whom say that they are, really are saying that they are selfish sexually and its all about them. She went on to say that regardless of if they are with a man or woman, all they really care about is their own needs being met. I don’t know if she’s right or wrong on this  and I am not in a position to argue either way.

4) You are the biggest I have ever had;

What men hear: I have been with numerous men and I am checking sizes and discussing them with my girlfriends. We really don’t like to think about your sexual conquests to begin with, because in our minds you were a virgin when we met. You just killed that image with that one statement and to make matters worse you were probably just trying to make us feel good. Now we can’t shake the thought of you out of our minds, measuring privates of men lined up with towels wrapped around them. Ugh!

5) I have never done this before:

What men hear: With me! Especially if you suddenly take control right in the middle of it and seem to anticipate our every move. You should never utilize those words to a man especially if its while in bed. It’s equally bad if you just met him or you’ve liked him for awhile and its the first time you two have been alone and he talked you into bed.

Note: The funny thing about men, yours truly included is that women are right when they think that when it comes to sex, once we get an erection we stop thinking clearly. However, once that erection subsides we replay the whole conversation that got us into the situation to begin with. So, if you said something that didn’t bother us while we were trying to satisfy our needs it will jump out at us when clarity returns. This clarity period is a main reason for one night stands.

6) My last boyfriend did it like this:

What we hear: We are being compared to some guy who for whatever reason still occupies your thoughts. This is not good, because in order for us to feel comfortable with you, we’d like to think that only we occupy your thoughts. Not only that, but hell if he was so great, why are you with me?

7) We have to keep our relationship a secret:

What we hear: This is sometimes said when the parties are of different racial or economic backgrounds. Problem is that now he feels as though he’s good enough to sleep with but not good enough to be seen with. Yep, men don’t like this type of situation either. We start out saying that we can handle it, but in the end we hate it too. Remember the saying, “Forbidden things are sweeter”, they really aren’t.

8) You once tried to get pregnant:

What we hear: You want a baby and you may try to have one by us without our knowledge. This is a scary thought if we’re just beginning. Most men aren’t comfortable with the premise of having a child so quickly and you’ll notice that although you’re taking birth control pills, he still insist on wearing a condom as well. You know he’s uncomfortable if even with the condom on he still withdraws before ejaculation.

I guess I could actually add several other things not to say as well, but I’ll just list a few without commenting on them so you’ll know.

9)   I need a man to pay my bills.

10)  I had an abortion.

11) I was once with multiple men at once- You may want to keep this to yourself

12) I was a teenage prostitute.

14) I was molested.

15) I was in rehab, twice.

16) I had a eating disorder.

17) I used to cut myself occasionally.

18) I tried to commit suicide.

19) My last boyfriend is on death row.

20) I am awaiting sentencing.

The point I am trying to make is this. In relationships there should be no secrets if it is to blossom and grow. However, it is important that you get to know the person before you decide to tell them some things. When we are really comfortable with one another and we both know where its headed then anything you say will more than likely be forgiven. However, if you say them too soon they’ll be used solely as a reason to exit by menn who may not have wanted to be with you long term to begin with.

When we love someone and I am not talking about lust, but true love, we can accept the fact that we all have skeletons, or crutches in life. The things you say in the beginning that could make a man run, could actually bring him closer when he’s actually had the time to get to know you and love you for who you are.