“Women are going to form a chain, a greater sisterhood than the world has ever known.”
— Nellie McClung
You meet a new guy and you love everything about him. He calls and your stomach gets knotted up, and when you’re around him you have butterflies. You cannot sleep because he’s always on your mind. Love, isn’t it grand? There is nothing as precious as new love, you cannot get enough of it. The feelings you get are indescribable, and you feel like you’re about to burst with excitement.
Late at night you lay in bed and you think of every single moment of time that you spent with him during the day. You review every single word spoken and chastise yourself for not saying the right thing at the right moment of the conversation. You feel awkward, like you’re a school girl with a crush and he’s the big man on campus.
You cannot wait for the next day to see him and take in the aroma of his cologne and look into his eyes once again. Every time he brushes against you or slightly touches your hand you get weak in the knees and you blush uncontrollably.
You find it difficult to concentrate and eating is a second thought, your appitite is vertually gone and you often wonder if you’ll actually be able to eat in front of him when you go out on your long anticipated date.
Love, there is nothing like it is there? However, on the flip side these same emotions can describe the way women feel when they’re heartbroken. The two basic issues of course are lack of appetite and sleep, but of course your stomach gets knotted just the same. You also wonder if it was something you said or did and if you could have done things differently.
Now the issue here is how do you keep from ever feeling like the latter of these two emotions? How do we insure that you never have your heart and emotions drug through the mud while you shed tears that could have been prevented.
Did you know that women can protect their own hearts by simply doing one thing at the beginning of every relationship, even before you begin to act like a love struck schoolgirl. Before you place your heart in the hands of a person that you thought dropped out of heaven, but may have came from a much lower area, you should find out from where he really came.
“There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”
— Madeleine Albright
Every man that you meet has a past. It’s that past that can determine your relationship fate. Before you throw caution to the wolves and fall head over heels in love with someone who may break your heart into, it behooves you to proceed with caution. Do your homework and attempt to discover who he really is and if possible, why?
It is amazing that more women don’t do what I am about to introduce you to, because if done properly it works to your benefit. Its also the hidden secret that men never want you to discover. Its the inside information straight from the horses mouth that could sink them where they stand when they are dishonest.
What is this secret that make men tremble in their boots? The girl that held his heart before you! She holds all the secrets that can mean success or failure for you if you enter into a relationship with the man that makes your heart pound faster.
Now before you decide that this is not a route you would chose to take lets take a look at it from a different angle. Think about your last boyfriend, what could you share with another woman that could spare her a harsh break-up and a broken heart. Was he good to you? Did he cheat on you or god forbid, hit you. You hold valuable information that could assist another woman whom might be sitting at home right now with butterflies in her stomach over a man that you know to be a liar and a cheat. If you could save her from heartbreak and despair, why wouldn’t you. If you don’t, when the day comes that he rips her heart out or hurt her in any other manner, you are just as responsible as he is because you could have and should have warned her if she asked.
It amazes me that we tend to not inquire about the person that held our love interests heart until after we break up with them. We tend to believe what our partners say about them and as with nature we side with the one we’re with. That is until that day after our hearts have been broken into tiny pieces, we wonder if all that was told to us was actually true.
Then by chance you meet the person, and discover that they are nothing like the person you were led to believe they were. These meetings always end with you gaining a good friend and with them informing you that had you contacted them they would have warned you about your former partner.
In every relationship there are two sides to the story of why it ended, the side you’re hearing and the silent side. Isn’t it interesting that the side you’re hearing is always the fault of the silent side. But lets be real, how many men have you met that will confess to cheating, beating, stealing from or lying to their ex’s? Better yet, how many men have you met that will inform you that yes, they do have a current girlfriend while they attempt to seduce you?
These are all the more reason for you to seek out his former partner before you jump into a relationship with him. Now we all know that sometimes people make up lies and are deceitful when they have been heartbroken, but all you have to remember is that somewhere between those lies is the truth.
Now many of you are scratching your heads wondering, “How would you react if a strange woman approached you and inquired about your ex?” How would you respond? Hopefully, with dignity and respect as all adults should. If the relationship is over then its over, you both should have moved on by now, so what could it really hurt to assist someone else?
If your ex was a great guy and things simply flamed out on your relationship, then wouldn’t it be wise to inform her of that fact. Would it seriously hurt you to offer her pointers in how she might make their relationship last? Hell, in actuality you know so much about him and if you chose to hold on to that information, then you are really doing a disservice to your ex and the female that’s interested in him, don’t you think?
Now, on the other hand if he was a total jerk and she needs to be warned about him it could be wise to do so. However, it should be done with tactfulness. Sit her down and ask her exactly what she wants to know? Put yourself in her shoes, if his ex before you had told you what you needed to know, would it have prevented your heartbreak? Could it have saved you from anguish and sadness? Would you have headed her warnings? Then ask yourself this, “Can you really walk away knowing that she is headed down a path to pain and refuse to help? Ever heard of karma?
This failure to assist one another is a prime example of why our society is decaying right now. It’s not my problem, so I don’t want to get involved is our new motto. Many times I have wondered what may have been if OJ’s ex before Nichole had informed her of what he was really like? Would Scott Peterson’s late wife have heeded a warning from another woman before choosing to marrying him? I know that these examples are extreme, or are they? However, what I am sure of is that each and everyone of you hold the key to the happiness or suffering of another woman. The only question that remains, is are you willing to share that key or not?
I know it would be awkward for someone to approach you about your ex, however these questions come in many forms. So the next time you get a friend request from your ex’s current girlfriend, don’t be so quick to dismiss it. There may be something that she wants to ask you but isn’t sure how to proceed.
If the thought of this make you uneasy there is another way as there always is. Visit my fellow bloggers site and you can post about your ex anonymously. This way any woman that is interested in him can locate the info she needs right there and no one will be the wiser. Also, while you are there, you can check up on your current beau, or someone you may have had you eye on. Its free, and although most of the comments are negative, like I stated earlier, somewhere between the two extremes, lies the truth.
So if you have the time or you’re simply curious, please visit www.cheateralert.com, you never know what you may discover or what you may be able to contribute to someone else s happiness.
Sometimes, when we get just too damn comfortable too soon with a new person we tend to let our guard down and throw caution to the wind. You have to understand that just because you feel comfortable with him doesn’t necessarily mean that he feels the same way about you. He may tell you he does, but then again he may be on the bubble with where your relationship is heading.
In my past I terminated several relationships because of a simple comment that just grated me to the point where regardless of how I tried I couldn’t get over. Looking back now, I agree I was really very shallow when it came to relationships. Now that I know this, I also understand that as a man, I am not alone and men that you have met or will meet may be shallow in the beginning as well.
With this knowledge, I figured it may benefit you to know that there are some things that you may not want to say, regardless of how comfortable you may feel in the beginning of the relationship. However, as many of you probably know, once the relationship is defined and is solid then anything you say will not be held against you in the court of love. (Ah, unless it’s a lie, then all bets are off.)
Moving on, lets get to “8 Things you should never say to a man, if you want to keep him!” (note: These are things that you may not want to say while you two are in the beginning stages of what you hope to be a long term relationship, ok?)
1) I want to be a stay at home mom;
What men hear: She wants a rich guy to take care of her and do nothing but have kids. Men want partners and since for years women have preached equality, we expect you to help carry the load. Now on the other hand, if he is rich or on his way to being rich this may work out fine. However in this economy it’s all hands on deck and that means you as well.
2) I once dated my boss;
What men hear: She’s looking for a man with power and if I am not it, it could be her next or current boss. Also, there is this old saying that you should never shit where you eat, which means sleeping with the boss is not a smart move. Oh, and now we think about what her reputation in the office is like. Office gossip is brutal and she gave them a lot to work with. Time to move on suddenly sounds good for us.
3) I like women too:
What men hear: Most of the men I have talked to regarding this type of situation informed me that in the beginning they thought that they had hit the jackpot. In the end they said they wish they had never known. Visions of three ways clouded their judgment. They all assured me that it was great and exciting when it first began because they had convinced themselves that it wasn’t cheating as long as it was only with women. Wrong!
How secure could he possibly be when he knows that his girlfriend is trolling for women with a higher success rate than he and his friends ever had? After awhile the excitement wears off and jealousy appears as with any relationship when a third person is introduced into the equation.
A woman once told me that there is no such thing as being bi-sexual. She said that people whom say that they are, really are saying that they are selfish sexually and its all about them. She went on to say that regardless of if they are with a man or woman, all they really care about is their own needs being met. I don’t know if she’s right or wrong on this and I am not in a position to argue either way.
4) You are the biggest I have ever had;
What men hear: I have been with numerous men and I am checking sizes and discussing them with my girlfriends. We really don’t like to think about your sexual conquests to begin with, because in our minds you were a virgin when we met. You just killed that image with that one statement and to make matters worse you were probably just trying to make us feel good. Now we can’t shake the thought of you out of our minds, measuring privates of men lined up with towels wrapped around them. Ugh!
5)I have never done this before:
What men hear: With me! Especially if you suddenly take control right in the middle of it and seem to anticipate our every move. You should never utilize those words to a man especially if its while in bed. It’s equally bad if you just met him or you’ve liked him for awhile and its the first time you two have been alone and he talked you into bed.
Note: The funny thing about men, yours truly included is that women are right when they think that when it comes to sex, once we get an erection we stop thinking clearly. However, once that erection subsides we replay the whole conversation that got us into the situation to begin with. So, if you said something that didn’t bother us while we were trying to satisfy our needs it will jump out at us when clarity returns. This clarity period is a main reason for one night stands.
6)My last boyfriend did it like this:
What we hear: We are being compared to some guy who for whatever reason still occupies your thoughts. This is not good, because in order for us to feel comfortable with you, we’d like to think that only we occupy your thoughts. Not only that, but hell if he was so great, why are you with me?
7) We have to keep our relationship a secret:
What we hear: This is sometimes said when the parties are of different racial or economic backgrounds. Problem is that now he feels as though he’s good enough to sleep with but not good enough to be seen with. Yep, men don’t like this type of situation either. We start out saying that we can handle it, but in the end we hate it too. Remember the saying, “Forbidden things are sweeter”, they really aren’t.
8) You once tried to get pregnant:
What we hear: You want a baby and you may try to have one by us without our knowledge. This is a scary thought if we’re just beginning. Most men aren’t comfortable with the premise of having a child so quickly and you’ll notice that although you’re taking birth control pills, he still insist on wearing a condom as well. You know he’s uncomfortable if even with the condom on he still withdraws before ejaculation.
I guess I could actually add several other things not to say as well, but I’ll just list a few without commenting on them so you’ll know.
9) I need a man to pay my bills.
10) I had an abortion.
11) I was once with multiple men at once- You may want to keep this to yourself
12) I was a teenage prostitute.
14) I was molested.
15) I was in rehab, twice.
16) I had a eating disorder.
17) I used to cut myself occasionally.
18) I tried to commit suicide.
19) My last boyfriend is on death row.
20) I am awaiting sentencing.
The point I am trying to make is this. In relationships there should be no secrets if it is to blossom and grow. However, it is important that you get to know the person before you decide to tell them some things. When we are really comfortable with one another and we both know where its headed then anything you say will more than likely be forgiven. However, if you say them too soon they’ll be used solely as a reason to exit by menn who may not have wanted to be with you long term to begin with.
When we love someone and I am not talking about lust, but true love, we can accept the fact that we all have skeletons, or crutches in life. The things you say in the beginning that could make a man run, could actually bring him closer when he’s actually had the time to get to know you and love you for who you are.
This post is somewhat long, however I challenge you to read it because there is a moral to this story that you simply may not want to miss ~ Anonymousmale1
How many of you have bought puppies in your life? You go down to the pet store and you’re excited and apprehensive at the same time. You walk into the pet shop and you walk to all the holding pens looking for the puppy that you feel will be your perfect pick.
Many of the puppies are all giddy at the prospect that they could possibly go home with you. They do everything they can to get your attention. They run up to the window and jump around, bark sharply and whimper when you walk to the next window.
Then you spot one and he’s excited and he’s posturing just for you. You tap on the glass and he dances around panting and barking and as you smile he gets even more excited. You request that the shop employee remove him to allow you to play with him a bit to see if he is exactly what you want.
She guides you to a small holding area and soon return with this beautiful puppy that’s eager to meet you as well. You take him in your arms and hold him, kiss him on the head pet him and play with him. He gets so excited he urinates, and you don’t mind because you’ve already decided he’s the puppy you’ll be taking home.
You alert the sale associate that you’d like to buy him and she leads you through the isles as you select items he’ll need, a bed, food, toys and a collar and leash. She then guides you to the register to ring up your sale which will total way over the amount you originally wanted to spend, but you’re happy, he’s happy and that’s all that matters.
As you’re standing in line while the associate completes the transaction, you look back at the small cubicle that once was your new puppies home. In the back of the cubicle you for the first time observe an identical puppy that you hadn’t even noticed. He’s sitting there now in the front of the cage watching you. He’s watching you with eyes that say he understands, he’s not bitter for not being selected and his expression shows that this is not the first time he wasn’t chosen. However, he still holds the look of love in his eyes and its difficult for you to break your gaze away from him.
With your transaction completed you go home with your newly purchased puppy with the wagging tail and the cute bark. You soon forget about the puppy that was left behind.
You arrive at your home and you place the puppy on the floor and what does he do? He takes a shit on your brand new carpet, then he looks up at you with those loving eyes as to say, “Sorry about that”. You forgive him of course and begin the task of attempting to house train him.
Days turn to weeks and weeks to months and there are times that his cuteness is wearing thin. Frustration sets in, how many pairs of your expensive shoes can he destroy. How many times can you step in puppy puddles in the middle of the night before you feel you’ll go mad.
Your mom comes over and you know what your puppy does? He humps her leg, as a matter of fact, he humps every womans leg that gets in his vicinity. people think he’s cute and when you explain to them how difficult it has been, they tell you, “He’s just a puppy, he’ll grow out of it”, secretly, you wonder.
He barks excessively, driving you and your neighbor nuts. Walking him is a chore, it always ends up with him walking you. He never listens to you and the only time he even appears to care is when you feed him. The rest of the time he’s being destructive.
This goes on for months and you are at your wit’s end, not to mention that this cute puppy now weighs a whopping 75 pounds. Now when he’s walking you in the park, you pray that no one comes anywhere near you with another dog because if it’s a male, a fight will surely occur. If it’s a female in heat she doesn’t stand a chance because he’ll be on her and at his weight the chance of you keeping him off her is slim to none.
Finally you’ve had enough and you talk your cousin who has a house with a few acres of land into taking your once cute puppy off of your hands. You rationalize this situation by telling yourself that what he needs is a very large rural area to run around in. You tell yourself that your small 900 square foot apartment was simply too small for him and he felt cramped.
When he was finally gone you felt remorseful. For weeks you thought about driving the 3 hours to your cousin’s house and taking him back. You miss him and it became difficult to sleep without him there to protect you and although he still refused to be house trained you felt comfortable and safe having him around. You felt guilty for sending him away and you hope and pray that he’s happy, although you’re miserable as hell.
Then one-day while reminiscing you walked through the park where he used to walk you. You though about the time when he basically drug you just to sniff a female dog that was out with her master. You still have the scars on your knee as a reminder.
While sitting on the bench with tears filling your eyes while you think about how much of a failure you are for not being able to make him happy something amazing happens. A ball bounces in your direction and you pick it up. Before you realise it a dog identical to your runs down the hill and directly up to you. You think it is a miracle and you cannot take your eyes off of him. He stops his run and slowly walks toward you as you are holding his tennis ball in your hands.
As he gets near and then directly in front of you he sits down and he gazes deeply into your eyes as you reach the ball out to him. Looking into his eyes you are startled, this is the same dog who while as a puppy stared at you in the pet store. He takes the ball and heads back up the hill to his master. You decide to follow to see who the lucky recipient will be.
When you arrive on the other side of the slop you watch in amazement as the dog returns the ball to the sales associate whom had rung up you transaction that day in the pet store. He returned it with such love and care that you instantly became envious.
Your curiosity gets the better of you and you decided to approach her. You had many questions you wanted to ask. Upon approach she recognized you instantly. After awkwardly explaining how you’d given your dog up, she explained to you how she’d selected it’s brother.
She told you that day in the park that in the beginning there were 5 identical puppies in the pet store and that women just like you had selected the most aggressive of the litter. All had eventually given up on their puppies as they became dogs and had given them away or taken them to shelters. They simply couldn’t control them or change their behavior.
She said that a few days after you had purchased your puppy she was cleaning the cage and after taking a long look into the remaining puppies eyes she decided she wanted him. She said that he wasn’t excited, he simply sat back and watched everyone. She likened it to someone who was looking for a special place, a special home a special friend. She felt that she was special, so why not her and took him home.
She went on to tell you that she never had to house train him, he’d never been on a leash, never chewed anything in her home and only barked while they played. It was like he simply instantly knew what she wanted or needed. When she was happy, he was happy, if she was sad, so was he. She stated from day one she was never his master, but rather his life mate and they both enjoyed one another’s companionship.
Before you left you asked one last question. You wanted to know if her years of working in the pet store teach her which puppies turn out great and which do not? She laughed and told you that in reality she had never owned a puppy before. However, she went on, ” Although I did look for the one I thought needed love as opposed to ones that only loved themselves”.
With that she and her well-behaved, happy, obedient companion disappeared walking side by side, no leash necessary.
The Moral of this story is:
Many times this is how you as women select men as well. You walk into a crowded room and the man who catches your attention is the one that creates the most commotion. They draw attention to themselves in any and every way possible.
If you’re at a bar or a Night Club these are the men the approach you offering drinks or to dance. If you’re at school, these are the guys who approach you and want to start conversation. These types of men make a bee-line directly to almost every beautiful woman in their vicinity begging for you to take them home.
What you fail to notice is that generally they are in the company of another guy. The guy who never feels the need to make an ass of himself by humping your leg. This guy is the one who will not approach you or make a fool of himself. He quietly sits back and occasionally will make eye contact with you, but never for too long.
He is the guy who doesn’t want the attention of every woman on the planet, he simply wants the attention of one. You’ve met him many times and generally you’ve been enchanted by the antics of his friend and when you return to their table his crazy friend will introduce you and he’ll be polite but very soft-spoken. He won’t say too much to you but he will answer questions if you ask. He and his friend probably rode to the party or function together and if you chose to go home with his friend he’ll be in the car with you two (more than often the one driving, since he probably doesn’t drink).
Watching him closely he’ll probably open the door for you after his friend has already gotten into the car and dismissed this act as too gentlemanly for him. He’s the guy that doesn’t fixate on you, however you know that he looks at you differently.
He loves his friend but he really doesn’t approve of his antics and in most cases the way he treats women as a whole. However, he keeps his thoughts to himself because even though his friend (the one you chose) has flaws, he loves him anyway because that’s what friends are for. Friends love you regardless of how crazy you may appear to others, right.
When you get to their apartment (if they live together) he will simply disappear into his bedroom after wishing you good night. What you don’t know is that he is laying in his bed watching tv, while you are becoming a one night stand to a man who wrote the term.
Later after you’ve been used and abused and his friend doesn’t answer your calls anymore. You’ll remember his friend and one-day you’ll run into him at a mall or somewhere simple and he’ll be in the company of a girl that he treats like a queen. You’ll approach and he’ll say hello and being the respectful person that he is he’ll introduce you to his date. You’ll ask about his friend since now he’s avoiding you and he’ll lie for him (because they are friends) but his eyes are too hones and you’ll see that even this hurts him to do.
Guys like this are everywhere. They are the men that women think are myths and they really are not. They simply get overlooked because just like the puppies in the store, others require much more of your attention.
Why they don’t stand out more is anyones guess. Mine would be that many are simply waiting to be noticed by you. These are men who are shy, have been hurt or have a definite idea of exactly what they are looking for in a woman. Regardless of all of this, they are invisible to the women that so desperately need them.
So the next time you and your friends are out, try looking past the puppy that is doing all of the tricks to garner your attention. It’s the puppy in the window who simply is waiting for you to recognize his true worth that you should be seeking. It’s the man who needs someone to love him that is most valuable to your happiness, not the one that loves himself more than he could ever love you that will break your heart, again.
I get really good letters from women from around the world and I do my best to answer them all. Sometimes I receive one and it inspires me to write a post on it. Last week I was written to by a 19-year-old girl from Russia whom asked me this question. “Are there certain types of men women should not date?”
That was a very good question and after thinking about it for the last few days I decided to create a list for her. However, since I figured it could benefit my other readers as well I decided to post it here. While coming up with this list I decided to create it by taking into account all of the sorry ass men I have known in my life (to include the former me) and all of their characteristics.
I added to what I know by including information I have received about some so-called men from readers just like you, whom have unfortunately fallen prey to some of the dredges of society worldwide. Hopefully this information will assist some of you in the future and keep you from becoming victims of men who could really care less about you, but are good at faking their true feelings.
If any of the men I describe in this post reminds you of a former or even current boyfriend, please let us know by posting a comment. With that said, lets move on to this post:
9 Types of men you should never date:
#1- The Selfish Man: Selfish men can be described in a variety of ways. However, regardless of how you chose to describe them it all comes back to the same meaning, it’s all about them. Every single aspect of your relationship will be dictated by his quest to fulfill his own needs. From sex to support you will always be second when it comes to his needs being taken care of. You’ll quickly discover that with this type of man you are simply there to please him and to hell with you. Some women liken relationships with these types of men as fulfilling as playing second fiddle to a mistress.
Selfish men are the types of guys whom while you work hard to put food on the table he spends the day playing video games with his friends. To top that off, when you get home he expects you to cook for him and his friends. He’s the guy who when he takes you to dinner, you pay.
A selfish man is the guy who refuses to come and see you on his day off, but always has time to go hang out with his boys. He’s also the guy who lives by the mantra that he can do as he please in the relationship, however he criticizes you for what you do.
The selfish man is the guy who will not open your car door, help you carry groceries, never assist you with chores, he spends his money on what he likes but makes you explain what you purchased with yours. The list goes on and on, so I know you get my point.
#2- The Possessive Man: Where have you been? Why are you late coming home? You cannot wear that in public. Why do you need to go see your family? Welcome to some of your dating experience with a possessive man. Sadly though, these are just some of the negative things you’ll endure dealing with men of this type. They have also been known to be extremely jealous, aggressive and tend to have violent outbreaks. These outbreaks eventually will be aimed at you, especially if he fears that he may lose you. Women like to be loved, however when that love takes on a whole different meaning then there is a serious problem. What starts out as a mistaken case of jealousy could land you in a relationship where you are someones possession, just like a car, clothes, computers and more. Possessions that can be destroyed in a fit of anger.
Hey remember OJ? Drew Peterson? Or any of the other idiots whom went out and killed their wives, these are all possessive men. In the beginning his hints of jealousy is cute, in the end unfortunately it could be dangerous as well. Think about that the next time a boyfriend demands to know where you are or gets animated when you arrive home simply because you arrived later than he thought you should have. You also might want to pay particular attention when he attempts to separate you from your family and friends. If this happens, you may want to take this opportunity to get out of the relationship while you still can, and make sure that you let family members and friends know why you got out of this situation. Also, when some friend or family member tries to explain his behavior away by reminding you that he was just worried about your safety and that he loves you, tell them to date him and leave you the hell alone!
#3- The Dreamer: This list includes men whom capture you with their aspirations to be “Rock Stars”,” Actors”, “Rappers” or some other type of star that will make them tons of money and unfortunately leave you out in the cold. These men will do whatever it takes to get what they want out of life with the exception of holding down a steady job to assist you with keeping a roof over your heads or putting food on the table.
I wish I had a nickle for every woman I’ve ever met that wound up on a stripper pole because a dreamer assured her that the large sums of cash she’d make would help him get to the top so much sooner. Five years later and while she’s sliding around on strange mens laps to make a buck, he’s at home still no closer to becoming a star than when they first met. He on the other hand probably now has a drug addiction (because somehow he thought drugs would do for him what you couldn’t, inspire him) and he is probably spending more money than you could ever bring in, even if that club was open 24 hours a day.
Now, don’t get me wrong, occasionally one of these low life’s make it to the big time. However, guess who won’t be going with him? That’s right, you! Yep, as soon as he gets a taste of the good life he doesn’t need you anymore or any of the children you allowed him to (father, nope not a good word, lets say have) with you.
Oh and the main reason he’ll leave you behind? Because he’s just like the man I described above, he’s selfish!
#4- The Jail Bird: Who in their right mind would have anything to do with a man who simply cannot keep his life straight? This nonsense happens all the time and it’s simply without a doubt, STUPID! Life is hard enough without taking on the extra baggage of a man who is in trouble with law enforcement. There is nothing more devastating than having the local PD kick your door in at five o’clock in the morning and haul his sorry ass to jail while you stand there in your bath robe holding a crying 3-year-old.
These types of men are simply selfish, they only think about themselves and what the world can do for them. I can understand a single brush with the law, however multiple brushes are unacceptable. With a man like this you will never, ever, have a normal relationship, period! How can you when he’s in and out of jail.
It sickens me when men walk around trying to be hard. Whatever, hard is getting your sorry ass out of bed every morning to go to a real job. Hard is doing whatever it takes to keep your parents name clean. Hard is taking care of the woman you say you love by being there for her every single day, not just when you’re out on parole.
Sometimes I think that these men are actually closet homosexuals. Think about it, what man in his right mind wants to be surrounded by nothing but men for months on end with no females in sight. Then to get out of jail and a few months later they’re right back in, please!
#5- The Party Animal: It’s ok to go out and have fun every now and then, but if you get the wrong man, he may want to make everyday a party. That shit may be cute in College, but in the real world it’s B.S. I know guys whom have graduated College and landed great jobs, only to be fired for something as simple as a piss test.
Going out with his boys every night is childish. When a man has a beautiful woman whom wants nothing more to spend quality time with him, why in the world would he want to be out with a bunch of hard legs (men)? Moderation is the key and if he doesn’t understand that then he has no self-control and furthermore he lacks what you really need as his woman. Do you know what that is? It’s the ability to commit. If he was really intent on committing to you and only you, then he really has no reason to spend all of his time being the life of the party.
Guys like this crack me up because generally they come home unannounced, only to find that his girl had tired of his parting and gallivanting around as if he wasn’t in a relationship. In his absence she replaced him with someone a little more stable and then the party animal realises that the party is over and he’s heartbroken as if it’s her fault. Go figure. My brother once told me that women have needs, wants and desires, and if you’re not there to fulfill them, someone else surely will. I believe that to this day.
#6- The Player: Ah, the player, the guy who spends all his money on matching sweat suits and high-priced sneakers. He drives around in a BMW with a payment higher than most peoples mortgage, while he lives at home with his mom or other family member.
He’s the guy with the reputation and most women will ignore the warnings figuring that they will be different from every woman who has fallen before them. Wrong! The car looks fly and the gear he is wearing is off the chart, but underneath all of that glitz he’s still a loser.
Let me break it down for you in a manner in which anyone can understand, ok? Any man who spends 40 thousand dollars or above for a car and rents his home is a fool. Why, you may ask? Well, lets look at it this way, a vehicle is not an investment. The day you drive it off the lot, it depreciated 15%. So using 40 thousand as a marker, after signing the paper, handing over your cash and getting the keys to your brand new car, once you stick that key into the ignition it is now worth 34 thousand dollars if you tried to trade it in. Also since he’s driving this expensive car and renting his place to stay (providing he’s not staying with mom) he’s receiving no tax credits for paying someone elses mortgage. That’s what I call insane, and you and I see it every single day! Looks cool on the surface as these guys slowly drive by trying to get your attention, but underneath its pure lunacy.
Now, if he was an intelligent man this is what he would do. He would purchase his home first and even in this economy it’s easier most times to get a home loan than a car loan. This way he now is a home owner and he has a substantial investment. It doesn’t even have to be a single family dwelling, it can be an apartment. Either way he will receive a tax credit each and every year. Once he has his home secured then he purchases the vehicle, and since he’s a home owner it doesn’t have to be an expensive one at that. Why? Because which would you rather have a man with a Mercedes who lives with his mom or roommates? Or the man who drives a Honda and owns his own place? Make sense?
The man who subscribes to purchasing items for the future may look boring on the surface, but he understands that planning for his future wife and offspring are paramount to a happy and successful family. Doing it the other way around, not planning and living in the moment of simply looking good is a disaster for you as a woman to attempt to unravel later. Do you want to waste that much of your time?
#7- The Mammas Boy: It’s ok to love your mom, don’t get me wrong but when you allow your mother to dictate to you who you should date it’s a serious problem. Now my mother knew that she could have input into my dating selection, however that’s all it was, input. The final decision came down to me. Her feelings on this was simply, as long as I was happy, so was she regardless of whom I selected.
I’ve known people whom have been exiled out of families because of the woman they chose to date. It sounds crazy but it happens. However, when these issues happen I blame the man because as a man he hasn’t shown his mother that he is capable of making a sound decision on his own. He’s failed to show her that he is an adult and that this is his life and the woman he chose should be accepted because he and only he has the right to decide who is good enough for him.
I know moms mean well, however she needs to understand that if she is not happy with his selection then she too is at fault because he is simply working off of the values she instilled in him.
As a man, if he cannot take you home to meet his mom because of your color, nationality, religious beliefs or any other reason then he is not a man, he’s simply pretending to be. As a woman, why would you share your bed with a man who doesn’t have the intestinal fortitude (guts) to inform his mom and family that you are the one that makes him happy and you are the one that he will be keeping. Further telling them that they need to accept this fact and treat you as his girlfriend/wife in the manner in which he demands you be treated.
If he cannot do that for the love of you, then you need to kick his sorry ass to the curb because he is exactly the type of man you want to avoid, a mammas boy, pretending to be a man. She raised him, she needs to accept his decisions on who his mate is.
#8- The Seed Spreader: I call these guys this because they have children everywhere. I know a young woman and one day while working together a few years ago she introduced me to her then boyfriend. He was a pretty nice guy and she was really in love with him. A few months later she was pregnant and while pregnant she became really moody one day and began to vent her frustrations to me. It came out that he couldn’t keep a job and it was driving her crazy, especially since they had a child coming. I inquired as to what the problem was and she confided in me that he had five other children by three different women and whenever he got settled into a job the State would find out and garnish his wages leaving him with basically no pay. So to combat this he would simply quit and move on to another job, so he could receive some money before the State discovered and took it all for back child support.
I had to ask if she knew about this before deciding to have a child with him? She informed me that since they had only recently moved in together she had just discovered this issue and it was driving her insane.
Why any man would father children with multiple women is a mystery to me. However, the bigger mystery is why women would even consider a man whom are in this situation? There is no future to be had with any man whom has allowed himself to fit this label. In today’s society whenever you are offered a job in most states they have you sign a document informing them if you are responsible for paying child support or not. If you lie on the form, once the Department of Human Services catch up with you (they monitor your social security number) and it is determined that you are supposed to pay child support then the company can terminate you for lying on your initial application. So unless he has mad skills and makes a shit load of money, chances are he’ll never have enough to take care of you and any children you may have.
This type of reckless behavior causes havoc in all the participants lives, especially the women and children he left behind. These types of people is exactly why I cannot stand to watch “Maury”, because in reality Maury Povich is reckless too. What his ass should be doing is not only conducting paternity tests but he should be making his guest undergo AIDs testing as well. Com’ on could you really date a guy who may be one of eight to have fathered some girls baby? Damn, just thinking about that makes me want to run and take a shower.
#9- The Victim: Ever had a boyfriend who thought the world was out to get him? His ass was always complaining about why he couldn’t get ahead and it was always someone elses fault. He didn’t get a raise because he was a white male, or a black man. Never once will he tell you the truth and tell you that he didn’t get the job because he’s lazy as hell and will not do what it takes to get ahead.
He gets pulled over by a cop and although the windows of his car are tinted, he complains that because of his race or ethnicity he was profiled. Even though you both know that the cop had no idea who was driving because he couldn’t see in the damn car.
This type of guy is always the victim and it’s always someone elses fault. He always complain that because he refuses to kiss ass at work they won’t promote him, or the guy that got promoted plays golf with the boss. He’ll attempt something like start his own business and if it doesn’t succeed he’ll blame God before he’ll assume responsibility of its failure.
To him success or failure is based on luck. “Oh he’s just lucky is what he’ll say whenever something good happens to a friend or relative. He’ll go through his whole life (and yours too if you let him) making excuses for his own failures without ever accepting responsibility.
So the next time he calls someone who he should compliment, lucky. You tell him this, “The formula for luck, is when preparation meets opportunity.”
I hope that this list will assist some of you and help you avoid some real sorry men within our society. Love is blind, I know, however in the beginning, just for a minute before you lose your sight, you may see some of the characteristics in him that you read here today. If you do, I hope you have the presence of mind to take a step back and view him in a different light, because the next step that you take could be one that harms you or saves you from heartbreak or worse. I hope you make the wise decision. Good luck all.
I wrote this post months ago for a fellow blogger and received quite a bit of criticism from several persons whom feel that they are more qualified in this arena. They feel that you should never be given a time-table for when you should jump into bed with someone, that you should perform this function (sex) when the time feels right.
I feel that this approach sounds great if you’re a man. It can also be ok if you’re a woman and you’re not seriously seeking a lifetime partner. However as we all know, women unfortunately are held to a higher standard in this man-made society that we live in. Men can jump into bed with anyone (when it feels right) and at most he’s considered a stud to his friends and colleagues. Anyone want to guess what a woman whom does the same thing is considered by society. Thats right!
One guy even stated that the time frame I gave was too long only to discover that the sex is bad when it finally happens, and you’ll have wasted time. To this I say if the real goal is lasting love and during the process this is what you achieve you still win. Why? Because of the love that you and your mate created you are now able to communicate without worry of hurting one another’s feelings the adjustments necessary to make the love-making session more fulfilling for you both. Try this with someone that you slept with simply because it felt right. It can be pretty awkward to say the least.
With that said please let me state for the record that this is their opinion and I respect it although I simply don’t agree. As for you my readers, everything that I write is simply a suggestion to you based on my life’s experience of being a man. Wether you chose to implement the information that I pass on to you is totally up to you.
Now, as for what you are about to read I would like to ask that after you’re done reading this post that you reflect on your past failed relationships and any relationships where you may have slept with someone because the timing felt right. Then honestly answer this question: How’d that work out for you?
This is a question that most women ask. Is there such a thing as “safe? Not really, it becomes safe when you determine what his true intentions are. Too many women use sex as a way to label their relationship. They feel that if they sleep with a man then from this point on they are considered a couple. Why? Because he slept with you and that’s what couples do, right? Wrong!
The real question should be, “Where do we stand?” Are we a couple? Just dating? What? These questions should be explored and answered to your satisfaction before you ever consider sleeping with someone.
Not only should you get the proper answer but his actions should reflect what his mouth is saying. Just in case you didn’t know, we men lie all the time to get sex. Regardless of how much it may hurt someone, we still will say and do whatever it takes to please ourselves. Hopefully you caught that, “Please ourselves”, because until we hit the ripe old age of thirty, your pleasure is an afterthought.
Now with that revelation out in the open let’s try to determine “When is it safe to have sex with a guy you are dating?”
The key to this is what are your goals? If you’re seeking a long time relationship then as a man I feel the proper time frame is after six months. When I first stated this fact I received hundreds of letters from women worldwide telling me I was crazy. They stated no man would wait that long and most of the women also said that they couldn’t either. My answer to them was this, if he cannot wait that long to get to know you intimately, then all he wanted was a piece of a— anyway so why would you even want him around?
If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, it starts with really getting to know someone. This means communicating, talking about things, discovering one another. Holding hands, late night talks, walks in the park, movies and dinners. Finding out what each persons plans are and determining if you really match one another. Is he the one?
If you remove sex from this equation it is easy to determine if he is a suitable mate. Trust me when I tell you that if he’s only after one thing (sex) and you’re not sure, he’ll be gone in the first thirty days or so. Saving you a lifetime of regret and frustration, for having given someone who didn’t earn the right to make love to you. Let me rephrase that statement, forget the make love part, the right to f— you. Because to him, if he didn’t earn it that’s exactly what he did. This is exactly what he’ll tell his friends.
If he’s around past thirty days he stands a good chance of being the one. At forty-five days his stock rises and so does yours in his eyes. What women fail to understand about this ritual is this, the signs that you send him by making him wait is that you’re a good woman, wife material and that you haven’t been jumping in and out of bed with everyone whom took you to McDonald’s.
This knowledge is powerful to men. Men want a woman whom they know haven’t been the victim of predators who only wanted to taste the sweet nectar and then fly away to the next flower, leaving you wilted and jilted. They love and I mean this literally a woman whom they can really get to know for who they actually are. They respect that and it speaks volumes when it comes to telling their boys that you are different.
At ninety days he’s about ready to meet your parents because even though he won’t tell you he really wants to tell them how much he appreciates you and the job they did raising you. During this time, he’ll probably send flowers because he knows that you’re not sleeping with someone else and he’s just happy you allow him the opportunity to be in your presence. However, he’s still going to test you to make sure this isn’t some type of trick. He’s going to do whatever he can to try to get you alone and set the tone for a sexual tryst. Most times we offer to take you on a trip (overnight of course) to another city. We simply do this to allow us the chance to sleep in the same room and hopefully the same bed with you. Remember; resist this and all other offers of this type. Later, he’ll thank you and you’ll be thankful too.
At 150 days, he’ll be at a point where he knows you and you he and you’ll actually become a couple. However, even before this you should have already let him know that you’ll have it no other way and although you enjoy his company he needs to decide where the relationship is heading. Let’s place a note here: Women always control the relationship, men are only along for the ride. You control the sex, you control us, let me say that once again. You control the sex, you control us! It’s that simple and as long as you plan it out in advance you’ll never go wrong.
At 180 days, he’s forgotten about the sex, but he knows one thing and by then you should too. He loves you! Not because of rolling around in bed, but because in six months he’s been there for you and you he and you can now finish one another’s sentences. You know what he likes and dislikes and vise versa, you’re at ease with one another there is no loss on either side.
He knows that he has a woman who is not sleeping around and he’s secure with that knowledge. You’ll find that jealousy in your relationship will not be an issue because he’ll always remember that it took him six long months to make love to you, so the next guy will have to work twice as hard. He’ll trust you more than any man you’ve ever had, and you’ll both be happier for the wait.
Sex is great, but if it is utilized in the wrong ways it becomes something with no meaning and tons of implications. I know and I’ve known for a long time that women have needs, wants and desires just like men. They suppress these urges in order to avoid being labeled negatively. If you are not careful and move too quickly or be enticed into moving too quickly you could possibly destroy any chance you have of landing the right man for you. In case you didn’t know, men talk. Not only do they talk, they talk a whole lot. Why? They talk to be considered the big man on campus, in the office or neighborhood and unfortunately it’s your virtue that’s at stake. Your reputation could be ruined, and his boasting could cost you the love of your life.
Oh, and all the guys that couldn’t last six months? They were not worthy of you and therefore feel that you are not worthy of them waiting to bed you. In the end, you win because they moved on with nothing to show for their time except maybe a lie or two and that’s easily overcame by just being honest and moving on. However, later much later when he sees you with a real man, one willing to wait he’ll secretly be pissed because he knows you were really worth it all along.
Before I end this I’d like for you to be honest with yourself for a moment and answer this question. How good could you actually expect your relationship to be if you gave someone the most intimate part of you without him actually earning it? Look back on every bad relationship you’ve had and honestly assess it. If you had sex with your partner quickly, in the first month, first weeks or Heaven forbid the first few days it probably failed. Why? Because the foundation of the relationship was built on sex, you didn’t really know one another because sex became the center of everything.
How many of us have friends that say that the only time they are not arguing with their significant other is during sex? This is because that’s all the relationship is about. Real relationships are built on understanding one another, getting to know one another, becoming a team and forming a partnership. Sex is just the cherry on top, it’s the dessert. How many restaurants have you been to that serve the dessert first?
Now, for you ladies that feel you cannot go six months without sex, you have issues. Just kidding! Look, they make a variety of toys just for you. Pleasing yourself, it’s healthy, liberating and natural and six months is a small price to pay to have the man of your dreams for a lifetime.
I wish you ladies luck and I’m pulling for each and every one of you. He’s out there and he’s waiting even when he doesn’t know it. As men we’re not as smart as we think when it comes to matters of the heart, but one thing we know for sure is that when we chose a wife we want it to be one we earned and not one that we received too easily.
Happy New Year! I hope all of you enjoyed a very Happy New year and that you have stuck to the resolutions that you made during this period. I simply hope that your resolution for the New Year wasn’t to give up on men because by condemning all men due to the actions of one is foolish.
As I have said before and I will state it again, “There are good men out there for each and every one of you.” The problem most times is that women tend to settle and at times you settle for the wrong guy.
With that said, I figured today I would give you a list that will make the wrong men a little less harder to identify. Hopefully this list will be beneficial to you and your friends and assist you ladies in narrowing down the search for true love, unconditional love.
So ladies, grab a cup of coffee or your favorite drink and lets look at the 10 Things that Screams, He’s a Dog!” Hopefully you’ll find it entertaining, insightful and educational.
10 Situations that Scream, “He’s a Dog!”
He asks for your phone number and you just met:
If this happens to you or has happened to you the results were probably less than positive. You’re so excited that this cute guy whom you have just only met is interested in you, wow! However, during this excitement you failed to think about several important elements.
OK, you know you’re beautiful (or you should anyway) and if this guy is so cute or handsome, why doesn’t he have a girlfriend? Or does he? Now that you have time to think and breath, think about this. If he asks for your number, the chances that he already is involved with someone raises significantly. By obtaining your number, he can control when he talks to you without running the risk of being found out by his significant other.
Another thing that most women fail to recognize immediately is that he possibly didn’t ask if you were in a relationship. If you are and he still requested the number, he has little respect for you, your mate and the sacred right of being in a monogamous relationship.
However, if you are in a relationship and you even entertained the idea of giving him your number then you too have little respect for the above.
During this exciting faze you also probably overlooked the ease that it took for him to ask you, a woman that he doesn’t know for your number. What you should have thought automatically was that, he’s done this before and has had a lot of practice. Which means that you’re not as special to him as you think, in reality you’re simply available at this time.
Think about these things the next time someone you don’t know or barely know asks for your number, there are many things you should think about beside the fact that he’s cute or not.
If you are unattached and actually a little interested, try this to balance things out. Instead of giving him your number, ask if it is possible that you can have his number instead. This serves two purposes, one being that if you’re interested you don’t have to sit around waiting to see if he will call. Also, meeting men is like buying a dress. It looked good in the store, however when you get home you may not like it as much. So by getting his number you don’t have to worry about avoiding his calls if you change your mind later.
Above all this, by asking him for his number you get the opportunity to watch his body language and actions. If he has a significant other he’ll probably give you some lame excuse about how he lost his cell phone so you should call his mothers house or his home phone. All the while he’ll begin to fidget as he tries to weasel his way through a load of B.S.
Regardless, if you take the number and call him and another woman answers the phone, don’t hang up. If she asks who you are, tell her the truth, that being that he asked you to call him. If she says that she is his wife or girlfriend, explain to her that you meant no harm and had he informed you that he was attached you would not have accepted the number. End the conversation by apologizing for the call and inform her that you will not be calling again. Be polite and place yourself in her shoes, how would you feel. If she asks questions, answer them as best you can and overlook her rudeness because it will change from anger to thankfulness in a matter of minutes. You have nothing to hide and you just met him so you also have nothing to lose. She’s really not mad at you anyway, it’s him that her anger is directed at as it should be. Lesson # 2:
He’s trying to impress you with his Car:
Cars! There I said it. Some men still think that if they have a nice car that they can have any woman that they chose. It’s as though this automobile instantly transforms them into a chick magnet and it gives them the courage to approach any woman without fear of rejection.
Sounds crazy doesn’t it? However, crazy things work too in the world of men. It appears funny that any man would equate what he drives with his ability to attract women, but sadly it many times works!
How many times have you and your girlfriends driven through the park on a nice sunny day because you know that men will be out waxing their cars? In cities all across the U.S., when spring arrives, the sun begins to shine and the flowers and tress start to bloom, young people flock to parks everywhere. Girls in shorts walk through the grass as young men shirtless, wax their pride and joy while music blasts out of their sound systems.
Unfortunately, before actually seeing the guy women actually notice the car and it becomes a magnet and at the least a reason to start up a conversation.
We’ve all pretty much done this at some point in our young life. Hell, my very first vehicle out of High School was a pristine British Sports car and second to the fact that I was a College Basketball player this car played a big part in the amount of women that scored with.
Today, nothing has changed. I listened in as my son and his friends harped on and on about how when they were old enough they were going to by Mercedes, Lexus and Corvettes because they knew that this would help them with the ladies.
Not all women are that gullible to date a man based on his mode of transportation, however unfortunately there are some. So when you are in a conversation with a man and he attempts to steer you in the direction of asking him what he drives, you now know why? His aim is to impress you with 22″ rims and a sound system to die for, all in the hopes that it will make him appear worthy enough to separate you from your clothes.
I say this because chances are that he loves that car more than he will ever possibly love you. Why? Because that car makes him popular and it attracts young immature women who don’t know any better and because they don’t he can have his way with them. Can you do that for him? Or better yet, would you? I didn’t think so.
So the next time you look at the car first and the guy second, think about this, you’re not the only woman that could possibly fall into this trap and he knows it too.
Lesson # 3:
You live in the same town, but after two months he still hasn’t introduced you to his family:
When you fall in love you really want to share that feeling with everyone. Friends, family and the whole damn world is supposed to share in your bliss. Men are the same as women in this respect, with the exception that they tend to introduce you to their friends first.
Note: We do this because we want them to envy us over just how damn beautiful you are!
Once we’ve wallowed in that ecstasy and gotten not only our friends seal of approval we tend to feel it’s time for you to meet the family. This entire process shouldn’t take any longer than 30 days. Because in the beginning of a relationship we tend to spend every waking moment with you allowing us the opportunity to see you from all sides. If you’re a keeper, you’ll meet the family right around the 60 day mark, barring that they actually live in the same area code, if not it could be a little bit longer.
If you and your man have been together for longer than 60 days and he hasn’t introduced you to family and friends all of whom live in the same city, you have a problem you might want to address.
Unfortunately men don’t introduce the woman they profess love of to people that they are related to or friends with for the following reasons: 1) they feel differently about the relationship then they are actually telling you. 2) you are not the only woman they have; 3) for whatever reason they are uncomfortable with you, your looks, weight, color etc; 4) they are not planning on keeping you around; 5) he is simply using you.
I am sorry to have to tell you those things but it’s the truth. Think about it, when you meet a nice guy, you probably cannot wait to share your happiness with friends and family, right? Men are no different unless he’s guilty of one of the above reasons for not performing the introductions.
However, if he’s a dog like I once was, it is also possible that he cannot introduce you to his mom until he’s positively sure you are the one. Here’s why; you bring too many women home to meet your mom and she automatically knows whom you’ve become as a man. Mothers are quick to acknowledge the obvious and have been known to inform their sons not to bring another woman home to meet her unless it is his wife! I know this because I received this exact instruction from my mom after replacing several girlfriends in a short period of time.
Mothers are women too, and although they love their sons they seldom condone the type of behavior that many of us display in regards to the women we date. The next time i took a woman home with me was years later and yes, she was my wife and remains my wife to this day.
Lesson # 4:
You’ve met his male friends but none of their girlfriends:
Why would a man whom professes his love for you take you out to bars to meet his male friends and none of their girlfriends or wives are present? Because there is a good chance that his friends girlfriends or wives don’t know one another either.
Women talk to one another and trust me, the last thing he wants is to introduce you to his friends girl on the chance that she may say, “You do know he has another girlfriend too?” He also doesn’t want to run the risk of you becoming friends with women whom know what he’s really like and his past. The past he wants you to hear is the one that he fabricates for your ears only.
Oh, and by the way where are his friends girlfriends? They’re at home or out with friends just as you will be months later when he decides to go out with his friends. So prepare yourself to be isolated and alone in this relationship just as his friends girlfriends are as well.
Oh, and he only introduced you to his friends to boast about the new girl he just obtained for his collection.
Lesson # 5:
His female cousin give you strange looks:
Not every girl that you see is going to be related to him. Regardless of what he says some of them are either ex’s or friends and relatives of ex’s that he’s known for years. Occasionally, you’ll meet a cousin and she’ll give you a strange look too, but that really because she’s trapped. She’s trapped between her loyalty to him as his relative and her bond with you as a member of the female race. She will at times give you a look that you interpret as disapproval, however it’s really a warning sign. She hopes that this simply gesture will cause you concern enough to question it. The sad thing is women rarely do, and when they do they question it to their man who is quick to point out that his cousin is always like that and she doesn’t like anyone. He may even tell you that she is like that because he used to date her best friend and since the break-up she likes none of his girlfriends.
The next time you stumble into a situation like this, don’t run from it. Befriend her and more than likely she’ll try to protect you and if you become close enough she’ll tell you everything you really need to know about him.
Lesson # 6:
When you leave his apartment he always reminds you of something you almost left behind:
You ever been in a relationship and while leaving after spending the night he runs out to the car or calls you on your cell phone to remained you that you left something behind? Did this happen on more than one occasion?
If it did occur to you it was probably something insignificant to you, something you could do without for the day such as a brush, comb, eye liner, or scrunchy. The reason I say this is because generally it’ll be something that only a woman would have and the reason he doesn’t want you to leave it behind is so that no one else will see it and question him.
If he has allowed you to leave a tooth brush there, you’ll notice that the next time you arrive it’ll be neatly placed away out of sight. You can bet it won’t be on the counter in the holder next to his where you left it days before.
These are all classical signs that you are not the only woman that he entertains there and he wants no questions about who else has been spending time with him. The easiest way to assure himself that this will not happen is to sanitize the place upon each female departing.
Women notice anything that seems out of place and for a bachelor to have a female hair brush in his cabinet or a hair bow could lead to loads of questioning.
So if you haven’t been in this type of situation yet, hopefully you’ll be able to identify it if it happens to you.
Lesson # 7:
He lives alone, but he has feminine hygiene products in his bathroom:
Men who deal with a plethora of women are like Boy Scouts, they are always prepared. You go to his place and you’ll find everything from feminine hygiene products, bikinis, Teddy’s and more in several different colors styles and sizes.
Ever went to a guys house for the first time and he asked if you’d like to go swimming? Of course you didn’t bring a bikini because you had no idea that this was a possibility, right? Well when he asked, it was really a loaded question to begin with.
You see the idea is this, we generally ask after you’ve had several drinks so your inhibitions have lowered. He’s hoping that it’s at the point where he can convince you that you really don’t need one since it’s only you and him. He’s hoping that you agree since you already told him you like to swim. However, if you balk at this skinny dipping opportunity he’ll change up on you and offer you a t-shirt to cover yourself (which we all know becomes transparent once wet, right?).
If you balk at this offer as well he’ll suddenly remember that his cousin (female of course) purchased a couple of bikinis and left them before she ever had a chance to wear them and lucky for you they just might be in your size. Now lets go swimming!
It’s funny now, but in reality this whole thing was simply an exercise in separating you from your clothes and in a mans mind, less is more.
When living alone and dealing with multiple women men have been known to have products to cover any situation that may arise in the course of an evening, however when you live with him he has to constantly run to the store because he’s seldom prepared for anything, go figure.
So you go to his apartment and he has battery sizes for every single sex toy you could imagine, live with him and during a power outage he has to go to the store to get batteries for a flashlight, ha,ha. I know, I spend more time now jaunting back and forth to pick up things that years ago I kept in stock in the back of my closet as a single man. Lesson # 8:
He never spends a full night at your place:
Ever have that guy who is kind, gentle and treats you like a queen? You call him and he comes running to bring you whatever you need or request. However, when he comes over to spend time with you he never spends a complete night. He may stay and make love to you until you’re both exhausted but before 5 am he’s whispering that he has to get up and go home.
He’ll give you all types of excuses about having a big meeting that morning or having to let his dog out, or how he simply cannot get comfortable enough in your bed to fall completely asleep.
You can’t go to his house because he has already laid the ground work by telling you that he either lives with his Mom, or has a apartment full of room mates and either way it’s disrespectful for you to be placed in that type of situation. Right?
However, if you examine these statement a little closer you’ll discover they may not be true at all. He may not actually live with his mom, and yeah he may share an apartment with several room mates but he also may have someone else that expects him to be a certain place at certain times, like with her.
If he can’t get comfortable in your bed, hell, ask him to purchase one for your place that he can get comfortable in. If you and he are really in a monogamous relationship then there is really no excuse for his inability to spend complete nights with you if this is what you’d like. It’s nice to be able to see the person you love when you wake up laying beside you. To be able to share breakfast together and begin your day together before you depart for work and the stress it may entail.
Lesson # 9:
He suddenly becomes busy during the weeks that you have your menstrual:
When you are in a relationship but you don’t live together it leaves plenty of time to get into things that you shouldn’t. Sometimes women provide even more free time to men whom are already roaming freely and unsupervised by making this simple statement; “Oh, I just started my period, so you can go out with friends if you want.”
Women, you make this statement you simply tell your man that you feel that he only comes by when you can make love to you and that you’re alright with this fact.
Menstrual or not he should be with you, don’t you think. If sex is the only reason he comes by then quite frankly you don’t have much of a relationship to begin with.
So if he choses not to come around during this time of the month, just because you may be out of commission doesn’t meant other women are and this may be his opportunity to play with them, and your statement may have just made it easier.
Lesson # 10:
He will not hold hands with you in public:
Some people consider holding hands or other public displays of affection childish behavior. It’s not, it is really a sign of togetherness, being a couple, in a relationship. Now I don’t mean going to the mall and groping one another or displaying long wet kisses, I mean small pecks and occassionally holding hands.
If the guy you are dating tells you that he simply doesn’t like holding hands, he’s full of shit. Holding hands for men goes back to our grade school days and we enjoy it just as much as you do. It’s our little way of letting all other men know that you are not only with us, but you are ours.
When a man says that he doesn’t like to hold hands or appears uncomfortable holding hands with you, chances are that he doesn’t want anyone to know that you two are an item. Remember, it’s easy to explain to your real girlfriend or wife that I went to the mall with a female friend. However, it’s hard to explain that same situation when we were spotted holding hands while we walked through the mall.
I find it interesting that women don’t find it odd that the same man who cannot keep his hands off of you behind closed doors is uncomfortable touching you in public. You should always question this behavior.
It’s like dating the guy that when you first began talking told you how much he enjoyed going to the movies and now that you’re together he refuses to take you. How is that possible? Or the guy who only comes to your house late at night, but never takes you out in public.
How else do you explain this behavior? He’s either in another relationship as well, or ashamed of being seen with you in public (because of your height, weight, ethnicity, nationailty, etc.) There I said it, but either way, you deserve better! So send his sorry selfish, inmature ass packing and find yourself a real man. Find a man that cannot keep his hands off you in private and in public because that’s what love does, it makes us want to be one!
Well, I gotta run again. I hope something I wrote can be used by you or someone you know. If something above has been identified by you in your own relationship, I hope you have the strength, courage and self respect to correct it. I wish you luck and I hope you chose to visit Eavesdropping in the Boys Club often.
Everyone wants to be a star. Is that a statement that we all can agree on in this media driven society? However, what people fail to understand in their quest to obtain their 15 minutes of fame is that just like everything else in life, it comes with a price.
All of the women coming out of the Wood work (no pun intended) have pretty much nuzzled up to the cameras and are basking in the glow of the bright lights, for now. Today, everyone on the planet are concentrating on Tigers infidelities and sitting on pins and needles wondering how in the hell did the worlds most recognizable face get himself into this relationship hazard? Then, more importantly, how will he get out of it and still save par or rather his marriage and image?
What we have failed to do is look at the other side of the situation. You know, the one where we examine the character of the women that chose to sleep with a married man. The women whom chose to attempt to capitalize on an adulterous affair by publicly airing the incidents for the world to read, all while smirking and smiling for the cameras. Never once feeling remorse for their role in the assisted destruction of a family.
It was disrespectful to Elin Woods and her children for these women to engage in the affairs with Tiger to begin with and then to come out publicly is akin to spitting in their faces. These women knew full well that they were about to and eventually slept with a married man, you’d think that at least one of them would have had the decency to say no.
I am sure that there are at least a couple of women that did just that, they said no to Tiger because of the respect they hold for the sanctity of marriage. These are women whom we’ll probably never hear from, who may have thought about bedding Tiger and possibly would have had it not for him being someones husband and father.
Although we will never have the opportunity to know who these women are at the least we know that some people have more respect for themselves then to be lured into a shameless scandal where no one wins and everyone gets hurt in the end.
If any of the women that Tiger supposedly bedded had an once of character and any amount of remorse after the tryst, she could have easily called Elin and privately confessed her indiscretion and begged for forgiveness. This would have allowed Elin the opportunity to deal with Tigers ways long before it became a media circus with her and her children in the center ring. However, none did, they did what they do best, run around running their mouths about sleeping with the worlds top (married) golfer as if this was some sort of honor. As if this would open doors for them and one day make them some type of celebrity themselves.
Well now the time has come and they are getting their face time in print, online and television. However, whatever happened to Monica Lewinsky? They too shall be relegated to trivial pursuit questions as people struggle to recall their names or what they were once infamous for.
Before this quick fall from grace they will be subject to public scrutiny as they should (starting here) for attempting to capitalize by jumping up and down on the shattered pieces of what was once a marriage. They will be ostracized for being women of loose morals (although for a couple of them that has already been determined) home wrecking and over-all stupidity.
When the time comes and it always does for people like this they will resent the media because they will discover that it’s no fun when you are not the person in control of what they say about you. When they start digging and start publishing your secrets that you thought you had hid away from the world. When they expose you and your own friends don’t want to return your calls because you’ve become more an embarrassment than anything else to them. Those days are coming, I wonder if any of them fully thought this thing through? Fame? It’s over-rated when you lose who you are and especially when you didn’t earn it but created it by participating in a situation that caused someone else to suffer and hurt.
Now Tiger, he’ll continue to golf and as he wins people will forgive and forget with time. However, he too will hurt because besides the embarrassment and suffering he has caused his wife and children he may possibly lose them.
Looking at the relationship that he had with his own late father (Earl), this situation which he caused just may deny him that opportunity with his own children. If Erin chooses to leave him and take the kids as is her right, he’ll spend many a night sitting alone in a big house after winning another Major Championship with no one to celebrate with. He’ll be left with nothing but the echos of his children’s laughter to comfort himself and the knowledge that his own selfishness ended the most important win of his life, which by the way was the day that Erin accepted his proposal.
As a father myself, I can assure you that Tiger himself will tell you if you ask him, that all of his wins and endorsements pale in comparison to the feeling he got with the birth of his children. If he says anything other than that then he’s not much of a father to begin with.
In the end Elin will have the last laugh. She’s beautiful, intelligent and she has done nothing to deserve this unfortunate situation. She is focused on the two people who count on her the most in this life, her two children. To her, that I am sure is all that matters as it should be.
Should she chose to leave, she’ll be wealthy beyond means and will be able to provide her children with a life fit for royalty as a single mom. She has a family that will support her emotionally and as with everything else, time heals all wounds to include betrayal.
She’ll probably return to her native country where they value privacy a bit more then here in the Good ole USA. I am sure she had suitors before Tiger and once she’s free and clear she’ll have even more and eventually she’ll discover someone with a little more integrity and a lot less drama.
Regardless of what she decides to do, I for one wish her well.
“Like a compass needle that points north, a man’s accusing finger always finds a woman. Always.” — Khaled Hosseini
Of all the posts I have written over the last year, this is by far my most difficult. I had tried to stay away from this situation just as I had avoided the Rhianna/ Chris Brown incident. I simply felt that with the media’s bombardment of it, you’d get tired of it and anything I wrote at the time would fall on death ears. Above that was the single most important fact of life, Love is never supposed to result in death. It’s supposed to create life, never it’s opposite.
So here I am writing this post because we need to learn something from this tragedy and you damn sure will not get the real lesson from our mainstream media.
For those of you that do not know about this incident and I am sure that there are very few of you, I will provide a short recap and then we’ll move on to why this post was written.
Steve McNair was an American Icon in the World of Professional Football, the NFL. He was married with several children and had recently retired at age 36. His contributions to humanity through his Foundation are well known in Nashville and beyond. He was a man that on sight could disarm you with a smile that was contagious.
Sahel Kazemi was a beautiful, young and vibrant 20 year old Iranian immigrant. She was well loved by her family and friends and had her whole life before her. According to reports she had been involved in a somewhat volatile relationship with a previous boyfriend before a chance meeting with McNair whom had visited a restaurant where she was employed as a waitress.
On July 4th of 2009, the bodies of both McNair and Kazemi were discovered in the living room of an apartment that he co-owned in the Nashville area. Police have labeled it a murder/suicide, stating that McNair was shot while he slept on the couch by Kazemi, whom then turned the gun on herself. The two had been in a relationship according to reports for approximately 4 months.
I am and will always be a Steve McNair fan, but this post is not really about him. This post is about Sahel Kazemi and the lessons that we can all learn from her actions. I am not about to condemn either of these two people for what occurred on that fatal day in July or before. What I will do is try to make sense of what happened in hope that someone who reads this and has contemplated the same actions will rethink it and chose another course of action.
Steve McNair was a victim, but although the media fails to state this so was Sahel Kazemi. Many people would disagree with that statement, but it’s true. We just chose to ignore her plight because she unfortunately took a mans life. A very well known and loved man whom made us feel good about ourselves when he was entertaining us each and every Sunday.
Football is a violent sport, we know it is and of course no one knows it as well as the men who play it. It also comes with a lot of adulation. Millions of fans pack NFL stadiums each and every year with hopes of coming into contact with greatness. Football players sell us products, ask us to support the “United Way”, they make us laugh and they show that they are human, and yes they even make mistakes.
However, because of who they are generally they are soon forgiven. Could you imagine walking out of a tunnel to 70 thousand people chanting your name and 10 thousand people wearing a jersey with your name on the back? Could you imagine earning more money then some third world countries gross domestic product? They have it all, and then after several years it’s over.
Steve McNair was retired at 36, the average American will not retire if they do at all until probably 70. Now retirement for pro athletes is entirely different than the retirement of normal citizens. Many are still young enough to play mentally, however physically it’s a different story all together. Most don’t take retirement lightly, they have problems adjusting to life after football.
Ask Lawrence Taylor who turned to crack cocaine after his retirement. Many others become addicted to prescription drugs or even selling drugs after retirement. Why? They need something to fill that void in their lives that all that adulation created, they miss the excitement, the energy, the contact and other things that go along with playing the game.
I think and this is my own opinion, to fill that void in his life Steve replaced it with women.
This is why I suggested above that Sahel Kazemi is a victim as well. She was a 20 year old impressionable woman and into her life walked this man who was much larger than life itself.
He wined her, dined her, bedded her and for all intense and purposes was about to dump her. Now the police speculate that Sahel committed this tragedy because Steve was not about to leave his wife as she had been led to believe. I call this speculation absurd.
If they were together while he was married it wouldn’t really matter if he stayed married or not. Nothing would really change by him getting a divorce, even if he chose to marry her. They were already in a relationship.
No, I think that this tragedy occurred because in her mind she had convinced herself that he really loved her. He had shown her love, kindness, financial and emotional support, took her on trips that she could only dream of and made her feel special like no man before him had ever done.
In return she gave him all that she had, love, trust and herself. This young beautiful woman believed everything he had told her. Why shouldn’t she? We believed him enough to buy products he hawked, or to made donations to his charities or Foundation. If we believed him and we only knew him from watching him on that idiot box in our living room, why would a young impressionable woman sharing his bed not?
In the end it wasn’t the premise of him not leaving his wife that caused this horrible event. It was decided the night, when she realized that Steve had lied to her. The night that she discovered that there was another woman he was seeing as well.
We’ve all had heartbreaks, none are ever good and we each deal with them in our own ways. I’ve known people to stop eating, lose sleep and weight, go on drinking binges and worse, in an effort to dull the pain of a broken heart.
People have said that heartbreak is the worst pain any person should ever have to suffer. I agree, I’ve had my share, and recklessly I even caused a few.
So now, try to place yourself in Sahels shoes for one moment and look at things from the eyes of a 20 year old trying to come to grips with the fact that a man she adores, a man bigger than life is cheating on her with another woman.
Remember when you discovered a man was cheating on you? How did you feel? What were you thinking? Anger, revenge, hurt, disgust, pain, suffering, confusion and more is what comes to mind when I think back. These are feelings I pray no one ever has to repeat or go through.
As I said, we all respond to heartbreak differently. Very few people (luckily) chose the path of Sahel. We can all say that she could have done something different, but we weren’t her were we?
We can only speculate how she could have really felt and even then we’d come up short.
How many people have made the statement, “If I can’t have you, then no one will” in a relationship? It happens all the time, love is a contact sport even if we don’t believe it is. Hearts are broken at will, we fail to realise that our dealings with people are actually dealings with raw emotion. We have to take responsibility for our actions, we need to look at all of our relationships from our significant others point of view. Ask yourself, how will this decision I make effect them? How would you feel if the role was reversed? Don’t you deserve to know?
If we refuse to learn from this incident and begin to examine our relationships closely from both parties vantage point then this type of incident will occur again. The next time, it may not be a professional athlete, it could be you or I for that matter.
Love is not a game as some have handsomely labeled it. It’s life, and in this case, death.
Sahel is not the monster that the media portrays her to be, she is simply another victim of this so called game called love. We do her a great injustice by not viewing her as what she really was, a young impressionable young woman caught up in a web of lies and deceit. A woman who dealt with it the only way she knew how, removing the man she loved from this world and then following after him.
I pray that no one ever again loses their life in the name of so called love. I call it this because as I’ve said in many of my previous posts, it is wrong to ever love anyone more than you love yourself.
I end this by saying goodbye to both Steve and Sahel and I hope that we all can learn from this unfortunate incident, so that it may never repeat itself again.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post.
P.S To anyone whom feels the need to bash this post for whatever reason of their choosing, please save it. I’m too busy mourning the unnecessary loss of two beautiful people to really care.
Men can be pretty persuasive. They’ve been known to talk women into almost every poor situation imaginable under the disguise of love. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times that when a man starts a sentence with “If you love me”, what comes next is going to be disrespectful to you as a person, a woman and an individual.
Real love has no conditions, there is only love. Therefore there should never be any situation that arises that calls for you to prove your love for him. None! Anyway, this statement is not about real love but rather more about showing how much more you love him than he you.
He is really saying that if you love him so much more than you love yourself then you should be willing to humiliate, disrespect, degrade or brand yourself to show it.
This is especially true of young impressionable women whom have yet to understand that they are most times being manipulated by men who really are only passing through their lives and have no real intention of being with them long term.
The sad thing is that it’s hard to explain to someone on the threshold of adulthood that the decisions you make today, can and will haunt you for years to come. One of the sad truths of life is that we cannot go back and change the past. Whatever is done is done, so you my dear young lady really need to think about whatever it is that he’s asking. If it’s something that makes you pause and have to carefully think about it, it probably shouldn’t be done period. After this point it may be wise to also evaluate your relationship as a whole because he probably isn’t the right man for you, or any other woman for that matter.
Before I get to the list of things that you should not allow men to talk you into, I would like to take this time to tell you a true story about a friend of mine and a terrible guy that she was convinced loved her.
I had been in the Middle East for approximately three weeks when one morning my phone rang and it was a young female family friend. We exchanged pleasantries and then she got down to the reason for the call.
She worked as a sales associate for a leading retailer in Torrance California and had been arrested for theft of merchandise from the store. This really threw me for a loop because she came from a very affluent family, and she was always so level headed despite being a young 20 years old.
To make a long story short, after probing I discovered several interesting facts. She had met a guy who was in his mid 20’s several months before I had left the Country. I had no idea about this relationship and therefore I hadn’t the opportunity to meet him. Her parents of course also hadn’t met him at this point, which I found interesting.
She also went on to tell me that she had recently discovered that she was 9 weeks pregnant. I was really disappointed by this revelation, however she’s an adult and I had to respect that. Of course her parents also knew nothing of this either.
Digging through all this I finally convinced her to tell me what happened to make her get arrested. What she told me really upset me and at the same time I felt sorry for her. This is why: Her new boyfriend talked her into working a scam at her store in order for him to make some cash. The scam was that he would walk into the store, select an expensive item and then take it to her register where she would enter the item into the register as a return. He would then be issued cash in the amount of the item for merchandise that he had never purchased.
In retail they call this “Theft by deception”, and it happens to all associates from time to time. However, when it occurs too often then Loss Prevention gets involved and identify that no associate is that unlucky. They review the tapes and realise that the same guy is making these false returns to the same associate and “Boom”, the associate is arrested because she is a willing participant in the theft. This is what happened in her case, red flags, ending in her arrest.
I inquired as to who’s idiotic idea it was for this reckless act to occur? Knowing her, I already knew the answer. Her new boyfriend had lost his job and convinced her that with a child coming he needed to make some cash until he could get another job. He ended the conversation with, you guessed it, “If you love me you’ll help me with this.”
Above I stated that I was disappointed in her, and I of course let her know that in a very stern tone of voice. I also was very sorry for her because she was going to have a child with a man who had no real love for her whatsoever, which meant that she would have him in her life for a minimal of the next 18 years.
I don’t even have to mention that this man over the course of a few months had taken a young woman with a bright future and gotten her pregnant, cost her job, made her a felon and ruined her parents dream of her completing College in the near future. How? All this was accomplished with false “LOVE.”
Needless to say that I informed her that she was to contact her family attorney, inform him of how and why this situation occurred. I instructed her to inform him of whose idea it was and then ask him to attempt to cut a deal with the prosecutor. The last thing she needed in life was to go through it with a felony record.
I also informed her that she needed to inform her parents (who were paying for her education, apartment and car) of the relationship and pending grandchild. It was only fair for them to know what was going on in their daughters life and how it would affect them.
The last I heard (she won’t call me because she thinks I’m pissed at her), her family is raising the child (their choice). She finished the degree she started, she got off with probation and the ex-boyfriend is nowhere to be found as expected. She was lucky to have caring and understanding family, otherwise this could have been an even worse disaster. Hopefully she learned something from all this, just because a man says he loves you, doesn’t make it so. Make sure his actions match his words, please. Oh, and for the thousandth time, if he says, “if you love me” he really doesn’t!
Now, let’s get down to “Things no woman should allow men to talk her into”, shall we?
1) Tattooing his name on your body:I see this walking down the streets of Vegas everyday. I cannot help but to wonder what the hell do some women think about. What happens if he leaves you? Or you leave him? Do you think that the next man you meet really wants to read another mans name on your body? Any man who suggests such a thing is really only interested in showing the world that you are his property. Is that what you want to think of yourself, someones property? Children’s (yours) names are acceptable, but some guy that you’re going out with, one who doesn’t have the decency to even make you his wife? Not a chance in hell. To be honest with you, men shouldn’t do this either. It’s not a true expression of love, it’s an expression of ownership!
2)Video taping your private moments:I think Kim Kardashian is possibly one of the most beautiful women on the planet, I really do. With that said, it was no surprise to me that she and Reggie Bush are no longer together. When that video of her and Ray J hit the Internet many people speculated that it was for publicity. It may have been, but at what price?
Men are fickle characters, we do not even like to think about what women have done with previous lovers. How do you think we feel when we know that there’s a video of your sexual activity making the rounds? Regardless of how hard we try it’s simply not really possible for us to block that out of our minds.
Even though we know you may not be a virgin the day we meet you, in our minds we convince ourselves that you are a virgin to us. We constantly remind ourselves that before us there was no one, we block your former relationships out of our mind. Unless there’s a tape which becomes a testament that there was sex before us.
So unless you’re doing it for publicity (if you think it’s worth it) then you should never ever allow any man to film your sexual romp with him.
Why would you anyway? That’s what we have memory for, tell him to utilize his if he wants to remember what it was like, but don’t give into his pleads to film it. Once that tape is completed it could eventually land in any ones hands especially if you two end the relationship on a bad note. Many women have been blackmailed with these same tapes that they so readily agreed to do, under the thought that no one would ever see the tape except them. I can assure you that if he made the tape, some of his friends have seen it as well. Why? Because unworthy men love to brag about their exploits, even at your expense.
Sending graphic text photos are the same thing. You only think he’s the only one that will see it. Wrong! He’s likely to brag that he can talk you into doing anything, even something as degrading as sending him nude photos for he and his friends to ogle over.
3) Having his baby out-of-wedlock: When a guy you’ve been dating for a short time begins to talk about having a child, you should be weary. He’ll start talking about how much he loves children and cannot wait to have one of his own. It may sound sweet to you because you’d never been with a man who expressed himself this way. Generally most men are not so forthright about having kids until they are married.
Now do we have kids before marriage? Sure we do, but generally they are not planned. In these instances we accept it for what it is and some of us man up and become the father we’re supposed to be. Others, they run, telling people that the child is not theirs and that you were sleeping with other men as well. In short, they simply don’t know how to be men and don’t want the responsibility of being a father or pay child support.
So when you have this man talking about you having his baby, red flags should erupt! Why? Because this is rare in a man. If he talks about getting married to you and then having a child, good for you, he’s probably sincere. If it’s simply let’s have a baby, he has an ulterior motive. What he really wants is to cement his place within your life. He figures if you have his baby you’ll never leave him. These men tend to be insecure, abusive and extremely jealous with bouts of kindness in between.
If you have a man like this and you’re only utilizing condoms for protection against pregnancy, you may want to get a back-up such as pills as well. If he really wants to cement his place in your life, punching a small hole in a condom is an easy way to get what he wants and pass it off as a miracle baby.
4) Having an Abortion: It is no mans place to tell you to have an abortion. Men have no idea the trauma women suffer from undergoing this procedure. I know more than my share of women who have confessed to me that they would do anything to have not had that situation have happened to them. They regret it years later, they have experienced depression and guilt over it.
The strange thing is that although they do not know one another they both informed me that they only had an abortion because the man they were with at the time talked them into it. Telling them things such as, “We’re not ready for a child” or “We have plenty of time to have a child later.”
They thought these men would be with them forever. Now, years later these men are gone and they are left with the memory of this experience that they cannot shake.
No man has the right to make that decision. As the late great Tupoc said, “No man has the right to tell women when to create one.” If this situation arises, the decision should be your own, not his. You have to live with it, he doesn’t. He doesn’t have to go through the procedure and many times he will be absent anyway. Men most times create all these excuses why you should have an abortion but he never tells you the real reason he wants you to. Most times it’s because he is a sorry ass excuse for a man, who enjoyed the activity that led to the pregnancy but refuses to accept the responsibility that comes with it. He is unwilling to commit to being tied to you for the next 18 years and therefore he wants to eliminate the possibility.
So if you are in this situation, it’s your decision to make. Yes you can listen to what he has to say, but the final decision should be yours and yours alone.
5) Believing that his baby’s mother is crazy: I read a quote by a woman once who stated that there is a special place in hell for women whom do not help other women. If there is it’s bound to be filled with women whom allow men to convince them that the mother of his child was a crazy b**ch!
If you as a woman are confronted with this situation, it is in your best interest to investigate for yourself.
If you allow him to make you believe this to be true, soon it could be you that he is telling his next woman is crazy. You should start by taking a look at how much if any interaction he has with his child? Then look at what type of financial and emotional support he’s providing?
I can assure you that if these two things are absent, his only recourse is to convince you or any other woman he becomes involved with that she’s the culprit. Where in reality he’s actually a sorry excuse for a man. Do you want or need a man in your life like this? If he will not provide and accept responsibility for his own child, what makes you believe he’ll do those things for you and God forbid you make the same mistake and have a child with him as well.
6) Sleeping with his friend: Sounds crazy doesn’t it? But it happens, especially in younger women. It goes hand in hand with that statement, “If you love me.” Again this is a situation where he knows that you love him a lot more than he cares for you and you’re willing to do any and everything he asks to remain with him. I saw this play out many times when I was in College and thought it only appropriate to list it here.
No man should make such a request of you, for any reason. If this request is made you should reflect back on your relationship and pin point the time you allowed him to stop respecting you as a person and a woman. He didn’t just suddenly feel he could make this request, he’d built up to it over time by doing other disrespectful things to you.
If this has happened to you, chances are there is a video of you floating around somewhere as well as nude photos. This man has no respect for you and probably never did. If you are with him now, chances are you have little respect for yourself as well. The longer you stay in this relationship the better the chance that you’ll eventually lose any remaining respect you may have and lower your already rock bottom self esteem.
6) Stealing or helping him steal: Oh, we already covered this in the beginning of the post.
7) Co-signing for him: Credit is an important factor in our everyday lives and keeping your clean is paramount in everything from buying a home to getting a job in some instances.
Co-signing for anyone is a risky adventure and for a boyfriend it’s even more so. One of the best signs of irresponsibility is credit rating. Why allow your life to be disrupted by his inability to be responsible? You shouldn’t and he shouldn’t even ask you to, however he may. Why? Because he feels that if he’s sleeping with you, then you owe him something.
You owe him absolutely nothing, in essence, he owes you for allowing him the opportunity to be with you. Now, what you can do if you chose is to assist him with repairing his credit so he can get his life on track. Don’t do it for him though, simply show him how its done and see if he’s responsible enough to follow through with taking care of it. If he doesn’t, then you may want to cut your losses and move on to a man more stable.
8) Believing he will leave his wife for you: No he won’t, he may tell you he will but really it’s to give you false hope so that he can either sleep with you or continue to sleep with you. Men who are married understand that if they are not happy in their marriage there is this thing called divorce.
If he really was going to leave her he would have done so long before he met you and convinced you to listen to his bulls**t! He simply wants to have his cake and eat it too. He is simply playing the numbers game, seeing how long you’ll hang on and continue to let him have his way with you before you wise up and move on.
Why would you want a man who’s married to someone else anyway? Especially one that is willing to cheat on his current wife with you. What type of character does he have? None! He’s dishonest, untrustworthy, a liar and a cheat. You my pretty can rest assured that he has no respect for you or his wife and as one intelligent person so eloquently put it, “Any man who divorces his wife to marry his mistress, leaves a vacancy in that position.” Is that what you want for your future? To eventually be with a man who you know is incapable of being loyal? I really hope not!
9) Sleeping with him without some form of protection: I wish I had a nickle for every child born into this world for one night of unprotected passion. I’d be wealthy beyond my dreams and yours as well. As a single woman you should always have some type of protection, there is no excuse for being ill prepared.
Many men like the thrill of throwing caution to the wind, unfortunately it’s at your expense. To take this chance is much too risky for my taste, as it should be yours. Pregnancy is the least of your worries. Ever hear of STD’s, particularly HIV?
As a single woman you should have in your purse at the very least a small pack of condoms. This way when things get hot and heavy unexpectedly and he goes into the mode of saying that he doesn’t have any protection, you do. All men have said and will continue to tell women that they will not make a mistake and they don’t need any protection. They make promises that they’ll get up in time or the overall biggest lie of all time, “I’m sterile or had a vasectomy.”
Either way you need to always be prepared, because if not and you allow him to talk you into this reckless behavior not only will you be taking a chance of creating a life, you may unknowingly be taking a chance of losing your life. With that said, do you still think it could be worth it? I didn’t think so. Always be prepared for the unexpected, carry your own protection.
10) Assisting him with doing anything illegal: I know some of you have those boyfriends that lend excitement to you and your life now. However, years later when you look back on this time in your life you’ll try to offer it up as youthful indiscretion. Assuming that you are afforded the opportunity to look back on this time.
So many women have gotten into fixes that they cannot get out of based on the man of their choosing. They’ve been talked into assisting in drug sales, carrying unlicensed weapons, receiving stolen property and more.
What happens when you decide to become an adult? It’s difficult when you have a felony record over your head, trust me. How do you tell the right man when he comes along that he cannot take you to Paris on your honeymoon because you cannot get a passport because of a felony record you picked-up during your youthful indiscretion years? It happens!
I remember in LA in the mid 90’s when a female decided to date a member of one of the cities gangs. For whatever reason she after a period of time decided to severe the relationship. He of course had other ideas and while she and her sister were on their way to work at prominent jobs on a Military installation, he and some friends pulled along side them and fired a single shot.
This single shot killed her sister instantly!
Just thought you may want to know that these things do happen and if you fail to select the right man it can just as well happen in your life.
If he is living a life of crime, albeit an interesting one it comes with a terrible price. You need to decide if you’re willing or able to pay this price when the day comes to settle up the debts.
Hopefully some of you can take some of the things I’ve written here and learn from it. For those of you that chose to ignore these things, I wish you luck. All of us seek someone who will appreciate us for who we are and not who we were. This is made easier when we identify people who mean us no ill will and respect us as people.
As a woman you may deal with many men before you meet that right guy, hopefully those that you spent time with before this meeting will not have left any negative residue on your soul and spirit.
Please be careful and never allow any man to talk you into anything that can be considered degrading or disrespectful to you as a woman and a human being. You deserve better than to be manipulated by someone under the guise of love. Remember, what you do today can affect you and your future for life.
Every woman on the planet that has ever been involved with a man that was not worthy of her has asked of herself these questions…”Why can’t I find a decent guy, Why do I always meet the wrong men and When will I find a man who really loves me?” There are other questions that are asked of ones self as well and they all equate to the same issue. You’ve once again selected a man who is unworthy of you and treats you like shit. Regardless of how much you love him or how many promises he makes, you know in your heart that he’ll never ever change.
What are your alternatives? You can get rid of him and find another man but past experiences have shown you that after several months you’ll be right back in the same situation. You’ll still be miserable, unhappy, unappreciated, unloved and insecure about his possible motives.
In the end most women tend to adapt the attitude that all men are the same. They become bitter and cold hearted to love because as with everything else in our lives when we continue to lose we stop wanting to play.
For many years I felt that women were simply attracted to men of little worth. I thought that a bad boy was what all women wanted. The type of guy that keeps you on edge and puts excitement in your life is what I assumed you all wanted.
I thought women loved being with a man who was a smooth talker that kept you waiting and wondering if he really cared. I felt that you ladies enjoyed being taken advantage of and that you enjoyed all the drama that these men afforded you, by cheating, lying, stealing, disappearing for days on end and being worthless.
After writing this blog for more than a year I have learned differently, thanks to all the women that took the time to write to me and to teach me. I’ve found out through readers like you that what women really want is to be loved. You want romance, security, passion, friendship and a partner that will stand by you through everything that life throws your way.
You know what? It’s everything you deserve and every woman should have and can have if she can only recognize why she ends up with less than a stellar mate. Do you know why you are attracted to men that are unworthy of you?
You are attracted to them because you failed to keep a promise that you made to yourself as a child. There, I said it! You broke your own promise to yourself and now you suffer for it with every bad relationship you enter. Every time you select a man based on the same criteria as the last you broke your own promise and broken promises are on the same level of broken hearts, they hurt. However, this time you’re breaking your own heart, by not being true to yourself.
poll=1982142]Now, before I tell you what that promise you made was I really need to prepare you that what I am about to write will possibly hurt many of you and anger some. I am counting on it, anger and frustration are the means to make you see the truth and if it’s directed at me but helps you I welcome it.
As small children we are influenced by everything that enter our lives, this includes parents, the boyfriends of parents, girlfriends of parents and their ideas of love and relationships.
This is how we learn as children, by observing the good and the bad. If your mother had a bad relationship with your father because he wasn’t a worthy man you observed it and learned from it.
If your father wasn’t around and your mother had boyfriends or you had a step father, their relationship influenced you and still influences your relationships to this very day.
If their relationship wasn’t a positive one you learned from it. You also picked up your habit of selecting wrong men at this time. Any man who was not a good man in your adolescent life left an impression on you that you carry to this day.
It is said that women tend to seek out the qualities of their fathers (or men performing the father role) in the men they date or possibly marry. If these qualities weren’t good, then you are seeking someone today that you do not want or really need in your life.
If that man was uncaring, unloving, untrustworthy, abusive, selfish, worthless, mean spirited, a cheater, lazy, shiftless, or worse these are the traits you could be looking for in the men you select today. Why? Because you are familiar with this type of behavior and you accept it as normal. It became normal to you because you had nothing to compare it with when you were in the most influential stages of your life.
To make matters worse, if your mother accepted these bad qualities as well, it possibly made you feel that this is the way all love is and although it is not it’s all you knew.
I often wondered why some women shy away from good men, and I always suspected it was because they never trusted true love. When a woman finally meets a man of great character, she spends most of the relationship anticipating when things are going to go bad. When things don’t, she unconsciously begins to sabotage the relationship because for it to be this good it didn’t feel normal or natural to her. This is basically because she’d never been exposed to how real men treat women in her earlier life, therefore making this type of good behavior seem more like a ruse to get her to let her guard down. By accepting this good relationship experience for what it really is could be more heartbreaking in the end if she doesn’t prepare herself for the problems she anticipates will surely come. In her mind, these issues such as jealousy, arguing, cheating, lying and abuse are a real part of the relationship process. The absence of them signal that the man is pretending, and eventually they will show up because to her all men are the same. When the drama fails to arrive, she begins to create drama herself in an attempt to make him show that she was right all along.
The promise as I stated above was this: As a young girl, you promised yourself that the man you chose would be nothing like the one you observed growing up. Have you kept your promise?
If you had then you probably wouldn’t have suffered heartbreak, verbal abuse, being cheated on, being lied to and maybe even being physically abused.
Can you change this cycle of selecting unworthy men? Absolutely! However, the first step is to forgive yourself for breaking your own promise. Then you may want to look back to the types of men that you were exposed to in your youth and then try to remember what it was that you disliked about them to begin with.
Once you have determined what faults they possessed that you hated to begin with, take a look at your former boyfriends and your current one and see what they all have in common. If they possess the same traits you’ll know you were right as a child. The only thing to do after that point is to keep your own promise and steer clear of these types of men, looking rather for men of higher character and standards.
It will not be easy I am sure, however the first step is to be honest with yourself and look deep inside of you. If you cannot be honest with yourself, you cannot be honest with anyone. So ask yourself, is this situation a possibility?
As for me, what I wrote may have some merit. I am not a psychologist, I am simply a realist. Some of you may read this post and say I am wrong, it’s OK. However, you will also have to entertain the thought that I may just be on to something. If this is not a possibility, then the idea that boys whom grow up witnessing physical abuse in their homes tend to become abusers themselves can not be a possibility as well. However, we all know that this is accepted as fact.
I see no other reason that beautiful, caring, intelligent women continue to attract unworthy men. Women are much too smart to be doing this out of need, for as women you can have any man of your choosing especially decent, god fearing men. How else are we to explain the cycle of women whom constantly date unworthy men? The response of, “All the good men are either married or gay” is simply unacceptable. Now, remember the guy that you observed as a child? The one who made your mother cry, verbally abused her or worse? He’s the same guy that you may have allowed into your life on more than one occasion. You are an adult now, you make your own choices. Shut him out of your life for good. Allow only men of great character to have an opportunity to be your partner in the future. dispel all the beliefs that a nice, gentle, caring, passionate man is myth. They are not, they really exist and when you meet one, let the relationship take it’s course. It may feel unnatural at first but if you give it time you’ll grow to understand that what you were used to having was really unnatural and this time it’s the way it was meant to be. Before I go let me remind you of something. “The girl is the Mother of the Woman.” You are now a woman, take the advice you gave yourself as a young girl. Never date a man who does the things you disliked then, just as you dislike them now. If he reminds you of your childhood, avoid him and seek out a man of better character. I hope this helps, I really welcome any feedback on this issue. Please let me know if you feel this could actually help you or even if you feel it’s B.S. I really want to hear what all of you have to say.