Psst! Wanna know the secret to keeping your man out of another woman’s bed?


Do you really believe that the only thing men want is sex? If you do and you still have a man in your life, what exactly does that say about you? Yep, it says that you really enjoy doing the nasty too! Why hide it? Why on earth do women hide the fact that they enjoy sex just as much or more than the next guy? And I really mean guy, lol.

Sex is a fact of life, it’s been going on since the beginning of time (thus the worlds population) and the billions of dollars generated by the industry itself. You can try to deny it but not only men are looking at porn on the internet. Everyone has needs, wants and desires and if women didn’t then there would be absolutely no market for adult toys.

Now, with all of this love making occurring throughout this planet why is it that men tend to feel the need to stray and conduct business outside of his current relationship? This is the million dollar question that has been asked since the neanderthal age. Why on earth does a man with a healthy, beautiful, sexy cave woman feel the need to sleep with the cave woman on the other side of the mountain?

Over the years there has been numerous articles written on the subject and for this post, I for one  will stay away from to concentrate on a simple solution that could possibly eliminate that situation in your own relationship. Interested?

I was once informed that smart women take up all of the free time of the men that they are in a relationship with. In other words, they eliminate the chance for him to be idle, since we all know that idle hands are the devils tools, right? I am not sure if this is true but over the years I’ve heard this saying often. Maybe there is merit to it, maybe not. I don’t know, personally.

However, what I do know is that for whatever reason, men are more inclined to cheat in a relationship after he has been in it for sometime. Very few guys cheat in the beginning of a real relationship, although they will if the relationship wasn’t considered a real relationship to begin with. Interesting huh? Lets look at this statement again in laymen terms. “Chances are that he will not cheat on you in the beginning of a relationship that he actually considers real.” Meaning that he considers the two of you to be an actual couple.

Now, some of you are scratching your head in wonder as to why a man you had cheated on you in the first month, week or day of the relationship, right? Well, I am sorry to inform you of this but you thought you were in a actual relationship, but for whatever reason, he didn’t. Perception is a killer, especially when your views on where you stand differ so greatly.

So yeah, if he cheated on you very quickly, or you discovered he had another girlfriend while you were just starting out you should now know he wasn’t all in as far as being in an exclusive relationship with you. Sorry to have to tell you that.

Later yeah, if the relationship goes into routine mode and he becomes listless, he is more ample to stray. Not that it has anything to do with you, but more importantly it is a flaw in his own character. A flaw that is exploited by what he has been told on a regular basis by his male counterparts and society. 

If you are told something over and over again, at what point does it become real? Probably when you accept it as being real in your mind. How long before a man in your life allows it to become real, that once he gets married sex goes out the window? Or that being with the same woman for a long period of time is like eating the same meal, over and over again?

Comedians have made jokes about these same issues and men as well as women have all laughed, at least until it became real for the man in your life. What did Chris Rock say about being married? ” If you like f**king, marriage ain’t for you! (See video) Unfortunately, some of us buy into this thought process and chose to seek excitement elsewhere.

Women of course have been victims of societal views as well. Yeah, you know what I am talking about. You’re supposed to suppress your sexual urges, act like a lady, right. I can understand and appreciate that outside of a relationship, however, in a relationship, you should be you! So if you really enjoy sex, then now is the time to become uninhibited and enjoy yourself with someone you love who loves you as well.

Oh, let me get back on topic because you are reading this to discover how to keep your man out of another woman’s bed, right? That’s easy, think about where you are sexually in your relationship. Ask yourself, who initiates sexual contact most of the time? 10 to 1 (I live in Vegas) says it’s the man in your life. You see women most times without realizing it take their cue for sex from the male. Why? Because society has said that men have a higher sex drive than women, and if a woman has one as well then she’d be better suited by hiding it.

So what women tend to do is they wait for the male to request sex and if she is in the mood, OK, it can be done. If she is not, then he’s pissed because you’ve rebuked him. It also has falsely led women to believe that men are oversexed. Not because he actually is, but rather because you’ve reduced him into guessing when you are in the mood.

Let me try to explain this simple logic to you. You’ve went from participating in the when and where you two have sex, to waiting on him to determine when and where and you participate only if you feel up to it. It’s understandable that you are not in the mood every single time on his schedule. However, what you failed to understand is that you have buried your schedule, and didn’t even realize it and this creates a problem that may result in his diving into another woman’s bed.

Lets try looking at it this way, OK? You enjoy sex, right? You enjoy making love to the man you love, right? So why in the hell would you do it only on his schedule? That’s asinine and problematic! It also creates a view of him that is not altogether true. He’s not oversexed, its just that you’ve stopped initiating it when you want it choosing to wait until he requests to make love.

Why not try this, everyone of you have those times when you want to make love or simply have sex just like men do, right? When you get these urges which I am sure occur on a weekly basis, act on them with your man. Don’t wait until he wants you, let him know that not only do you want him but you need him to fulfill your needs as well.

Want to know what the results will be? Eventually you and he will become balanced in the bedroom. If he is getting sexual satisfaction when he wants and when you want, he’ll be less likely to look elsewhere because he’ll be too busy being satisfied at home. The thought you had of him possibly being totally consumed by sex will be a thing of the past because since now you’re selecting your own days for intimacy based on your needs  will leave him fulfilled and you happier. The only unhappy party in this equation is the adult toy industry since you’ll have little need for that device you’ve hidden away in the closet in that shoe box.

Jumping into another woman’s bed will be the last thing on his mind ever, because there is something else that is said that you may have never heard. “Men with empty scrotum’s have no reason to stray!” Lol!

Why you should have a “Single Women” survival kit!


There is nothing on earth as frustrating as being at the whim of someone else. Especially when its someone that you have grown to know, fell head over heals in love with and without warning they radically changed. Damn, it makes me want to pull my hair out just thinking about it.

Many of you will suffer through this in your lifetime, a few of you will suffer through it more than once (because some learn lessons at a different pace). Hell, I went through this phenomenon myself. However, when I came out the other side I made an important decision about dating. Especially when the relationship moved to a point and you have that very important talk.

You ladies know the talk I am referring to.   The one where the guy says, “Look, we spend all of our time together anyway. You have an apartment, and I have one. We spend all of this time sleeping at each others place, but we’re paying two separate rents.” Then he goes on a says, “Wouldn’t it be better if we just moved in together?” “Think of all of the money we could save?”

Wow! You start to think maybe there is a future in this relationship and you as all women do, ask, “Are you sure?” However, inside you’re bursting at the seams with excitement. You cannot wait to tell your girlfriends that he asked you to move in with him.  You were so excited, you failed to carefully think this plan through and you really overlooked exactly whose apartment should you two move into. But, that’s OK, because you’re so happy whatever he wants to do is fine by you.

You can’t wait to move in with him and make all of the modifications that will turn his place into a happy home, right? You should have read the fine print in the offer because this is a recipe for disaster filled with a hidden minefield.

When he brings saving money into the equation you need to know that’s a red flag.  “Think of all of the money we can save?”  In real love money is not an issue. However, let me clarify that statement for you. If I really love you, then I want you to move in with me, not because it allows me to save more cash to buy more toys. I want you there because I want to wake up next to you every single morning. I want you to be the first person i see when I get up to start my day, and the last person I see and hold before I fall asleep. These feeling you make me have are priceless and money pales in comparison.

So, anyway you’re thinking about how great it is to be able to live with him and he’s thinking about the money he’ll be able to save by sharing the rent, bills and expenses. Get the picture now? Yeah, you’re really just a beautiful, sexy roommate that he has bedroom privileges with.

You on the other hand think that this is a prelude to marriage and you quickly begin to treat it just like that. You rush home to make him dinner everyday, you rearrange his apartment to make it more of a home instead of a bachelor pad and within weeks you convince him that you two need a joint account. Why? Because its what married couples do.

Now, currently he’s still on board but what happens when he starts to feel crowded? You start to see a side of him you haven’t seen before. He become irritable, starts coming home later from work and everything becomes an argument.  The next thing you know, he’s sleeping on the couch and you’re crying yourself to sleep on a weekly basis.

Do you understand why this occurs? Believe me when I say that this happens everyday worldwide, so if its happened to you then rest assured you are not alone. It happens because you and he were never on the same page to begin with. The expectations of both parties were totally different and neither took the time to set up rules and expectations before the move actually occurred.

To make matters worse, when people live separately while they are dating there are loads of things they learn about one another over time. When you chose to move in together you learn a lot about one another very quickly and some of the things you learn you may not like. Living together you don’t have that safe place to go to while you attempt to come to grips with his short comings as you would if you lived apart.

If you lived separately and a girl called him on the phone, you’d be a little upset, go home and think about it. He’d call and explain the situation and everything would be forgiven in most cases.  If a girl calls him while you’re living together, its a whole different emotion. You have no where to think this thing through except maybe another bedroom.  Also, the thought that a girl called him infuriates you even more because now you’re wondering if he’s even informed her that he’s in this makeshift marriage, uh, living with you.

When things get really bad and you simply cannot take it anymore (as he may be feeling as well), what are you going to do? It was really easy to get into this situation but getting out of it can be difficult. Where are you going to go? You gave up your apartment, remember?

This is the point where you should have had a “Single Women Survival Kit.” Because when things get really bad, you’ll be able to take complete control of your life and situation again. Trust me when I tell you that there is no worse feeling than the feeling of being trapped.

You’ve given up your apartment, your life, your freedom to make someone else happy and it just didn’t work out. Now, you’re sitting in the bedroom that you two once shared and he’s drinking a beer on the couch watching sports after another silly argument.  You feel trapped and confined and all you really want is to get out!

If you had planned ahead and had a “Survival Kit”, you’d be able to do just that because you’d be prepared. Now, some will say, ” If you’re preparing for failure then it will do that, fail.” However, we don’t plan on having a auto accident, but we get insurance, just in case.

This survival kit, consists of some material items and a good deal of common sense. I’ll give you a list I made up for you, it differed from the one I once had, but then again I am a man.

Item #1: A secret bank account:

I know, you shouldn’t keep secrets in your relationship but this is basically insurance and believe me you may need it. You should place approximately $50.00 into this account every payday. The one thing that will be a hurdle for you is in the event that you feel as though you need to move out, is having enough cash on hand to get another place.

It sucks when you know that you once had a nice quiet place that you called home. It was your sanctuary, a place you could close out the world if need be. If you placed money into that account, you could find one quickly and move on. If not, it may take you a while to save up enough to move out. This means that you’re subjected to many more months of frustration while trying to save something you could have already had.

Now, in the event that the relationship blossoms into something more as in marriage. Guess what? You can roll that money into an investment account, or utilize it to offset some of your wedding expenses. You can’t lose by being prepared!

Item #2: Stockpile birth control:

Hey, until you are on your honeymoon it might be wise to protect yourself from an unplanned pregnancy. If your live in arrangement falls apart the very last thing that you need to discover is that you’re expecting. Children are the greatest thing on this planet, however, caring for one as a single mom is a challenge.

A Professor once gave me this advice about sex. “Never sleep with a woman that you could not see as being the mother of your children.” We all know that was not the case in some of the relationships I had over the years, however to eliminate the chance of an unplanned event I stockpiled condoms. Hell, when I was in my early 20’s I think I purchased enough to give everyone at the Magnum plant a raise in pay. Lol!

There is nothing wrong with protecting yourself and making sure he’s the right one. Then planning on having the child as a family, yep, you and he. Families can be only two people you know.

Item #3: Locate a neutral place to reside together:

If a man requests that you and he move in together, don’t move into his apartment or allow him to move into yours. If you’re serious about it and he is as well, the two of you together go and locate a suitable neutral abode to begin your trial live-in.

However, and this is extremely important, discuss with him his expectations and explain yours to him. If you two accommodate one another, this thing could really work to both of your advantages and grow into the ultimate goal. If you fail to examine what you both expect your chances of success are quite slim. This is just a thought, but you may want to explain to him at this time that you have no plans of being a lifelong girlfriend and live-in lover. Just putting that out there, OK? Remember what your mom used to say, “Why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?”

Item #4) Keep your Finances separate:

In the beginning do not under any circumstances intertwine your bills or credit. You should agree to pay your half and he his. The only thing that both of your names should appear on is the rental agreement.

You want to do this to give you an opportunity to see how he handles his finances. If  you intertwine your finances and share an account, it may affect your credit score.  If his score is low, you may get dinged or worse credit agencies may start calling you about his debts. This is a horrible thing to discover after you’re living together, but it happens.

Each of you should select a utility and place it in your own names, making sure that they pretty much are equal in the amounts you pay monthly.  To clarify this, you shouldn’t be paying $200 in cable bills and he’s only paying $70.00 for water and the electric bill. Understand?

Item #5) An Emergency Credit Card:

You should if possible obtain a credit card with a credit line of at least $500. This card is for emergencies only and you should only utilize it once a month. During this monthly usage, go out to dinner or purchase a pair of stockings or anything that you can pay the bill in full on its due date.

This practice keeps the card active and paying it off monthly helps your credit score. As i said above though, this card is for emergencies only! What I mean by this is that in the event you need to stay at a hotel after a severe argument, this is when you utilize it. Need to rent a truck to move out because the relationship is sour, use this card. In a sense, its a safety net.

If you’ve been setting aside money as in item number one and you have this emergency card you have your freedom intact. Regardless of the situation you can move on and any frustrations will be minimal at worst.

Conclusion:

Relationships are a risks, however that’s what makes them so much fun.  We also all know that without risk there is no possibility of reward. There is nothing wrong with hedging your bets by protecting yourself in the event that things don’t work as planned. By covering your bases, its a win-win scenario for you. As I wrote above, if it works out then you have this small nest egg that you can utilize for something else.  That something else could be whatever you want it to be, to include a nice Rolex for your new husband. I’m just saying. Men like nice gifts too.

The secret that men hope women never discover…..


“Women are going to form a chain, a greater sisterhood than the world has ever known.”
Nellie McClung

You meet a new guy and you love everything about him. He calls and your stomach gets knotted up, and when you’re around him you have butterflies. You cannot sleep because he’s always on your mind. Love, isn’t it grand?  There is nothing as precious as new love, you cannot get enough of it. The feelings you get are indescribable, and you feel like you’re about to burst with excitement.

Late at night you lay in bed and you think of every single moment of time that you spent with him during the day. You review every single word spoken and chastise yourself for not saying the right thing at the right moment of the conversation. You feel awkward, like you’re a school girl with a crush and he’s the big man on campus.

You cannot wait for the next day to see him and take in the aroma of his cologne and look into his eyes once again. Every time he brushes against you or slightly touches your hand you get weak in the knees and you blush uncontrollably.

You find it difficult to concentrate and eating is a second thought, your appitite is vertually gone and you often wonder if you’ll actually be able to eat in front of him when you go out on your long anticipated date.

Love, there is nothing like it is there? However, on the flip side these same emotions can describe the way women feel when they’re heartbroken. The two basic issues of course are lack of appetite and sleep, but of course your stomach gets knotted just the same. You also wonder if it was something you said or did and if you could have done things differently.

Now the issue here is how do you keep from ever feeling like the latter of these two emotions? How do we insure that you never have your heart and emotions drug through the mud while you shed tears that could have been prevented.

Did you know that women can protect their own hearts by simply doing one thing at the beginning of every relationship, even before you begin to act like a love struck schoolgirl. Before you place your heart in the hands of a person that you thought dropped out of heaven, but may have came from a much lower area, you should find out from where he really came.

“There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”
Madeleine Albright

Every man that you meet has a past. It’s that past that can determine your relationship fate. Before you throw caution to the wolves and fall head over heels in love with someone who may break your heart into, it behooves you to proceed with caution. Do your homework and attempt to discover who he really is and if possible, why?

It is amazing that more women don’t do what I am about to introduce you to, because if done properly it works to your benefit.  Its also the hidden secret that men never want you to discover. Its the inside information straight from the horses mouth that could sink them where they stand when they are dishonest.

What is this secret that make men tremble in their boots? The girl that held his heart before you! She holds all the secrets that can mean success or failure for you if you enter into a relationship with the man that makes your heart pound faster.

Now before you decide that this is not a route you would chose to take lets take a look at it from a different angle. Think about your last boyfriend, what could you share with another woman that could spare her a harsh break-up and a broken heart. Was he good to you? Did he cheat on you or god forbid, hit you. You hold valuable information that could assist another woman whom might be sitting at home right now with butterflies in her stomach over a man that you know to be a liar and a cheat. If you could save her from heartbreak and despair, why wouldn’t you. If you don’t, when the day comes that he rips her heart out or hurt her in any other manner, you are just as responsible as he is because you could have and should have warned her if she asked.

It amazes me that we tend to not inquire about the person that held our love interests heart until after we break up with them. We tend to believe what our partners say about them and as with nature we side with the one we’re with. That is until that day after our hearts have been broken into tiny pieces, we wonder if all that was told to us was actually true.

Then by chance you meet the person, and discover that they are nothing like the person you were led to believe they were. These meetings always end with you gaining a good friend and with them informing you that had you contacted them they would have warned you about your former partner.

In every relationship there are two sides to the story of why it ended, the side you’re hearing and the silent side. Isn’t it interesting that the side you’re hearing is always the fault of the silent side. But lets be real, how many men have you met that will confess to cheating, beating, stealing from or lying to their ex’s? Better yet, how many men have you met that will inform you that yes, they do have a current girlfriend while they attempt to seduce you?

These are all the more reason for you to seek out his former partner before you jump into a relationship with him. Now we all know that sometimes people make up lies and are deceitful when they have been heartbroken, but all you have to remember is that somewhere between those lies is the truth.

Now many of you are scratching your heads wondering, “How would you react if a strange woman approached you and inquired about your ex?” How would you respond? Hopefully, with dignity and respect as all adults should. If the relationship is over then its over, you both  should have moved on by now, so what could it really hurt to assist someone else?

If your ex was a great guy and things simply flamed out on your relationship, then wouldn’t it be wise to inform her of that fact. Would it seriously hurt you to offer her pointers in how she might make their relationship last? Hell, in actuality you know so much about him and if you chose to hold on to that information, then you are really doing a disservice to your ex and the female that’s interested in him, don’t you think?

Now, on the other hand if he was a total jerk and she needs to be warned about him it could be wise to do so. However, it should be done with tactfulness. Sit her down and ask her exactly what she wants to know? Put yourself in her shoes, if his ex before you had told you what you needed to know, would it have prevented your heartbreak? Could it have saved you from anguish and sadness? Would you have headed her warnings? Then ask yourself this, “Can you really walk away knowing that she is headed down a path to pain and refuse to help? Ever heard of karma?

This failure to assist one another is a prime example of why our society is decaying right now. It’s not my problem, so I don’t want to get involved is our new motto. Many times I have wondered what may have been if OJ’s ex before Nichole had informed her of what he was really like? Would Scott Peterson’s late wife have heeded a warning from another woman before choosing to marrying him? I know that these examples are extreme, or are they? However, what I am sure of is that each and everyone of you hold the key to the happiness or suffering of another woman. The only question that remains, is are you willing to share that key or not?

I know it would be awkward for someone to approach you about your ex, however these questions come in many forms. So the next time you get a friend request from your ex’s current girlfriend, don’t be so quick to dismiss it. There may be something that she wants to ask you but isn’t sure how to proceed.

If the thought of this make you uneasy there is another way as there always is. Visit my fellow bloggers site and you can post about your ex anonymously. This way any woman that is interested in him can locate the info she needs right there and no one will be the wiser. Also, while you are there, you can check up on your current beau, or someone you may have had you eye on. Its free, and although most of the comments are negative, like I stated earlier, somewhere between the two extremes, lies the truth.

So if you have the time or you’re simply curious, please visit www.cheateralert.com, you never know what you may discover or what you may be able to contribute to someone else s happiness.

8 Things you should never say to a man…… If you want to keep him


Sometimes, when we get just too damn comfortable too soon with a new person we tend to let our guard down and throw caution to the wind.  You have to understand that just because you feel comfortable with him doesn’t necessarily mean that he feels the same way about you. He may tell you he does, but then again he may be on the bubble with where your relationship is heading.

In my past I terminated several relationships because of a simple comment that just grated me to the point where regardless of how I tried I couldn’t get over. Looking back now, I agree I was really very shallow when it came to relationships. Now that I know this, I also understand that as a man, I am not alone and men that you have met or will meet may be shallow in the beginning as well.

With this knowledge, I figured it may benefit you to know that there are some things that you may not want to say, regardless of how comfortable you may feel in the beginning of the relationship.  However, as many of you probably know, once the relationship is defined and is solid then anything you say will not be held against you in the court of love.  (Ah, unless it’s a lie, then all bets are off.)

Moving on, lets get to “8 Things you should never say to a man, if you want to keep him!” (note: These are things that you may not want to say while you two are in the beginning stages of what you hope to be a long term relationship, ok?)

1) I want to be a stay at home mom;

  What men hear: She wants a rich guy to take care of her and do nothing but have kids. Men want partners and since for years women have preached equality, we expect you to help carry the load. Now on the other hand, if he is rich or on his way to being rich this may work out fine. However in this economy it’s all hands on deck and that means you as well.

2) I once dated my boss;

What men hear:  She’s looking for a man with power and if I am not it, it could be her next or current boss. Also, there is this old saying that you should never shit where you eat,  which means sleeping with the boss is not a smart move. Oh, and now we think about what her reputation in the office is like. Office gossip is brutal and she gave them a lot to work with. Time to move on suddenly sounds good for us.

3) I like women too:

What men hear:  Most of the men I have talked to regarding this type of situation informed me that in the beginning they thought that they had hit the jackpot. In the end they said they wish they had never known. Visions of three ways clouded their judgment. They all assured me that it was great and exciting when it first began because they had convinced themselves that it wasn’t cheating as long as it was only with women. Wrong!

How secure could he possibly be when he knows that his girlfriend is trolling for women with a higher success rate than he and his friends ever had? After awhile the excitement wears off and jealousy appears as with any relationship when a third person is introduced into the equation.

A woman once told me that there is no such thing as being bi-sexual. She said that people whom say that they are, really are saying that they are selfish sexually and its all about them. She went on to say that regardless of if they are with a man or woman, all they really care about is their own needs being met. I don’t know if she’s right or wrong on this  and I am not in a position to argue either way.

4) You are the biggest I have ever had;

What men hear: I have been with numerous men and I am checking sizes and discussing them with my girlfriends. We really don’t like to think about your sexual conquests to begin with, because in our minds you were a virgin when we met. You just killed that image with that one statement and to make matters worse you were probably just trying to make us feel good. Now we can’t shake the thought of you out of our minds, measuring privates of men lined up with towels wrapped around them. Ugh!

5) I have never done this before:

What men hear: With me! Especially if you suddenly take control right in the middle of it and seem to anticipate our every move. You should never utilize those words to a man especially if its while in bed. It’s equally bad if you just met him or you’ve liked him for awhile and its the first time you two have been alone and he talked you into bed.

Note: The funny thing about men, yours truly included is that women are right when they think that when it comes to sex, once we get an erection we stop thinking clearly. However, once that erection subsides we replay the whole conversation that got us into the situation to begin with. So, if you said something that didn’t bother us while we were trying to satisfy our needs it will jump out at us when clarity returns. This clarity period is a main reason for one night stands.

6) My last boyfriend did it like this:

What we hear: We are being compared to some guy who for whatever reason still occupies your thoughts. This is not good, because in order for us to feel comfortable with you, we’d like to think that only we occupy your thoughts. Not only that, but hell if he was so great, why are you with me?

7) We have to keep our relationship a secret:

What we hear: This is sometimes said when the parties are of different racial or economic backgrounds. Problem is that now he feels as though he’s good enough to sleep with but not good enough to be seen with. Yep, men don’t like this type of situation either. We start out saying that we can handle it, but in the end we hate it too. Remember the saying, “Forbidden things are sweeter”, they really aren’t.

8) You once tried to get pregnant:

What we hear: You want a baby and you may try to have one by us without our knowledge. This is a scary thought if we’re just beginning. Most men aren’t comfortable with the premise of having a child so quickly and you’ll notice that although you’re taking birth control pills, he still insist on wearing a condom as well. You know he’s uncomfortable if even with the condom on he still withdraws before ejaculation.

I guess I could actually add several other things not to say as well, but I’ll just list a few without commenting on them so you’ll know.

9)   I need a man to pay my bills.

10)  I had an abortion.

11) I was once with multiple men at once- You may want to keep this to yourself

12) I was a teenage prostitute.

14) I was molested.

15) I was in rehab, twice.

16) I had a eating disorder.

17) I used to cut myself occasionally.

18) I tried to commit suicide.

19) My last boyfriend is on death row.

20) I am awaiting sentencing.

The point I am trying to make is this. In relationships there should be no secrets if it is to blossom and grow. However, it is important that you get to know the person before you decide to tell them some things. When we are really comfortable with one another and we both know where its headed then anything you say will more than likely be forgiven. However, if you say them too soon they’ll be used solely as a reason to exit by menn who may not have wanted to be with you long term to begin with.

When we love someone and I am not talking about lust, but true love, we can accept the fact that we all have skeletons, or crutches in life. The things you say in the beginning that could make a man run, could actually bring him closer when he’s actually had the time to get to know you and love you for who you are.


Why he won’t say, “I love you”


“I love you”, there I said it and it wasn’t that hard. However, with some men, to get them to say those three little words is like pulling teeth. They simply refuse to say it and I know its frustrating to the women whom they share their lives with. Last weekend I went to meet with some male friends after work and a couple of female friends tagged along.

Over a few beers we engaged in this terrific conversation about why it’s so damn hard for men to profess their love for a woman. One of my female friends confessed that her boyfriend of nearly two years has never uttered those words. She stated that several times he’s came close but the answer she gets most when she says it to him is “Ditto”.

She said that after all of this time together she knows that he really loves her (evident in the three calls she got in a 2 hour period), but he simply cannot utter those simple words. Oh, and at the end of one of the calls she placed him on speakerphone and told him she loved him before the call ended. You know what his response was? “Me too!”

One of my male friends attempted to explain away why we don’t say it by insisting that if we told every woman we dated that we loved them then the words eventually become hollow. He went on to say that love to him meant forever! He also added that forever, was a very long time and he wasn’t ready for that type of commitment.

Another friend chimed in and his version was a little bit graphic. I had to chastise him for his depiction of what women would do just to hear those three little words. After the beer we had drank, I think he forgot that we were in the company of two women.

His take on the words was that it has opened a lot of doors (and legs) for him. He continued that he utilizes these words as a tool to satisfy his urges and get him out of hot water if necessary. He went on to tell us how he had dated this girl for six months and still no action (meaning sex). He said he really liked her and they spent countless hours together at dinner and he even took her on a couple of trips to Cancun.

However, he said that it was always the same excuse (his words, not mine), that whenever they got to the good part she would tell him that she wasn’t ready.  He said it was cool for awhile and it became a game to him, but then he grew tired and decided it was time to move on. According to him she continued calling him and although he wasn’t interested anymore he felt that if he walked away now after warming her up, some other idiot might hit the jackpot and he would be pissed.

So one night she called and he explained that he simply felt that the relationship wasn’t leading anywhere. He said that she took it well, however right before he hung up he decided to try his secret weapon (as he called it), and said “I love you” before he hung up. According to him she was at his door less than an hour later and he hit the jackpot for several months. That is until he discovered that several other men must have told her the same thing because she was sleeping with her ex and her apartments maintenance man during the same time. (The two women with us got a kick out of that, with one reminding him that’s what he gets for misusing the words.)

We moved our conversation from the pool tables to a large booth and another male in the group decided it was his turn to chime in. He relayed that old story that women wanted sensitive men, so he has made it a point to let any woman that he was dating know exactly how he felt. His position was that you shouldn’t keep people guessing, you should let them know exactly where they stand.

He went on to proclaim that he tells his current girlfriend that he loves her all of the time. When asked how long they had been together he stated 3 months, at which my now nearly drunk friend (above), told him he was a sell out to men everywhere. LOL. He also informed him that he should be careful because once you tell them you love them it’s hard to get rid of them. At this point I cut off his drinking.

When my second friend continued he explained that he’d only said that to women he really cared about and it had taken him time (albeit 3 mos) to be able to open up the his current girlfriend. He went on to say that he was pretty sure that she was the one he’d spend his future with and he looked forward to growing old together. At this point the two women with us were swooning at his honesty. Unfortunately my nearly drunk friend wasn’t having it, and reminded him that he had told us the same thing about his former girlfriend. (I quickly ordered him a hot coffee)

Now it was the second female of the groups time to add to the conversation. Wine has a special affect on women and I for one like the way it mellow them if consumed in moderation. She is normally quiet and somewhat shy and I have to admit it surprised me that she wanted to hang out with us.

She said that in her younger years that she had fallen prey to guys whom just said those words to convince her they were sincere (We all looked at my half drunken friend). But as she matured she realized that it wasn’t so much the words but the actions she concerned herself with now. She continued by stating that she had been seduced by several men whom professed their love for her and in return she was cheated on and in one relationship physically abused.

Continuing she said yes, women enjoy hearing those words and many times they seek them from men to clarify their positions in their lives. However, she cautioned that what good are the words if his actions don’t match what he’s telling you over and over again. She looked across the table to the other female member of the group and told her that although her boyfriend won’t say the words, she should know that he really loves you. She said it was evident in the way he looks at her and listens to her. She went on to say that she remembered days when he had left his job to pick her up at work because she didn’t feel good and then took the rest of the day off to care for her. (I looked over and they both had tears welling up in their eyes.)

For her she went on, now it wasn’t the words anymore. It now was all about the actions of the person she chose to be with. Her next man (when she said this my near drunk friend perked up) according to her would be someone who cared about her and showed her how he feels because the words can sometimes be hallow. She finished by saying that women put too much emphasis on what men say and not enough on how they act in relationships. It was nice to hear her say this, however, the mood was broken because as soon as she finished and we were all basking in her words my near drunk friend looked at her and said, “I love you”! We all broke into laughter and he fell asleep not realizing what he had just said.

It was a good night, shooting pool and having drinks with friends. I learned from each of them and I hope there is something in their conversations that can assist you as well. It amazes me how differently we view the same subject, but then again I guess we really are.

Oh, before I leave you today maybe I should tell you what I said on the subject. I won’t write it here because it will make the post run rather long and for many of you the discussions of my friends may be enough. However, for those of you that would like to hear my take on this topic, you can read it in my discussions by visiting Anonymousmale1 on facebook.  See you there!

10 Excuses men use to break-up with you


Last week I ran into a good friend whom I hadn’t seen for almost a month. The last time I had seen her she was beaming about her new boyfriend and how much she really liked him. Once our greetings were over I asked how her boyfriend was doing and instantly her facial expression changed.

I immediately recognized that something had occurred and waited for the tears to begin flowing. To insure that she didn’t fall apart in front of everyone there, I asked if she had time to go to Starbucks with me. She agreed and after receiving our drinks we settled down on a comfortable couch and she without any prodding on my behalf explained that the relationship had unraveled.

According to her things had been going great for the first few months and then she had noticed a change. A slight change at first and then he became distant and it had become noticeable.  She then went on to inform me that one day (while on the phone) she simply asked him if everything was OK between them and after a brief pause, (which she said made her heart skip a beat). He informed her that he felt that they just were not compatible.

She told me that day, that he went on to tell her that there were things that she did that he simply didn’t like. She said she inquired as to what things and she said that he rambled on about the way she acted with her friends and other none sense. When she asked why he had never brought this to her attention, he told her the following; “Because I think that you would have changed and it’s not fair that you change your personality just for me.”

She was very hurt by this and to add insult to injury, he gave her the standard line about wanting to remain friends and how if she didn’t mind he’d still like to hang out with some of her friends whom he’d grown to like. She told me that she was uncomfortable with the idea of remaining friends with him because as she put it, “He sure thought we were compatible while we were in bed together.”

During this conversation I was there solely to lend emotional support to a friend whom had been hurt. I kept my opinions and feelings to myself, because what she really needed was someone to listen to her so that she could get all of this frustration and anger off of her chest. I obliged her and listened to every single word. In the end we left Starbucks laughing as I had slowly moved the conversation into a different more positive direction, one about mutual friends and associates. However, I left her with this message “Some men simply do not know what they have, until later they discover it was what they had, and it’s too late to get it back.”

Driving away from the mall that day I thought about my friend and I thought about all of you and the heart breaks many of you may have suffered. I also thought about the callous way her boyfriend ended the relationship (over the phone) and the lame excuse he used to do it. I then thought about all of the excuses men utilize to break up with women, and believe me, they’re all excuses (or rather lies) because they don’t possess the intestinal fortitude to tell you the truth. So for this reason I give you, 10 Excuses men use to break up with you, and what they really mean.

10) I really need to focus on my future so being in a relationship is just not good for me right now.

Real meaning: I want out of this relationship because I am bored with you or I already have a new girlfriend in mind.

9) I am leaving for _(fill in the blank)__ in a few months and its best we end the relationship now so that you are not hurt when I am gone.

Real meaning: Before I get out of here I want to chase as many women (your friends included) as possible and I don’t want to have to argue with you about what I do before I depart. (If I actually leave because I really may not leave and if this is the case I just want to chase women without having to feel guilty)

8 ) I cannot get my ex-girlfriend out of my head. I am still in love with her and its unfair to you for us be together when I am thinking about her.

Real meaning: I didn’t care about her when I was with her, but if this excuse allows me to get out of being with you too, especially since I’ve already slept with you it’s cool.

7) You’re simply too good for me, you deserve someone better.

Real meaning: You won’t sleep with me and I am tired of wasting my time trying anymore. I also know that you’re not about to put up with my crap and I am not about to change so lets end this now so I can do everything I want without worry of reprisal. (Many times guys in this situation will hope that by breaking up with you, you’ll do anything to keep them, especially sleep with them for the first time. Then they’ll leave you anyway.)

6)  I cheated on you and you deserve better so I need to end this now. I was drunk and slept with someone else.

Real meaning: I have had my eye on someone else for quit some time now and finally I am getting closer. Her only sticking point is that I have a girlfriend, so if I get rid of you fast I can get with her. Nothing will make you drop me faster that admitting I cheated on you, at least I hope so anyway.

5) You cheated on me, so I am dumping you. I cannot be with you because every time I look at you I think about you being with him. (This really works on women if they drink and party a lot)

Real meaning: Sexually you have nothing else to offer and I’m not interested in being with a lush, so although this incident didn’t really happen, you’ll never know because you were passed out drunk and can’t remember anyway. By using this excuse you’ll blame yourself and I’ll be home free for my next conquest.

4) We’re not compatible so I think it’s better for us both to break up and move on. I still want to be friends though.

Real meaning: I was never really in to you. However, you filled my sexual void and now that I have my confidence back I am out of here.

3) You’re smothering me. I need my space to breath, so its best that we end this.

Real meaning: You have nothing more to offer me. It wasn’t smothering when I was at your place everyday begging you to sleep with me. Now that I have accomplished my objective, I am on to my next victim.

2) You’re too busy for me. I don’t want to get in the way of your career, so lets end it now before you get hurt.

Real meaning: The time you do have free for him interferes with the things he wants to do which is probably something you’d disapprove of. Also, if there is any truth to you being busy, he probably already has your replacement primed to go.

1) Nothing! (He lets you make up the excuse)

Real meaning: He simply stops taking your calls. He stops calling you and by chance if you do reach him he informs you he is busy. He swears he will call you back but you know he won’t. In the end, you realize that it’s over and you think of all the reasons why it died on your own. However, in reality he probably found someone else and didn’t have the guts to tell you. So by simply ignoring you he knew eventually you’d let go and both of you could move on. Especially him!

These are simply a few excuses men utilize to break up with women they once stated they loved. I am sure you’ve all heard them in one variation or another. If you can think of one that is not on this list, please place it in the comments section for others to read. Women can never have too much information to assist them in the relationships they have or may have in the future.

How selecting a puppy is just like selecting a new man


This post is somewhat long, however I challenge you to read it because there is a moral to this story that you simply may not want to miss ~ Anonymousmale1

How many of you have bought puppies in your life? You go down to the pet store and you’re excited and apprehensive at the same time. You walk into the pet shop and you walk to all the holding pens looking for the puppy that you feel will be your perfect pick.

Many of the puppies are all giddy at the prospect that they could possibly go home with you. They do everything they can to get your attention. They run up to the window and jump around, bark sharply and whimper when you walk to the next window.

Then you spot one and he’s excited and he’s posturing just for you. You tap on the glass and he dances around panting and barking and as you smile he gets even more excited. You request that the shop employee remove him to allow you to play with him a bit to see if he is exactly what you want.

She guides you to a small holding area and soon return with this beautiful puppy that’s eager to meet you as well. You take him in your arms and hold him, kiss him on the head pet him and play with him. He gets so excited he urinates, and you don’t mind because you’ve already decided he’s the puppy you’ll be taking home.

You alert the sale associate that you’d like to buy him and she leads you through the isles as you select items he’ll need, a bed, food, toys and a collar and leash. She then guides you to the register to ring up your sale which will total way over the amount you originally wanted to spend, but you’re happy, he’s happy and that’s all that matters.

As you’re standing in line while the associate completes the transaction, you look back at the small cubicle that once was your new puppies home. In the back of the cubicle you for the first time observe an identical puppy that you hadn’t even noticed. He’s sitting there now in the front of the cage watching you. He’s watching you with eyes that say he understands, he’s not bitter for not being selected and his expression shows that this is not the first time he wasn’t chosen. However, he still holds the look of love in his eyes and its difficult for you to break your gaze away from him.

With your transaction completed you go home with your newly purchased puppy with the wagging tail and the cute bark. You soon forget about the puppy that was left behind.

You arrive at your home and you place the puppy on the floor and what does he do? He takes a shit on your brand new carpet, then he looks up at you with those loving eyes as to say, “Sorry about that”. You forgive him of course and begin the task of attempting to house train him.

Days turn to weeks and weeks to months and there are times that his cuteness is wearing thin. Frustration sets in, how many pairs of your expensive shoes can he destroy. How many times can you step in puppy puddles in the middle of the night before you feel you’ll go mad.

Your mom comes over and you know what your puppy does? He humps her leg, as a matter of fact, he humps every womans leg that gets in his vicinity. people think he’s cute and when you explain to them how difficult it has been, they tell you, “He’s just a puppy, he’ll grow out of it”, secretly, you wonder.

He barks excessively, driving you and your neighbor nuts. Walking him is a chore, it always ends up with him walking you. He never listens to you and the only time he even appears to care is when you feed him. The rest of the time he’s being destructive.

This goes on for months and you are at your wit’s end, not to mention that this cute puppy now weighs a whopping 75 pounds. Now when he’s walking you in the park, you pray that no one comes anywhere near you with another dog because if it’s a male, a fight will surely occur. If it’s a female in heat she doesn’t stand a chance because he’ll be on her and at his weight the chance of you keeping him off her is slim to none.

Finally you’ve had enough and you talk your cousin who has a house with a few acres of land into taking your once cute puppy off of your hands. You rationalize this situation by telling yourself that what he needs is a very large rural area to run around in. You tell yourself that your small 900 square foot apartment was simply too small for him and he felt cramped.

When he was finally gone you felt remorseful. For weeks you thought about driving the 3 hours to your cousin’s house and taking him back. You miss him and it became difficult to sleep without him there to protect you and although he still refused to be house trained you felt comfortable and safe having him around. You felt guilty for sending him away and you hope and pray that he’s happy, although you’re miserable as hell.

Then one-day while reminiscing you walked through the park where he used to walk you. You though about the time when he basically drug you just to sniff a female dog that was out with her master. You still have the scars on your knee as a reminder.

While sitting on the bench with tears filling your eyes while you think about how much of a failure you are for not being able to make him happy something amazing happens. A ball bounces in your direction and you pick it up. Before you realise it a dog identical to your runs down the hill and directly up to you. You think it is a miracle and you cannot take your eyes off of him. He stops his run and slowly walks toward you as you are holding his tennis ball in your hands.

As he gets near and then directly in front of you he sits down and he gazes deeply into your eyes as you reach the ball out to him. Looking into his eyes you are startled, this is the same dog who while as a puppy stared at you in the pet store. He takes the ball and heads back up the hill to his master. You decide to follow to see who the lucky recipient will be.

When you arrive on the other side of the slop you watch in amazement as the dog returns the ball to the sales associate whom had rung up you transaction that day in the pet store. He returned it with such love and care that you instantly became envious.

Your curiosity gets the better of you and you decided to approach her. You had many questions you wanted to ask. Upon approach she recognized you instantly. After awkwardly explaining how you’d given your dog up, she explained to you how she’d selected it’s brother.

She told you that day in the park that in the beginning there were 5 identical puppies in the pet store and that women just like you had selected the most aggressive of the litter. All had eventually given up on their puppies as they became dogs and had given them away or taken them to shelters. They simply couldn’t control them or change their behavior.

She said that a few days after you had purchased your puppy she was cleaning the cage and after taking a long look into the remaining puppies eyes she decided she wanted him. She said that he wasn’t excited, he simply sat back and watched everyone. She likened it to someone who was looking for a special place, a special home a special friend. She felt that she was special, so why not her and took him home.

She went on to tell you that she never had to house train him, he’d never been on a leash, never chewed anything in her home and only barked while they played. It was like he simply instantly knew what she wanted or needed. When she was happy, he was happy, if she was sad, so was he. She stated from day one she was never his master, but rather his life mate and they both enjoyed one another’s companionship.

Before you left you asked one last question. You wanted to know if her years of working in the pet store teach her which puppies turn out great and which do not? She laughed and told you that in reality she had never owned a puppy before. However, she went on, ” Although I did look for the one I thought needed love as opposed to ones that only loved themselves”.

With that she and her well-behaved, happy, obedient companion disappeared walking side by side, no leash necessary.

The Moral of this story is:

Many times this is how you as women select men as well. You walk into a crowded room and the man who catches your attention is the one that creates the most commotion. They draw attention to themselves in any and every way possible.

If you’re at a bar or a Night Club these are the men the approach you offering drinks or to dance. If you’re at school, these are the guys who approach you and want to start conversation. These types of men make a bee-line directly to almost every beautiful woman in their vicinity begging for you to take them home.

What you fail to notice is that generally they are in the company of another guy. The guy who never feels the need to make an ass of himself by humping your leg. This guy is the one who will not approach you or make a fool of himself. He quietly sits back and occasionally will make eye contact with you, but never for too long.

He is the guy who doesn’t want the attention of every woman on the planet, he simply wants the attention of one. You’ve met him many times and generally you’ve been enchanted by the antics of his friend and when you return to their table his crazy friend will introduce you and he’ll be polite but very soft-spoken. He won’t say too much to you but he will answer questions if you ask. He and his friend probably rode to the party or function together and if you chose to go home with his friend he’ll be in the car with you  two (more than often the one driving, since he probably doesn’t drink).

Watching him closely he’ll probably open the door for you after his friend has already gotten into the car and dismissed this act as too gentlemanly for him. He’s the guy that doesn’t fixate on you, however you know that he looks at you differently.

He loves his friend but he really doesn’t approve of his antics and in most cases the way he treats women as a whole. However, he keeps his thoughts to himself because even though his friend (the one you chose) has flaws, he loves him anyway because that’s what friends are for. Friends love you regardless of how crazy you may appear to others, right.

When you get to their apartment (if they live together) he will simply disappear into his bedroom after wishing you good night. What you don’t know is that he is laying in his bed watching tv, while you are becoming a one night stand to a man who wrote the term.

Later after you’ve been used and abused and his friend doesn’t answer your calls anymore. You’ll remember his friend and one-day you’ll run into him at a mall or somewhere simple and he’ll be in the company of a girl that he treats like a queen. You’ll approach and he’ll say hello and being the respectful person that he is he’ll introduce you to his date. You’ll ask about his friend since now he’s avoiding you and he’ll lie for him (because they are friends) but his eyes are too hones and you’ll see that even this hurts him to do.

Guys like this are everywhere. They are the men that women think are myths and they really are not. They simply get overlooked because just like the puppies in the store, others require much more of your attention.

Why they don’t stand out more is anyones guess. Mine would be that many are simply waiting to be noticed by you. These are men who are shy, have been hurt or have a definite idea of exactly what they are looking for in a woman. Regardless of all of this, they are invisible to the women that so desperately need them.

So the next time you and your friends are out, try looking past the puppy that is doing all of the tricks to garner your attention. It’s the puppy in the window who simply is waiting for you to recognize his true worth that you should be seeking. It’s the man who needs someone to love him that is most valuable to your happiness, not the one that loves himself more than he could ever love you that will break your heart, again.

What all women can learn from Kim Kardashian’s mistake


“Resentment is often a woman’s inner signal that she has been ignoring an important God-given responsibility – that of making choices.”

One look at Kim Kardashian and men become mush. She’s beautiful, warm, sexy and successful, everything any man would want. Young girls and women look up to her for all she has accomplished in the last few years and for what she more than likely will accomplish in the future.

Lost in all of this admiration and adulation is this question, at what price would you be willing to pay to be in her shoes?

Every month or so she is linked to a new man. I stated in a previous post that there was no way that she would become Mrs. Reggie Bush. Have you ever taken a good look at her and seriously asked yourself, “How is it possible that a beautiful woman of this caliber still be single while her younger sister seems so happily married to Lamar Oden?”

Now before all of you that have been blinded by her beauty and charm jump up and down and shout, “Maybe she likes being single, or she doesn’t want to get married”, I want you to seriously rethink that statement and ask yourself, what woman really wants to move from man to man?

No, the honest answer and although you may not want to admit it is this: The Video Tape! There I said it, the video tape that surfaced a few years ago displaying her sexual prowess with Ray J, has done her far more relationship harm than good in the eyes of men.

This same tape placed her on the map, it made people notice her as a similar tape did for her once longtime friend Paris Hilton. These tapes brought them to the front page of society and ultimately into your living room. However, these tapes also came with a huge price.

A price that all women, regardless of if you ever want to become a starlet or not need to understand and learn from. Unfortunately, both Kim and Paris were with men whom probably professed their love of them.

False love is something that all women need to remain aware of. When a woman has lost herself in a man who has not lost himself in her it is the perfect opportunity for him to take advantage of you. I’ve stated this many times to my readers that any statement that begins with, “If you love me”, is followed by requesting that you do something disrespectful to yourself as a woman, a person and a human being.

These tapes are a perfect example of what happens when that statement is utilized, or when a woman has lost herself in a man who doesn’t have her best interest at heart. As most of you know, and those of you who don’t please always remember this, “The decision you make today, can and will affect you in the future.”

Think about that if you’ve ever allowed your current or former boyfriend to tape your sexual escapades. He may tell you that it’s just for him to remember his and your love-making sessions when you are not around, or many mens favorite, “I’ll erase it later”. Always promising you that no one will ever see it, knowing fully well that there is no reason in taping it if he cannot show it to anyone.

Taping your girlfriend is like a secret that men simply cannot hold to themselves, they have to share it with someone. So who do they share it with? Their best friends, that’s who! Who blasts his mouth to his best friend and so on and so on. The next thing you know, way before you realise that the secret is out female friends of yours know too. They may have not seen the tape, but there is a rumor that it exists and this is just as damaging.

Oh, and god forbid that you and he suffer a nasty split! You can bet your sweet ass that this so-called private video makes the rounds in your home town as well as the world-wide web. You become an instant porn star without the pay and the butt of jokes from friends and strangers. It’s funny how in society if its done in private, it’s making love, but if this same act is on tape, it’s considered porn.

However, this is just the beginning. How would you like to be at the grocery store with your mom or dad while clerks whisper to one another, “Is it really her?” Or some idiot walks up to you and inform you that he saw the video and thought you were great and should consider becoming a porn star.

Above all of these things is something that women everywhere who have become victims of this type of decision failed to calculate in allowing this filming to occur. It makes creating a solid future relationship nearly impossible!

It’s hard to establish a solid relationship when you have a hard time trusting men because the last one that stated he loved you allowed the world to look into your most intimate moments (worldwide). It’s even harder to locate a man who is not actually asking you out simply for bragging material.

To make matters worse, men have very fragile egos. If you get so lucky as to meet a man who has no knowledge of your video and he falls for you, do you tell him about it, or simply keep it a secret? Either way, it’s still a problem for you. If you tell him, you’ll change in his eyes immediately. You’ll change because he doesn’t have the intestinal fortitude (guts) to accept the fact that not only were you once with someone else, but there is a video that showed it to the world. He may tell you that he understands and he may really try to work through it with you.

In the end though, just like women, men are curious. He’ll ask a friend if he’s seen it? Now its out there, back to haunt you again. If he can resist ever actually seeing the tape, you stand a better chance of having a long-term rewarding relationship with him, one that could eventually lead to marriage. If he for whatever reason sees the tape, it’s just a short matter of time before the two of you are finished.

To give you an idea of what I am talking about let me tell you about a situation I uncovered first hand about this type of situation. A close friend of mine had found what he first described to me as a perfect woman. After the first three months in the relationship he (not her) was already talking about marriage. This was a surprise to all of us as he had always been a committed bachelor.

A few months later the relationship began to fizzle and all of us thought hell, it was simply him missing being a single guy. We laughed about him never wanting to settle down and that it simply wasn’t in the cards for him to ever get married. One night while out and about looking for somewhere to eat, I asked him why the change of heart.

Now, you have to understand, this was a very beautiful, successful, classy woman and to me she was definitely a catch for any man, even my friend. As we sat down, just the two of us, he relayed the following story to me.

He informed me that the boyfriend she had before him was somewhat of a loser and although they had been broken up almost a year before my friend had met her he still held some type of power over her. He said this fact really pissed him off because there was no way that he could be with someone who held another man above him for whatever reason.

He said he asked her about this situation several times whenever her sleazy ex called her asking for some form of assistance, which generally meant money.  One day my friend said that he put his foot down and informed her that if they were to be together that she needed to cut ties with the ex. He said that she agreed and changed her phone number so that the guy couldn’t contact her anymore.

He went on to tell me that things began to go back to normal and he thought that finally they could move forward with their relationship. Then he went on to say that one-day she came back into the apartment that they shared crying. In her hand she had an envelope addressed to her from the ex boyfriend.

Through tears she explained to him that while they dated he had taped their tryst one night with the sworn promise that he would erase it later. This was the power that the ex held over her.  My friend informed her that he now understood and that now since he too knew about the DVD, he would now put a stop to the blackmailing and end it so that they could move on with their lives.

He told me that night over dinner that he went to the ex’s house and waited for him to arrive home. Once the ex came home he approached him and informed him that under no circumstances was he ever to make contact with or even attempt to make contact with his fiancée. He went on to inform me that he threatened him with serious bodily harm if he failed to heed the warning.

He said that he and the ex entered the ex’s home (with a lot of protest) and deleted all images pertaining to his fiancée on the ex’s computer as well as destroyed two other DVD’s the ex had burned.

A few days later my friend said that he was home while his fiancée was at work. He said that he had started to vacuum and spotted the envelope that she had carried in that day from the mail box. Through tears he informed me that he didn’t know why, but he put that DVD in the computer and viewed it.

He wept as he told me that as much as he loved her and wanted her to be his wife, the images and sounds of her making love to someone else was simply too much to bear. He said to me that night, we all know that our significant other has been with men before us and we accept this fact without much thought. However, to see it for yourself is simply too much for any man.

Since we are friends I knew I could ask this question and get away with it, so I did.  I asked him, “Why did you look at the tape instead of simply destroying it as you had the others?” His reply was that for whatever reason, he thought he could handle it. He went on to say that he also wanted to see if all they had went through was warranted. He said that he had hoped that maybe the tape was more like a soft porn, only to find out that it was anything but.

A few weeks after we had our conversation that night over dinner, he called me up and asked if we could have a beer after work. I met him at a local bar and he looked a shell of himself. He quickly informed me that they had broken up. He stated that they had talked it over and it was best for them both.

He said that he still loved her and would give it awhile to see if maybe they could make another go of it. However, he told me as he left that night, “She is free, he no longer has any power over her. So even if we don’t get back together, the next man she meets won’t have to worry about her past haunting them and neither will she.”

A month later she accepted a job transfer to Seattle and he hasn’t heard from her since. He’s back to looking great again and on the lookout for his future wife. Only this time he has a special question he informed me he asks them now; “Have you ever been taped making love?” He states that although it’s an odd question he feels the need to ask for both of their benefits.

So now, please think about this the next time someone who professes their love for you asks if they can bring a camera into an intimate situation. Especially one where they start off saying, “If you love me”. You should end the conversation by informing them that, “If they loved you, they wouldn’t even ask something as disrespectful as to film what should be a loving act.” Then get up, get dressed and move on to someone who is actually worthy of you as you deserve.

Why having his baby won’t make him stay….a story


So you’re lying in bed and you’re not sure what to do anymore. You’ve told him how much he means to you and it still feels like every single day that he is drifting further and further away from you. Everyday, you talk with him and he says everything is fine, that he simply needs some space and that he’s been busy.

You ask if he is going to break up with you and he swears that he is not, but you’re not convinced are you? You call him several times throughout the day and he doesn’t answer, later when he calls you (much later) he tells you that he was busy and couldn’t answer the phone.

You ask if you and he could spend some time together alone, maybe a short trip to another city, like a mini vacation. He says it sounds like a great idea and the thought of you planning it and paying for it makes it even more appealing to him. However, a day or so later he pulls out and informs you that this is simply not a good time for him to go on a trip, especially with work or school and all.

It seems like a million years since he would jump through hoops just to hear the sound of your voice, or to spend 15 minutes just to see you smile. Remember when he hated his job (or school) and he used to complain about how it interfered with the time he wanted to spend with you? Things have changed, haven’t they? Now he seems to have no time for you and when he does he looks preoccupied and in a hurry. Even sex that you two used to enjoy so much seems like a chore to him, and foreplay, whatever happened to that?

Your relationship is sinking and it appears that he already has a life vest on, unfortunately he has the only one. You really, really don’t want to lose him because you love him so much. You’ve been through so much together and you can’t fathom life without him, but what on earth can you do to keep him and save your relationship?

Then one night (or day) it comes to you. Others have done it and you convince yourself that it can work for you as well. So you go into the bathroom and you dump every single birth control pill you have into the toilet and you flush them down.

He doesn’t know it but when he finds out several months later he will be both surprised and excited. You two have talked about starting a family and now seems like the perfect time. He’ll never leave you then, you can be sure of it. He’s too good of a man to leave his family behind.

You’re really excited now, the thought of you, he and the baby as a family is all you can think about. You start looking for names for the baby, Beth if it’s a girl or Michael if it’s a boy (after his father of course). You’re almost giddy with excitement. Not wanting to spoil it by telling him your plans, and having to share it with someone, you tell your best friend. At first she’s shocked at what you’ve decided to do and she plays the devils advocate, only you think she’s simply trying to see if you know what you’re doing. In the end you convince her too that it’s a wonderful idea and that it’ll make you and him very, very happy forever. However, you leave out the fact that your boyfriend has no idea that he’s about to become a father, she didn’t need to know that tidbit of information. She now assumes that you’ll be getting married soon. It’s good that you made her pinkie promise not to tell anyone until you said it was OK.

He has been very busy and you haven’t seen him in about a week. It’s not like him to stay away that long, so you decide you’ll go to his house late at night and surprise him with the new Victoria Secrets lingerie you purchased just for the occasion. He opens the door to find you standing there in a trench coat and although he’s surprised (not happy) that you showed up, he invites you in.

You talk for a while and when he inquires about the trench coat, you dramatically stand and open it to reveal a teddy in the color that you know he loves. His eyes widen just as you thought only he quickly looks past you and you realise that there is someone else in the room. You turn to see another woman standing in his bedroom doorway wearing nothing but a t-shirt (one that you bought last year for him) and a look of confusion.

He tries to tell you something but you don’t hear anything as you run out the door to your car. he doesn’t even have the dignity to chase after you. You sit in your car parked on the street and you feel almost nauseous. Now you can see clearly, you don’t know why you missed all the signs. His inattentiveness, always being too busy, declining the trip you planned, too tired to make love to you, always in a hurry to leave when he came to see you. It was all there in front of you and you simply refused to see it for what it was worth.

You are startled by the sound of your alarm clock ringing and you roll over and instead of hitting the snooze button you set upright in bed. That was a hell of a dream and it has you still shaking as you try to get the cobwebs out of your head. While brushing your teeth, you think about your relationship with him and how it has changed over the last few months. Yes you love him, but getting pregnant for the sake of keeping him around, that’s asinine and you know it.

On the way to work you think about the ramifications of having a child this way, without him knowing it and you come to the conclusion that its simply not fair. It’s not fair to him, you and definitely not the baby, who deserves to come into this world with two loving parents who love one another as well.

You’re getting that nauseous feeling again, this time just at the thought of your dream and the thought that many women have done such a thing all for the sake of holding onto a man. You conclude that this is a selfish act and you make a promise to yourself that you would never allow yourself to ever consider such an act for any man.

On your way home from work your boyfriend calls. He starts by telling you the same old tired story about how busy he is or how school has him studying so hard. You listen and when there’s a pause, you without warning inform him that you don’t need him anymore. You tell him that you’ve known for months that there is no way he could simply be that busy but you chose to say nothing at the time.

You tell him that he doesn’t have to worry about lying to you anymore about his busy schedule and he can do whatever he wants. You inform him that he is free to date, fall in love with any woman he chooses with the exception of you. You explain to him that you’ve waited long enough and since he doesn’t have the intestinal fortitude (guts) to end it then you will. You hang up and of course he calls back and you decide to turn your phone off.

When you get home you call your best friend and ask her out to dinner. Now you have a crazy story to tell her, only this time there will be no devils  advocate role for her to play. You now know that getting pregnant will not make any man stay with you or any woman. All it will do is create a miserable existence for three people because of the selfishness of one.

Why men visit Strip Clubs


Quite a few of you have written to me in regards to your boyfriends (and a few husbands) frequenting the mens den, called Strip Clubs. This issue is a concern for most if not all women in a relationship and I can understand that. So today, I decided I would try to explain to you all, Why men visit these clubs. 

I will try to quail some of your fears and attempt to help you identify the signs of this behavior becoming a real problem. Because, at this moment you possibly have no idea what really goes on inside these walls, and the not knowing part is probably what disturbs you the most. 

I’ve been to Strip Clubs many times over my adult life and I have to admit that even when I was a “Dog”, the prospect of bedding a stripper was unappealing to me. Now don’t get me wrong, most of them are stunningly beautiful, however I personally have a problem with dating a woman whose job it is to lap dance for men in order to make a buck. I probably could overlook the dancing nude on stage part, but her allowing multiple men to touch her and she them, is what I couldn’t stomach. No real self-respecting man actually could I am sure.

Some men have no issue with this, and to those women who do work as strippers I say; he’s not a real man, period. He’s simply with you because you’re the gravy train and it allows him not to work at all, or to further his going nowhere music career. 

Any real man, even if he met a stripper and decided that she was nice, would automatically inform her that to be with him that she would have to change her vocation. Real love is about more than money, I would rather be broke with a woman I love than to be wealthy with a woman whom utilizes her body to make cash for things we really don’t need. 

Back to the Club: Most of these places are dimly lit, with the most well-lit area being the stage itself. When you enter they generally charge you at the door or at times they are free with the purchase of several overpriced beverages. Your man will take a seat at a table or he can cuddle up to the stage where he can get a closeup view of the action, if you want to call it that. 

In most states, if the dancers are totally nude then the club is not allowed to sell alcohol. That’s not all states, just some. An example of this is that in Las Vegas, only topless clubs offer alcoholic beverages to their clients. If it’s totally nude, guest will only be drinking water, juice or sodas. Now, in Hawaii, all bets are off. They have no so-called topless bars, everything is totally nude with alcohol.

However, if you sit at the stage, the performers expect you to tip them while they dance. This is understandable because hell those are the best seats and she’s not dancing for free, she has bills to pay. Did you know that strippers have to pay a fee each and every night they go in to work? This means that she starts each and every shift already in the hole. Also, at the end of her shift she is expected to tip the waitress, D.J., bartender and in most cases even the club’s manager. Just thought you might want to know that tidbit of information.

If your man sits at a table or a booth, dancers that are between sets mingle through the club and approach customers to talk to. These talks are really a way of breaking the ice and most times leads to him buying her a drink. In most clubs whenever a drink is purchased for the dancer she is issued a token that she turns in at the end of her shift and receives a percentage of the cost of the drink. 

The really good strippers are really intelligent and patient. They can hold a conversation on anything from auto mechanics to politics without missing a beat. Men will buy them many drinks and most times its nothing more than soda, because she needs to maintain her sobriety in order to make cash. Unknown to most people, men have been known to simply pay a dancer for her time sitting there chatting the night away.

Once she has him to the point where he is comfortable she inquires as to if he would like a dance. A lap dance is where she makes the big money and is important to her having a financially great night. In this dance it is her job to entice a customer by bringing him to erection, which means that he will be more eager to open his wallet for more dances. 

Do you remember the quote that Robin Williams said about men?  

“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.”

This statement although funny is actually true in regards to strip clubs. If a dancer is good enough at what she does, that 3 minute, $20 dance can turn into hundreds if not thousands of your mans hard-earned money. It can make him come back for more, week after week searching for the same dancer, whom now calls him a regular. 

To keep up the charade, after a few weeks she will exchange numbers with him just to keep him on the hook. However, she will only call him when she hasn’t made her goal for the night or whenever she needs something. You can also rest assured, he is not her only regular customer. The really good dancers, they have many regular customers at their whim. All of these men think that they are the only one. 

***Warning Sign*** If your man frequents strip clubs, and he gets paid on Friday and is broke by Monday he is considered some dancers regular. So it would behoove you to check his phone and terminate this situation quickly! 

Now these Lap Dances can take place in a couple of different places throughout the club. It can occur in a VIP setting, which is nothing more than a darker room sectioned off by walls complete with couches or at his table if he prefers. For the VIP areas, these dances cost somewhat more, generally dancers talk men into going with the promise of having more privacy alluding to the fact that he will have more freedom to do more. Wrong! Clubs have cameras everywhere and bouncers as well. You get caught doing more than basic touching and his ass is out of there in a hurry. So basically she simply just suckered him into spending more cash for nothing. 

Do more sinister things happen in a strip club? Yes they do, but those things are not the norm. Occasionally a dancer will have too much to drink and allow a customer to go too far, which usually ends with him being put out of the club and her being terminated. Clubs make too much money to allow some simple-minded dancer to cost them their license. 

For men going to a strip club is a game of cat and mouse. They all know that these women are after their wallets (or rather its contents), and some men of course are after something else. So the women and men both tease one another trying to get more than what either are willing to give. This ritual heightens the excitement. He wants a number at the least, she wants him to get more dances. They both attempt to manipulate the other to see who wins. 

Men who understand this game enjoy it for what it really is, entertainment and childish play. Both sides lie, she said her name is Heather, and he tells her he’s an attorney. In the end it doesn’t matter because when its said and done, she’ll go home to her man (or woman) and your man will come home to you. 

Is it cheating? That depends on how you want to look at it. Just like women like the attention of men, men at times like the attention of beautiful women. In a strip club he gets exactly that. For those couple of hours he can be anyone he wants because it really doesn’t matter to the girls, because they only want cash. 

So he gets an erection, is that so bad especially since you and he both know he’ll be sharing it with you when he gets home. Be honest, all of us fantasize while making love from time to time. Your partner becomes someone else in your mind for that fleeting moment. If you become the stripper that he spent an hour with earlier and it increases your pleasure, is that really so bad? (As long as in the middle of it he doesn’t call you Rain or some other made up stripper name.)

Truth be told, most strippers could care less about the men that visit the clubs. During their time working they get to see men at their absolute worst!  They get to see grown men acting like the kids they really are, cursing, attempting to fondle them, calling them names and worse. Where else could you go and see a Bank President throwing money in women’s faces like its rocks. Where else could you see a professional athlete making it rain with hundred-dollar bills? 

The only place you can see this type of behavior is in your neighborhood strip club. You can see it there because it’s private and inside men can act anyway they want within reason. A stripper walks by, he can pat her on the ass as long as he doesn’t actually grope her and she’ll smile. Another one walks by and regardless of how beautiful she is or how unattractive he may be, he can approach her and get her to sit and chat with him without fear of rejection (for a fee of course). 

Inside these clubs men can do the things that are no longer permitted in our everyday lives because of the radical societal changes over the years. They may have to now pay for these privileges today, but there was a time when you could tap a waitress in a restaurant on the fanny if you chose and as long as you left a fat tip it was permissable. Men used to do the same to their secretaries as well. Try this tactic today and you’ll end up with a sexual assault charge on your record. 

Most men, and I am not saying all, actually only go to strip clubs to unwind and relax. They’re in an enviroment without the stresses of everyday life, a place where you can have a drink, look at half or fully nude women and converse with them or even other men. Real men do not want a stripper as a girlfriend, they simply do not. Now, some men want to have one for a short period of time as a trophy (something to brag to friends about), but not to fall in love with or marry. It happens though, but generally ends in disaster. 

What women fail to understand is this; in reality a strip club is a much safer place for your man to visit than a regular night club. That caught you by surprise didn’t it? However, lets examine that statement a little closer. In a strip club your man is being monitored by bouncers, management and that eye in the sky camera system to ensure he doesn’t do anything that can cost them their license. The girls there for the most part are really less interested in taking your man home then actually sending him home to you with an erection and an empty wallet. 

Now, a regular night club is a tad bit different. Women and men go there mostly for the sole purpose of picking someone up. There is no person or entity to modify their behavior, now they won’t let them make love on the dance floor or the coat closet, however they will allow them privacy to talk, touch, kiss etc. They can exchange phone numbers and they may even leave together-his car or hers. At a strip club this is simply not going to happen. 

He may save a few dollars by going to a night club, however if he gets an erection while slow dancing with a girl he just met, he may or may not be utilizing it with you later. 

So that’s my spill on strip clubs, they’re really not as bad as most women think. In retrospect, its men making bad decisions that make them seem worse than they really are, for the clubs and their women at home who love them.