Do you really believe that the only thing men want is sex? If you do and you still have a man in your life, what exactly does that say about you? Yep, it says that you really enjoy doing the nasty too! Why hide it? Why on earth do women hide the fact that they enjoy sex just as much or more than the next guy? And I really mean guy, lol.
Sex is a fact of life, it’s been going on since the beginning of time (thus the worlds population) and the billions of dollars generated by the industry itself. You can try to deny it but not only men are looking at porn on the internet. Everyone has needs, wants and desires and if women didn’t then there would be absolutely no market for adult toys.
Now, with all of this love making occurring throughout this planet why is it that men tend to feel the need to stray and conduct business outside of his current relationship? This is the million dollar question that has been asked since the neanderthal age. Why on earth does a man with a healthy, beautiful, sexy cave woman feel the need to sleep with the cave woman on the other side of the mountain?
Over the years there has been numerous articles written on the subject and for this post, I for one will stay away from to concentrate on a simple solution that could possibly eliminate that situation in your own relationship. Interested?
I was once informed that smart women take up all of the free time of the men that they are in a relationship with. In other words, they eliminate the chance for him to be idle, since we all know that idle hands are the devils tools, right? I am not sure if this is true but over the years I’ve heard this saying often. Maybe there is merit to it, maybe not. I don’t know, personally.
However, what I do know is that for whatever reason, men are more inclined to cheat in a relationship after he has been in it for sometime. Very few guys cheat in the beginning of a real relationship, although they will if the relationship wasn’t considered a real relationship to begin with. Interesting huh? Lets look at this statement again in laymen terms. “Chances are that he will not cheat on you in the beginning of a relationship that he actually considers real.” Meaning that he considers the two of you to be an actual couple.
Now, some of you are scratching your head in wonder as to why a man you had cheated on you in the first month, week or day of the relationship, right? Well, I am sorry to inform you of this but you thought you were in a actual relationship, but for whatever reason, he didn’t. Perception is a killer, especially when your views on where you stand differ so greatly.
So yeah, if he cheated on you very quickly, or you discovered he had another girlfriend while you were just starting out you should now know he wasn’t all in as far as being in an exclusive relationship with you. Sorry to have to tell you that.
Later yeah, if the relationship goes into routine mode and he becomes listless, he is more ample to stray. Not that it has anything to do with you, but more importantly it is a flaw in his own character. A flaw that is exploited by what he has been told on a regular basis by his male counterparts and society.
If you are told something over and over again, at what point does it become real? Probably when you accept it as being real in your mind. How long before a man in your life allows it to become real, that once he gets married sex goes out the window? Or that being with the same woman for a long period of time is like eating the same meal, over and over again?
Comedians have made jokes about these same issues and men as well as women have all laughed, at least until it became real for the man in your life. What did Chris Rock say about being married? ” If you like f**king, marriage ain’t for you! (See video) Unfortunately, some of us buy into this thought process and chose to seek excitement elsewhere.
Women of course have been victims of societal views as well. Yeah, you know what I am talking about. You’re supposed to suppress your sexual urges, act like a lady, right. I can understand and appreciate that outside of a relationship, however, in a relationship, you should be you! So if you really enjoy sex, then now is the time to become uninhibited and enjoy yourself with someone you love who loves you as well.
Oh, let me get back on topic because you are reading this to discover how to keep your man out of another woman’s bed, right? That’s easy, think about where you are sexually in your relationship. Ask yourself, who initiates sexual contact most of the time? 10 to 1 (I live in Vegas) says it’s the man in your life. You see women most times without realizing it take their cue for sex from the male. Why? Because society has said that men have a higher sex drive than women, and if a woman has one as well then she’d be better suited by hiding it.
So what women tend to do is they wait for the male to request sex and if she is in the mood, OK, it can be done. If she is not, then he’s pissed because you’ve rebuked him. It also has falsely led women to believe that men are oversexed. Not because he actually is, but rather because you’ve reduced him into guessing when you are in the mood.
Let me try to explain this simple logic to you. You’ve went from participating in the when and where you two have sex, to waiting on him to determine when and where and you participate only if you feel up to it. It’s understandable that you are not in the mood every single time on his schedule. However, what you failed to understand is that you have buried your schedule, and didn’t even realize it and this creates a problem that may result in his diving into another woman’s bed.
Lets try looking at it this way, OK? You enjoy sex, right? You enjoy making love to the man you love, right? So why in the hell would you do it only on his schedule? That’s asinine and problematic! It also creates a view of him that is not altogether true. He’s not oversexed, its just that you’ve stopped initiating it when you want it choosing to wait until he requests to make love.
Why not try this, everyone of you have those times when you want to make love or simply have sex just like men do, right? When you get these urges which I am sure occur on a weekly basis, act on them with your man. Don’t wait until he wants you, let him know that not only do you want him but you need him to fulfill your needs as well.
Want to know what the results will be? Eventually you and he will become balanced in the bedroom. If he is getting sexual satisfaction when he wants and when you want, he’ll be less likely to look elsewhere because he’ll be too busy being satisfied at home. The thought you had of him possibly being totally consumed by sex will be a thing of the past because since now you’re selecting your own days for intimacy based on your needs will leave him fulfilled and you happier. The only unhappy party in this equation is the adult toy industry since you’ll have little need for that device you’ve hidden away in the closet in that shoe box.
Jumping into another woman’s bed will be the last thing on his mind ever, because there is something else that is said that you may have never heard. “Men with empty scrotum’s have no reason to stray!” Lol!
“Women are going to form a chain, a greater sisterhood than the world has ever known.”
— Nellie McClung
You meet a new guy and you love everything about him. He calls and your stomach gets knotted up, and when you’re around him you have butterflies. You cannot sleep because he’s always on your mind. Love, isn’t it grand? There is nothing as precious as new love, you cannot get enough of it. The feelings you get are indescribable, and you feel like you’re about to burst with excitement.
Late at night you lay in bed and you think of every single moment of time that you spent with him during the day. You review every single word spoken and chastise yourself for not saying the right thing at the right moment of the conversation. You feel awkward, like you’re a school girl with a crush and he’s the big man on campus.
You cannot wait for the next day to see him and take in the aroma of his cologne and look into his eyes once again. Every time he brushes against you or slightly touches your hand you get weak in the knees and you blush uncontrollably.
You find it difficult to concentrate and eating is a second thought, your appitite is vertually gone and you often wonder if you’ll actually be able to eat in front of him when you go out on your long anticipated date.
Love, there is nothing like it is there? However, on the flip side these same emotions can describe the way women feel when they’re heartbroken. The two basic issues of course are lack of appetite and sleep, but of course your stomach gets knotted just the same. You also wonder if it was something you said or did and if you could have done things differently.
Now the issue here is how do you keep from ever feeling like the latter of these two emotions? How do we insure that you never have your heart and emotions drug through the mud while you shed tears that could have been prevented.
Did you know that women can protect their own hearts by simply doing one thing at the beginning of every relationship, even before you begin to act like a love struck schoolgirl. Before you place your heart in the hands of a person that you thought dropped out of heaven, but may have came from a much lower area, you should find out from where he really came.
“There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”
— Madeleine Albright
Every man that you meet has a past. It’s that past that can determine your relationship fate. Before you throw caution to the wolves and fall head over heels in love with someone who may break your heart into, it behooves you to proceed with caution. Do your homework and attempt to discover who he really is and if possible, why?
It is amazing that more women don’t do what I am about to introduce you to, because if done properly it works to your benefit. Its also the hidden secret that men never want you to discover. Its the inside information straight from the horses mouth that could sink them where they stand when they are dishonest.
What is this secret that make men tremble in their boots? The girl that held his heart before you! She holds all the secrets that can mean success or failure for you if you enter into a relationship with the man that makes your heart pound faster.
Now before you decide that this is not a route you would chose to take lets take a look at it from a different angle. Think about your last boyfriend, what could you share with another woman that could spare her a harsh break-up and a broken heart. Was he good to you? Did he cheat on you or god forbid, hit you. You hold valuable information that could assist another woman whom might be sitting at home right now with butterflies in her stomach over a man that you know to be a liar and a cheat. If you could save her from heartbreak and despair, why wouldn’t you. If you don’t, when the day comes that he rips her heart out or hurt her in any other manner, you are just as responsible as he is because you could have and should have warned her if she asked.
It amazes me that we tend to not inquire about the person that held our love interests heart until after we break up with them. We tend to believe what our partners say about them and as with nature we side with the one we’re with. That is until that day after our hearts have been broken into tiny pieces, we wonder if all that was told to us was actually true.
Then by chance you meet the person, and discover that they are nothing like the person you were led to believe they were. These meetings always end with you gaining a good friend and with them informing you that had you contacted them they would have warned you about your former partner.
In every relationship there are two sides to the story of why it ended, the side you’re hearing and the silent side. Isn’t it interesting that the side you’re hearing is always the fault of the silent side. But lets be real, how many men have you met that will confess to cheating, beating, stealing from or lying to their ex’s? Better yet, how many men have you met that will inform you that yes, they do have a current girlfriend while they attempt to seduce you?
These are all the more reason for you to seek out his former partner before you jump into a relationship with him. Now we all know that sometimes people make up lies and are deceitful when they have been heartbroken, but all you have to remember is that somewhere between those lies is the truth.
Now many of you are scratching your heads wondering, “How would you react if a strange woman approached you and inquired about your ex?” How would you respond? Hopefully, with dignity and respect as all adults should. If the relationship is over then its over, you both should have moved on by now, so what could it really hurt to assist someone else?
If your ex was a great guy and things simply flamed out on your relationship, then wouldn’t it be wise to inform her of that fact. Would it seriously hurt you to offer her pointers in how she might make their relationship last? Hell, in actuality you know so much about him and if you chose to hold on to that information, then you are really doing a disservice to your ex and the female that’s interested in him, don’t you think?
Now, on the other hand if he was a total jerk and she needs to be warned about him it could be wise to do so. However, it should be done with tactfulness. Sit her down and ask her exactly what she wants to know? Put yourself in her shoes, if his ex before you had told you what you needed to know, would it have prevented your heartbreak? Could it have saved you from anguish and sadness? Would you have headed her warnings? Then ask yourself this, “Can you really walk away knowing that she is headed down a path to pain and refuse to help? Ever heard of karma?
This failure to assist one another is a prime example of why our society is decaying right now. It’s not my problem, so I don’t want to get involved is our new motto. Many times I have wondered what may have been if OJ’s ex before Nichole had informed her of what he was really like? Would Scott Peterson’s late wife have heeded a warning from another woman before choosing to marrying him? I know that these examples are extreme, or are they? However, what I am sure of is that each and everyone of you hold the key to the happiness or suffering of another woman. The only question that remains, is are you willing to share that key or not?
I know it would be awkward for someone to approach you about your ex, however these questions come in many forms. So the next time you get a friend request from your ex’s current girlfriend, don’t be so quick to dismiss it. There may be something that she wants to ask you but isn’t sure how to proceed.
If the thought of this make you uneasy there is another way as there always is. Visit my fellow bloggers site and you can post about your ex anonymously. This way any woman that is interested in him can locate the info she needs right there and no one will be the wiser. Also, while you are there, you can check up on your current beau, or someone you may have had you eye on. Its free, and although most of the comments are negative, like I stated earlier, somewhere between the two extremes, lies the truth.
So if you have the time or you’re simply curious, please visit www.cheateralert.com, you never know what you may discover or what you may be able to contribute to someone else s happiness.
If any woman should make the statement that a good man is hard to find its single mothers. Beside trying to raise a child on her own she has to be extra careful in her choice of men. Many times the last one (baby’s father) may have turned out to be a dud, and although they are no longer together she still has to deal with him because of course, he is the biological father.
Knowing that the biological father will possibly be a permenat fixture is a situation some men are simply unwilling to deal with. They may think that the mother is the best thing since sliced bread and the child is wonderful, but having this guy around that may or may not be doing the right things for his child is at times too much drama.
In my younger days I dealt with this situation from both sides of the coin. I was the boyfriend to a woman with a young son, and of course I was the father of a child out of wedlock. I really think that the first situation prepared me for the latter of the two and for that I am grateful. It also gave me an appreciation of how difficult single moms have in attempting to obtain and maintain normal relationships in these situations.
In my second year of college I met a girl I instantly fell for and we became an item. She quickly told me that she had a young son whom was living with her mother while she attended school. This revelation threw me for a loop, but hey I was smitten with her and since her son was hundreds of miles away I thought, what the hell.
Although I have always loved children the premise of raising a child while attending school and for me playing college basketball would be too difficult a task in the beginning.
However, the next year she and I shared an apartment and after talking it over we decided it would be a great idea if he lived with us as well. We lived together for approximately a year and I have to admit I enjoyed the family atmosphere.
I taught him to read and when I wasn’t on a road trip or at practice I would take him to the park and his favorite place which of course was McDonald’s. Our relationship blossomed and there was a period where we were contemplating marriage. However, as in all relationships there is generally something that simply will not go away, regardless of how hard you wish.
In our relationship it was her sons father. Although they shared the same first name, his father simply wasn’t always the father he should have been, but that’s simply my personal opinion. He lived only two hours or so away but he made very little attempt at spending any real-time with the son.
As for me I assumed the role of being the provider, teacher, disciplinarian and male role model. The one thing I would not do and this is something all men should remember when dating a single mother. We should never try to take the father’s place in the child’s life. We can only fill his space, however never should we attempt to take his place in the mind of the child.
However, as I became really attached to this child that wasn’t mine, I noticed a change in my behavior as well. I enjoyed coming home tired and exhausted from a game or practice and spending time with him while we read a book that I had read as a child myself.
Then although I had promised myself that I would never become too attached to this little boy, I realised I had. I loved his mom and I loved him as well, together we were a family.
During a school break we decided to return to her parents home for a few days before I had to return for a Holiday tournament in another State. That was school for me, studying, practice and intense travel during the season.
While at her parents house the father of the child called and talked to him on the phone. When he got off the phone he was ecstatic, his father was coming to pick him up. I had reservations at first because this wasn’t the first time that he had promised to pick him up and several times he hadn’t shown. However with the close proximity of the father to her parents house I figured he’d show, if not I’d possibly have to pay him a visit.
When the father arrived we were cordial as always, however for the first time I noticed that the child completely forgot about me. I had grown accustomed to being the center of his attention, the person he ran to when he had fallen and hurt himself, the person who tucked him into bed at night, the person who taught him to dribble a basketball, the person who taught him to read.
As he walked out the door and acknowledged everyone in the room with the exception of me, I felt heartbroken somewhat. I felt I had lost something and that I would never get it back, in the position I had coveted in his life or so I thought.
He was only a child and I thought about that fact as I made the long trip back to the school for my basketball trip. I didn’t get to say good-bye because he had spent the night at his fathers and that hurt somewhat. But, I think above everything else, I was simply envious of the bond and relationship he had with his real father.
That’s how children are, they don’t hold grudges if fathers don’t show up on time or fail to show. They could care less about child support payments and such. They only know unconditional love and as parents we are blessed to receive this affection and warmth from them.
By the spring break things began to change in our relationship. Her grades were suffering and she was having difficulty being both a full-time parent and student. I tried to assist her as much as possible but my schedule was even more hectic. To make matters worse she was running back and forth to court because the father refused to make payments as instructed by the court.
Finally one night she informed me that she had decided to drop out of school and was returning home until she could get control of the situation. I understood and with the promise that she would return for the fall semester she and her son packed and returned home.
We kept the relationship together for as long as we could, however with my schedule for school and traveling it was soon apparent that we were growing apart. Late one night on a road trip I called and was informed that she wasn’t home. When I finally talked to her she informed me that she had went out with friends. One thing led to another and we both knew it was over. We wished one another well and went on with our lives.
Years later when I was in the USAF, I called her parents home on a holiday to say hello and discovered that she had joined the U.S. Army and was stationed in the D.C. area. After getting the number from her mom and telling her son how much I missed him I called her.
It was awkward at first but I then realised that her mom had already contacted her to alert her I would be calling. We talked for a short while and caught up on the changes to our lives and promised to stay in touch, however it never happened. Too much time had elapsed and we had become different people.
Later that year I became a father for the first time myself. Only this time I was the absentee father. When my son was born I was in the middle of a basketball game in Tokyo Japan. As a member of the Pacific Air Forces basketball team, it was life as usual for me. Travel, travel and more travel to shoot basketball and a little work in between.
My sons mom and I tried to keep our relationship together as best we could but as she once told me, there are too many people, places and faces between us. I wanted her and my son to live with me in Hawaii, and she wanted to stay close to family and friends as well as finish school in West Virginia. We couldn’t find common ground, I had a contract with the Air Force that I couldn’t break even if I wanted.
So I did the best I could as an absentee father. However, after seeing what it was like from the other side of the fence I promised to do the very best I could. The only real problem I had was that I was half way around the world.
On my returns home it would always be difficult. I had no problem with my ex having a man in her life, however I did have a problem with him if he had character flaws. Drinking, getting high around my son was a definite no, no.
If they had an argument, I expected him as a man to shield it away from my son and for his own safety I expected him to never lay his hands on her or my son. Arguments occur to everyone, however for my son to witness domestic violence was something I simply would not tolerate.
So one night I arrived home and my cousin picked me up from the airport. I had informed my ex that I would be arriving, however as she stated, “she had heard it before.”
So I arrive and go straight to her house. When I knock on the door she answered it and was very surprised. She invited me in and I walked into the living room where I was met by four basketball players from the local University, sitting around getting high.
One of the players remembered me from the days that I had taught basketball camps. The others had no idea who I was which was fine by me, but I intended to get their attention very quickly.
I asked my sons mom where he was and she informed me that he was in his room playing. I requested that she go and pack him some clothing items because I wanted to take him to my home for the next week. Knowing that I was pissed she quickly disappeared into his bedroom to alert him that I was there.
As soon as she closed the door, I looked at each of the guys playing there and I asked if they knew who I was? The kid who knew me, stood up and grabbed his jacket. I explained to the other three that the little boy who was in the back room was my son and that I found it very disrespectful for them to be smoking weed in the home while he was in the vicinity. I then informed them that I was going to check on my son and upon my return from his room it would be in their best interest for them to be gone.
When my son and his mom walked out into the living room it was empty with the exception of my cousin who was playing a video game. My ex looked at me with that look that only she could give and said, “What did you do?”
Privately, I explained to her that this type of behavior was unacceptable to me. So we went through that, well you live in Hawaii and this is my house scenario. I politely explained that I understood this as well, however as long as my son resided there I expected her boyfriend to get high elsewhere.
After a week, my son and I returned to her mother’s house so that I could see her family as well. While there I explained to her mother as well my concern, and I explained to them both that I didn’t have a problem with her having a boyfriend. However, I expected him to respect the fact that my son belongs to me as well and there are things that I would not tolerate. Unknown to me, either by choice (more than likely), her boyfriend was in the room sitting in a chair quietly. I never acknowledged him and a few weeks later she called me pissed because he had broken up with her. Now how this was my fault I still haven’t figured out to this day. I asked her again to get on the plane with our son and live with me in Hawaii. She refused, ok, I asked anyway.
Finally a few years later she found a boyfriend that was perfect by everyone’s standards. He spent time with her and my son, held down a full college work load as well as a full-time job. Not only did she love him but my son thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread.
So I get off the plane again and directly after hugging me my cousin says, “Hey, you’ll like her boyfriend he’s cool.” “He takes your son to football and basketball games, walks him to school and his practices.” This was only the beginning.
When I arrive at my grandmother’s house, she states basically the same thing. Then she went up a notch and stated that when I sent packages home to my son the boyfriend would tell him how much he meant to me and how much I loved him.
My first meeting with the new boyfriend was awkward to say the least. However, after a few days of running into my old friends whom all seemed to be fans of his, I realised he was pretty cool and we became acquaintances. One night my friends and I went out to have a few beers and he was invited. We talked and you know what, he was really a good guy.
You know what happened next? She dumped him a few weeks after I left to go overseas. She packed up my son and everything she owned and accepted a job in another State. The next time I ran into him was when I went home for my Grandmothers funeral. He was a shell of himself. We drank a few beers and he poured his heart out to me about how much he loved her and wanted to marry her. I felt sorry for him to be honest, so I consoled him as best men can and wished him the best. I really hope my liking him had nothing to do with her leaving him.
Anyway, as I wrote in a previous post, before my son was born we had an agreement. The agreement was that whenever he was old enough to determine who he would like to live with that was where he would reside. In the mean time though, she and I had many conversations and I explained to her that many men would really only want her. Some men simply would not want to do the whole family thing with a child that did not belong to them. I told her that I understood how difficult it was to sustain a serious relationship as a single mother. I also explained to her that in the event that she met a guy who was worthy of her, but he wasn’t ready for the role of dealing with a child that all she had to do was pick up the phone and I would be more than happy to have my son with me. I told her that she would still be his mother and no one could change that fact, nor would I want to. She declined as all good mothers would, but she appreciated the thought.
A few years later she contacted me and informed me that she was getting married to a man I had yet to meet. She went on and on about him and then she got to the punch line. He wanted to adopt my son. Yep, that’s what I said too, “What!”
By now I was a whole lot more mature that I had been when I first became a father and this maturity served me well. With tact and diplomacy, I informed her that although I could appreciate the offer, this was something that I would not and could not allow.
Then I jumped on the first plane from the Middle East so that I could meet this man in person. He was nice enough, and he explained that he simply wanted my son to know that he wasn’t simply marrying his mom. He wanted him to know that he intended to make them an intact family, my son included. I shared my thoughts on this and in the end we sat down with my son and explained the whole situation. I like the guy in a weird kind of way, but giving up my son was not something I would ever entertain for anything.
By the way, they didn’t get married either. However, I promise I had nothing to do with their break-up. By this time I was already married and unknown to me, that within a year and a half I would be getting my wildest dream come true. My son woke up one morning and asked if he could come and live with me!
My ex held up to the agreement that we had made before he was born and through tears she put him on the plane to me where he has remained. Hopefully now, since she has long since finished her degree she will be able to meet a man who is worthy of her. Now although she is still a single mother, she is truly single and available.
In that one selfless act she opened up her options in the area of dating to include all men, not simply men that would date a woman with a child, but all men. She is still young, beautiful and has a lot to offer any man who is lucky enough to have the opportunity to meet her. She’s also a great mother and my son is a living testiment to that.
A few weeks ago she called and I was on my way to work. We chatted about things old and new and then she asked me a question as a way of feeling me out. The question was, ” What would you think if I dated a guy outside our race?”
I laughed because she knew as well as I did that color of a person’s skin has never been an issue for me. Then I explained to her that regardless of who she chose to date we would accept him as long as she was happy. I think she appreciated the honesty and I appreciated the fact that we have come so far as the unmarried parents of a son we both truly love.
Being a single mother isn’t easy, but if you have patience and faith the right man can and will come along. He’ll love you and your children as well and assist you with creating the complete family you so rightly deserve.
This post is somewhat long, however I challenge you to read it because there is a moral to this story that you simply may not want to miss ~ Anonymousmale1
How many of you have bought puppies in your life? You go down to the pet store and you’re excited and apprehensive at the same time. You walk into the pet shop and you walk to all the holding pens looking for the puppy that you feel will be your perfect pick.
Many of the puppies are all giddy at the prospect that they could possibly go home with you. They do everything they can to get your attention. They run up to the window and jump around, bark sharply and whimper when you walk to the next window.
Then you spot one and he’s excited and he’s posturing just for you. You tap on the glass and he dances around panting and barking and as you smile he gets even more excited. You request that the shop employee remove him to allow you to play with him a bit to see if he is exactly what you want.
She guides you to a small holding area and soon return with this beautiful puppy that’s eager to meet you as well. You take him in your arms and hold him, kiss him on the head pet him and play with him. He gets so excited he urinates, and you don’t mind because you’ve already decided he’s the puppy you’ll be taking home.
You alert the sale associate that you’d like to buy him and she leads you through the isles as you select items he’ll need, a bed, food, toys and a collar and leash. She then guides you to the register to ring up your sale which will total way over the amount you originally wanted to spend, but you’re happy, he’s happy and that’s all that matters.
As you’re standing in line while the associate completes the transaction, you look back at the small cubicle that once was your new puppies home. In the back of the cubicle you for the first time observe an identical puppy that you hadn’t even noticed. He’s sitting there now in the front of the cage watching you. He’s watching you with eyes that say he understands, he’s not bitter for not being selected and his expression shows that this is not the first time he wasn’t chosen. However, he still holds the look of love in his eyes and its difficult for you to break your gaze away from him.
With your transaction completed you go home with your newly purchased puppy with the wagging tail and the cute bark. You soon forget about the puppy that was left behind.
You arrive at your home and you place the puppy on the floor and what does he do? He takes a shit on your brand new carpet, then he looks up at you with those loving eyes as to say, “Sorry about that”. You forgive him of course and begin the task of attempting to house train him.
Days turn to weeks and weeks to months and there are times that his cuteness is wearing thin. Frustration sets in, how many pairs of your expensive shoes can he destroy. How many times can you step in puppy puddles in the middle of the night before you feel you’ll go mad.
Your mom comes over and you know what your puppy does? He humps her leg, as a matter of fact, he humps every womans leg that gets in his vicinity. people think he’s cute and when you explain to them how difficult it has been, they tell you, “He’s just a puppy, he’ll grow out of it”, secretly, you wonder.
He barks excessively, driving you and your neighbor nuts. Walking him is a chore, it always ends up with him walking you. He never listens to you and the only time he even appears to care is when you feed him. The rest of the time he’s being destructive.
This goes on for months and you are at your wit’s end, not to mention that this cute puppy now weighs a whopping 75 pounds. Now when he’s walking you in the park, you pray that no one comes anywhere near you with another dog because if it’s a male, a fight will surely occur. If it’s a female in heat she doesn’t stand a chance because he’ll be on her and at his weight the chance of you keeping him off her is slim to none.
Finally you’ve had enough and you talk your cousin who has a house with a few acres of land into taking your once cute puppy off of your hands. You rationalize this situation by telling yourself that what he needs is a very large rural area to run around in. You tell yourself that your small 900 square foot apartment was simply too small for him and he felt cramped.
When he was finally gone you felt remorseful. For weeks you thought about driving the 3 hours to your cousin’s house and taking him back. You miss him and it became difficult to sleep without him there to protect you and although he still refused to be house trained you felt comfortable and safe having him around. You felt guilty for sending him away and you hope and pray that he’s happy, although you’re miserable as hell.
Then one-day while reminiscing you walked through the park where he used to walk you. You though about the time when he basically drug you just to sniff a female dog that was out with her master. You still have the scars on your knee as a reminder.
While sitting on the bench with tears filling your eyes while you think about how much of a failure you are for not being able to make him happy something amazing happens. A ball bounces in your direction and you pick it up. Before you realise it a dog identical to your runs down the hill and directly up to you. You think it is a miracle and you cannot take your eyes off of him. He stops his run and slowly walks toward you as you are holding his tennis ball in your hands.
As he gets near and then directly in front of you he sits down and he gazes deeply into your eyes as you reach the ball out to him. Looking into his eyes you are startled, this is the same dog who while as a puppy stared at you in the pet store. He takes the ball and heads back up the hill to his master. You decide to follow to see who the lucky recipient will be.
When you arrive on the other side of the slop you watch in amazement as the dog returns the ball to the sales associate whom had rung up you transaction that day in the pet store. He returned it with such love and care that you instantly became envious.
Your curiosity gets the better of you and you decided to approach her. You had many questions you wanted to ask. Upon approach she recognized you instantly. After awkwardly explaining how you’d given your dog up, she explained to you how she’d selected it’s brother.
She told you that day in the park that in the beginning there were 5 identical puppies in the pet store and that women just like you had selected the most aggressive of the litter. All had eventually given up on their puppies as they became dogs and had given them away or taken them to shelters. They simply couldn’t control them or change their behavior.
She said that a few days after you had purchased your puppy she was cleaning the cage and after taking a long look into the remaining puppies eyes she decided she wanted him. She said that he wasn’t excited, he simply sat back and watched everyone. She likened it to someone who was looking for a special place, a special home a special friend. She felt that she was special, so why not her and took him home.
She went on to tell you that she never had to house train him, he’d never been on a leash, never chewed anything in her home and only barked while they played. It was like he simply instantly knew what she wanted or needed. When she was happy, he was happy, if she was sad, so was he. She stated from day one she was never his master, but rather his life mate and they both enjoyed one another’s companionship.
Before you left you asked one last question. You wanted to know if her years of working in the pet store teach her which puppies turn out great and which do not? She laughed and told you that in reality she had never owned a puppy before. However, she went on, ” Although I did look for the one I thought needed love as opposed to ones that only loved themselves”.
With that she and her well-behaved, happy, obedient companion disappeared walking side by side, no leash necessary.
The Moral of this story is:
Many times this is how you as women select men as well. You walk into a crowded room and the man who catches your attention is the one that creates the most commotion. They draw attention to themselves in any and every way possible.
If you’re at a bar or a Night Club these are the men the approach you offering drinks or to dance. If you’re at school, these are the guys who approach you and want to start conversation. These types of men make a bee-line directly to almost every beautiful woman in their vicinity begging for you to take them home.
What you fail to notice is that generally they are in the company of another guy. The guy who never feels the need to make an ass of himself by humping your leg. This guy is the one who will not approach you or make a fool of himself. He quietly sits back and occasionally will make eye contact with you, but never for too long.
He is the guy who doesn’t want the attention of every woman on the planet, he simply wants the attention of one. You’ve met him many times and generally you’ve been enchanted by the antics of his friend and when you return to their table his crazy friend will introduce you and he’ll be polite but very soft-spoken. He won’t say too much to you but he will answer questions if you ask. He and his friend probably rode to the party or function together and if you chose to go home with his friend he’ll be in the car with you two (more than often the one driving, since he probably doesn’t drink).
Watching him closely he’ll probably open the door for you after his friend has already gotten into the car and dismissed this act as too gentlemanly for him. He’s the guy that doesn’t fixate on you, however you know that he looks at you differently.
He loves his friend but he really doesn’t approve of his antics and in most cases the way he treats women as a whole. However, he keeps his thoughts to himself because even though his friend (the one you chose) has flaws, he loves him anyway because that’s what friends are for. Friends love you regardless of how crazy you may appear to others, right.
When you get to their apartment (if they live together) he will simply disappear into his bedroom after wishing you good night. What you don’t know is that he is laying in his bed watching tv, while you are becoming a one night stand to a man who wrote the term.
Later after you’ve been used and abused and his friend doesn’t answer your calls anymore. You’ll remember his friend and one-day you’ll run into him at a mall or somewhere simple and he’ll be in the company of a girl that he treats like a queen. You’ll approach and he’ll say hello and being the respectful person that he is he’ll introduce you to his date. You’ll ask about his friend since now he’s avoiding you and he’ll lie for him (because they are friends) but his eyes are too hones and you’ll see that even this hurts him to do.
Guys like this are everywhere. They are the men that women think are myths and they really are not. They simply get overlooked because just like the puppies in the store, others require much more of your attention.
Why they don’t stand out more is anyones guess. Mine would be that many are simply waiting to be noticed by you. These are men who are shy, have been hurt or have a definite idea of exactly what they are looking for in a woman. Regardless of all of this, they are invisible to the women that so desperately need them.
So the next time you and your friends are out, try looking past the puppy that is doing all of the tricks to garner your attention. It’s the puppy in the window who simply is waiting for you to recognize his true worth that you should be seeking. It’s the man who needs someone to love him that is most valuable to your happiness, not the one that loves himself more than he could ever love you that will break your heart, again.
Quite a few of you have written to me in regards to your boyfriends (and a few husbands) frequenting the mens den, called Strip Clubs. This issue is a concern for most if not all women in a relationship and I can understand that. So today, I decided I would try to explain to you all, Why men visit these clubs.
I will try to quail some of your fears and attempt to help you identify the signs of this behavior becoming a real problem. Because, at this moment you possibly have no idea what really goes on inside these walls, and the not knowing part is probably what disturbs you the most.
I’ve been to Strip Clubs many times over my adult life and I have to admit that even when I was a “Dog”, the prospect of bedding a stripper was unappealing to me. Now don’t get me wrong, most of them are stunningly beautiful, however I personally have a problem with dating a woman whose job it is to lap dance for men in order to make a buck. I probably could overlook the dancing nude on stage part, but her allowing multiple men to touch her and she them, is what I couldn’t stomach. No real self-respecting man actually could I am sure.
Some men have no issue with this, and to those women who do work as strippers I say; he’s not a real man, period. He’s simply with you because you’re the gravy train and it allows him not to work at all, or to further his going nowhere music career.
Any real man, even if he met a stripper and decided that she was nice, would automatically inform her that to be with him that she would have to change her vocation. Real love is about more than money, I would rather be broke with a woman I love than to be wealthy with a woman whom utilizes her body to make cash for things we really don’t need.
Back to the Club: Most of these places are dimly lit, with the most well-lit area being the stage itself. When you enter they generally charge you at the door or at times they are free with the purchase of several overpriced beverages. Your man will take a seat at a table or he can cuddle up to the stage where he can get a closeup view of the action, if you want to call it that.
In most states, if the dancers are totally nude then the club is not allowed to sell alcohol. That’s not all states, just some. An example of this is that in Las Vegas, only topless clubs offer alcoholic beverages to their clients. If it’s totally nude, guest will only be drinking water, juice or sodas. Now, in Hawaii, all bets are off. They have no so-called topless bars, everything is totally nude with alcohol.
However, if you sit at the stage, the performers expect you to tip them while they dance. This is understandable because hell those are the best seats and she’s not dancing for free, she has bills to pay. Did you know that strippers have to pay a fee each and every night they go in to work? This means that she starts each and every shift already in the hole. Also, at the end of her shift she is expected to tip the waitress, D.J., bartender and in most cases even the club’s manager. Just thought you might want to know that tidbit of information.
If your man sits at a table or a booth, dancers that are between sets mingle through the club and approach customers to talk to. These talks are really a way of breaking the ice and most times leads to him buying her a drink. In most clubs whenever a drink is purchased for the dancer she is issued a token that she turns in at the end of her shift and receives a percentage of the cost of the drink.
The really good strippers are really intelligent and patient. They can hold a conversation on anything from auto mechanics to politics without missing a beat. Men will buy them many drinks and most times its nothing more than soda, because she needs to maintain her sobriety in order to make cash. Unknown to most people, men have been known to simply pay a dancer for her time sitting there chatting the night away.
Once she has him to the point where he is comfortable she inquires as to if he would like a dance. A lap dance is where she makes the big money and is important to her having a financially great night. In this dance it is her job to entice a customer by bringing him to erection, which means that he will be more eager to open his wallet for more dances.
Do you remember the quote that Robin Williams said about men?
“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.”
This statement although funny is actually true in regards to strip clubs. If a dancer is good enough at what she does, that 3 minute, $20 dance can turn into hundreds if not thousands of your mans hard-earned money. It can make him come back for more, week after week searching for the same dancer, whom now calls him a regular.
To keep up the charade, after a few weeks she will exchange numbers with him just to keep him on the hook. However, she will only call him when she hasn’t made her goal for the night or whenever she needs something. You can also rest assured, he is not her only regular customer. The really good dancers, they have many regular customers at their whim. All of these men think that they are the only one.
***Warning Sign*** If your man frequents strip clubs, and he gets paid on Friday and is broke by Monday he is considered some dancers regular. So it would behoove you to check his phone and terminate this situation quickly!
Now these Lap Dances can take place in a couple of different places throughout the club. It can occur in a VIP setting, which is nothing more than a darker room sectioned off by walls complete with couches or at his table if he prefers. For the VIP areas, these dances cost somewhat more, generally dancers talk men into going with the promise of having more privacy alluding to the fact that he will have more freedom to do more. Wrong! Clubs have cameras everywhere and bouncers as well. You get caught doing more than basic touching and his ass is out of there in a hurry. So basically she simply just suckered him into spending more cash for nothing.
Do more sinister things happen in a strip club? Yes they do, but those things are not the norm. Occasionally a dancer will have too much to drink and allow a customer to go too far, which usually ends with him being put out of the club and her being terminated. Clubs make too much money to allow some simple-minded dancer to cost them their license.
For men going to a strip club is a game of cat and mouse. They all know that these women are after their wallets (or rather its contents), and some men of course are after something else. So the women and men both tease one another trying to get more than what either are willing to give. This ritual heightens the excitement. He wants a number at the least, she wants him to get more dances. They both attempt to manipulate the other to see who wins.
Men who understand this game enjoy it for what it really is, entertainment and childish play. Both sides lie, she said her name is Heather, and he tells her he’s an attorney. In the end it doesn’t matter because when its said and done, she’ll go home to her man (or woman) and your man will come home to you.
Is it cheating? That depends on how you want to look at it. Just like women like the attention of men, men at times like the attention of beautiful women. In a strip club he gets exactly that. For those couple of hours he can be anyone he wants because it really doesn’t matter to the girls, because they only want cash.
So he gets an erection, is that so bad especially since you and he both know he’ll be sharing it with you when he gets home. Be honest, all of us fantasize while making love from time to time. Your partner becomes someone else in your mind for that fleeting moment. If you become the stripper that he spent an hour with earlier and it increases your pleasure, is that really so bad? (As long as in the middle of it he doesn’t call you Rain or some other made up stripper name.)
Truth be told, most strippers could care less about the men that visit the clubs. During their time working they get to see men at their absolute worst! They get to see grown men acting like the kids they really are, cursing, attempting to fondle them, calling them names and worse. Where else could you go and see a Bank President throwing money in women’s faces like its rocks. Where else could you see a professional athlete making it rain with hundred-dollar bills?
The only place you can see this type of behavior is in your neighborhood strip club. You can see it there because it’s private and inside men can act anyway they want within reason. A stripper walks by, he can pat her on the ass as long as he doesn’t actually grope her and she’ll smile. Another one walks by and regardless of how beautiful she is or how unattractive he may be, he can approach her and get her to sit and chat with him without fear of rejection (for a fee of course).
Inside these clubs men can do the things that are no longer permitted in our everyday lives because of the radical societal changes over the years. They may have to now pay for these privileges today, but there was a time when you could tap a waitress in a restaurant on the fanny if you chose and as long as you left a fat tip it was permissable. Men used to do the same to their secretaries as well. Try this tactic today and you’ll end up with a sexual assault charge on your record.
Most men, and I am not saying all, actually only go to strip clubs to unwind and relax. They’re in an enviroment without the stresses of everyday life, a place where you can have a drink, look at half or fully nude women and converse with them or even other men. Real men do not want a stripper as a girlfriend, they simply do not. Now, some men want to have one for a short period of time as a trophy (something to brag to friends about), but not to fall in love with or marry. It happens though, but generally ends in disaster.
What women fail to understand is this; in reality a strip club is a much safer place for your man to visit than a regular night club. That caught you by surprise didn’t it? However, lets examine that statement a little closer. In a strip club your man is being monitored by bouncers, management and that eye in the sky camera system to ensure he doesn’t do anything that can cost them their license. The girls there for the most part are really less interested in taking your man home then actually sending him home to you with an erection and an empty wallet.
Now, a regular night club is a tad bit different. Women and men go there mostly for the sole purpose of picking someone up. There is no person or entity to modify their behavior, now they won’t let them make love on the dance floor or the coat closet, however they will allow them privacy to talk, touch, kiss etc. They can exchange phone numbers and they may even leave together-his car or hers. At a strip club this is simply not going to happen.
He may save a few dollars by going to a night club, however if he gets an erection while slow dancing with a girl he just met, he may or may not be utilizing it with you later.
So that’s my spill on strip clubs, they’re really not as bad as most women think. In retrospect, its men making bad decisions that make them seem worse than they really are, for the clubs and their women at home who love them.
“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship”
There are many ways that men and women differ from one another. However, one way that we definately differ is in the way that we perceive things. Men have a way of determining how they feel about things based on being able to touch it, squeeze it and feel it. Women on the other hand base their feelings about things on how it makes them feel inside. Women are keenly aware of spoken words and the meanings behind them, or what they hope are the meanings behind them.
Several times in this blog I have stated that it is important to ensure that actions match the words of any man you are in a relationship with. I’ve said this because words can cause your perception of your actual relationship to be better or worse than what it really is. However, by measuring his words by his actions it will allow you to get a better reading on where the relationship really stands.
How many of you are in relationships with men whom verbally worship you, but aren’t consistant in their actions? It’s easy to tell a woman that you love her, but if you really don’t it’s difficult to maintain treating her like a queen. However by consitantly telling you that he loves you, you may overlook the obvious and hang on to his words for an extended period of time. Why? Because verbally he has informed you that you are the one, and your perception is altered to fit that image.
In order to make this perception even more real for you he occassionally does things that reinforce what he has told you verbally. During these times it is really difficult to determine if his love is real or not. Why? Because this show of love may have been preceeded or followed by an event that displayed disrespect, dishonor, abuse, infidelity or worse.
Real love is above everything else, consistant. Yes, there will be times when questions will arise where you are not sure that he indeed loves you. However, those times will be seldom and simply by reviewing your relationship past you will see the consistancy and most times it will pass.
Now if you are in a relationship where you often question his real feelings for you, then you may want to review your relationship in a different manner. People are creatures of habit. You may look back on your relationship and if you do it objectively you may see a pattern. If the pattern is there it may show you a disturbing look at how your perception kept you in a relationship that was simply not real, at least not for him.
Looking back you may observe that he only reinforced his love for you after events that could have cause the relationship to end. Looking back you may see a pattern of arguments and then him professing his love for you. You may see that after the event he bagan paying more attention to you. He may at this time increased the amount of calls to you, began to be more available to you and began doing things that he hadn’t done since the beginning of your relationship.
Looking back you may see that this situation has been replayed over and over again throughout your time together. If it has, then you are the victim of your own perception of your relationship. A perception that he has assisted you in creating and maintaining over the life of your time together.
Have you ever had a girlfriend whom was in a relationship with a guy you simply felt was not good to her or for her? Of course you have, we all have. However, whenever you talked to her about her situation she assured you that he wasn’t as bad as you and her other friends thought, he was simply misunderstood. She assured you that the relationship was fine and that he really loved her.
This is her perception, this is what she feels and nothing you could say will make her see it any other way. Regardless of how many times you tell her there are better men out there for her or how she is too pretty to waste her time on a loser like him, she simply will not see him any other way.
You on the other hand are viewing the relationship from a different angle. Since you are not emotionally attatched as she is, you posess the ability to see him for what and who he actually is. All you can do is to be there for you friend and help pick up the pieces when her fake relationship eventually falls apart.
We all want to love and be loved, we have a desire to be wanted and sometimes this desire is what causes us so much pain in life. Not everyone understands that when you tell someone that you love them that you really should, or not say it at all. Some people tell you these words because they know that its what you want to hear.
There is something magical about the sound of someone you have feelings for telling you that they “Love You.” We crave that need to be loved, to be held and to be wanted. Those three words conjour up the perception of fairy tales, and three other words we learned as kids, “Happily Ever After.” Unfortunately, just like in those fairy tales that we read as kids, in life there are evil people who will fool you into getting what they want.
So be careful with your heart and with all relationships make sure that you measure his actions against his words at all times. If the time comes where there is a big difference in the two make a serious check of your perception. Its bad enough that he may be fooling you, its even worse when you are fooling yourself.
Happy New Year! I hope all of you enjoyed a very Happy New year and that you have stuck to the resolutions that you made during this period. I simply hope that your resolution for the New Year wasn’t to give up on men because by condemning all men due to the actions of one is foolish.
As I have said before and I will state it again, “There are good men out there for each and every one of you.” The problem most times is that women tend to settle and at times you settle for the wrong guy.
With that said, I figured today I would give you a list that will make the wrong men a little less harder to identify. Hopefully this list will be beneficial to you and your friends and assist you ladies in narrowing down the search for true love, unconditional love.
So ladies, grab a cup of coffee or your favorite drink and lets look at the 10 Things that Screams, He’s a Dog!” Hopefully you’ll find it entertaining, insightful and educational.
10 Situations that Scream, “He’s a Dog!”
He asks for your phone number and you just met:
If this happens to you or has happened to you the results were probably less than positive. You’re so excited that this cute guy whom you have just only met is interested in you, wow! However, during this excitement you failed to think about several important elements.
OK, you know you’re beautiful (or you should anyway) and if this guy is so cute or handsome, why doesn’t he have a girlfriend? Or does he? Now that you have time to think and breath, think about this. If he asks for your number, the chances that he already is involved with someone raises significantly. By obtaining your number, he can control when he talks to you without running the risk of being found out by his significant other.
Another thing that most women fail to recognize immediately is that he possibly didn’t ask if you were in a relationship. If you are and he still requested the number, he has little respect for you, your mate and the sacred right of being in a monogamous relationship.
However, if you are in a relationship and you even entertained the idea of giving him your number then you too have little respect for the above.
During this exciting faze you also probably overlooked the ease that it took for him to ask you, a woman that he doesn’t know for your number. What you should have thought automatically was that, he’s done this before and has had a lot of practice. Which means that you’re not as special to him as you think, in reality you’re simply available at this time.
Think about these things the next time someone you don’t know or barely know asks for your number, there are many things you should think about beside the fact that he’s cute or not.
If you are unattached and actually a little interested, try this to balance things out. Instead of giving him your number, ask if it is possible that you can have his number instead. This serves two purposes, one being that if you’re interested you don’t have to sit around waiting to see if he will call. Also, meeting men is like buying a dress. It looked good in the store, however when you get home you may not like it as much. So by getting his number you don’t have to worry about avoiding his calls if you change your mind later.
Above all this, by asking him for his number you get the opportunity to watch his body language and actions. If he has a significant other he’ll probably give you some lame excuse about how he lost his cell phone so you should call his mothers house or his home phone. All the while he’ll begin to fidget as he tries to weasel his way through a load of B.S.
Regardless, if you take the number and call him and another woman answers the phone, don’t hang up. If she asks who you are, tell her the truth, that being that he asked you to call him. If she says that she is his wife or girlfriend, explain to her that you meant no harm and had he informed you that he was attached you would not have accepted the number. End the conversation by apologizing for the call and inform her that you will not be calling again. Be polite and place yourself in her shoes, how would you feel. If she asks questions, answer them as best you can and overlook her rudeness because it will change from anger to thankfulness in a matter of minutes. You have nothing to hide and you just met him so you also have nothing to lose. She’s really not mad at you anyway, it’s him that her anger is directed at as it should be. Lesson # 2:
He’s trying to impress you with his Car:
Cars! There I said it. Some men still think that if they have a nice car that they can have any woman that they chose. It’s as though this automobile instantly transforms them into a chick magnet and it gives them the courage to approach any woman without fear of rejection.
Sounds crazy doesn’t it? However, crazy things work too in the world of men. It appears funny that any man would equate what he drives with his ability to attract women, but sadly it many times works!
How many times have you and your girlfriends driven through the park on a nice sunny day because you know that men will be out waxing their cars? In cities all across the U.S., when spring arrives, the sun begins to shine and the flowers and tress start to bloom, young people flock to parks everywhere. Girls in shorts walk through the grass as young men shirtless, wax their pride and joy while music blasts out of their sound systems.
Unfortunately, before actually seeing the guy women actually notice the car and it becomes a magnet and at the least a reason to start up a conversation.
We’ve all pretty much done this at some point in our young life. Hell, my very first vehicle out of High School was a pristine British Sports car and second to the fact that I was a College Basketball player this car played a big part in the amount of women that scored with.
Today, nothing has changed. I listened in as my son and his friends harped on and on about how when they were old enough they were going to by Mercedes, Lexus and Corvettes because they knew that this would help them with the ladies.
Not all women are that gullible to date a man based on his mode of transportation, however unfortunately there are some. So when you are in a conversation with a man and he attempts to steer you in the direction of asking him what he drives, you now know why? His aim is to impress you with 22″ rims and a sound system to die for, all in the hopes that it will make him appear worthy enough to separate you from your clothes.
I say this because chances are that he loves that car more than he will ever possibly love you. Why? Because that car makes him popular and it attracts young immature women who don’t know any better and because they don’t he can have his way with them. Can you do that for him? Or better yet, would you? I didn’t think so.
So the next time you look at the car first and the guy second, think about this, you’re not the only woman that could possibly fall into this trap and he knows it too.
Lesson # 3:
You live in the same town, but after two months he still hasn’t introduced you to his family:
When you fall in love you really want to share that feeling with everyone. Friends, family and the whole damn world is supposed to share in your bliss. Men are the same as women in this respect, with the exception that they tend to introduce you to their friends first.
Note: We do this because we want them to envy us over just how damn beautiful you are!
Once we’ve wallowed in that ecstasy and gotten not only our friends seal of approval we tend to feel it’s time for you to meet the family. This entire process shouldn’t take any longer than 30 days. Because in the beginning of a relationship we tend to spend every waking moment with you allowing us the opportunity to see you from all sides. If you’re a keeper, you’ll meet the family right around the 60 day mark, barring that they actually live in the same area code, if not it could be a little bit longer.
If you and your man have been together for longer than 60 days and he hasn’t introduced you to family and friends all of whom live in the same city, you have a problem you might want to address.
Unfortunately men don’t introduce the woman they profess love of to people that they are related to or friends with for the following reasons: 1) they feel differently about the relationship then they are actually telling you. 2) you are not the only woman they have; 3) for whatever reason they are uncomfortable with you, your looks, weight, color etc; 4) they are not planning on keeping you around; 5) he is simply using you.
I am sorry to have to tell you those things but it’s the truth. Think about it, when you meet a nice guy, you probably cannot wait to share your happiness with friends and family, right? Men are no different unless he’s guilty of one of the above reasons for not performing the introductions.
However, if he’s a dog like I once was, it is also possible that he cannot introduce you to his mom until he’s positively sure you are the one. Here’s why; you bring too many women home to meet your mom and she automatically knows whom you’ve become as a man. Mothers are quick to acknowledge the obvious and have been known to inform their sons not to bring another woman home to meet her unless it is his wife! I know this because I received this exact instruction from my mom after replacing several girlfriends in a short period of time.
Mothers are women too, and although they love their sons they seldom condone the type of behavior that many of us display in regards to the women we date. The next time i took a woman home with me was years later and yes, she was my wife and remains my wife to this day.
Lesson # 4:
You’ve met his male friends but none of their girlfriends:
Why would a man whom professes his love for you take you out to bars to meet his male friends and none of their girlfriends or wives are present? Because there is a good chance that his friends girlfriends or wives don’t know one another either.
Women talk to one another and trust me, the last thing he wants is to introduce you to his friends girl on the chance that she may say, “You do know he has another girlfriend too?” He also doesn’t want to run the risk of you becoming friends with women whom know what he’s really like and his past. The past he wants you to hear is the one that he fabricates for your ears only.
Oh, and by the way where are his friends girlfriends? They’re at home or out with friends just as you will be months later when he decides to go out with his friends. So prepare yourself to be isolated and alone in this relationship just as his friends girlfriends are as well.
Oh, and he only introduced you to his friends to boast about the new girl he just obtained for his collection.
Lesson # 5:
His female cousin give you strange looks:
Not every girl that you see is going to be related to him. Regardless of what he says some of them are either ex’s or friends and relatives of ex’s that he’s known for years. Occasionally, you’ll meet a cousin and she’ll give you a strange look too, but that really because she’s trapped. She’s trapped between her loyalty to him as his relative and her bond with you as a member of the female race. She will at times give you a look that you interpret as disapproval, however it’s really a warning sign. She hopes that this simply gesture will cause you concern enough to question it. The sad thing is women rarely do, and when they do they question it to their man who is quick to point out that his cousin is always like that and she doesn’t like anyone. He may even tell you that she is like that because he used to date her best friend and since the break-up she likes none of his girlfriends.
The next time you stumble into a situation like this, don’t run from it. Befriend her and more than likely she’ll try to protect you and if you become close enough she’ll tell you everything you really need to know about him.
Lesson # 6:
When you leave his apartment he always reminds you of something you almost left behind:
You ever been in a relationship and while leaving after spending the night he runs out to the car or calls you on your cell phone to remained you that you left something behind? Did this happen on more than one occasion?
If it did occur to you it was probably something insignificant to you, something you could do without for the day such as a brush, comb, eye liner, or scrunchy. The reason I say this is because generally it’ll be something that only a woman would have and the reason he doesn’t want you to leave it behind is so that no one else will see it and question him.
If he has allowed you to leave a tooth brush there, you’ll notice that the next time you arrive it’ll be neatly placed away out of sight. You can bet it won’t be on the counter in the holder next to his where you left it days before.
These are all classical signs that you are not the only woman that he entertains there and he wants no questions about who else has been spending time with him. The easiest way to assure himself that this will not happen is to sanitize the place upon each female departing.
Women notice anything that seems out of place and for a bachelor to have a female hair brush in his cabinet or a hair bow could lead to loads of questioning.
So if you haven’t been in this type of situation yet, hopefully you’ll be able to identify it if it happens to you.
Lesson # 7:
He lives alone, but he has feminine hygiene products in his bathroom:
Men who deal with a plethora of women are like Boy Scouts, they are always prepared. You go to his place and you’ll find everything from feminine hygiene products, bikinis, Teddy’s and more in several different colors styles and sizes.
Ever went to a guys house for the first time and he asked if you’d like to go swimming? Of course you didn’t bring a bikini because you had no idea that this was a possibility, right? Well when he asked, it was really a loaded question to begin with.
You see the idea is this, we generally ask after you’ve had several drinks so your inhibitions have lowered. He’s hoping that it’s at the point where he can convince you that you really don’t need one since it’s only you and him. He’s hoping that you agree since you already told him you like to swim. However, if you balk at this skinny dipping opportunity he’ll change up on you and offer you a t-shirt to cover yourself (which we all know becomes transparent once wet, right?).
If you balk at this offer as well he’ll suddenly remember that his cousin (female of course) purchased a couple of bikinis and left them before she ever had a chance to wear them and lucky for you they just might be in your size. Now lets go swimming!
It’s funny now, but in reality this whole thing was simply an exercise in separating you from your clothes and in a mans mind, less is more.
When living alone and dealing with multiple women men have been known to have products to cover any situation that may arise in the course of an evening, however when you live with him he has to constantly run to the store because he’s seldom prepared for anything, go figure.
So you go to his apartment and he has battery sizes for every single sex toy you could imagine, live with him and during a power outage he has to go to the store to get batteries for a flashlight, ha,ha. I know, I spend more time now jaunting back and forth to pick up things that years ago I kept in stock in the back of my closet as a single man. Lesson # 8:
He never spends a full night at your place:
Ever have that guy who is kind, gentle and treats you like a queen? You call him and he comes running to bring you whatever you need or request. However, when he comes over to spend time with you he never spends a complete night. He may stay and make love to you until you’re both exhausted but before 5 am he’s whispering that he has to get up and go home.
He’ll give you all types of excuses about having a big meeting that morning or having to let his dog out, or how he simply cannot get comfortable enough in your bed to fall completely asleep.
You can’t go to his house because he has already laid the ground work by telling you that he either lives with his Mom, or has a apartment full of room mates and either way it’s disrespectful for you to be placed in that type of situation. Right?
However, if you examine these statement a little closer you’ll discover they may not be true at all. He may not actually live with his mom, and yeah he may share an apartment with several room mates but he also may have someone else that expects him to be a certain place at certain times, like with her.
If he can’t get comfortable in your bed, hell, ask him to purchase one for your place that he can get comfortable in. If you and he are really in a monogamous relationship then there is really no excuse for his inability to spend complete nights with you if this is what you’d like. It’s nice to be able to see the person you love when you wake up laying beside you. To be able to share breakfast together and begin your day together before you depart for work and the stress it may entail.
Lesson # 9:
He suddenly becomes busy during the weeks that you have your menstrual:
When you are in a relationship but you don’t live together it leaves plenty of time to get into things that you shouldn’t. Sometimes women provide even more free time to men whom are already roaming freely and unsupervised by making this simple statement; “Oh, I just started my period, so you can go out with friends if you want.”
Women, you make this statement you simply tell your man that you feel that he only comes by when you can make love to you and that you’re alright with this fact.
Menstrual or not he should be with you, don’t you think. If sex is the only reason he comes by then quite frankly you don’t have much of a relationship to begin with.
So if he choses not to come around during this time of the month, just because you may be out of commission doesn’t meant other women are and this may be his opportunity to play with them, and your statement may have just made it easier.
Lesson # 10:
He will not hold hands with you in public:
Some people consider holding hands or other public displays of affection childish behavior. It’s not, it is really a sign of togetherness, being a couple, in a relationship. Now I don’t mean going to the mall and groping one another or displaying long wet kisses, I mean small pecks and occassionally holding hands.
If the guy you are dating tells you that he simply doesn’t like holding hands, he’s full of shit. Holding hands for men goes back to our grade school days and we enjoy it just as much as you do. It’s our little way of letting all other men know that you are not only with us, but you are ours.
When a man says that he doesn’t like to hold hands or appears uncomfortable holding hands with you, chances are that he doesn’t want anyone to know that you two are an item. Remember, it’s easy to explain to your real girlfriend or wife that I went to the mall with a female friend. However, it’s hard to explain that same situation when we were spotted holding hands while we walked through the mall.
I find it interesting that women don’t find it odd that the same man who cannot keep his hands off of you behind closed doors is uncomfortable touching you in public. You should always question this behavior.
It’s like dating the guy that when you first began talking told you how much he enjoyed going to the movies and now that you’re together he refuses to take you. How is that possible? Or the guy who only comes to your house late at night, but never takes you out in public.
How else do you explain this behavior? He’s either in another relationship as well, or ashamed of being seen with you in public (because of your height, weight, ethnicity, nationailty, etc.) There I said it, but either way, you deserve better! So send his sorry selfish, inmature ass packing and find yourself a real man. Find a man that cannot keep his hands off you in private and in public because that’s what love does, it makes us want to be one!
Well, I gotta run again. I hope something I wrote can be used by you or someone you know. If something above has been identified by you in your own relationship, I hope you have the strength, courage and self respect to correct it. I wish you luck and I hope you chose to visit Eavesdropping in the Boys Club often.
Everyone wants to be a star. Is that a statement that we all can agree on in this media driven society? However, what people fail to understand in their quest to obtain their 15 minutes of fame is that just like everything else in life, it comes with a price.
All of the women coming out of the Wood work (no pun intended) have pretty much nuzzled up to the cameras and are basking in the glow of the bright lights, for now. Today, everyone on the planet are concentrating on Tigers infidelities and sitting on pins and needles wondering how in the hell did the worlds most recognizable face get himself into this relationship hazard? Then, more importantly, how will he get out of it and still save par or rather his marriage and image?
What we have failed to do is look at the other side of the situation. You know, the one where we examine the character of the women that chose to sleep with a married man. The women whom chose to attempt to capitalize on an adulterous affair by publicly airing the incidents for the world to read, all while smirking and smiling for the cameras. Never once feeling remorse for their role in the assisted destruction of a family.
It was disrespectful to Elin Woods and her children for these women to engage in the affairs with Tiger to begin with and then to come out publicly is akin to spitting in their faces. These women knew full well that they were about to and eventually slept with a married man, you’d think that at least one of them would have had the decency to say no.
I am sure that there are at least a couple of women that did just that, they said no to Tiger because of the respect they hold for the sanctity of marriage. These are women whom we’ll probably never hear from, who may have thought about bedding Tiger and possibly would have had it not for him being someones husband and father.
Although we will never have the opportunity to know who these women are at the least we know that some people have more respect for themselves then to be lured into a shameless scandal where no one wins and everyone gets hurt in the end.
If any of the women that Tiger supposedly bedded had an once of character and any amount of remorse after the tryst, she could have easily called Elin and privately confessed her indiscretion and begged for forgiveness. This would have allowed Elin the opportunity to deal with Tigers ways long before it became a media circus with her and her children in the center ring. However, none did, they did what they do best, run around running their mouths about sleeping with the worlds top (married) golfer as if this was some sort of honor. As if this would open doors for them and one day make them some type of celebrity themselves.
Well now the time has come and they are getting their face time in print, online and television. However, whatever happened to Monica Lewinsky? They too shall be relegated to trivial pursuit questions as people struggle to recall their names or what they were once infamous for.
Before this quick fall from grace they will be subject to public scrutiny as they should (starting here) for attempting to capitalize by jumping up and down on the shattered pieces of what was once a marriage. They will be ostracized for being women of loose morals (although for a couple of them that has already been determined) home wrecking and over-all stupidity.
When the time comes and it always does for people like this they will resent the media because they will discover that it’s no fun when you are not the person in control of what they say about you. When they start digging and start publishing your secrets that you thought you had hid away from the world. When they expose you and your own friends don’t want to return your calls because you’ve become more an embarrassment than anything else to them. Those days are coming, I wonder if any of them fully thought this thing through? Fame? It’s over-rated when you lose who you are and especially when you didn’t earn it but created it by participating in a situation that caused someone else to suffer and hurt.
Now Tiger, he’ll continue to golf and as he wins people will forgive and forget with time. However, he too will hurt because besides the embarrassment and suffering he has caused his wife and children he may possibly lose them.
Looking at the relationship that he had with his own late father (Earl), this situation which he caused just may deny him that opportunity with his own children. If Erin chooses to leave him and take the kids as is her right, he’ll spend many a night sitting alone in a big house after winning another Major Championship with no one to celebrate with. He’ll be left with nothing but the echos of his children’s laughter to comfort himself and the knowledge that his own selfishness ended the most important win of his life, which by the way was the day that Erin accepted his proposal.
As a father myself, I can assure you that Tiger himself will tell you if you ask him, that all of his wins and endorsements pale in comparison to the feeling he got with the birth of his children. If he says anything other than that then he’s not much of a father to begin with.
In the end Elin will have the last laugh. She’s beautiful, intelligent and she has done nothing to deserve this unfortunate situation. She is focused on the two people who count on her the most in this life, her two children. To her, that I am sure is all that matters as it should be.
Should she chose to leave, she’ll be wealthy beyond means and will be able to provide her children with a life fit for royalty as a single mom. She has a family that will support her emotionally and as with everything else, time heals all wounds to include betrayal.
She’ll probably return to her native country where they value privacy a bit more then here in the Good ole USA. I am sure she had suitors before Tiger and once she’s free and clear she’ll have even more and eventually she’ll discover someone with a little more integrity and a lot less drama.
Regardless of what she decides to do, I for one wish her well.
“Like a compass needle that points north, a man’s accusing finger always finds a woman. Always.” — Khaled Hosseini
Of all the posts I have written over the last year, this is by far my most difficult. I had tried to stay away from this situation just as I had avoided the Rhianna/ Chris Brown incident. I simply felt that with the media’s bombardment of it, you’d get tired of it and anything I wrote at the time would fall on death ears. Above that was the single most important fact of life, Love is never supposed to result in death. It’s supposed to create life, never it’s opposite.
So here I am writing this post because we need to learn something from this tragedy and you damn sure will not get the real lesson from our mainstream media.
For those of you that do not know about this incident and I am sure that there are very few of you, I will provide a short recap and then we’ll move on to why this post was written.
Steve McNair was an American Icon in the World of Professional Football, the NFL. He was married with several children and had recently retired at age 36. His contributions to humanity through his Foundation are well known in Nashville and beyond. He was a man that on sight could disarm you with a smile that was contagious.
Sahel Kazemi was a beautiful, young and vibrant 20 year old Iranian immigrant. She was well loved by her family and friends and had her whole life before her. According to reports she had been involved in a somewhat volatile relationship with a previous boyfriend before a chance meeting with McNair whom had visited a restaurant where she was employed as a waitress.
On July 4th of 2009, the bodies of both McNair and Kazemi were discovered in the living room of an apartment that he co-owned in the Nashville area. Police have labeled it a murder/suicide, stating that McNair was shot while he slept on the couch by Kazemi, whom then turned the gun on herself. The two had been in a relationship according to reports for approximately 4 months.
I am and will always be a Steve McNair fan, but this post is not really about him. This post is about Sahel Kazemi and the lessons that we can all learn from her actions. I am not about to condemn either of these two people for what occurred on that fatal day in July or before. What I will do is try to make sense of what happened in hope that someone who reads this and has contemplated the same actions will rethink it and chose another course of action.
Steve McNair was a victim, but although the media fails to state this so was Sahel Kazemi. Many people would disagree with that statement, but it’s true. We just chose to ignore her plight because she unfortunately took a mans life. A very well known and loved man whom made us feel good about ourselves when he was entertaining us each and every Sunday.
Football is a violent sport, we know it is and of course no one knows it as well as the men who play it. It also comes with a lot of adulation. Millions of fans pack NFL stadiums each and every year with hopes of coming into contact with greatness. Football players sell us products, ask us to support the “United Way”, they make us laugh and they show that they are human, and yes they even make mistakes.
However, because of who they are generally they are soon forgiven. Could you imagine walking out of a tunnel to 70 thousand people chanting your name and 10 thousand people wearing a jersey with your name on the back? Could you imagine earning more money then some third world countries gross domestic product? They have it all, and then after several years it’s over.
Steve McNair was retired at 36, the average American will not retire if they do at all until probably 70. Now retirement for pro athletes is entirely different than the retirement of normal citizens. Many are still young enough to play mentally, however physically it’s a different story all together. Most don’t take retirement lightly, they have problems adjusting to life after football.
Ask Lawrence Taylor who turned to crack cocaine after his retirement. Many others become addicted to prescription drugs or even selling drugs after retirement. Why? They need something to fill that void in their lives that all that adulation created, they miss the excitement, the energy, the contact and other things that go along with playing the game.
I think and this is my own opinion, to fill that void in his life Steve replaced it with women.
This is why I suggested above that Sahel Kazemi is a victim as well. She was a 20 year old impressionable woman and into her life walked this man who was much larger than life itself.
He wined her, dined her, bedded her and for all intense and purposes was about to dump her. Now the police speculate that Sahel committed this tragedy because Steve was not about to leave his wife as she had been led to believe. I call this speculation absurd.
If they were together while he was married it wouldn’t really matter if he stayed married or not. Nothing would really change by him getting a divorce, even if he chose to marry her. They were already in a relationship.
No, I think that this tragedy occurred because in her mind she had convinced herself that he really loved her. He had shown her love, kindness, financial and emotional support, took her on trips that she could only dream of and made her feel special like no man before him had ever done.
In return she gave him all that she had, love, trust and herself. This young beautiful woman believed everything he had told her. Why shouldn’t she? We believed him enough to buy products he hawked, or to made donations to his charities or Foundation. If we believed him and we only knew him from watching him on that idiot box in our living room, why would a young impressionable woman sharing his bed not?
In the end it wasn’t the premise of him not leaving his wife that caused this horrible event. It was decided the night, when she realized that Steve had lied to her. The night that she discovered that there was another woman he was seeing as well.
We’ve all had heartbreaks, none are ever good and we each deal with them in our own ways. I’ve known people to stop eating, lose sleep and weight, go on drinking binges and worse, in an effort to dull the pain of a broken heart.
People have said that heartbreak is the worst pain any person should ever have to suffer. I agree, I’ve had my share, and recklessly I even caused a few.
So now, try to place yourself in Sahels shoes for one moment and look at things from the eyes of a 20 year old trying to come to grips with the fact that a man she adores, a man bigger than life is cheating on her with another woman.
Remember when you discovered a man was cheating on you? How did you feel? What were you thinking? Anger, revenge, hurt, disgust, pain, suffering, confusion and more is what comes to mind when I think back. These are feelings I pray no one ever has to repeat or go through.
As I said, we all respond to heartbreak differently. Very few people (luckily) chose the path of Sahel. We can all say that she could have done something different, but we weren’t her were we?
We can only speculate how she could have really felt and even then we’d come up short.
How many people have made the statement, “If I can’t have you, then no one will” in a relationship? It happens all the time, love is a contact sport even if we don’t believe it is. Hearts are broken at will, we fail to realise that our dealings with people are actually dealings with raw emotion. We have to take responsibility for our actions, we need to look at all of our relationships from our significant others point of view. Ask yourself, how will this decision I make effect them? How would you feel if the role was reversed? Don’t you deserve to know?
If we refuse to learn from this incident and begin to examine our relationships closely from both parties vantage point then this type of incident will occur again. The next time, it may not be a professional athlete, it could be you or I for that matter.
Love is not a game as some have handsomely labeled it. It’s life, and in this case, death.
Sahel is not the monster that the media portrays her to be, she is simply another victim of this so called game called love. We do her a great injustice by not viewing her as what she really was, a young impressionable young woman caught up in a web of lies and deceit. A woman who dealt with it the only way she knew how, removing the man she loved from this world and then following after him.
I pray that no one ever again loses their life in the name of so called love. I call it this because as I’ve said in many of my previous posts, it is wrong to ever love anyone more than you love yourself.
I end this by saying goodbye to both Steve and Sahel and I hope that we all can learn from this unfortunate incident, so that it may never repeat itself again.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post.
P.S To anyone whom feels the need to bash this post for whatever reason of their choosing, please save it. I’m too busy mourning the unnecessary loss of two beautiful people to really care.
Men can be pretty persuasive. They’ve been known to talk women into almost every poor situation imaginable under the disguise of love. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times that when a man starts a sentence with “If you love me”, what comes next is going to be disrespectful to you as a person, a woman and an individual.
Real love has no conditions, there is only love. Therefore there should never be any situation that arises that calls for you to prove your love for him. None! Anyway, this statement is not about real love but rather more about showing how much more you love him than he you.
He is really saying that if you love him so much more than you love yourself then you should be willing to humiliate, disrespect, degrade or brand yourself to show it.
This is especially true of young impressionable women whom have yet to understand that they are most times being manipulated by men who really are only passing through their lives and have no real intention of being with them long term.
The sad thing is that it’s hard to explain to someone on the threshold of adulthood that the decisions you make today, can and will haunt you for years to come. One of the sad truths of life is that we cannot go back and change the past. Whatever is done is done, so you my dear young lady really need to think about whatever it is that he’s asking. If it’s something that makes you pause and have to carefully think about it, it probably shouldn’t be done period. After this point it may be wise to also evaluate your relationship as a whole because he probably isn’t the right man for you, or any other woman for that matter.
Before I get to the list of things that you should not allow men to talk you into, I would like to take this time to tell you a true story about a friend of mine and a terrible guy that she was convinced loved her.
I had been in the Middle East for approximately three weeks when one morning my phone rang and it was a young female family friend. We exchanged pleasantries and then she got down to the reason for the call.
She worked as a sales associate for a leading retailer in Torrance California and had been arrested for theft of merchandise from the store. This really threw me for a loop because she came from a very affluent family, and she was always so level headed despite being a young 20 years old.
To make a long story short, after probing I discovered several interesting facts. She had met a guy who was in his mid 20’s several months before I had left the Country. I had no idea about this relationship and therefore I hadn’t the opportunity to meet him. Her parents of course also hadn’t met him at this point, which I found interesting.
She also went on to tell me that she had recently discovered that she was 9 weeks pregnant. I was really disappointed by this revelation, however she’s an adult and I had to respect that. Of course her parents also knew nothing of this either.
Digging through all this I finally convinced her to tell me what happened to make her get arrested. What she told me really upset me and at the same time I felt sorry for her. This is why: Her new boyfriend talked her into working a scam at her store in order for him to make some cash. The scam was that he would walk into the store, select an expensive item and then take it to her register where she would enter the item into the register as a return. He would then be issued cash in the amount of the item for merchandise that he had never purchased.
In retail they call this “Theft by deception”, and it happens to all associates from time to time. However, when it occurs too often then Loss Prevention gets involved and identify that no associate is that unlucky. They review the tapes and realise that the same guy is making these false returns to the same associate and “Boom”, the associate is arrested because she is a willing participant in the theft. This is what happened in her case, red flags, ending in her arrest.
I inquired as to who’s idiotic idea it was for this reckless act to occur? Knowing her, I already knew the answer. Her new boyfriend had lost his job and convinced her that with a child coming he needed to make some cash until he could get another job. He ended the conversation with, you guessed it, “If you love me you’ll help me with this.”
Above I stated that I was disappointed in her, and I of course let her know that in a very stern tone of voice. I also was very sorry for her because she was going to have a child with a man who had no real love for her whatsoever, which meant that she would have him in her life for a minimal of the next 18 years.
I don’t even have to mention that this man over the course of a few months had taken a young woman with a bright future and gotten her pregnant, cost her job, made her a felon and ruined her parents dream of her completing College in the near future. How? All this was accomplished with false “LOVE.”
Needless to say that I informed her that she was to contact her family attorney, inform him of how and why this situation occurred. I instructed her to inform him of whose idea it was and then ask him to attempt to cut a deal with the prosecutor. The last thing she needed in life was to go through it with a felony record.
I also informed her that she needed to inform her parents (who were paying for her education, apartment and car) of the relationship and pending grandchild. It was only fair for them to know what was going on in their daughters life and how it would affect them.
The last I heard (she won’t call me because she thinks I’m pissed at her), her family is raising the child (their choice). She finished the degree she started, she got off with probation and the ex-boyfriend is nowhere to be found as expected. She was lucky to have caring and understanding family, otherwise this could have been an even worse disaster. Hopefully she learned something from all this, just because a man says he loves you, doesn’t make it so. Make sure his actions match his words, please. Oh, and for the thousandth time, if he says, “if you love me” he really doesn’t!
Now, let’s get down to “Things no woman should allow men to talk her into”, shall we?
1) Tattooing his name on your body:I see this walking down the streets of Vegas everyday. I cannot help but to wonder what the hell do some women think about. What happens if he leaves you? Or you leave him? Do you think that the next man you meet really wants to read another mans name on your body? Any man who suggests such a thing is really only interested in showing the world that you are his property. Is that what you want to think of yourself, someones property? Children’s (yours) names are acceptable, but some guy that you’re going out with, one who doesn’t have the decency to even make you his wife? Not a chance in hell. To be honest with you, men shouldn’t do this either. It’s not a true expression of love, it’s an expression of ownership!
2)Video taping your private moments:I think Kim Kardashian is possibly one of the most beautiful women on the planet, I really do. With that said, it was no surprise to me that she and Reggie Bush are no longer together. When that video of her and Ray J hit the Internet many people speculated that it was for publicity. It may have been, but at what price?
Men are fickle characters, we do not even like to think about what women have done with previous lovers. How do you think we feel when we know that there’s a video of your sexual activity making the rounds? Regardless of how hard we try it’s simply not really possible for us to block that out of our minds.
Even though we know you may not be a virgin the day we meet you, in our minds we convince ourselves that you are a virgin to us. We constantly remind ourselves that before us there was no one, we block your former relationships out of our mind. Unless there’s a tape which becomes a testament that there was sex before us.
So unless you’re doing it for publicity (if you think it’s worth it) then you should never ever allow any man to film your sexual romp with him.
Why would you anyway? That’s what we have memory for, tell him to utilize his if he wants to remember what it was like, but don’t give into his pleads to film it. Once that tape is completed it could eventually land in any ones hands especially if you two end the relationship on a bad note. Many women have been blackmailed with these same tapes that they so readily agreed to do, under the thought that no one would ever see the tape except them. I can assure you that if he made the tape, some of his friends have seen it as well. Why? Because unworthy men love to brag about their exploits, even at your expense.
Sending graphic text photos are the same thing. You only think he’s the only one that will see it. Wrong! He’s likely to brag that he can talk you into doing anything, even something as degrading as sending him nude photos for he and his friends to ogle over.
3) Having his baby out-of-wedlock: When a guy you’ve been dating for a short time begins to talk about having a child, you should be weary. He’ll start talking about how much he loves children and cannot wait to have one of his own. It may sound sweet to you because you’d never been with a man who expressed himself this way. Generally most men are not so forthright about having kids until they are married.
Now do we have kids before marriage? Sure we do, but generally they are not planned. In these instances we accept it for what it is and some of us man up and become the father we’re supposed to be. Others, they run, telling people that the child is not theirs and that you were sleeping with other men as well. In short, they simply don’t know how to be men and don’t want the responsibility of being a father or pay child support.
So when you have this man talking about you having his baby, red flags should erupt! Why? Because this is rare in a man. If he talks about getting married to you and then having a child, good for you, he’s probably sincere. If it’s simply let’s have a baby, he has an ulterior motive. What he really wants is to cement his place within your life. He figures if you have his baby you’ll never leave him. These men tend to be insecure, abusive and extremely jealous with bouts of kindness in between.
If you have a man like this and you’re only utilizing condoms for protection against pregnancy, you may want to get a back-up such as pills as well. If he really wants to cement his place in your life, punching a small hole in a condom is an easy way to get what he wants and pass it off as a miracle baby.
4) Having an Abortion: It is no mans place to tell you to have an abortion. Men have no idea the trauma women suffer from undergoing this procedure. I know more than my share of women who have confessed to me that they would do anything to have not had that situation have happened to them. They regret it years later, they have experienced depression and guilt over it.
The strange thing is that although they do not know one another they both informed me that they only had an abortion because the man they were with at the time talked them into it. Telling them things such as, “We’re not ready for a child” or “We have plenty of time to have a child later.”
They thought these men would be with them forever. Now, years later these men are gone and they are left with the memory of this experience that they cannot shake.
No man has the right to make that decision. As the late great Tupoc said, “No man has the right to tell women when to create one.” If this situation arises, the decision should be your own, not his. You have to live with it, he doesn’t. He doesn’t have to go through the procedure and many times he will be absent anyway. Men most times create all these excuses why you should have an abortion but he never tells you the real reason he wants you to. Most times it’s because he is a sorry ass excuse for a man, who enjoyed the activity that led to the pregnancy but refuses to accept the responsibility that comes with it. He is unwilling to commit to being tied to you for the next 18 years and therefore he wants to eliminate the possibility.
So if you are in this situation, it’s your decision to make. Yes you can listen to what he has to say, but the final decision should be yours and yours alone.
5) Believing that his baby’s mother is crazy: I read a quote by a woman once who stated that there is a special place in hell for women whom do not help other women. If there is it’s bound to be filled with women whom allow men to convince them that the mother of his child was a crazy b**ch!
If you as a woman are confronted with this situation, it is in your best interest to investigate for yourself.
If you allow him to make you believe this to be true, soon it could be you that he is telling his next woman is crazy. You should start by taking a look at how much if any interaction he has with his child? Then look at what type of financial and emotional support he’s providing?
I can assure you that if these two things are absent, his only recourse is to convince you or any other woman he becomes involved with that she’s the culprit. Where in reality he’s actually a sorry excuse for a man. Do you want or need a man in your life like this? If he will not provide and accept responsibility for his own child, what makes you believe he’ll do those things for you and God forbid you make the same mistake and have a child with him as well.
6) Sleeping with his friend: Sounds crazy doesn’t it? But it happens, especially in younger women. It goes hand in hand with that statement, “If you love me.” Again this is a situation where he knows that you love him a lot more than he cares for you and you’re willing to do any and everything he asks to remain with him. I saw this play out many times when I was in College and thought it only appropriate to list it here.
No man should make such a request of you, for any reason. If this request is made you should reflect back on your relationship and pin point the time you allowed him to stop respecting you as a person and a woman. He didn’t just suddenly feel he could make this request, he’d built up to it over time by doing other disrespectful things to you.
If this has happened to you, chances are there is a video of you floating around somewhere as well as nude photos. This man has no respect for you and probably never did. If you are with him now, chances are you have little respect for yourself as well. The longer you stay in this relationship the better the chance that you’ll eventually lose any remaining respect you may have and lower your already rock bottom self esteem.
6) Stealing or helping him steal: Oh, we already covered this in the beginning of the post.
7) Co-signing for him: Credit is an important factor in our everyday lives and keeping your clean is paramount in everything from buying a home to getting a job in some instances.
Co-signing for anyone is a risky adventure and for a boyfriend it’s even more so. One of the best signs of irresponsibility is credit rating. Why allow your life to be disrupted by his inability to be responsible? You shouldn’t and he shouldn’t even ask you to, however he may. Why? Because he feels that if he’s sleeping with you, then you owe him something.
You owe him absolutely nothing, in essence, he owes you for allowing him the opportunity to be with you. Now, what you can do if you chose is to assist him with repairing his credit so he can get his life on track. Don’t do it for him though, simply show him how its done and see if he’s responsible enough to follow through with taking care of it. If he doesn’t, then you may want to cut your losses and move on to a man more stable.
8) Believing he will leave his wife for you: No he won’t, he may tell you he will but really it’s to give you false hope so that he can either sleep with you or continue to sleep with you. Men who are married understand that if they are not happy in their marriage there is this thing called divorce.
If he really was going to leave her he would have done so long before he met you and convinced you to listen to his bulls**t! He simply wants to have his cake and eat it too. He is simply playing the numbers game, seeing how long you’ll hang on and continue to let him have his way with you before you wise up and move on.
Why would you want a man who’s married to someone else anyway? Especially one that is willing to cheat on his current wife with you. What type of character does he have? None! He’s dishonest, untrustworthy, a liar and a cheat. You my pretty can rest assured that he has no respect for you or his wife and as one intelligent person so eloquently put it, “Any man who divorces his wife to marry his mistress, leaves a vacancy in that position.” Is that what you want for your future? To eventually be with a man who you know is incapable of being loyal? I really hope not!
9) Sleeping with him without some form of protection: I wish I had a nickle for every child born into this world for one night of unprotected passion. I’d be wealthy beyond my dreams and yours as well. As a single woman you should always have some type of protection, there is no excuse for being ill prepared.
Many men like the thrill of throwing caution to the wind, unfortunately it’s at your expense. To take this chance is much too risky for my taste, as it should be yours. Pregnancy is the least of your worries. Ever hear of STD’s, particularly HIV?
As a single woman you should have in your purse at the very least a small pack of condoms. This way when things get hot and heavy unexpectedly and he goes into the mode of saying that he doesn’t have any protection, you do. All men have said and will continue to tell women that they will not make a mistake and they don’t need any protection. They make promises that they’ll get up in time or the overall biggest lie of all time, “I’m sterile or had a vasectomy.”
Either way you need to always be prepared, because if not and you allow him to talk you into this reckless behavior not only will you be taking a chance of creating a life, you may unknowingly be taking a chance of losing your life. With that said, do you still think it could be worth it? I didn’t think so. Always be prepared for the unexpected, carry your own protection.
10) Assisting him with doing anything illegal: I know some of you have those boyfriends that lend excitement to you and your life now. However, years later when you look back on this time in your life you’ll try to offer it up as youthful indiscretion. Assuming that you are afforded the opportunity to look back on this time.
So many women have gotten into fixes that they cannot get out of based on the man of their choosing. They’ve been talked into assisting in drug sales, carrying unlicensed weapons, receiving stolen property and more.
What happens when you decide to become an adult? It’s difficult when you have a felony record over your head, trust me. How do you tell the right man when he comes along that he cannot take you to Paris on your honeymoon because you cannot get a passport because of a felony record you picked-up during your youthful indiscretion years? It happens!
I remember in LA in the mid 90’s when a female decided to date a member of one of the cities gangs. For whatever reason she after a period of time decided to severe the relationship. He of course had other ideas and while she and her sister were on their way to work at prominent jobs on a Military installation, he and some friends pulled along side them and fired a single shot.
This single shot killed her sister instantly!
Just thought you may want to know that these things do happen and if you fail to select the right man it can just as well happen in your life.
If he is living a life of crime, albeit an interesting one it comes with a terrible price. You need to decide if you’re willing or able to pay this price when the day comes to settle up the debts.
Hopefully some of you can take some of the things I’ve written here and learn from it. For those of you that chose to ignore these things, I wish you luck. All of us seek someone who will appreciate us for who we are and not who we were. This is made easier when we identify people who mean us no ill will and respect us as people.
As a woman you may deal with many men before you meet that right guy, hopefully those that you spent time with before this meeting will not have left any negative residue on your soul and spirit.
Please be careful and never allow any man to talk you into anything that can be considered degrading or disrespectful to you as a woman and a human being. You deserve better than to be manipulated by someone under the guise of love. Remember, what you do today can affect you and your future for life.