Why no man should ever Kiss and Tell


I had readied another post to be displayed today and when I was about to publish it, my phone rang. An old College friend called and hell, we hadn’t talked in over 10 years.

As always with old friends you tend to catch up on what has occurred in each others lives in your absence. We both have children and unfortunately, he’s divorced, twice!

We laughed about that and I asked how he didn’t learn his lesson the first time. He informed me through laughter that those were simply dress rehearsals for the true love in his life which happens to be a young woman he met in Beijing, China. I wished him well and he thanked me after informing me that she is definitely the one. My friend, always the optimist.

During our conversation he brought up names of people I hadn’t thought about in eons. With each name we fondly remembered funny stories about old friends and classmates. He brought up an incident that occurred during our time in school and even today, many years later,it still made me laugh.

After hanging up with a smile on my face from reminiscing, I thought about that story and laughed again. When I got back on my computer to complete the post I was about to publish, that story was still fresh in my mind and I don’t know why, but I felt that some of you would get a real kick out of it. Especially those of you who have been confronted with the same type of embarrassing situation.

So, I’ve decided to write about it here for you to decide for yourselves if you think it’s funny or not. Oh, and if it’s not funny to you, maybe you simply had to be there to see the humor in it. Lol.

I am sure that many of you have done somethings with men or boys that you’d just assume would remain between the two of you. However, when that man or boy betrays your trust, it can be somewhat embarrassing, to say the least.

In College, men or rather boys for whatever odd reason feel the need to boast about their conquests, if you know what I mean. Oh, before I go on please let me clarify that statement- not me! I learned my lesson in my senior year of high school. I talked a College Junior into coming by my home to entertain me since I was home for the weekend alone. Only problem was she told me that she would drop by after a party she wanted to attend. My dumb ass made a Cardinal sin, I spoke out of turn. Who do you tell secrets to? Your best friends, that’s who. So after telling my two best friends of what I had set up, I felt like the big man on campus. Damn, a college junior to boot.

Well, unfortunately they went to the same party. After a few beers, one of my friends opened his mouth and informed her that I was home waiting for her to arrive. Damn, I get a phone call and she’s not happy. I can still remember her exact words to me: “You talk to much, and I refuse to deal with anyone who tells my personal business”, and then she hung up on me. I learned a very important lesson that night, anything that is to occur or has occurred between a man and a woman, should remain solely between them and no one else, ever.

Sorry I got off track, lets get back to the original story. Well some guys never learn this lesson and as with this story it can catch up to you when you least expect it.

So, Frank (not his real name, of course) supposedly had a sexual tryst with Tammy (made up name as well). He couldn’t wait to tell all of us that were his friends. He was really excited about the fact that he had finally got to sleep with her, which had been his dream since the day we set foot on campus as snot nosed freshman.

Now, since the campus had only approximately 20 thousand students and that included a vast majority who commuted to class each day, exactly how long do you think it would take for this story to travel across campus? If you said not long, you’re right!

Now Frank whom I hadn’t talked to in years was a really nice guy, but he was always trying to fit in somewhere. He was really harmless and a bit spoiled since he was the only child of an affluent family. Looking back, he was always trying to impress us in one way or another. But what the hell, we were in college and everyone was trying to find their identities.

Now Tammy, she was drop dead beautiful and she knew it (as of course did all of us). Funny thing though, most men don’t understand this but sometimes beauty has a mean streak in it. Frank didn’t know it, and looking back I wish I had warned him about it. The first time I laid eyes on Tammy I was sitting in the lobby of the female’s dorm and she and several other upperclassmen came through. A football player, I cannot recall his name to save my life, made the mistake of telling her how nice she looked on this particular day. Wrong move! She looked at him and stated, “I don’t need you to tell me how I look!” She continued on through the lobby and other guys sitting around tried to contain their laughter. I knew the guy was embarrassed, but hey, he should have kept that thought to himself.

On another note, later I got to see the weak side of her as well. Somehow I became friends with her boyfriend and he didn’t treat her all that well. Once after I had been to her room with him on several occasions, he asked me to meet him there. I arrived and he wasn’t there, it was just she and I. After about 30 minutes I became impatient and was about to leave when she began crying. Hell, I was only 18 and she wasn’t my girl so the last thing I wanted to do was comfort someone else s girlfriend when this had absolutely nothing to do with me.

She confided in me that night that their relationship wasn’t very good and that he had at least one other girlfriend on campus and one in his hometown. What really bothered me about this whole thing is something I’d like to ask all women whom are like her. How can one-day you seem so confident (the incident in the lobby) and the next day you’re crying over a man that you know is clearly worthless? I’m confused, however if any of you would like to enlighten me on this matter, I would certainly welcome it.

Back to her and the Frank incident. Her boyfriend soon left college apparently because his hometown girlfriend was having his baby, at least that’s what she (Tammy) told me, which I am sure is the reason that she ended up spending the night in Franks room after a party.

Poor Frank, he really should have kept this whole thing a secret for two reasons. One being that it could have possibly developed into so much more and secondly he may have never had to face the music about a week later. That is exactly how long it took for this story to travel around campus and get back to her.

It was after lunch and as usual on the day of basketball games everyone hung out at the Student Union. Frank and I were sitting at a table with several other basketball players and my roommate. Everyone was having a great time, that is until the cheerleaders showed up. Oh, did I forget to mention that Tammy was also the head cheerleader?

When they came in some of the guys around started giving Frank pats on the back, that’s how big this story had gotten. He was a little embarrassed to say the least, telling people probably sounded like a good idea in the beginning but, wow.

The cheerleaders went to the customary booths where guys with no self confidence could ogle them and guys with too much confidence could get shot down in front of everyone.

After what seemed like a line of guys had past, most acknowledging Frank in a manner I’d never even sen before. From her vantage point Tammy could see our table and I think this ritual of men heaping praise on him for what should have been a private moment simply got the best of her. She walked over to the DJ that was there every game day, to try to get the students pumped up before game time. After the song went off, he handed her the mike, and the floor. All I can remember thinking was, “this is not going to be nice.”

She started by talking about the upcoming game and got everyone revved up, as people started pounding on tables and clapping. Then she stated that she needed to end with a personal note. She looked across to our table and said, “Frank, stand up!” Now, I knew that this wasn’t going to be good.

People started chanting Frank, Frank, Frank! Like he was on the basketball team. He didn’t stand but all eyes were on him anyway. She continued by saying, that she was sure that many of the students had probably heard the tale of a night of passion shared by she and Frank. With that admission, students started whistling and cheering even more.

Then she smiled and dropped a bomb on everyone there. She said, this story would have been true, however Frank left out one very important detail. Really smiling now and about to laugh, she screamed, He couldn’t get an erection! Ouch!

Damn, now all eyes were truly on Frank and he laughed, as we all did. People in the room laughed because they thought it was a funny and embarrassing situation for Frank. Frank my roommate and I laughed because we knew it was payback for him breaking an unwritten code between men and women- don’t kiss and tell. We also laughed because by her making the statement, she verified that which we already knew was true, Frank was telling the truth. However, he still should have kept it to himself.

After the game I was on my way to the locker room and Tammy ran up to me to congratulate me on a great game. After giving me a courtesy hug, she asked if I could come to her room after I was dressed. Stating that she wanted to talk to me about something.

When I arrived, she was as beautiful as ever, however, she was sad. She went on to tell me that she thought Frank was different and that she felt that he had betrayed her confidence. She stated that as with all of us, we have a reputation to uphold and she refused to have it damaged by someone who was simply too immature to understand this.

She then asked if I would mind apologizing to him for her. She went on to say that she would feel uncomfortable talking to him at this time. I informed her that I would talk to him, and then I asked a question of my own. I started by saying that I knew that it was none of my business, but I wanted to know if his story was true. She smiled sheepishly, and stated, “he’s your friend, you tell me.” We both laughed and she hugged me and I was off to my dorm room for a beer celebration for the win.

Now, before you determine how you feel about this story and how she handled it, I think I should warn you that it does have a happy ending. Yep! They’ve been married for 18 years and have three beautiful children to show for it.

You see, Frank manned up, apologized for his speaking out on a private matter and promised never to do anything like that ever again. She forgave him because he really meant no harm, he was simply so happy to have had the opportunity to be with her he couldn’t contain it.

After I sat down and began writing this post, I dusted off my old address book and called Frank. They still have the same number after all these years. When he answered the phone not knowing who was calling him from Vegas, I quickly said, “Hey remember that time Tammy busted you out for telling her business?” He started laughing and soon she was on the other line taking up for him. It’s great to have friends and even better to have friends for life.

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Could your man survive The Pregnacy Test?


Before I get started and explain the title above, I would first like to wish each and everyone of you a very Happy New Year! Many of you have written to me inquiring about my absence and I appreciate your letters. To those whom were left to simply wonder, I have been busy preparing (finally) for the release of the book “Eavesdropping in the Boys Club”. I will provide further details later.

However today I would like to talk to you about something different by far. Hopefully you will find it as interesting as I did.

Recently, I was out with several friends and co-workers and as usual we began talking about relationships, with women on one side of the topic, my male friends on the other and me right square in the middle. Lol!

One of the females who worked in a different department is a 30 year old very attractive young woman who has been married for 4 years. Happily married as she explained it.

During the conversation she explained a very fascinating plan that she had created to determine if a man was really worthy of being with her or not. As men in the group cringed at this revelation I sat in awe as this young woman described how she set about eliminating men from her life that she simply thought were a waste of her time.

She stated that she came up with the idea while she was in college. During her sophomore year her roommate had become pregnant. She stated that she was very close to her roommate and the roommates boyfriend. For days she stated that she watched her roommate struggle with how to inform her boyfriend that she was pregnant as if it was all of her fault, if there was any fault at all.

She went on to tell us that she had known these two people since high school and even there they were a couple and as with everyone that knew them she thought that they were destined to be together forever anyway. So, she thought one night as she went to sleep, whats the big deal?

The next night her roommate returned to their dorm room hysterical. The boyfriend had accused her of cheating on him among other things to include trying to trap him into marriage. She said her roommate was inconsolable, crushed by the turn of events. The roommate dropped out of school the next day to return home.

My friend stated that she saw the boyfriend from time to time and that he could never even look her in the eye, let alone speak to her. To her he simply became a piece of shit!

During this time, she stated that she had a boyfriend of her own and that they had talked about this situation while it was going on. He had admirably informed her that had it been her that was pregnant, that they would have discussed it to determine what was best for them all. She said, being a 19 year old girl, this sounded really good to me.

As the year passed, she said that she still couldn’t shake the emotions that she had in regards to her roommates situation. She said that she spent countless hours unable to sleep and in her restlessness she decided that before she allowed any man to waste too much of her time only be determined that he wasn’t worthy, he’d have to pass a simple test.

She went on to say that it started with her boyfriend. They’d been dating exclusively for approximately 2 years and he swore that he loved her. One night she went to his house and proclaimed that she was pregnant. She said that upon hearing that, the blood completely drained from his face. She thought that he was going to pass out. After gathering himself, she said the first thing out of his mouth was, “Is it mine?”

She stated that she quickly did an about face and informed him, “No, it’s not!” She said that she quickly marched out the door, crying all the way to back to her dorm. According to her, he called and she refused to answer the phone. He also came by but she refused to answer the door, apologizing through the door for his words. She said he even stood outside her classroom waiting for her to come out so that he could talk to her. Nothing he could say would make her come back to him because she said she now knew exactly who and what he was.To her, he wasn’t a man, but merely a boy whom constantly wanted men type of fun, but none of the responsibility in the event things went wrong.

She said that she took a break from men and didn’t date seriously until she was began working on her Masters degree. While working on her Masters she was employed as a Cosmetics Counter Manager at a large Mall. There she met a young store manager and they became a couple.

She stated that he said and did all of the right things to attract her and her family loved him as his loved her. He was way on his way to becoming a General Manager for the company he worked for, owned his own home which he begged her to move into. She stated that she refused telling him it was too soon, even after almost a year of dating. Loving the guy for her was an understatement, she was head over hills in love with him at this point.

They had, she said, many conversations about their futures and how his vision was for her to be a stay at home mom, while he provided for the family. However, many of those same sleepless nights would come and she would remember her roommate from college.

So, one day she said that she invited him to a nice quiet restaurant exclaiming that she had great news! He arrived, punctual as always according to her. He was excited and couldn’t wait to share in her great news. She said that she looked him in the eye and with a smile so broad said, “We’re pregnant!”

She said that there was no joy or excitement on his part. Actually, she went on, he got mad! Between the crowded restaurant and the waitress bringing their meal, he had to whisper his responses and they weren’t nice. She said that he went on by telling her that it wasn’t possible, that he had been careful and always utilized protection. He continued by informing her that it was her fault, stating that she was reckless, falling short of saying that she cheated on him. Which at that point she already determined that she would have hit him with her plate. He told her that he wasn’t prepared to be a father and that he had plans for when he became one, to include being at the top of his profession.

Halfway through the meal she stated that she got up, dropped several hundred dollars on the table to pay for the meal and left. She said that he didn’t call her or attempt to contact her again. Which by the way according to her was simply fine.

I asked her if it hurt for him to just walk away like that. She stated that she loved him and that was hard to not give in and call him and just talk, to give him the opportunity to explain since he had often talked about us being together with children. However, she went on by saying that in her weakest moments she would remember something her father told her as a kid. She said that he told her that the initial reaction is always the truth about how someone feels.

She said looking back on it, he wanted to control everything to include when and if we got married, how many kids, hell even me being a stay at home mother and wife. I wanted a partner, not another father in my life.

The third time she utilized this method of men elimination she said was approximately three years later. She said she had met a wonderful man through friends and that he lived in a nearby City which meant a long distance relationship to begin. She said that they met and she really enjoyed him because he seemed so genuine.

Soon he moved to the same town as her so that they could be together much more and really get to know one another. She went on that after being together for quite some time, she had fallen hopelessly in love with him and she was sure he felt the same way. She said that her feeling were so strong that she almost forgot about the test. However, when those sleepless nights came calling again, she tried to put it out of her mind because she was really afraid to lose him if he failed.

However, she felt it should be done just to ensure that she was being honest with herself and to make sure that she wouldn’t be wasting anymore time on someone who really wasn’t worthy of her. By this time, to make matters even more challenging, they had begun living together.

She said that she was trying to sleep and simply couldn’t, she kept thinking about her roommate from years past and it bugged her. While tossing and turning in bed attempting to sleep, her boyfriend came home from work. She said that he came in a sat on the edge of the bed trying not to awaken her. Finally after a few minutes she rolled over and turned on the lamp in the room.

Before she could say anything, he asked her if she was alright. He said that he had noticed for the past several weeks that she had been tossing and turning in her sleep. She said that before she had known it, she had blurted out, “I think I am pregnant!”

She said that he dived across the bed grabbing her into his arms screaming, in delight! She said he told her over and over again how much he loved her. She was swept away by his kindness and affection to the situation.

However, she added that afterwords he wanted to make love to her without protection seeing that he thought that they were already pregnant with child. She said she had to tell him, “Hold on babe”, we might be pregnant, we don’t know just yet. Whereas he went on to tell her that he wanted her as his wife and mother of his children, forever.

When a few days later she informed him that it was a false alarm, she said he simply smiled and gave her a huge hug and kiss. Informing her that he still wanted to marry her. She stated that this very important day informed her that he was indeed the man she was going to marry.

A year later, they were married, however, not before she confessed to him about the pregnancy test. She stated that it was an awkward moment for them both, until he broke out in laughter and told her that with child or not, he had determined way before that incident that she was the only woman for him.

They wed and the rest is history and now that they do have a child together she states that he is the best husband and father anyone could ever ask for.

She stated that when she did finally get pregnant, he ran into the restroom and came back with a pregnancy test, exclaiming that he didn’t want to get his hopes up again, to which she said that they both laughed.

Before ending her story, she did offer this advice. Her methods are not for everyone and she is sure that many may think it’s like playing tricks on men. However, she felt that it is much better to determine how he feels while you are in a position to walk away, then to wait until you actually get pregnant and are left alone with a child by a man who tricked you into believing he really cared.

As for me, I am not sure I know exactly how I feel about this test. In one hand I think that it could be considered cruel and unusual punishment, on the other hand I think that it was simply her way of making sure that regardless of the situation that she was getting a man that would stand with her and not run and hide at the most important prospect any man can face, that of being a father.

If you love someone and you’re sleeping with them, having a child could become a reality. What is unreal is the way some men face this situation. I for one being a father to a son whose mother I didn’t marry refused to run and hide. We didn’t get married, but I did my best to provide for them both. When she informed me that she was pregnant, I didn’t blink, I did what my father would have done and accepted my responsibility. Because I stood up as being a man, and my true feelings for my sons mom, we are even to this day as close as ever. I love her dearly, because she gave me the best gift that any man could ever ask for, a child!

So now, back to the topic of this article, could your relationship survive the pregnancy test?

Psst! Wanna know the secret to keeping your man out of another woman’s bed?


Do you really believe that the only thing men want is sex? If you do and you still have a man in your life, what exactly does that say about you? Yep, it says that you really enjoy doing the nasty too! Why hide it? Why on earth do women hide the fact that they enjoy sex just as much or more than the next guy? And I really mean guy, lol.

Sex is a fact of life, it’s been going on since the beginning of time (thus the worlds population) and the billions of dollars generated by the industry itself. You can try to deny it but not only men are looking at porn on the internet. Everyone has needs, wants and desires and if women didn’t then there would be absolutely no market for adult toys.

Now, with all of this love making occurring throughout this planet why is it that men tend to feel the need to stray and conduct business outside of his current relationship? This is the million dollar question that has been asked since the neanderthal age. Why on earth does a man with a healthy, beautiful, sexy cave woman feel the need to sleep with the cave woman on the other side of the mountain?

Over the years there has been numerous articles written on the subject and for this post, I for one  will stay away from to concentrate on a simple solution that could possibly eliminate that situation in your own relationship. Interested?

I was once informed that smart women take up all of the free time of the men that they are in a relationship with. In other words, they eliminate the chance for him to be idle, since we all know that idle hands are the devils tools, right? I am not sure if this is true but over the years I’ve heard this saying often. Maybe there is merit to it, maybe not. I don’t know, personally.

However, what I do know is that for whatever reason, men are more inclined to cheat in a relationship after he has been in it for sometime. Very few guys cheat in the beginning of a real relationship, although they will if the relationship wasn’t considered a real relationship to begin with. Interesting huh? Lets look at this statement again in laymen terms. “Chances are that he will not cheat on you in the beginning of a relationship that he actually considers real.” Meaning that he considers the two of you to be an actual couple.

Now, some of you are scratching your head in wonder as to why a man you had cheated on you in the first month, week or day of the relationship, right? Well, I am sorry to inform you of this but you thought you were in a actual relationship, but for whatever reason, he didn’t. Perception is a killer, especially when your views on where you stand differ so greatly.

So yeah, if he cheated on you very quickly, or you discovered he had another girlfriend while you were just starting out you should now know he wasn’t all in as far as being in an exclusive relationship with you. Sorry to have to tell you that.

Later yeah, if the relationship goes into routine mode and he becomes listless, he is more ample to stray. Not that it has anything to do with you, but more importantly it is a flaw in his own character. A flaw that is exploited by what he has been told on a regular basis by his male counterparts and society. 

If you are told something over and over again, at what point does it become real? Probably when you accept it as being real in your mind. How long before a man in your life allows it to become real, that once he gets married sex goes out the window? Or that being with the same woman for a long period of time is like eating the same meal, over and over again?

Comedians have made jokes about these same issues and men as well as women have all laughed, at least until it became real for the man in your life. What did Chris Rock say about being married? ” If you like f**king, marriage ain’t for you! (See video) Unfortunately, some of us buy into this thought process and chose to seek excitement elsewhere.

Women of course have been victims of societal views as well. Yeah, you know what I am talking about. You’re supposed to suppress your sexual urges, act like a lady, right. I can understand and appreciate that outside of a relationship, however, in a relationship, you should be you! So if you really enjoy sex, then now is the time to become uninhibited and enjoy yourself with someone you love who loves you as well.

Oh, let me get back on topic because you are reading this to discover how to keep your man out of another woman’s bed, right? That’s easy, think about where you are sexually in your relationship. Ask yourself, who initiates sexual contact most of the time? 10 to 1 (I live in Vegas) says it’s the man in your life. You see women most times without realizing it take their cue for sex from the male. Why? Because society has said that men have a higher sex drive than women, and if a woman has one as well then she’d be better suited by hiding it.

So what women tend to do is they wait for the male to request sex and if she is in the mood, OK, it can be done. If she is not, then he’s pissed because you’ve rebuked him. It also has falsely led women to believe that men are oversexed. Not because he actually is, but rather because you’ve reduced him into guessing when you are in the mood.

Let me try to explain this simple logic to you. You’ve went from participating in the when and where you two have sex, to waiting on him to determine when and where and you participate only if you feel up to it. It’s understandable that you are not in the mood every single time on his schedule. However, what you failed to understand is that you have buried your schedule, and didn’t even realize it and this creates a problem that may result in his diving into another woman’s bed.

Lets try looking at it this way, OK? You enjoy sex, right? You enjoy making love to the man you love, right? So why in the hell would you do it only on his schedule? That’s asinine and problematic! It also creates a view of him that is not altogether true. He’s not oversexed, its just that you’ve stopped initiating it when you want it choosing to wait until he requests to make love.

Why not try this, everyone of you have those times when you want to make love or simply have sex just like men do, right? When you get these urges which I am sure occur on a weekly basis, act on them with your man. Don’t wait until he wants you, let him know that not only do you want him but you need him to fulfill your needs as well.

Want to know what the results will be? Eventually you and he will become balanced in the bedroom. If he is getting sexual satisfaction when he wants and when you want, he’ll be less likely to look elsewhere because he’ll be too busy being satisfied at home. The thought you had of him possibly being totally consumed by sex will be a thing of the past because since now you’re selecting your own days for intimacy based on your needs  will leave him fulfilled and you happier. The only unhappy party in this equation is the adult toy industry since you’ll have little need for that device you’ve hidden away in the closet in that shoe box.

Jumping into another woman’s bed will be the last thing on his mind ever, because there is something else that is said that you may have never heard. “Men with empty scrotum’s have no reason to stray!” Lol!

Why he won’t say, “I love you”


“I love you”, there I said it and it wasn’t that hard. However, with some men, to get them to say those three little words is like pulling teeth. They simply refuse to say it and I know its frustrating to the women whom they share their lives with. Last weekend I went to meet with some male friends after work and a couple of female friends tagged along.

Over a few beers we engaged in this terrific conversation about why it’s so damn hard for men to profess their love for a woman. One of my female friends confessed that her boyfriend of nearly two years has never uttered those words. She stated that several times he’s came close but the answer she gets most when she says it to him is “Ditto”.

She said that after all of this time together she knows that he really loves her (evident in the three calls she got in a 2 hour period), but he simply cannot utter those simple words. Oh, and at the end of one of the calls she placed him on speakerphone and told him she loved him before the call ended. You know what his response was? “Me too!”

One of my male friends attempted to explain away why we don’t say it by insisting that if we told every woman we dated that we loved them then the words eventually become hollow. He went on to say that love to him meant forever! He also added that forever, was a very long time and he wasn’t ready for that type of commitment.

Another friend chimed in and his version was a little bit graphic. I had to chastise him for his depiction of what women would do just to hear those three little words. After the beer we had drank, I think he forgot that we were in the company of two women.

His take on the words was that it has opened a lot of doors (and legs) for him. He continued that he utilizes these words as a tool to satisfy his urges and get him out of hot water if necessary. He went on to tell us how he had dated this girl for six months and still no action (meaning sex). He said he really liked her and they spent countless hours together at dinner and he even took her on a couple of trips to Cancun.

However, he said that it was always the same excuse (his words, not mine), that whenever they got to the good part she would tell him that she wasn’t ready.  He said it was cool for awhile and it became a game to him, but then he grew tired and decided it was time to move on. According to him she continued calling him and although he wasn’t interested anymore he felt that if he walked away now after warming her up, some other idiot might hit the jackpot and he would be pissed.

So one night she called and he explained that he simply felt that the relationship wasn’t leading anywhere. He said that she took it well, however right before he hung up he decided to try his secret weapon (as he called it), and said “I love you” before he hung up. According to him she was at his door less than an hour later and he hit the jackpot for several months. That is until he discovered that several other men must have told her the same thing because she was sleeping with her ex and her apartments maintenance man during the same time. (The two women with us got a kick out of that, with one reminding him that’s what he gets for misusing the words.)

We moved our conversation from the pool tables to a large booth and another male in the group decided it was his turn to chime in. He relayed that old story that women wanted sensitive men, so he has made it a point to let any woman that he was dating know exactly how he felt. His position was that you shouldn’t keep people guessing, you should let them know exactly where they stand.

He went on to proclaim that he tells his current girlfriend that he loves her all of the time. When asked how long they had been together he stated 3 months, at which my now nearly drunk friend (above), told him he was a sell out to men everywhere. LOL. He also informed him that he should be careful because once you tell them you love them it’s hard to get rid of them. At this point I cut off his drinking.

When my second friend continued he explained that he’d only said that to women he really cared about and it had taken him time (albeit 3 mos) to be able to open up the his current girlfriend. He went on to say that he was pretty sure that she was the one he’d spend his future with and he looked forward to growing old together. At this point the two women with us were swooning at his honesty. Unfortunately my nearly drunk friend wasn’t having it, and reminded him that he had told us the same thing about his former girlfriend. (I quickly ordered him a hot coffee)

Now it was the second female of the groups time to add to the conversation. Wine has a special affect on women and I for one like the way it mellow them if consumed in moderation. She is normally quiet and somewhat shy and I have to admit it surprised me that she wanted to hang out with us.

She said that in her younger years that she had fallen prey to guys whom just said those words to convince her they were sincere (We all looked at my half drunken friend). But as she matured she realized that it wasn’t so much the words but the actions she concerned herself with now. She continued by stating that she had been seduced by several men whom professed their love for her and in return she was cheated on and in one relationship physically abused.

Continuing she said yes, women enjoy hearing those words and many times they seek them from men to clarify their positions in their lives. However, she cautioned that what good are the words if his actions don’t match what he’s telling you over and over again. She looked across the table to the other female member of the group and told her that although her boyfriend won’t say the words, she should know that he really loves you. She said it was evident in the way he looks at her and listens to her. She went on to say that she remembered days when he had left his job to pick her up at work because she didn’t feel good and then took the rest of the day off to care for her. (I looked over and they both had tears welling up in their eyes.)

For her she went on, now it wasn’t the words anymore. It now was all about the actions of the person she chose to be with. Her next man (when she said this my near drunk friend perked up) according to her would be someone who cared about her and showed her how he feels because the words can sometimes be hallow. She finished by saying that women put too much emphasis on what men say and not enough on how they act in relationships. It was nice to hear her say this, however, the mood was broken because as soon as she finished and we were all basking in her words my near drunk friend looked at her and said, “I love you”! We all broke into laughter and he fell asleep not realizing what he had just said.

It was a good night, shooting pool and having drinks with friends. I learned from each of them and I hope there is something in their conversations that can assist you as well. It amazes me how differently we view the same subject, but then again I guess we really are.

Oh, before I leave you today maybe I should tell you what I said on the subject. I won’t write it here because it will make the post run rather long and for many of you the discussions of my friends may be enough. However, for those of you that would like to hear my take on this topic, you can read it in my discussions by visiting Anonymousmale1 on facebook.  See you there!

How selecting a puppy is just like selecting a new man


This post is somewhat long, however I challenge you to read it because there is a moral to this story that you simply may not want to miss ~ Anonymousmale1

How many of you have bought puppies in your life? You go down to the pet store and you’re excited and apprehensive at the same time. You walk into the pet shop and you walk to all the holding pens looking for the puppy that you feel will be your perfect pick.

Many of the puppies are all giddy at the prospect that they could possibly go home with you. They do everything they can to get your attention. They run up to the window and jump around, bark sharply and whimper when you walk to the next window.

Then you spot one and he’s excited and he’s posturing just for you. You tap on the glass and he dances around panting and barking and as you smile he gets even more excited. You request that the shop employee remove him to allow you to play with him a bit to see if he is exactly what you want.

She guides you to a small holding area and soon return with this beautiful puppy that’s eager to meet you as well. You take him in your arms and hold him, kiss him on the head pet him and play with him. He gets so excited he urinates, and you don’t mind because you’ve already decided he’s the puppy you’ll be taking home.

You alert the sale associate that you’d like to buy him and she leads you through the isles as you select items he’ll need, a bed, food, toys and a collar and leash. She then guides you to the register to ring up your sale which will total way over the amount you originally wanted to spend, but you’re happy, he’s happy and that’s all that matters.

As you’re standing in line while the associate completes the transaction, you look back at the small cubicle that once was your new puppies home. In the back of the cubicle you for the first time observe an identical puppy that you hadn’t even noticed. He’s sitting there now in the front of the cage watching you. He’s watching you with eyes that say he understands, he’s not bitter for not being selected and his expression shows that this is not the first time he wasn’t chosen. However, he still holds the look of love in his eyes and its difficult for you to break your gaze away from him.

With your transaction completed you go home with your newly purchased puppy with the wagging tail and the cute bark. You soon forget about the puppy that was left behind.

You arrive at your home and you place the puppy on the floor and what does he do? He takes a shit on your brand new carpet, then he looks up at you with those loving eyes as to say, “Sorry about that”. You forgive him of course and begin the task of attempting to house train him.

Days turn to weeks and weeks to months and there are times that his cuteness is wearing thin. Frustration sets in, how many pairs of your expensive shoes can he destroy. How many times can you step in puppy puddles in the middle of the night before you feel you’ll go mad.

Your mom comes over and you know what your puppy does? He humps her leg, as a matter of fact, he humps every womans leg that gets in his vicinity. people think he’s cute and when you explain to them how difficult it has been, they tell you, “He’s just a puppy, he’ll grow out of it”, secretly, you wonder.

He barks excessively, driving you and your neighbor nuts. Walking him is a chore, it always ends up with him walking you. He never listens to you and the only time he even appears to care is when you feed him. The rest of the time he’s being destructive.

This goes on for months and you are at your wit’s end, not to mention that this cute puppy now weighs a whopping 75 pounds. Now when he’s walking you in the park, you pray that no one comes anywhere near you with another dog because if it’s a male, a fight will surely occur. If it’s a female in heat she doesn’t stand a chance because he’ll be on her and at his weight the chance of you keeping him off her is slim to none.

Finally you’ve had enough and you talk your cousin who has a house with a few acres of land into taking your once cute puppy off of your hands. You rationalize this situation by telling yourself that what he needs is a very large rural area to run around in. You tell yourself that your small 900 square foot apartment was simply too small for him and he felt cramped.

When he was finally gone you felt remorseful. For weeks you thought about driving the 3 hours to your cousin’s house and taking him back. You miss him and it became difficult to sleep without him there to protect you and although he still refused to be house trained you felt comfortable and safe having him around. You felt guilty for sending him away and you hope and pray that he’s happy, although you’re miserable as hell.

Then one-day while reminiscing you walked through the park where he used to walk you. You though about the time when he basically drug you just to sniff a female dog that was out with her master. You still have the scars on your knee as a reminder.

While sitting on the bench with tears filling your eyes while you think about how much of a failure you are for not being able to make him happy something amazing happens. A ball bounces in your direction and you pick it up. Before you realise it a dog identical to your runs down the hill and directly up to you. You think it is a miracle and you cannot take your eyes off of him. He stops his run and slowly walks toward you as you are holding his tennis ball in your hands.

As he gets near and then directly in front of you he sits down and he gazes deeply into your eyes as you reach the ball out to him. Looking into his eyes you are startled, this is the same dog who while as a puppy stared at you in the pet store. He takes the ball and heads back up the hill to his master. You decide to follow to see who the lucky recipient will be.

When you arrive on the other side of the slop you watch in amazement as the dog returns the ball to the sales associate whom had rung up you transaction that day in the pet store. He returned it with such love and care that you instantly became envious.

Your curiosity gets the better of you and you decided to approach her. You had many questions you wanted to ask. Upon approach she recognized you instantly. After awkwardly explaining how you’d given your dog up, she explained to you how she’d selected it’s brother.

She told you that day in the park that in the beginning there were 5 identical puppies in the pet store and that women just like you had selected the most aggressive of the litter. All had eventually given up on their puppies as they became dogs and had given them away or taken them to shelters. They simply couldn’t control them or change their behavior.

She said that a few days after you had purchased your puppy she was cleaning the cage and after taking a long look into the remaining puppies eyes she decided she wanted him. She said that he wasn’t excited, he simply sat back and watched everyone. She likened it to someone who was looking for a special place, a special home a special friend. She felt that she was special, so why not her and took him home.

She went on to tell you that she never had to house train him, he’d never been on a leash, never chewed anything in her home and only barked while they played. It was like he simply instantly knew what she wanted or needed. When she was happy, he was happy, if she was sad, so was he. She stated from day one she was never his master, but rather his life mate and they both enjoyed one another’s companionship.

Before you left you asked one last question. You wanted to know if her years of working in the pet store teach her which puppies turn out great and which do not? She laughed and told you that in reality she had never owned a puppy before. However, she went on, ” Although I did look for the one I thought needed love as opposed to ones that only loved themselves”.

With that she and her well-behaved, happy, obedient companion disappeared walking side by side, no leash necessary.

The Moral of this story is:

Many times this is how you as women select men as well. You walk into a crowded room and the man who catches your attention is the one that creates the most commotion. They draw attention to themselves in any and every way possible.

If you’re at a bar or a Night Club these are the men the approach you offering drinks or to dance. If you’re at school, these are the guys who approach you and want to start conversation. These types of men make a bee-line directly to almost every beautiful woman in their vicinity begging for you to take them home.

What you fail to notice is that generally they are in the company of another guy. The guy who never feels the need to make an ass of himself by humping your leg. This guy is the one who will not approach you or make a fool of himself. He quietly sits back and occasionally will make eye contact with you, but never for too long.

He is the guy who doesn’t want the attention of every woman on the planet, he simply wants the attention of one. You’ve met him many times and generally you’ve been enchanted by the antics of his friend and when you return to their table his crazy friend will introduce you and he’ll be polite but very soft-spoken. He won’t say too much to you but he will answer questions if you ask. He and his friend probably rode to the party or function together and if you chose to go home with his friend he’ll be in the car with you  two (more than often the one driving, since he probably doesn’t drink).

Watching him closely he’ll probably open the door for you after his friend has already gotten into the car and dismissed this act as too gentlemanly for him. He’s the guy that doesn’t fixate on you, however you know that he looks at you differently.

He loves his friend but he really doesn’t approve of his antics and in most cases the way he treats women as a whole. However, he keeps his thoughts to himself because even though his friend (the one you chose) has flaws, he loves him anyway because that’s what friends are for. Friends love you regardless of how crazy you may appear to others, right.

When you get to their apartment (if they live together) he will simply disappear into his bedroom after wishing you good night. What you don’t know is that he is laying in his bed watching tv, while you are becoming a one night stand to a man who wrote the term.

Later after you’ve been used and abused and his friend doesn’t answer your calls anymore. You’ll remember his friend and one-day you’ll run into him at a mall or somewhere simple and he’ll be in the company of a girl that he treats like a queen. You’ll approach and he’ll say hello and being the respectful person that he is he’ll introduce you to his date. You’ll ask about his friend since now he’s avoiding you and he’ll lie for him (because they are friends) but his eyes are too hones and you’ll see that even this hurts him to do.

Guys like this are everywhere. They are the men that women think are myths and they really are not. They simply get overlooked because just like the puppies in the store, others require much more of your attention.

Why they don’t stand out more is anyones guess. Mine would be that many are simply waiting to be noticed by you. These are men who are shy, have been hurt or have a definite idea of exactly what they are looking for in a woman. Regardless of all of this, they are invisible to the women that so desperately need them.

So the next time you and your friends are out, try looking past the puppy that is doing all of the tricks to garner your attention. It’s the puppy in the window who simply is waiting for you to recognize his true worth that you should be seeking. It’s the man who needs someone to love him that is most valuable to your happiness, not the one that loves himself more than he could ever love you that will break your heart, again.

What men think directly after ejaculation and how it could affect you


The late great comedian Richard Pryor during his stand-up routine used to joke that directly before a man achieved orgasm you could ask and receive anything from him. Want to get married? This is the time to ask. Need a new car? This is the time to get it. Because during this time he is at your mercy.

It was funny when Richard Pryor said it and it’s still funny today and what most people don’t know is that it’s pretty much true. How many times have you made love to a man who was neither a husband or boyfriend (per say) and during this intense few seconds he blurted out something totally unexpected, such as “I love you?” Caught you by surprise, didn’t it?

What Richard didn’t joke about during his heyday on the stage was the other side of your love-making session. Those seconds after men achieve ejaculation and what signs they reveal that are very important to you as women. These brief seconds, these first moments of clarity, if scrutinized properly will tell you all you need to know about where this relationship is headed or if its going anywhere at all.

Many of you have had a man chase you, send you flowers, candy or take you to dinner and treat you like a queen. Sometimes this ritual took weeks or even months before you decided to reward him by allowing him the opportunity to make love to you. After this, what you considered a successful and rewarding love-making session, he changed. His demeanor, his persistent chasing, his phone calls, his being there all stopped.

This left you feeling used, confused and you wondered if it was something you said or did. You also begin to question if he liked making love to you or maybe even if you didn’t do it right and he didn’t like it. All of these questions and many more like them haunt your thoughts for weeks on end afterwards.

Then there is the guy that you make love to for the first time and afterwards he’s like a puppy. He calls you as promised the same day after the love-making session, just to tell you what a great time he had with you the night before. He wants to be wherever you are. He’s waiting for you to get off work so that he can take you to dinner, the movies, shopping or anywhere you would like to go.  He compliments you, waits hand and foot on you and wants to spend every free moment of time with you.

Now, with both of these guys something happened during the first 30 seconds after they ejaculated and you saw it but you didn’t know what it was. Had you paid attention or rather knew the signs you were looking for you could have saved your heartache on the first one because you could have predicted the outcome and called it what it was, simply a f**k for him. However, the knowledge you gained from observing these 30 seconds will tell you a little about yourself and what he thought about you as well.

As for the second guy, you would have observed those signs to and if love was what you were seeking then you could have it. If you were only in it for the sex, then you could inform him of that quickly and not break his heart in the process.

By now you’re wondering, what happens in these 30 seconds after he ejaculates? Clarity.

“30 seconds after ejaculation, men have one of two thoughts enter their mind. God I love her, or what the hell did I just do!”

How do you determine what he’s thinking during this brief 30 second time frame? You pay attention and these are the signs you’ll observe. You’ve all seen them before, only you didn’t know what they meant or what they would lead to.

Now, lets look at them closely and think back to all of the situations you’ve encountered over the years and you’ll understand what I mean.

Upon completion of your first lovemaking session with a new man, if he is thinking, “God, I love her”, he’ll want to cuddle with you. He’ll lay there exhausted but pleased on the bed of lust and hold you, he’ll kiss you repeatedly and all of this while laying in the wet spot without complaint. He’ll talk sweetly to you, remove the sweat from your brow and inquire as to if you enjoyed it as much as he.

If you chose to make love to him again that night or in the morning he’ll be there ready to please you again. He’ll be gentle and caring and he’ll want to know what feels good to you. If you simply want to lay in bed and talk about nothing in particular, he’ll oblige you and hang onto every word you say. He’ll be silly with you, laugh at your humor and make you feel like you’ve known him your whole life and that you two were meant to be as one.

When he tells you that he will call you later in the day, you can count on it. More than likely, upon leaving he will send you text messages anyway, telling you how much he enjoyed being with you.

Now, if you really only slept with him to take care of your physical needs for that night then it behooves you to let him know this as soon as you see these signs. Otherwise you risk hurting someone who really is into you. Don’t allow him to leave thinking that you two will one day possibly be man and wife. Let him down gently, be an adult and realign his expectations. I’m just saying, there’s nothing like a man scorn as well.

However, for the flip side of this lets look at what happens when he is thinking, “What the hell did I just do?”

If this thought flashes across his mind there will be no cuddling, chances are that as soon as he ejaculates he’ll get up and clean himself in the restroom with the door shut. He’ll be leaving you to your own thoughts about how well you performed or if he’s satisfied. If and when he returns to the bed, he’ll probably talk to you for a few minutes about nothing in particular or dive into your background in regards to sex.

He brings up sex in his conversation solely so that you can talk about your past history and the things you’ve tried and want to try. Not because he’s interested in you, but because by talking about sex with you it will allow him to become aroused again and he can do it all again. What you must understand about this ritual is this, it’s all about him, and him achieving orgasm, not you. You simply just happened to be still there.

After the second session if he’s at your place he’ll be making an excuse to leave. He has to get up early is always a good excuse to go. If unfortunately you are at his place he’ll be hinting that its time for you to leave. If not or for some reason you miss the hints he throws at you, when he lies beside you it will be with his back facing you. Oh, his excuse will be that he can only fall asleep on that side of the bed facing that way. However, what he is really doing is pretending that you are no longer there and secretly wishing you were gone.

Either way, once you two are apart you can best bet that there will be no texts coming your way informing you how much he enjoyed the night. Oh, and that phone call he felt obligated to promise making to you later will not arrive as well. In those short 30 seconds after his first ejaculation, he had an epiphany. He realised that he was wrong to make love to you, that it should have never occurred. He had been struggling with his conscience for days about whether or not he should do this act, however, his lust for release and sexual needs won out.

It’s not that you’re not the prettiest girl on the block, it’s not that the sex wasn’t amazing because it probably was, it’s simply that he either doesn’t want to be in a relationship or he’s already in one just for starters. To begin with, you probably without realising it sent many sexual signals and the attention you gave him told him that you were an easy target to sleep with.

Now he’s battling himself because he knew he shouldn’t have slept with you, because it wasn’t fair. He was only in it (literally) to fill his own needs and now he has the burden of trying to tell you this and most times guys just can’t put the right words together that won’t piss you off. So you know what he does? He pretends that it never happened and hopes that it goes away.

But it won’t go away, will it. Not a chance because you think he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread and since he won’t call you, you call him, repeatedly. He on the other hand won’t answer, won’t return your texts and when you come online, he ignores you or signs off.

After awhile , you get angry and bitter and he becomes the scum of society in your eyes. Once you inform your girlfriends of your hurt, he becomes scum in their eyes as well. All because he wouldn’t do what I asked you to do with the guy who might fall in love with you above. What he should have done was to explain to you that the sex was great, however that he wasn’t really ready for a serious relationship at that time. Therefore realigning your expectations. (Oh, and this works even better if he tells you this before the sexual tryst, giving you the option of actually doing it or not.)

Also, you may note guys whom have done this to you and then after dodging your calls for a while all the sudden they become interested again. They start calling and before long you’re laying in bed beside them after the 30 seconds and once again they turn their back to you as before. Well dear, he’s simply a slave to his organ and although he continues to think “What the hell did I just do?”, time makes him forget and since you’ve made yourself available once again he figures what the hell. He still hasn’t changed, you’re simply missing the signs and setting yourself up for a major heartbreak and frustrating cycle.

Before I end this let me point out that these 30 seconds after ejaculation are a prime reason while many women become victims of one night stands. Hopefully, the next time you’ll identify it for what it is and by understanding what he’s thinking let him off the hook by taking the high road and quickly telling him you appreciate the romp, but thats all it was to you as well. This way, you reversed the role and he becomes the one night stand victim and not you.

Why men visit Strip Clubs


Quite a few of you have written to me in regards to your boyfriends (and a few husbands) frequenting the mens den, called Strip Clubs. This issue is a concern for most if not all women in a relationship and I can understand that. So today, I decided I would try to explain to you all, Why men visit these clubs. 

I will try to quail some of your fears and attempt to help you identify the signs of this behavior becoming a real problem. Because, at this moment you possibly have no idea what really goes on inside these walls, and the not knowing part is probably what disturbs you the most. 

I’ve been to Strip Clubs many times over my adult life and I have to admit that even when I was a “Dog”, the prospect of bedding a stripper was unappealing to me. Now don’t get me wrong, most of them are stunningly beautiful, however I personally have a problem with dating a woman whose job it is to lap dance for men in order to make a buck. I probably could overlook the dancing nude on stage part, but her allowing multiple men to touch her and she them, is what I couldn’t stomach. No real self-respecting man actually could I am sure.

Some men have no issue with this, and to those women who do work as strippers I say; he’s not a real man, period. He’s simply with you because you’re the gravy train and it allows him not to work at all, or to further his going nowhere music career. 

Any real man, even if he met a stripper and decided that she was nice, would automatically inform her that to be with him that she would have to change her vocation. Real love is about more than money, I would rather be broke with a woman I love than to be wealthy with a woman whom utilizes her body to make cash for things we really don’t need. 

Back to the Club: Most of these places are dimly lit, with the most well-lit area being the stage itself. When you enter they generally charge you at the door or at times they are free with the purchase of several overpriced beverages. Your man will take a seat at a table or he can cuddle up to the stage where he can get a closeup view of the action, if you want to call it that. 

In most states, if the dancers are totally nude then the club is not allowed to sell alcohol. That’s not all states, just some. An example of this is that in Las Vegas, only topless clubs offer alcoholic beverages to their clients. If it’s totally nude, guest will only be drinking water, juice or sodas. Now, in Hawaii, all bets are off. They have no so-called topless bars, everything is totally nude with alcohol.

However, if you sit at the stage, the performers expect you to tip them while they dance. This is understandable because hell those are the best seats and she’s not dancing for free, she has bills to pay. Did you know that strippers have to pay a fee each and every night they go in to work? This means that she starts each and every shift already in the hole. Also, at the end of her shift she is expected to tip the waitress, D.J., bartender and in most cases even the club’s manager. Just thought you might want to know that tidbit of information.

If your man sits at a table or a booth, dancers that are between sets mingle through the club and approach customers to talk to. These talks are really a way of breaking the ice and most times leads to him buying her a drink. In most clubs whenever a drink is purchased for the dancer she is issued a token that she turns in at the end of her shift and receives a percentage of the cost of the drink. 

The really good strippers are really intelligent and patient. They can hold a conversation on anything from auto mechanics to politics without missing a beat. Men will buy them many drinks and most times its nothing more than soda, because she needs to maintain her sobriety in order to make cash. Unknown to most people, men have been known to simply pay a dancer for her time sitting there chatting the night away.

Once she has him to the point where he is comfortable she inquires as to if he would like a dance. A lap dance is where she makes the big money and is important to her having a financially great night. In this dance it is her job to entice a customer by bringing him to erection, which means that he will be more eager to open his wallet for more dances. 

Do you remember the quote that Robin Williams said about men?  

“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.”

This statement although funny is actually true in regards to strip clubs. If a dancer is good enough at what she does, that 3 minute, $20 dance can turn into hundreds if not thousands of your mans hard-earned money. It can make him come back for more, week after week searching for the same dancer, whom now calls him a regular. 

To keep up the charade, after a few weeks she will exchange numbers with him just to keep him on the hook. However, she will only call him when she hasn’t made her goal for the night or whenever she needs something. You can also rest assured, he is not her only regular customer. The really good dancers, they have many regular customers at their whim. All of these men think that they are the only one. 

***Warning Sign*** If your man frequents strip clubs, and he gets paid on Friday and is broke by Monday he is considered some dancers regular. So it would behoove you to check his phone and terminate this situation quickly! 

Now these Lap Dances can take place in a couple of different places throughout the club. It can occur in a VIP setting, which is nothing more than a darker room sectioned off by walls complete with couches or at his table if he prefers. For the VIP areas, these dances cost somewhat more, generally dancers talk men into going with the promise of having more privacy alluding to the fact that he will have more freedom to do more. Wrong! Clubs have cameras everywhere and bouncers as well. You get caught doing more than basic touching and his ass is out of there in a hurry. So basically she simply just suckered him into spending more cash for nothing. 

Do more sinister things happen in a strip club? Yes they do, but those things are not the norm. Occasionally a dancer will have too much to drink and allow a customer to go too far, which usually ends with him being put out of the club and her being terminated. Clubs make too much money to allow some simple-minded dancer to cost them their license. 

For men going to a strip club is a game of cat and mouse. They all know that these women are after their wallets (or rather its contents), and some men of course are after something else. So the women and men both tease one another trying to get more than what either are willing to give. This ritual heightens the excitement. He wants a number at the least, she wants him to get more dances. They both attempt to manipulate the other to see who wins. 

Men who understand this game enjoy it for what it really is, entertainment and childish play. Both sides lie, she said her name is Heather, and he tells her he’s an attorney. In the end it doesn’t matter because when its said and done, she’ll go home to her man (or woman) and your man will come home to you. 

Is it cheating? That depends on how you want to look at it. Just like women like the attention of men, men at times like the attention of beautiful women. In a strip club he gets exactly that. For those couple of hours he can be anyone he wants because it really doesn’t matter to the girls, because they only want cash. 

So he gets an erection, is that so bad especially since you and he both know he’ll be sharing it with you when he gets home. Be honest, all of us fantasize while making love from time to time. Your partner becomes someone else in your mind for that fleeting moment. If you become the stripper that he spent an hour with earlier and it increases your pleasure, is that really so bad? (As long as in the middle of it he doesn’t call you Rain or some other made up stripper name.)

Truth be told, most strippers could care less about the men that visit the clubs. During their time working they get to see men at their absolute worst!  They get to see grown men acting like the kids they really are, cursing, attempting to fondle them, calling them names and worse. Where else could you go and see a Bank President throwing money in women’s faces like its rocks. Where else could you see a professional athlete making it rain with hundred-dollar bills? 

The only place you can see this type of behavior is in your neighborhood strip club. You can see it there because it’s private and inside men can act anyway they want within reason. A stripper walks by, he can pat her on the ass as long as he doesn’t actually grope her and she’ll smile. Another one walks by and regardless of how beautiful she is or how unattractive he may be, he can approach her and get her to sit and chat with him without fear of rejection (for a fee of course). 

Inside these clubs men can do the things that are no longer permitted in our everyday lives because of the radical societal changes over the years. They may have to now pay for these privileges today, but there was a time when you could tap a waitress in a restaurant on the fanny if you chose and as long as you left a fat tip it was permissable. Men used to do the same to their secretaries as well. Try this tactic today and you’ll end up with a sexual assault charge on your record. 

Most men, and I am not saying all, actually only go to strip clubs to unwind and relax. They’re in an enviroment without the stresses of everyday life, a place where you can have a drink, look at half or fully nude women and converse with them or even other men. Real men do not want a stripper as a girlfriend, they simply do not. Now, some men want to have one for a short period of time as a trophy (something to brag to friends about), but not to fall in love with or marry. It happens though, but generally ends in disaster. 

What women fail to understand is this; in reality a strip club is a much safer place for your man to visit than a regular night club. That caught you by surprise didn’t it? However, lets examine that statement a little closer. In a strip club your man is being monitored by bouncers, management and that eye in the sky camera system to ensure he doesn’t do anything that can cost them their license. The girls there for the most part are really less interested in taking your man home then actually sending him home to you with an erection and an empty wallet. 

Now, a regular night club is a tad bit different. Women and men go there mostly for the sole purpose of picking someone up. There is no person or entity to modify their behavior, now they won’t let them make love on the dance floor or the coat closet, however they will allow them privacy to talk, touch, kiss etc. They can exchange phone numbers and they may even leave together-his car or hers. At a strip club this is simply not going to happen. 

He may save a few dollars by going to a night club, however if he gets an erection while slow dancing with a girl he just met, he may or may not be utilizing it with you later. 

So that’s my spill on strip clubs, they’re really not as bad as most women think. In retrospect, its men making bad decisions that make them seem worse than they really are, for the clubs and their women at home who love them.

How your perception could be helping him make a fool of you


 

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship”
— Annonymous

There are many ways that men and women differ from one another. However, one way that we definately differ is in the way that we perceive things. Men have a way of determining how they feel about things based on being able to touch it, squeeze it and feel it. Women on the other hand base their feelings about things on how it makes them feel inside.  Women are keenly aware of spoken words and the meanings behind them, or what they hope are the meanings behind them.

Several times in this blog I have stated that it is important to ensure that actions match the words of any man you are in a relationship with. I’ve said this because words can cause your perception of your actual relationship to be better or worse than what it really is. However, by measuring his words by his actions it will allow you to get a better reading on where the relationship really stands.

How many of you are in relationships with men whom verbally worship you, but aren’t consistant in their actions? It’s easy to tell a woman that you love her, but if you really don’t it’s difficult to maintain treating her like a queen. However by consitantly telling you that he loves you, you may overlook the obvious and hang on to his words for an extended period of time.  Why? Because verbally he has informed you that you are the one, and your perception is altered to fit that image.

In order to make this perception even more real for you he occassionally does things that reinforce what he has told you verbally. During these times it is really difficult to determine if his love is real or not. Why? Because this show of love may have been preceeded or followed by an event that displayed disrespect, dishonor, abuse, infidelity or worse.

Real love is above everything else, consistant. Yes, there will be times when questions will arise where you are not sure that he indeed loves you. However, those times will be seldom and simply by reviewing your relationship past you will see the consistancy and most times it will pass.

Now if you are in a relationship where you often question his real feelings for you, then you may want to review your relationship in a different manner. People are creatures of habit. You may look back on your relationship and if you do it objectively you may see a pattern. If the pattern is there it may show you a disturbing look at how your perception kept you in a relationship that was simply not real, at least not for him.

Looking back you may observe that he only reinforced his love for you after events that could have cause the relationship to end. Looking back you may see a pattern of arguments and then him professing his love for you. You may see that after the event he bagan paying more attention to you. He may at this time increased the amount of calls to you, began to be more available to you and began doing things that he hadn’t done since the beginning of your relationship.

Looking back you may see that this situation has been replayed over and over again throughout your time together. If it has, then you are the victim of your own perception of your relationship. A perception that he has assisted you in creating and maintaining over the life of your time together.

Have you ever had a girlfriend whom was in a relationship with a guy you simply felt was not good to her or for her? Of course you have, we all have. However, whenever you talked to her about her situation she assured you that he wasn’t as bad as you and her other friends thought, he was simply misunderstood. She assured you that the relationship was fine and that he really loved her.

This is her perception, this is what she feels and nothing you could say will make her see it any other way. Regardless of how many times you tell her there are better men out there for her or how she is too pretty to waste her time on a loser like him, she simply will not see him any other way.

You on the other hand are viewing the relationship from a different angle. Since you are not emotionally attatched as she is, you posess the ability to see him for what and who he actually is. All you can do is to be there for you friend and help pick up the pieces when her fake relationship eventually falls apart.

We all want to love and be loved, we have a desire to be wanted and sometimes this desire is what causes us so much pain in life. Not everyone understands that when you tell someone that you love them that you really should, or not say it at all. Some people tell you these words because they know that its what you want to hear.

There is something magical about the sound of someone you have feelings for telling you that they “Love You.” We crave that need to be loved, to be held and to be wanted. Those three words conjour up the perception of fairy tales, and three other words we learned as kids, “Happily Ever After.” Unfortunately, just like in those fairy tales that we read as kids, in life there are evil people who will fool you into getting what they want.

So be careful with your heart and with all relationships make sure that you measure his actions against his words at all times. If the time comes where there is a big difference in the two make a serious check of your perception. Its bad enough that he may be fooling you, its even worse when you are fooling yourself.

Why being Happy with yourself is important to your Relationship


                           “The most beautiful makeup of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy.”
                              — Yves Saint-Laurent 
A couple of months ago I met a young woman whom works for a vendor at the place I work  and after passing her on a daily basis I decided to stop and talk to her.  We began a conversation and I discovered that she is actually from Bulgaria and besides working she is a student here in the states. 
The first thing that I noticed upon approaching her was how stunningly beautiful she is in a wholesome kind of way. She reminds me of the type of women that can roll out of bed, run her fingers through her hair and look as well or better than she did before she fell asleep the night before. 
The second thing I noticed was that although she is stunning she possesses the ability to place people at ease while talking to them. After several conversations with her on everything from school to her perception of life in the States, I realised that she had no idea (or chose to ignore) just how beautiful she actually is. As a man I found this to be refreshing and unique. 
A few weeks later I was walking past the location that she works and since she wasn’t busy I stopped by to chat, which had become a weekly ritual. As we were talking I looked closely at her and I noticed a difference. I wasn’t sure what it was initially but I could sense something different in her appearance, slight as it may be. 
I inquired about the change and she laughed, I asked if she had a change in her make-up and she continued to laugh and informed me that she hadn’t. So I asked what had she actually done because although she was still beautiful I could tell something had changed. After a few moments of silence she informed me that she had a small surgical procedure done on her upper lip.  
Since we had become quite friendly over the time I had known her I felt at ease to ask why. She stated that she simply wanted her lips to be fuller and therefore she had the procedure done. She further went on to inform me that I had been the only person to notice that she had affected a change. 
To make a long conversation short we began talking about appearance changes in women and in the process I learned a lot about her in that she felt the need (or want) to have several more cosmetic enhancements in the near future. I was simply blown away. In my mind and eyes, she is one of the most beautiful women I have ever had the pleasure to meet, however in her mind there is definitely room for improvement. 
This conversation started me to thinking, if this young woman with looks that would make any professional model envious feel the need to enhance her looks, what do other women think about their looks and why?  
Over the years I have met many women whom have stated that they’d like to have brest augmentation, and I have really never understood it. Maybe its just me but I feel that all women are beautiful, some more beautiful than others but beautiful none the less. I know you have your reasons and it’s really not my place to question why. However, I would like to say one thing if you don’t mind, “God made you perfect, what makes you think that you can do it better?” Just a thought. 
When I hear women state that they would like to affect changes I somehow feel that the change they really need is in the amount of confidence they have. All these changes may make you feel more beautiful, but if you still lack confidence in yourself then whats the difference? 
“Confidence is the sexiest thing any woman can have. It’s much sexier than any body part.”~ Aimee Mullens 
I am not sure why women feel this need to make all of these changes, but I think I have an idea and I thought I would share it with you. I could be wrong, but then again it wouldn’t be the first time. I think that the real reason that beautiful women feel that they’re not beautiful enough is because that’s the message that society is sending you. 
After my talk with the beautiful young woman at work, I was laying on the couch (a hobby when I am idle) watching that idiot box (TV) in my living room. A commercial came on and it showed a stunningly beautiful young woman and  they showed her from several different angles while the VO (Voice over) raved on about how this new product would make you look years younger. I immediately sat up and I watched this commercial and took notice. Then I made a few phone calls to old friends in advertising in L.A. and New York and asked a few questions. For the next few weeks I paid close attention to every beauty product or weight loss product that came across that idiot box in my living room. 
In the end I was dismayed, frustrated and pretty pissed at the messages being beamed into our homes daily aimed at women. They’re not fair and they have an agenda, to separate you from your money which I am sure you already know, but also to make you feel inadequate, self conscious and not the beautiful woman you should know that you are. 

The problem is that these tactics work, to the tune of several billion dollars a year. However, the tactics are dishonest and mean-spirited. In some of these commercials (and magazines as well) show you images of young women in their early teens (14, 15 or so) and utilizing make-up give them the appearance that they are in the mid to late 20’s. Women worldwide see these images and think that the product that they are selling could work wonders for them too. How many of you have brought these products simply because you saw it advertised on TV? 
During the weeks that I paid close attention to these commercials I was overwhelmed with commercials telling women that they are too fat, too short, too tall, too old, out of shape and more. Your hair doesn’t look good enough, it’s not shiny enough (like this hair models made up by a professional hairdresser). They tell women that you have stretch marks, hair under your arms, hair under your noise then they say your butt is too small and the next commercial tells you that it’s too big. It’s enough to drive a man crazy! So I can only imagine what it does to women around the globe. 
Everyone wants to look like a movie star. Would you agree with that statement? Everytime you see Sandra Bullock, Julia Roberts or my favorite, Selma Hayek on tv or in a movie they look stunningly beautiful. Well, let me tell you a little secret. I worked executive protection in Hollywood for a couple of years and in person, the young woman I talked about at the beginning of this post puts them all to shame in the looks department. That is an honest and true statement, I promise. 
While I worked in L.A., my wife was a cosmetic counter manager at the Century City Mall (between Santa Monica and Beverly Hills for those of you whom don’t know). When I wasn’t working I would sometimes take her to work and later pick her up so we could spend even more time together. I made a habit of arriving to pick her up at least 45 minutes early so I could set on a bench outside her store and star watch. 
I’d sat there and gasp, as starlet after starlet would walk by and believe me when I tell you that they look nothing in person like what you see on the silver screen. They look, well, ordinary! Plain. Sometimes they were almost unremarkable, they looked nothing like you’d think they would, trust me when I tell you this. many times I would sit on that bench and when my wife finished work she would ask me if I saw a certain so-called star just walk past me and I’d draw a blank because they simply do not stand out. 
Make-up and camera angles make all the difference in Tinsel Town. Years ago, I was working in retail investigations in Honolulu. I was on the first floor in the mens department when I heard a mans voice ask me if I knew where the “Jams” shorts were located. I turned around and looked down at this middle-aged man and pointed to a corner of the store. He thanked me and walked in that direction. A few minutes later a sales associate ran by me to inform the other associates that Arnold Schwarzenegger was in the “Jams” area. Thats Hollywood, in real life settings unless they have someone announcing their presence they go unnoticed. 
However, when you see them they are on the cover of magazines or in movies and they look flawless, in real life that’s far from the truth, believe me. There are exceptions though, Rachael Ray, she’s gorgeous in person and she has a winning attitude to go with it. I met her not long ago and as I always said, natural beauty and a good personality is a perfect combination.

By now you’re wondering , “what does all of this have to do with my relationship?” Well I’ll tell you, if you are not happy with yourself then what chance do you have making your man happy? Now most of you will say, its not my job to make him happy, only he can make himself happy. Good point, so take your own advice and be happy with yourself, so he doesn’t have to worry about it and you either. See you later……
  

 

When is it safe to make love to a man that you recently started dating?


I wrote this post months ago for a fellow blogger and received quite a bit of criticism from several persons whom feel that they are more qualified in this arena.  They feel that you should never be given a time-table for when you should jump into bed with someone, that you should perform this function (sex) when the time feels right.

I feel that this approach sounds great if you’re a man. It can also be ok if you’re a woman and you’re not seriously seeking a lifetime partner. However as we all know, women unfortunately are held to a higher standard in this man-made society that we live in.  Men can jump into bed with anyone (when it feels right) and at most he’s considered a stud to his friends and colleagues. Anyone want to guess what a woman whom does the same thing is considered by society. Thats right!

One guy even stated that the time frame I gave was too long only to discover that the sex is bad when it finally happens, and you’ll have wasted time. To this I say if the real goal is lasting love and during the process this is what you achieve you still win. Why? Because of the love that you and your mate created you are now able to communicate without worry of hurting one another’s feelings the adjustments necessary to make the love-making session more fulfilling for you both. Try this with someone that you slept with simply because it felt right. It can be pretty awkward to say the least.

With that said please let me state for the record that this is their opinion and I respect it although I simply don’t agree. As for you my readers, everything that I write is simply a suggestion to you based on my life’s experience of being a man. Wether you chose to implement the information that I pass on to you is totally up to you.

Now, as for what you are about to read I would like to ask that after you’re done reading this post that you reflect on your past failed relationships and any relationships where you may have slept with someone because the timing felt right. Then honestly answer this question: How’d that work out for you?

 

This is a question that most women ask. Is there such a thing as “safe? Not really, it becomes safe when you determine what his true intentions are. Too many women use sex as a way to label their relationship. They feel that if they sleep with a man then from this point on they are considered a couple. Why? Because he slept with you and that’s what couples do, right? Wrong!

The real question should be, “Where do we stand?” Are we a couple? Just dating? What? These questions should be explored and answered to your satisfaction before you ever consider sleeping with someone.

Not only should you get the proper answer but his actions should reflect what his mouth is saying. Just in case you didn’t know, we men lie all the time to get sex. Regardless of how much it may hurt someone, we still will say and do whatever it takes to please ourselves. Hopefully you caught that, “Please ourselves”, because until we hit the ripe old age of thirty, your pleasure is an afterthought.

Now with that revelation out in the open let’s try to determine “When is it safe to have sex with a guy you are dating?”

The key to this is what are your goals? If you’re seeking a long time relationship then as a man I feel the proper time frame is after six months. When I first stated this fact I received hundreds of letters from women worldwide telling me I was crazy. They stated no man would wait that long and most of the women also said that they couldn’t either. My answer to them was this, if he cannot wait that long to get to know you intimately, then all he wanted was a piece of a— anyway so why would you even want him around?

If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, it starts with really getting to know someone. This means communicating, talking about things, discovering one another. Holding hands, late night talks, walks in the park, movies and dinners. Finding out what each persons plans are and determining if you really match one another. Is he the one?

If you remove sex from this equation it is easy to determine if he is a suitable mate. Trust me when I tell you that if he’s only after one thing (sex) and you’re not sure, he’ll be gone in the first thirty days or so. Saving you a lifetime of regret and frustration, for having given someone who didn’t earn the right to make love to you. Let me rephrase that statement, forget the make love part, the right to f— you. Because to him, if he didn’t earn it that’s exactly what he did. This is exactly what he’ll tell his friends.

If he’s around past thirty days he stands a good chance of being the one. At forty-five days his stock rises and so does yours in his eyes. What women fail to understand about this ritual is this, the signs that you send him by making him wait is that you’re a good woman, wife material and that you haven’t been jumping in and out of bed with everyone whom took you to McDonald’s.

This knowledge is powerful to men. Men want a woman whom they know haven’t been the victim of predators who only wanted to taste the sweet nectar and then fly away to the next flower, leaving you wilted and jilted. They love and I mean this literally a woman whom they can really get to know for who they actually are. They respect that and it speaks volumes when it comes to telling their boys that you are different.

At ninety days he’s about ready to meet your parents because even though he won’t tell you he really wants to tell them how much he appreciates you and the job they did raising you. During this time, he’ll probably send flowers because he knows that you’re not sleeping with someone else and he’s just happy you allow him the opportunity to be in your presence. However, he’s still going to test you to make sure this isn’t some type of trick. He’s going to do whatever he can to try to get you alone and set the tone for a sexual tryst. Most times we offer to take you on a trip (overnight of course) to another city. We simply do this to allow us the chance to sleep in the same room and hopefully the same bed with you. Remember; resist this and all other offers of this type. Later, he’ll thank you and you’ll be thankful too.

At 150 days, he’ll be at a point where he knows you and you he and you’ll actually become a couple. However, even before this you should have already let him know that you’ll have it no other way and although you enjoy his company he needs to decide where the relationship is heading. Let’s place a note here: Women always control the relationship, men are only along for the ride. You control the sex, you control us, let me say that once again. You control the sex, you control us! It’s that simple and as long as you plan it out in advance you’ll never go wrong.

At 180 days, he’s forgotten about the sex, but he knows one thing and by then you should too. He loves you! Not because of rolling around in bed, but because in six months he’s been there for you and you he and you can now finish one another’s sentences. You know what he likes and dislikes and vise versa, you’re at ease with one another there is no loss on either side.

He knows that he has a woman who is not sleeping around and he’s secure with that knowledge. You’ll find that jealousy in your relationship will not be an issue because he’ll always remember that it took him six long months to make love to you, so the next guy will have to work twice as hard. He’ll trust you more than any man you’ve ever had, and you’ll both be happier for the wait.

Sex is great, but if it is utilized in the wrong ways it becomes something with no meaning and tons of implications. I know and I’ve known for a long time that women have needs, wants and desires just like men. They suppress these urges in order to avoid being labeled negatively. If you are not careful and move too quickly or be enticed into moving too quickly you could possibly destroy any chance you have of landing the right man for you. In case you didn’t know, men talk. Not only do they talk, they talk a whole lot. Why? They talk to be considered the big man on campus, in the office or neighborhood and unfortunately it’s your virtue that’s at stake. Your reputation could be ruined, and his boasting could cost you the love of your life.

Oh, and all the guys that couldn’t last six months? They were not worthy of you and therefore feel that you are not worthy of them waiting to bed you. In the end, you win because they moved on with nothing to show for their time except maybe a lie or two and that’s easily overcame by just being honest and moving on. However, later much later when he sees you with a real man, one willing to wait he’ll secretly be pissed because he knows you were really worth it all along.

Before I end this I’d like for you to be honest with yourself for a moment and answer this question. How good could you actually expect your relationship to be if you gave someone the most intimate part of you without him actually earning it?  Look back on every bad relationship you’ve had and honestly assess it. If you had sex with your partner quickly, in the first month, first weeks or Heaven forbid the first few days it probably failed. Why? Because the foundation of the relationship was built on sex, you didn’t really know one another because sex became the center of everything.

How many of us have friends that say that the only time they are not arguing with their significant other is during sex? This is because that’s all the relationship is about. Real relationships are built on understanding one another, getting to know one another, becoming a team and forming a partnership. Sex is just the cherry on top, it’s the dessert. How many restaurants have you been to that serve the dessert first?

Now, for you ladies that feel you cannot go six months without sex, you have issues. Just kidding! Look, they make a variety of toys just for you. Pleasing yourself, it’s healthy, liberating and natural and six months is a small price to pay to have the man of your dreams for a lifetime.

I wish you ladies luck and I’m pulling for each and every one of you. He’s out there and he’s waiting even when he doesn’t know it. As men we’re not as smart as we think when it comes to matters of the heart, but one thing we know for sure is that when we chose a wife we want it to be one we earned and not one that we received too easily.