Why no man should ever Kiss and Tell


I had readied another post to be displayed today and when I was about to publish it, my phone rang. An old College friend called and hell, we hadn’t talked in over 10 years.

As always with old friends you tend to catch up on what has occurred in each others lives in your absence. We both have children and unfortunately, he’s divorced, twice!

We laughed about that and I asked how he didn’t learn his lesson the first time. He informed me through laughter that those were simply dress rehearsals for the true love in his life which happens to be a young woman he met in Beijing, China. I wished him well and he thanked me after informing me that she is definitely the one. My friend, always the optimist.

During our conversation he brought up names of people I hadn’t thought about in eons. With each name we fondly remembered funny stories about old friends and classmates. He brought up an incident that occurred during our time in school and even today, many years later,it still made me laugh.

After hanging up with a smile on my face from reminiscing, I thought about that story and laughed again. When I got back on my computer to complete the post I was about to publish, that story was still fresh in my mind and I don’t know why, but I felt that some of you would get a real kick out of it. Especially those of you who have been confronted with the same type of embarrassing situation.

So, I’ve decided to write about it here for you to decide for yourselves if you think it’s funny or not. Oh, and if it’s not funny to you, maybe you simply had to be there to see the humor in it. Lol.

I am sure that many of you have done somethings with men or boys that you’d just assume would remain between the two of you. However, when that man or boy betrays your trust, it can be somewhat embarrassing, to say the least.

In College, men or rather boys for whatever odd reason feel the need to boast about their conquests, if you know what I mean. Oh, before I go on please let me clarify that statement- not me! I learned my lesson in my senior year of high school. I talked a College Junior into coming by my home to entertain me since I was home for the weekend alone. Only problem was she told me that she would drop by after a party she wanted to attend. My dumb ass made a Cardinal sin, I spoke out of turn. Who do you tell secrets to? Your best friends, that’s who. So after telling my two best friends of what I had set up, I felt like the big man on campus. Damn, a college junior to boot.

Well, unfortunately they went to the same party. After a few beers, one of my friends opened his mouth and informed her that I was home waiting for her to arrive. Damn, I get a phone call and she’s not happy. I can still remember her exact words to me: “You talk to much, and I refuse to deal with anyone who tells my personal business”, and then she hung up on me. I learned a very important lesson that night, anything that is to occur or has occurred between a man and a woman, should remain solely between them and no one else, ever.

Sorry I got off track, lets get back to the original story. Well some guys never learn this lesson and as with this story it can catch up to you when you least expect it.

So, Frank (not his real name, of course) supposedly had a sexual tryst with Tammy (made up name as well). He couldn’t wait to tell all of us that were his friends. He was really excited about the fact that he had finally got to sleep with her, which had been his dream since the day we set foot on campus as snot nosed freshman.

Now, since the campus had only approximately 20 thousand students and that included a vast majority who commuted to class each day, exactly how long do you think it would take for this story to travel across campus? If you said not long, you’re right!

Now Frank whom I hadn’t talked to in years was a really nice guy, but he was always trying to fit in somewhere. He was really harmless and a bit spoiled since he was the only child of an affluent family. Looking back, he was always trying to impress us in one way or another. But what the hell, we were in college and everyone was trying to find their identities.

Now Tammy, she was drop dead beautiful and she knew it (as of course did all of us). Funny thing though, most men don’t understand this but sometimes beauty has a mean streak in it. Frank didn’t know it, and looking back I wish I had warned him about it. The first time I laid eyes on Tammy I was sitting in the lobby of the female’s dorm and she and several other upperclassmen came through. A football player, I cannot recall his name to save my life, made the mistake of telling her how nice she looked on this particular day. Wrong move! She looked at him and stated, “I don’t need you to tell me how I look!” She continued on through the lobby and other guys sitting around tried to contain their laughter. I knew the guy was embarrassed, but hey, he should have kept that thought to himself.

On another note, later I got to see the weak side of her as well. Somehow I became friends with her boyfriend and he didn’t treat her all that well. Once after I had been to her room with him on several occasions, he asked me to meet him there. I arrived and he wasn’t there, it was just she and I. After about 30 minutes I became impatient and was about to leave when she began crying. Hell, I was only 18 and she wasn’t my girl so the last thing I wanted to do was comfort someone else s girlfriend when this had absolutely nothing to do with me.

She confided in me that night that their relationship wasn’t very good and that he had at least one other girlfriend on campus and one in his hometown. What really bothered me about this whole thing is something I’d like to ask all women whom are like her. How can one-day you seem so confident (the incident in the lobby) and the next day you’re crying over a man that you know is clearly worthless? I’m confused, however if any of you would like to enlighten me on this matter, I would certainly welcome it.

Back to her and the Frank incident. Her boyfriend soon left college apparently because his hometown girlfriend was having his baby, at least that’s what she (Tammy) told me, which I am sure is the reason that she ended up spending the night in Franks room after a party.

Poor Frank, he really should have kept this whole thing a secret for two reasons. One being that it could have possibly developed into so much more and secondly he may have never had to face the music about a week later. That is exactly how long it took for this story to travel around campus and get back to her.

It was after lunch and as usual on the day of basketball games everyone hung out at the Student Union. Frank and I were sitting at a table with several other basketball players and my roommate. Everyone was having a great time, that is until the cheerleaders showed up. Oh, did I forget to mention that Tammy was also the head cheerleader?

When they came in some of the guys around started giving Frank pats on the back, that’s how big this story had gotten. He was a little embarrassed to say the least, telling people probably sounded like a good idea in the beginning but, wow.

The cheerleaders went to the customary booths where guys with no self confidence could ogle them and guys with too much confidence could get shot down in front of everyone.

After what seemed like a line of guys had past, most acknowledging Frank in a manner I’d never even sen before. From her vantage point Tammy could see our table and I think this ritual of men heaping praise on him for what should have been a private moment simply got the best of her. She walked over to the DJ that was there every game day, to try to get the students pumped up before game time. After the song went off, he handed her the mike, and the floor. All I can remember thinking was, “this is not going to be nice.”

She started by talking about the upcoming game and got everyone revved up, as people started pounding on tables and clapping. Then she stated that she needed to end with a personal note. She looked across to our table and said, “Frank, stand up!” Now, I knew that this wasn’t going to be good.

People started chanting Frank, Frank, Frank! Like he was on the basketball team. He didn’t stand but all eyes were on him anyway. She continued by saying, that she was sure that many of the students had probably heard the tale of a night of passion shared by she and Frank. With that admission, students started whistling and cheering even more.

Then she smiled and dropped a bomb on everyone there. She said, this story would have been true, however Frank left out one very important detail. Really smiling now and about to laugh, she screamed, He couldn’t get an erection! Ouch!

Damn, now all eyes were truly on Frank and he laughed, as we all did. People in the room laughed because they thought it was a funny and embarrassing situation for Frank. Frank my roommate and I laughed because we knew it was payback for him breaking an unwritten code between men and women- don’t kiss and tell. We also laughed because by her making the statement, she verified that which we already knew was true, Frank was telling the truth. However, he still should have kept it to himself.

After the game I was on my way to the locker room and Tammy ran up to me to congratulate me on a great game. After giving me a courtesy hug, she asked if I could come to her room after I was dressed. Stating that she wanted to talk to me about something.

When I arrived, she was as beautiful as ever, however, she was sad. She went on to tell me that she thought Frank was different and that she felt that he had betrayed her confidence. She stated that as with all of us, we have a reputation to uphold and she refused to have it damaged by someone who was simply too immature to understand this.

She then asked if I would mind apologizing to him for her. She went on to say that she would feel uncomfortable talking to him at this time. I informed her that I would talk to him, and then I asked a question of my own. I started by saying that I knew that it was none of my business, but I wanted to know if his story was true. She smiled sheepishly, and stated, “he’s your friend, you tell me.” We both laughed and she hugged me and I was off to my dorm room for a beer celebration for the win.

Now, before you determine how you feel about this story and how she handled it, I think I should warn you that it does have a happy ending. Yep! They’ve been married for 18 years and have three beautiful children to show for it.

You see, Frank manned up, apologized for his speaking out on a private matter and promised never to do anything like that ever again. She forgave him because he really meant no harm, he was simply so happy to have had the opportunity to be with her he couldn’t contain it.

After I sat down and began writing this post, I dusted off my old address book and called Frank. They still have the same number after all these years. When he answered the phone not knowing who was calling him from Vegas, I quickly said, “Hey remember that time Tammy busted you out for telling her business?” He started laughing and soon she was on the other line taking up for him. It’s great to have friends and even better to have friends for life.

Psst! Wanna know the secret to keeping your man out of another woman’s bed?


Do you really believe that the only thing men want is sex? If you do and you still have a man in your life, what exactly does that say about you? Yep, it says that you really enjoy doing the nasty too! Why hide it? Why on earth do women hide the fact that they enjoy sex just as much or more than the next guy? And I really mean guy, lol.

Sex is a fact of life, it’s been going on since the beginning of time (thus the worlds population) and the billions of dollars generated by the industry itself. You can try to deny it but not only men are looking at porn on the internet. Everyone has needs, wants and desires and if women didn’t then there would be absolutely no market for adult toys.

Now, with all of this love making occurring throughout this planet why is it that men tend to feel the need to stray and conduct business outside of his current relationship? This is the million dollar question that has been asked since the neanderthal age. Why on earth does a man with a healthy, beautiful, sexy cave woman feel the need to sleep with the cave woman on the other side of the mountain?

Over the years there has been numerous articles written on the subject and for this post, I for one  will stay away from to concentrate on a simple solution that could possibly eliminate that situation in your own relationship. Interested?

I was once informed that smart women take up all of the free time of the men that they are in a relationship with. In other words, they eliminate the chance for him to be idle, since we all know that idle hands are the devils tools, right? I am not sure if this is true but over the years I’ve heard this saying often. Maybe there is merit to it, maybe not. I don’t know, personally.

However, what I do know is that for whatever reason, men are more inclined to cheat in a relationship after he has been in it for sometime. Very few guys cheat in the beginning of a real relationship, although they will if the relationship wasn’t considered a real relationship to begin with. Interesting huh? Lets look at this statement again in laymen terms. “Chances are that he will not cheat on you in the beginning of a relationship that he actually considers real.” Meaning that he considers the two of you to be an actual couple.

Now, some of you are scratching your head in wonder as to why a man you had cheated on you in the first month, week or day of the relationship, right? Well, I am sorry to inform you of this but you thought you were in a actual relationship, but for whatever reason, he didn’t. Perception is a killer, especially when your views on where you stand differ so greatly.

So yeah, if he cheated on you very quickly, or you discovered he had another girlfriend while you were just starting out you should now know he wasn’t all in as far as being in an exclusive relationship with you. Sorry to have to tell you that.

Later yeah, if the relationship goes into routine mode and he becomes listless, he is more ample to stray. Not that it has anything to do with you, but more importantly it is a flaw in his own character. A flaw that is exploited by what he has been told on a regular basis by his male counterparts and society. 

If you are told something over and over again, at what point does it become real? Probably when you accept it as being real in your mind. How long before a man in your life allows it to become real, that once he gets married sex goes out the window? Or that being with the same woman for a long period of time is like eating the same meal, over and over again?

Comedians have made jokes about these same issues and men as well as women have all laughed, at least until it became real for the man in your life. What did Chris Rock say about being married? ” If you like f**king, marriage ain’t for you! (See video) Unfortunately, some of us buy into this thought process and chose to seek excitement elsewhere.

Women of course have been victims of societal views as well. Yeah, you know what I am talking about. You’re supposed to suppress your sexual urges, act like a lady, right. I can understand and appreciate that outside of a relationship, however, in a relationship, you should be you! So if you really enjoy sex, then now is the time to become uninhibited and enjoy yourself with someone you love who loves you as well.

Oh, let me get back on topic because you are reading this to discover how to keep your man out of another woman’s bed, right? That’s easy, think about where you are sexually in your relationship. Ask yourself, who initiates sexual contact most of the time? 10 to 1 (I live in Vegas) says it’s the man in your life. You see women most times without realizing it take their cue for sex from the male. Why? Because society has said that men have a higher sex drive than women, and if a woman has one as well then she’d be better suited by hiding it.

So what women tend to do is they wait for the male to request sex and if she is in the mood, OK, it can be done. If she is not, then he’s pissed because you’ve rebuked him. It also has falsely led women to believe that men are oversexed. Not because he actually is, but rather because you’ve reduced him into guessing when you are in the mood.

Let me try to explain this simple logic to you. You’ve went from participating in the when and where you two have sex, to waiting on him to determine when and where and you participate only if you feel up to it. It’s understandable that you are not in the mood every single time on his schedule. However, what you failed to understand is that you have buried your schedule, and didn’t even realize it and this creates a problem that may result in his diving into another woman’s bed.

Lets try looking at it this way, OK? You enjoy sex, right? You enjoy making love to the man you love, right? So why in the hell would you do it only on his schedule? That’s asinine and problematic! It also creates a view of him that is not altogether true. He’s not oversexed, its just that you’ve stopped initiating it when you want it choosing to wait until he requests to make love.

Why not try this, everyone of you have those times when you want to make love or simply have sex just like men do, right? When you get these urges which I am sure occur on a weekly basis, act on them with your man. Don’t wait until he wants you, let him know that not only do you want him but you need him to fulfill your needs as well.

Want to know what the results will be? Eventually you and he will become balanced in the bedroom. If he is getting sexual satisfaction when he wants and when you want, he’ll be less likely to look elsewhere because he’ll be too busy being satisfied at home. The thought you had of him possibly being totally consumed by sex will be a thing of the past because since now you’re selecting your own days for intimacy based on your needs  will leave him fulfilled and you happier. The only unhappy party in this equation is the adult toy industry since you’ll have little need for that device you’ve hidden away in the closet in that shoe box.

Jumping into another woman’s bed will be the last thing on his mind ever, because there is something else that is said that you may have never heard. “Men with empty scrotum’s have no reason to stray!” Lol!

The secret that men hope women never discover…..


“Women are going to form a chain, a greater sisterhood than the world has ever known.”
Nellie McClung

You meet a new guy and you love everything about him. He calls and your stomach gets knotted up, and when you’re around him you have butterflies. You cannot sleep because he’s always on your mind. Love, isn’t it grand?  There is nothing as precious as new love, you cannot get enough of it. The feelings you get are indescribable, and you feel like you’re about to burst with excitement.

Late at night you lay in bed and you think of every single moment of time that you spent with him during the day. You review every single word spoken and chastise yourself for not saying the right thing at the right moment of the conversation. You feel awkward, like you’re a school girl with a crush and he’s the big man on campus.

You cannot wait for the next day to see him and take in the aroma of his cologne and look into his eyes once again. Every time he brushes against you or slightly touches your hand you get weak in the knees and you blush uncontrollably.

You find it difficult to concentrate and eating is a second thought, your appitite is vertually gone and you often wonder if you’ll actually be able to eat in front of him when you go out on your long anticipated date.

Love, there is nothing like it is there? However, on the flip side these same emotions can describe the way women feel when they’re heartbroken. The two basic issues of course are lack of appetite and sleep, but of course your stomach gets knotted just the same. You also wonder if it was something you said or did and if you could have done things differently.

Now the issue here is how do you keep from ever feeling like the latter of these two emotions? How do we insure that you never have your heart and emotions drug through the mud while you shed tears that could have been prevented.

Did you know that women can protect their own hearts by simply doing one thing at the beginning of every relationship, even before you begin to act like a love struck schoolgirl. Before you place your heart in the hands of a person that you thought dropped out of heaven, but may have came from a much lower area, you should find out from where he really came.

“There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”
Madeleine Albright

Every man that you meet has a past. It’s that past that can determine your relationship fate. Before you throw caution to the wolves and fall head over heels in love with someone who may break your heart into, it behooves you to proceed with caution. Do your homework and attempt to discover who he really is and if possible, why?

It is amazing that more women don’t do what I am about to introduce you to, because if done properly it works to your benefit.  Its also the hidden secret that men never want you to discover. Its the inside information straight from the horses mouth that could sink them where they stand when they are dishonest.

What is this secret that make men tremble in their boots? The girl that held his heart before you! She holds all the secrets that can mean success or failure for you if you enter into a relationship with the man that makes your heart pound faster.

Now before you decide that this is not a route you would chose to take lets take a look at it from a different angle. Think about your last boyfriend, what could you share with another woman that could spare her a harsh break-up and a broken heart. Was he good to you? Did he cheat on you or god forbid, hit you. You hold valuable information that could assist another woman whom might be sitting at home right now with butterflies in her stomach over a man that you know to be a liar and a cheat. If you could save her from heartbreak and despair, why wouldn’t you. If you don’t, when the day comes that he rips her heart out or hurt her in any other manner, you are just as responsible as he is because you could have and should have warned her if she asked.

It amazes me that we tend to not inquire about the person that held our love interests heart until after we break up with them. We tend to believe what our partners say about them and as with nature we side with the one we’re with. That is until that day after our hearts have been broken into tiny pieces, we wonder if all that was told to us was actually true.

Then by chance you meet the person, and discover that they are nothing like the person you were led to believe they were. These meetings always end with you gaining a good friend and with them informing you that had you contacted them they would have warned you about your former partner.

In every relationship there are two sides to the story of why it ended, the side you’re hearing and the silent side. Isn’t it interesting that the side you’re hearing is always the fault of the silent side. But lets be real, how many men have you met that will confess to cheating, beating, stealing from or lying to their ex’s? Better yet, how many men have you met that will inform you that yes, they do have a current girlfriend while they attempt to seduce you?

These are all the more reason for you to seek out his former partner before you jump into a relationship with him. Now we all know that sometimes people make up lies and are deceitful when they have been heartbroken, but all you have to remember is that somewhere between those lies is the truth.

Now many of you are scratching your heads wondering, “How would you react if a strange woman approached you and inquired about your ex?” How would you respond? Hopefully, with dignity and respect as all adults should. If the relationship is over then its over, you both  should have moved on by now, so what could it really hurt to assist someone else?

If your ex was a great guy and things simply flamed out on your relationship, then wouldn’t it be wise to inform her of that fact. Would it seriously hurt you to offer her pointers in how she might make their relationship last? Hell, in actuality you know so much about him and if you chose to hold on to that information, then you are really doing a disservice to your ex and the female that’s interested in him, don’t you think?

Now, on the other hand if he was a total jerk and she needs to be warned about him it could be wise to do so. However, it should be done with tactfulness. Sit her down and ask her exactly what she wants to know? Put yourself in her shoes, if his ex before you had told you what you needed to know, would it have prevented your heartbreak? Could it have saved you from anguish and sadness? Would you have headed her warnings? Then ask yourself this, “Can you really walk away knowing that she is headed down a path to pain and refuse to help? Ever heard of karma?

This failure to assist one another is a prime example of why our society is decaying right now. It’s not my problem, so I don’t want to get involved is our new motto. Many times I have wondered what may have been if OJ’s ex before Nichole had informed her of what he was really like? Would Scott Peterson’s late wife have heeded a warning from another woman before choosing to marrying him? I know that these examples are extreme, or are they? However, what I am sure of is that each and everyone of you hold the key to the happiness or suffering of another woman. The only question that remains, is are you willing to share that key or not?

I know it would be awkward for someone to approach you about your ex, however these questions come in many forms. So the next time you get a friend request from your ex’s current girlfriend, don’t be so quick to dismiss it. There may be something that she wants to ask you but isn’t sure how to proceed.

If the thought of this make you uneasy there is another way as there always is. Visit my fellow bloggers site and you can post about your ex anonymously. This way any woman that is interested in him can locate the info she needs right there and no one will be the wiser. Also, while you are there, you can check up on your current beau, or someone you may have had you eye on. Its free, and although most of the comments are negative, like I stated earlier, somewhere between the two extremes, lies the truth.

So if you have the time or you’re simply curious, please visit www.cheateralert.com, you never know what you may discover or what you may be able to contribute to someone else s happiness.

Why he won’t say, “I love you”


“I love you”, there I said it and it wasn’t that hard. However, with some men, to get them to say those three little words is like pulling teeth. They simply refuse to say it and I know its frustrating to the women whom they share their lives with. Last weekend I went to meet with some male friends after work and a couple of female friends tagged along.

Over a few beers we engaged in this terrific conversation about why it’s so damn hard for men to profess their love for a woman. One of my female friends confessed that her boyfriend of nearly two years has never uttered those words. She stated that several times he’s came close but the answer she gets most when she says it to him is “Ditto”.

She said that after all of this time together she knows that he really loves her (evident in the three calls she got in a 2 hour period), but he simply cannot utter those simple words. Oh, and at the end of one of the calls she placed him on speakerphone and told him she loved him before the call ended. You know what his response was? “Me too!”

One of my male friends attempted to explain away why we don’t say it by insisting that if we told every woman we dated that we loved them then the words eventually become hollow. He went on to say that love to him meant forever! He also added that forever, was a very long time and he wasn’t ready for that type of commitment.

Another friend chimed in and his version was a little bit graphic. I had to chastise him for his depiction of what women would do just to hear those three little words. After the beer we had drank, I think he forgot that we were in the company of two women.

His take on the words was that it has opened a lot of doors (and legs) for him. He continued that he utilizes these words as a tool to satisfy his urges and get him out of hot water if necessary. He went on to tell us how he had dated this girl for six months and still no action (meaning sex). He said he really liked her and they spent countless hours together at dinner and he even took her on a couple of trips to Cancun.

However, he said that it was always the same excuse (his words, not mine), that whenever they got to the good part she would tell him that she wasn’t ready.  He said it was cool for awhile and it became a game to him, but then he grew tired and decided it was time to move on. According to him she continued calling him and although he wasn’t interested anymore he felt that if he walked away now after warming her up, some other idiot might hit the jackpot and he would be pissed.

So one night she called and he explained that he simply felt that the relationship wasn’t leading anywhere. He said that she took it well, however right before he hung up he decided to try his secret weapon (as he called it), and said “I love you” before he hung up. According to him she was at his door less than an hour later and he hit the jackpot for several months. That is until he discovered that several other men must have told her the same thing because she was sleeping with her ex and her apartments maintenance man during the same time. (The two women with us got a kick out of that, with one reminding him that’s what he gets for misusing the words.)

We moved our conversation from the pool tables to a large booth and another male in the group decided it was his turn to chime in. He relayed that old story that women wanted sensitive men, so he has made it a point to let any woman that he was dating know exactly how he felt. His position was that you shouldn’t keep people guessing, you should let them know exactly where they stand.

He went on to proclaim that he tells his current girlfriend that he loves her all of the time. When asked how long they had been together he stated 3 months, at which my now nearly drunk friend (above), told him he was a sell out to men everywhere. LOL. He also informed him that he should be careful because once you tell them you love them it’s hard to get rid of them. At this point I cut off his drinking.

When my second friend continued he explained that he’d only said that to women he really cared about and it had taken him time (albeit 3 mos) to be able to open up the his current girlfriend. He went on to say that he was pretty sure that she was the one he’d spend his future with and he looked forward to growing old together. At this point the two women with us were swooning at his honesty. Unfortunately my nearly drunk friend wasn’t having it, and reminded him that he had told us the same thing about his former girlfriend. (I quickly ordered him a hot coffee)

Now it was the second female of the groups time to add to the conversation. Wine has a special affect on women and I for one like the way it mellow them if consumed in moderation. She is normally quiet and somewhat shy and I have to admit it surprised me that she wanted to hang out with us.

She said that in her younger years that she had fallen prey to guys whom just said those words to convince her they were sincere (We all looked at my half drunken friend). But as she matured she realized that it wasn’t so much the words but the actions she concerned herself with now. She continued by stating that she had been seduced by several men whom professed their love for her and in return she was cheated on and in one relationship physically abused.

Continuing she said yes, women enjoy hearing those words and many times they seek them from men to clarify their positions in their lives. However, she cautioned that what good are the words if his actions don’t match what he’s telling you over and over again. She looked across the table to the other female member of the group and told her that although her boyfriend won’t say the words, she should know that he really loves you. She said it was evident in the way he looks at her and listens to her. She went on to say that she remembered days when he had left his job to pick her up at work because she didn’t feel good and then took the rest of the day off to care for her. (I looked over and they both had tears welling up in their eyes.)

For her she went on, now it wasn’t the words anymore. It now was all about the actions of the person she chose to be with. Her next man (when she said this my near drunk friend perked up) according to her would be someone who cared about her and showed her how he feels because the words can sometimes be hallow. She finished by saying that women put too much emphasis on what men say and not enough on how they act in relationships. It was nice to hear her say this, however, the mood was broken because as soon as she finished and we were all basking in her words my near drunk friend looked at her and said, “I love you”! We all broke into laughter and he fell asleep not realizing what he had just said.

It was a good night, shooting pool and having drinks with friends. I learned from each of them and I hope there is something in their conversations that can assist you as well. It amazes me how differently we view the same subject, but then again I guess we really are.

Oh, before I leave you today maybe I should tell you what I said on the subject. I won’t write it here because it will make the post run rather long and for many of you the discussions of my friends may be enough. However, for those of you that would like to hear my take on this topic, you can read it in my discussions by visiting Anonymousmale1 on facebook.  See you there!

Why women should set goals for relationships


Almost everyone I know sets goals for everything they do in life, that’s why most if not all are successful. We as people set goals for life, business, school, sports and almost everything in between. Recently while looking at the goals I set for this blog (posted on my bathroom mirror) I realized that although I am close to achieving almost every single one I began to wonder, if goals are good for everything else in life why not for relationships?

Do women set goals for relationships? If you do, how successful have you been with it? I’d like to know, because if it works for you I think it would be great to share it with other women who may want to try it.

However, since this is something that just slapped me in the face while shaving I figured I’d share possible goals women could utilize for their relationships. I hope this helps someone out there to eliminate wasting time on hopeless men and years they’ll never get back in doing so. By following these guidelines it may get you to the perfect man in a shorter amount of time therefore avoiding all men that are simply just unworthy of you. So lets begin with setting goals for your relationship, OK?

Now, back to those goals we need to set. First off we’ve all seen women both friends, sisters, nieces, daughters and cousins who have been in long term relationships with men and they are no closer to getting married years later than they were when they first entered the relationship.

Honestly this is not good at least that’s my opinion on the matter. Why spend your youthful days on someone who has no intention of marrying you? People split up all the time and to waste five years on a man only for the two of you to break-up is crazy. That means for five long years you’ve been off the market and missed out on the chance to meet many single men whom would have loved nothing more that to have you as his wife and life mate. Unfortunately, you were tied up on a promise that never came. You know the promise, “Eventually, we’ll get married.” Hell, when? All those excuses about let’s finish our degrees, wait until we have enough money saved, I’m happy the way we are and my personal  favorite, “Why should we get married, we’ve been together longer than our friends and now they’re divorced?” All this is just a smoke screen for the real fact that he’s comfortable with you but he’s not about to make the ultimate commitment to show you and the world, how much.

How many of us know women whom have lived with a guy for a long time, helped him finish school or some other form of professional training with the hopes that when he had completed it they would get married? Only to have him complete it and then leave her to marry someone else? Probably all of us know someone just like this and it’s sad.

So for our short term goal lets start with this: Determine exactly how long you should stay with a person before you know if he’s marriage material or not. (Remember this is short term, so typically it should be six months to a year)

Lets look at this for what it’s worth. Why do you need a long term relationship to get married? We can look at this from two different perspectives, some say you should be with someone for several years before getting married, I don’t think so, I think a year, possibly two is a good time and I’ll tell you why.

If you spend three, four years with someone you know everything about them. You’ve heard all of their jokes, know their weaknesses and can finish their sentences. Love making is not new to you two, you’ve been doing it for several years now. What could you possibly have to talk about that could keep you interested in the first years of marriage? Probably nothing because you already know everything about one another.

Now, you take the same two people and they get married after one year. They have so much to talk about, they’re still learning about each other. Sexually they’re still exploring one another and it’s fun because now you live together as man and wife. I’ve been married for awhile now and my wife still tells me stories about her childhood that keep me on the edge of my seat with laughter. These stories were great for teasing my in-laws on their visits. Hell, if we went out for five years before we got married these stories and conversations would be old to me by now and the sexual aspect would have too.

So don’t let some guy with a promise of a ring turn you into a spinster. Refuse to let some idiot whom doesn’t know or possibly care that he’s wasting your youth and looks by stringing you along with the promise of marriage. If he was going to marry you, it really should have been done before you knew everything about him, his family, his distant relatives, his classmates and everything in between.

There are really no excuses for not marrying a woman you profess serious love for. Money cannot be an issue, because once you are married you can combine incomes and work together to save your nest egg. Buying a home? It cracks me up when some idiot tells me that first he wants to own a home before he gets married so they’ll have somewhere to stay. Whatever, first off why would you chose a home before you get married for a wife you don’t have? Then when you get a wife, what makes you think she will really like to live in the home that you expect her to help you pay for and gave her no opportunity to select? Just a thought.

So now, if you’ve committed giving 6 months to a year to determine this fact then you also need a second goal in order to shore up the first one. This goal will be to determine how long you are willing to wait to become engaged. If it takes approximately 6 months for you to know if he is actually a very good man and you two are definitely and item and feel the same for one another then a reasonable goal of  an additional 6 months to become engaged should be in order. This then becomes your intermediate goal.

For the long term goal which is the most important is the amount of time you will be willing to remain engaged and off the market before getting married which should be the ultimate objective. Oh, and remember this: “The goal is where we want to be. The objectives are the steps needed to get you there.” By my estimation and again this is simply my way of thinking, a reasonable amount of time between engagement to marriage is one year.  A year allows you and he to plan your marriage without rushing and have enough time to iron out any wrinkles in the process. More than a year to me (and again this is simply my thinking) is simply another stall tactic that will string you along again and again.

Now I understand that some women may not be ready for marriage, and that’s fine, its their choice, their right. However, I am writing this post for those of you who feel that living with a man for years without some clear defined plan for the future is simply unacceptable.

Yes believe me when I tell you that I do know that people get married and then divorced. I know it happens all of the time worldwide. I also know that from the female standpoint it would be much better to tell your next man that you were married and it didn’t work, as compared to well, we lived together for 9 years and then one day he told me he was in love with someone else.

The first statement the new man thinks, “Damn he must have been an idiot to let a beautiful woman like you get away!” If its the second statement, the same man will be thinking, “Damn, you must be an idiot to stay with a guy that long without a ring.” What would you like the next man (if there is one) to think about you?

By now many of you are thinking, should I let him know about my goals for my future? My answer is “You’re damn right you should.”  Before you ever jump into bed with him or commit yourself to a so called dating relationship. Now some of you will think that to mention marriage to a man you just started seeing is ludicrous. You think it will scare him off somehow, right. Well to this I say, B.S! The talk of marriage only scare men that have as their only goal to get you into bed.  Any real man will listen to you and your goals, think about them for awhile and decide if they are acceptable and realistic goals for him and his future as well. He won’t comment on them right away, he’ll think about them and you while he determines if you are the right one or not. This is cool, because your short term goal was to determine if he was marriage material or not anyway.

Note: It is very important for you determine before ever sleeping with a man you like or have feelings for if you two are in a relationship or not. You do this by asking; “Are we officially a couple now, or is this something you just want to do?” Asking him this way gives him an out, in the event that all he wanted was sex. It gives you an out as well, because if he is honest enough to tell you the truth he may be worth still getting to know without compromising your honor and integrity. Most importantly though, you cannot stick to your goal timelines if you don’t know exactly when you started dating.

All of this of course is simply a thought that hopefully assist many of you. However, before you decide if setting a relationship goal for yourself I suggest taking a look at your current relationship. How long have you been together? A year, two, five or more, where is it headed? Will he ever marry you or are you content with being his live in lover forever or until he decides to move on? Look at your friends relationships as well and ask yourself where they are going in it.

Question, how many of you have been in long term relationships only to break-up and your ex married his next girlfriend within a year? This happens a lot, women break a man in and the next woman benefits from all of your hard work and suffering. By suffering, I mean the heartbreak associated with breaking up after many years of being together, and then again because he is now married and you’re in another long term relationship. When will it end? I tell you when, the day you decide to set goals for your relationship future. It can’t hurt, can it?

Oh, and one final lifetime goal: To remain married until death do us part, amen!

10 Things guys really want in a woman


I received a message from Comieko, a friend on my Facebook fan page and she had an idea for a post for this blog. She inquired if I could write about what men want in a woman. I thought that this might be interesting as well, so I responded to her message and informed her that I would write a post on this subject.

However, I know exactly what I wanted in a woman, (got it) but all men are different in what they seek for a lifetime partner. I needed help, so I picked up the phone and contacted single friends of mine. I called guys whom are lawyers, investigators, night club owners, Cops, athletes, teachers, freight train engineers, business owners, military members and more.

To enhance the study group, I went out and simply started conversations with men I didn’t even know. Most people would consider this difficult, however it’s a part of my job anyway (extracting information from people). So getting these virtual strangers to tell me what they were seeking in women was an easy task. Funny thing though, I would approach each and begin the conversation about sports and in the end begin complaining about my (fictitious)girl. Ten minutes later I would ask, why can’t I find a perfect girl and we would compare notes.

So after interviewing approximately 60 men from all walks of life, I compiled the information and created a list based on “What men want in a woman”. Some of it surprised me, some of it reminded me that nothing has changed in the singles world and some of it made me laugh because I realised that every single woman on this planet is just like the one men really want.

*** Note*** This list is composed of the items based on the percentage of men who stated them and in the order that they arrive is based on which item had the highest percentage.

Let me not keep you guys waiting and get on with why you are here, so you too can know what it is that men want in you.

10 Things guys really want in a woman:

10) Great Sex:

Personally I think that this came in last because I wasn’t really interested in what men wanted women to do in bed sexually, sorry. I tended to steer the conversation in a different direction when this topic became to descriptive. Maybe its me, but what people do behind closed doors I think should remain there.  However, with that said, I need to add that hanging a wicker basket from your ceiling so that you can reminisce about a fling you had in a Bangkok massage parlor will not get you the woman of your dreams Mr. Davis from Montreal. But then again it might.

Most of the guys I talked to were able to get their point across without being so blunt. However, several, (Mr. Davis being one) felt the need to relive old conquests. (I pity the woman who ends up with this guy). It didn’t help matters that the Adult Entertainment Convention was in town as well, and although he was here for the CES Convention he seemed to think every woman in Vegas was from the Porn industry.

On the other hand guys like Matt from Seattle and Chen from Hong Kong were much more mature in this arena.  These are two guys whom basically informed me that they knew that although sex was important, they simply didn’t worry about it as much as finding a woman they enjoyed being with out of bed just as much.

Steve a bus driver from New York, still single by the way, informed me that his parents had been married for 30 years. He said that his father told him years ago that  the sexual aspect of the relationship will taper off, but the actual love he should have for the woman in his life will grow stronger over time. In his fathers words, “Love is better than sex when its real.” I have to admit, I agree with his fathers assessment.

9) Dresses nice:

 The great thing about conducting these interviews (so to speak) in Las Vegas was that whenever I was having a conversation there were so many beautiful women walking around. This gave me the opportunity to observe what men thought by watching their eyes and listening to their comments concerning the different attire women wore.

I was sitting at the Halo Bar in the Miracle Mile Shops at Planet Hollywood on a Friday night and struck up a conversation with Mike, a Military helicopter Pilot Stationed in Korea. As we sat there talking about what he wanted in a woman when a cute girl walked by and he turned to look to the point where I thought he was going to spill the drink I had just brought him.

When he gained his focus again you know what he said? “She’d be good for a one night stand.” I understood exactly why he made this statement. Although she was very pretty, her beauty was overshadowed by the very, very short skirt she was wearing, not to mention the blouse that was unbuttoned damn near to her waist.

Men are very visual when it comes to women and I’ve written this more than once, “The way you dress determines how men perceive you.” In this instance he had fully determined that she was someone he would possibly sleep with, but only once!

Later another beautiful young woman passed by the bar. She was very well dressed, nice slacks, heels, make-up and beautiful hair. He turned and they made eye contact, he spoke to her in a very kind and polite manner and she responded, politely. He didn’t look at her as a piece of meat, it was almost gentle. When she was past his line of vision he didn’t turn to look at her  back side, he looked down and almost smiled.

Quickly I asked what was the major difference between the two women? He answered exactly as I thought he would. He said that the first woman exuded sexuality which was very appealing to him. However, the second woman was more like a woman he would actually like to get to know better. He went on to say that she dressed in a fashion that stated that she was professional, confident, mature and beautiful. He finished by saying that she was the type of woman who he could easily introduce to his mother. Strange huh? But wait, it gets stranger because I was bored.

I sent out a quick text and within five minutes both women arrived at the bar. I introduced him to them both and he almost fainted. Why? Because they are actually identical twins! He hadn’t noticed because of the differences in the way they had dressed. They are old friends of mine that I have known for several years and since they were in town I asked them to participate in my little study. They agreed as long as I promised to take them to dinner afterwards which I was going to do anyway, lol.

I only did this to Mike, and I never explained to him why. I did explain to him that he had proven a point that would be advantageous to women everywhere. He was a good sport and I wish him well in the Military.

Others that bought up this subject, like Ben, a student from Boise State (here for the Las Vegas Bowl) echoed like all the rest. A womans dress and appearance is important in that they would like for her to be appealing to them but not in a way that garners too much unwanted attention. This brings me back to something men spoke about often and you will see it again later in this post, jeans and a nice top are always good. 

8)  Has her own life:

Scott a Sports Store owner from Miami was the first to bring up this topic. He informed me that it was important to him to have a woman who had her own career, life and friends. He felt as did the others that I talked to later that if she possesses these things in her life it increased the chances of the relationship growing.

Eric a Bartender from Bellevue Nebraska, stated that if her friends are your friends and her job is your job then at the end of the day you have absolutely nothing to talk about. Eric’s friend Jason, an Insurance Agent echoed the sentiment and added, “If she has her own life, job and friends it ensures that as a couple you have plenty to talk about that’s interesting. He said his last girlfriend worked with him and the thing that drove him crazy was that when she was pissed at him, everyone at work knew it and it made it difficult for him at work as well as at the home they shared.

Eventually he said he resigned his position hoping it would help their relationship if he work elsewhere. He said this worked for a while but in the end although he had a different job they still shared all of the same friends. He went on to tell me that is why you should never date someone you work with, two people sharing the same life is difficult and boring.

I wanted to know how did they explain the countless numbers of married people who own business’s together? Eric informed me that being married is different. He went on to say that when you are married, you know that this is the person you’ve selected to spend the rest of your life with. You already know that you are compatible with her and spending time with her every single moment is a pleasure, or should be. Spending every waking moment with a woman you’re trying to determine if she will one day be your wife is a recipe for burnout, he added.

I am not sure if they are right or not, but I do know this on the subject. My wife and I met at work years ago, although we shared a couple of common friends, for the most part we did not. I left the company within a few months of us becoming a pair and we’ve never worked together since.

I seldom visit her at work and I think she has been to my office only a couple of times. I find it interesting to attempt to place faces on the people she talks about in her stories about her work and I am sure she’d say the same. Either way, I enjoy her stories of humor and frustration in her work environment and I think she enjoys the fact that I listen allowing her the opportunity to vent from time to time.

Now that we are in Vegas, we don’t have any real common friends. The friends that we do have are ones that we met on the job. I’ve only met two of her friends and she only one of mine. I am not sure if this helps but hopefully you get the picture. If not maybe this will, we still have a lot of interesting things to talk to one another about every single day and I look forward to our conversations.

7) Shared interests:

Do you like football? Basketball? Baseball? Soccer? Do you follow any sport? If not you may want to learn a little about one or all of them. Men do many things to be able to meet women, anything to have a way of breaking the ice and share a passion. However, we draw a line at basket weaving or bargain shopping.

If you would like to meet some really good men, try this: Visit Las Vegas during football season. Buy yourself a nice football jersey (they make them for women as well), and visit one of the many sports books around the city. Breaking the ice has never been easy. You’ll meet men from all walks of life, some who will of course want to date you because you share a common bond and others whom will just enjoy the fact that you are there as a fan of the game.

While talking to Russell, (a Stock broker) from New Jersey, an attractive female entered the sports book alone wearing a NY Giants jersey and a pair of Levi jeans (more about the jeans later). She sat alone and watched the game, Russell continued to watch her to see if she was waiting for someone. After a short period of time he excused him self and approached her. He of course was wearing a NY Jets jersey and I figured the meeting would be very interesting.

From a distance I observed him approach and with a smile on his face extend his hands in a non confrontational manner and then they both laughed. I couldn’t hear the conversation but judging by the laughter I could tell that he may have made a connection.

A few minutes later he returned so I thought we would finish our conversation. However, I was wrong, Russell apologized for having to leave, grabbed his drink and headed to the table with the female. However, before parting he left me with this statement; “I love women who enjoy football, even if she does like the Giants. I think I may have met my future wife.”

That was a bold statement to make concerning a woman he has met less than three minutes earlier, but who knows, stranger things have happened in Las Vegas.

Now lets look at this situation from her perspective. She prepared herself by enjoying a game that she knew men enjoyed and apparently she does too. She dressed to blend in which also created an automatic icebreaker for any man who cared to approach. Armed with her knowledge of the game she  had turned her football passion into a target rich environment of available single men.

My wife loves sports. She’s a Dallas Cowboys fan, but I don’t hold it against her. When I first got married we had recently moved to LA. My new friends loved to go to sports bars on Sundays to watch the games. They’d ask if I would like to come along and I would decline. After awhile they would jazz me about being married and not being able to get out of the house without permission. Finally one day when they asked if I would like to watch a Monday night game at a bar close to work, I figured I had better let them in on my secret.

I wanted to stay home and enjoy the game with my wife. This way I could spend time with her doing something we both enjoyed, I could eat and drink beer without paying through the nose and not have to worry about getting stopped for driving under the influence. Make sense? My friends thought so too, so instead they asked if they could come to my place to watch the game. Since my wife hadn’t really gotten to know them it was the perfect opportunity for them to do so. Within a month many of them would stop by on game days with their wives and girlfriends and we turned the whole thing into an event.

In the end, even the girlfriends who didn’t like football learned to enjoy it. It gave them something else to be able to do together. Years later when I call these guys during football season on a Sunday, instead of being at a bar I can hear their wives cheering in the background from their living room. It’s amazing how a small insignificant sport can create a bond between the sexes if allowed.

6) knowledge:

    When education came up in the first conversation I had it was with Jayden from Singapore. With him he wanted a woman whose education level matched his own which is understandable. However later when it was brought up it became apparent that it was for different reasons.

    Other men such as Mateo from Hawaii expressed that he liked women whom were educated for the sake of being able to hold conversations on any subject. Others echoed his words as time went by. What I gathered was that these men liked women whom were knowledgeable in current events. They particularly seemed to like women whom expressed their own opinions on topics. Rod, a bull rider from Casper Wyoming chimed in to say that there is nothing more frustrating than to have a woman who for months, your opinion is her opinion, then to come home one day and her opinion is totally different. He said this opens too many questions for him, the first being who the hell is she and where did she come from? The second being that these new opinions may be the opinions of the man she met when you were away on tour. He went on to say that either way when this happened to him in the past he knew it was a signal that the relationship was pretty much over.

Most of the men I talked to not only prefer a woman who is versed on current events but they also informed me that they enjoyed it even more if from time to time their opinions differed. As Troy a banker from London stated, there is nothing like a healthy debate between loved ones to bring you even closer.

I understand this thought process perfectly. My wife and I have been debating whether College athletes should be paid or not for many years. I think they should and she feels that fair compensation is the scholarship to attend school they accepted. Who knows who’s right on this subject, but if it gives us something to passionately discuss I really don’t care.

5) A sense of humor:

     We all like to laugh don’t we? It’s healthy for you and it increases your quality of life, especially if you have a woman who makes you laugh. There is nothing like having a woman with a great sense of humor (especially for those days when you do something wrong). Men like to come home and know that instead of an argument after confessing his mistake, they can laugh about it for years.

 In my marriage believe me when I tell you that I have made some huge mistakes, huge! However, my wife has a way of making fun of me in a joking way and I appreciate it more than if she hammered me on it. I get the message, I screwed up, again, we laugh about it and move on having learned from it.

Being silly with the one you love is priceless! According to Les a music teacher from Torrance California, he actively sought out a woman with a sense of humor to ensure his relationship would remain fun. He stated that the relationship before his current one was way too serious, he said it became stressful to him so he bailed out. His new girl, according to him makes him smile by simply walking into the room and this is a year and a half later.

While I was taking to him over a beer, his girlfriend walked up to the table and he looked at her and they both started to laugh. He said, “It took your money, didn’t it?” They both started laughing harder, later I found out that she had come to Vegas with a promise that she would only gamble with ten dollars. She had lost it in 20 minutes. Hell, I laughed too. As they bid me goodbye in route to see a show, he turned and told me, “Life is simply too much fun to be serious all the time.”

4) Looks:

     I really thought that this would be number one, man was I wrong. Beautiful yes, supermodel type, most of the guys I talked to weren’t interested in. They confessed that they think looks in women are over rated. What they expressed was important to them in the looks department was natural beauty. I have to confess, I understand exactly what they mean. Men want women who look great walking through the house with a tee-shirt on, a pair of jeans with her hair a mess and little or no make-up. Oh, and they placed special emphasis on the fact that they love women who look great in a pair of jeans, Levis is the choice according to Parker an anesthesiologist from Houston and many others.

Men prefer natural looking women to women who spend hours putting on make-up to enhance their beauty. As Thomas of Mesquite Nevada so eloquently put it, “I want a woman that appeals to me, not one that tries to appeal to every man.”

Tyler of Salt Lake City, Utah informed me that most people forget that looks fade, but personality and character remain forever.

3) Patience:

Alan from Indiana (a pharmaceutical rep) thinks patience is very important in the women he choses because as he said, “I still do things that I shouldn’t from time to time.” Things like staying out too late with friends or making plans and forgetting to inform my partner are a few. He said he’s working on trying to be better about issues like these so that in his new girlfriend they don’t become an issue. He stated that his current girlfriend is very patient with him in this respect and that’s why he’s attempting to change his behavior.

What was funny to me was that Alan and quite a few others informed me that patience was really important because if she is patient with them they feel as though she will be a great mother to their children one-day. Rick from Idaho (a Retail Manager) laughed at the idea, and then changed his thought process after talking about it with me.

He was in Las Vegas with his girlfriend of three years at a conference she had to attend. At the end of our talk he reviewed his relationship and told me that his girlfriend had stood beside him through some very rough times whereas most women would have left him.

Before I left he asked me if it was true that you could get married anytime during the day or night in Vegas. When I left I had the strange feeling that Alan suddenly realised that his girlfriend deserved to be more than just a girlfriend. If I am right on this assessment, I wish them well as Mr and Mrs!

2) Confidence:

Women with confidence came in second with the men I interviewed. According to Dan, a Physical therapist from San Pedro, California, “If she is confident in herself, she will be more likely to be secure in the fact that she has nothing to worry about when it comes to us.” Meaning: No jealousy issues, no arguments, no complaining.

Robert, a Computer Business Owner from Arkansas informed me that if she has confidence in herself then he will be more confident in her. He went on to tell me that his last girlfriend lacked confidence and it showed in all aspects of their relationship. He said he stressed about it because he always knew that others knew she lacked confidence as well. He told me that the company he founded began to expand and he had to spend a few months on the West Coast away from her. When he returned he discovered she had been unfaithful.

He said he was sure it was because her lack of confidence led her to believe others when they told her that as his company grew he would eventually leave her. He said they had talked about this issue several times and he laughed it off because he though that she couldn’t seriously believe it. He felt she cheated so that she could kill the relationship that she thought would end anyway, even though he had worked so hard for them both.

For his next relationship, confidence will be a top priority in the woman he selects. He further informed me that he travels a lot, and he wants his next girlfriend to be confident enough to know that his heart is wherever she is.

1) A great personality:

 I thought probably like you did that the number one thing would be looks. However, if that was the case we were both fooled. These guys almost all rated personality above everything else.  Heath a Detective from New Zealand stated, “What the hell good does it do you if she looks fantastic but you can’t stand to be around her?” With that statement, I concur.

Men want a woman that he is drawn to, and nothing does that like a great personality. There is nothing more beautiful than a woman with a great smile who looks at you and even if you’re delivering a package to her office she makes you feel as if she is your friend.

A great personality means that you are approachable and that regardless of the circumstances she makes you feel as though everything will be ok. I asked Todd, a Hotel Manager from Huntington West Virginia what was so important about personality to him and he took a drink of his beer and told me this; “Women with good personalities and a great outlook on life tend to make you feel as though you can do anything.” He added, “It’s also good that when you return home at the end of a hard day, you know that she will be in a good mood which in return will brighten your otherwise dreary day.”

Talking to Adam from New Mexico, a website designer while at Aria in the City Center a very beautiful young woman walked by. Adam politely said hello and she totally ignored him. His personality quickly changed and I could tell he wanted to say something negative about her.

He settled down and then he said, ” The one thing I cannot stand is a woman who thinks she is so pretty that she has no personality at all, or if she does it’s a shitty one!”  I let him ramble on for a few minutes as he went on to tell me that he had simply spoken to her to be friendly, not to try to pick her up.

I thought this was the perfect time to inquire as to exactly how important he thought personality was when chosing a woman. His reply: It’s by far the most important aspect of the selection process if you’re looking for a long-term relationship. If it’s simply just for a roll in the hay, it’s dead last. Like the girl I just spoke to, he continued. She has no personality to speak of. Yep, she was pretty, but after not even having the social graces to speak back to someone who said hello, more than likely she’s probably just a pure bitch! Who wants to spend long-term with someone like that?

I asked if he had a girlfriend or wife and he informed me that he did, that she would be down shortly. He was still a little heated about the snub, and at that moment I remembered that generally men have support groups during these moments. this is usually the time when male friends pump up a mans ego by saying something like, “Dude, she was fat anyway or some other insult to make their friend feel better. Hey, I’m married so I’m not about to plug some guys bruised ego about a girl I know absolutely nothing about.

Later, the same girl came by and he started to steam again and I noticed it quickly. I excused myself and walked towards the girl and made eye contact. I spoke to her and she politely waved and I followed her and another female towards another part of the room where they were sitting. From a distance I watched and I observed that they held conversation using sign language.

I didn’t return to the table with Adam, because I understand that many men lack great personalities as well. Although Adam professes to having a girlfriend (which I didn’t see) he above most should understand that having a pleasant personality is something that goes both ways.

I hope that this post if nothing else shows you that in reality no one really knows what men want. Each of us, both men and women are very different in our likes and dislikes when chosing a mate. The list above simply give you an idea of the things men want, however more importantly it lacks what men actually need in a woman.

When talking to all of these men, I noted that not one of them expressed what they needed in a woman. However, they all quickly expressed what they wanted in one. So since they failed to tell us what they need, I decided to tell you what I know each and every man needs in order to make a perfect relationship for his future. Simply put, they need you!

Why you may want to re-think marrying a Pro Athlete


Turn on your TV and they’re everywhere, hawking shoes, cars, credit cards, soup, watches, you name it and there is a professional athlete endorsing it. These men whom seem larger than life (and in some cases are) have become rock stars since the invent of cable and satellite TV.

They are young, handsome and rich! Young boys want to be like them (I wanna be like Mike), adult men idolize them and women worship them like they’re the reincarnation of the Beatles. Who would have ever thought that dribbling a basketball or catching a football would one day propel simple men to such global iconic status.

However, with all of this wealth and adulation comes a price and many professional athletes are paying or have paid this price at one time or another. This price is failure to maintain matrimonial relationships. Now why this major failure exists is anyones guess, however we can speculate that at the base of it is the lack of one major ingredient necessary to maintain any relationship, trust.

While I was in the middle of writing this post I received a phone call from a female friend of mine and out of the blue i posed this questions to her. “Would you consider marrying a professional athlete?” After asking why I would ask such a question (she doesn’t know about this blog), she responded quite eagerly, “Hell yes!”

My next question to her was why? She informed me that she would because of the status it would afford her and the wealth. However, she added that she wouldn’t be foolish enough to actually think that he might be faithful to her.

This statement sums up why the divorce rate for professional athletes hovers between 60-80%.  There is no real trust going in so how could they possibly sustain any real relationship?

Now, before people blow a gasket on the above statement lets take a look at trust from the athletes prospective. Here’s a guy whom more than likely came from a lower-income family and because of his athletic prowess he garners tons of attention. Women that probably wouldn’t even speak to him if he wasn’t on the cover of some magazine are now jockeying for position to spend time with him. Oh, and this is while he is in College, he hasn’t even made it yet.

Turn on the TV and he’s on sports center and in the school book store you can purchase his jersey for $75 plus tax. (oh, and by the way he makes no profit from this sale). When his stock really rises, agents begin to not only pop up, but they also arrive in the form of  women. Hey, he’s in college so legally he cannot talk to an agent yet. But, that doesn’t keep agents from dealing with his girlfriend (the one he wouldn’t have had if he wasn’t a rising star). Agents know that if they can get to her, she could possibly steer him to them when the time comes for a professional contract.

So now, draft day comes and this kid whose mother worked two shifts at a local mill gets drafted in the first round and it’s just like hitting the lottery! Thirty million dollars and a ten million dollar signing bonus and he hasn’t even suited up for a NBA, NFL or MLB team yet. To make things even worse, reporters publicize these figures in the news, telling the world how wealthy this 21-year-old kid is.

In no other section of our society (other than actors/actresses) do they publicize how much an individual makes to the world. Could you imagine if one day you open your neighborhood newspaper and in big bold print it read, “MAGAN promoted to Office Manager @ $95K  per year”. It’d be pretty awkward to say the least.

So now, if he thought he was popular in College he hasn’t seen nothing yet. Now, he’s popular and wealthy, overnight. He now discovers that he has friends and family he never knew existed and everyone wants something from him, everyone. He begins to question everyone’s motives for approaching him, especially women. College women are one thing, random women who run up to him in the mall are something else totally. Phone numbers on the windshield of his new Hummer begin to wear thin after a while. Oh, and he hasn’t even ran into the apparatus called the “Professional Groupie.” (Refer to video at the end of this post)

So believe me when I tell you that by the time he ever reaches the alter he has been exploited by the University, girlfriends, agents and family members. Therfore he’ll be having trust issues in his sleep for years to come.

How do you find the woman of your dreams when the rules have changed and you’re not a regular guy anymore by societal standards? This is a tough question I think. How can you trust anyone when with every woman you take out you’re asking yourself, “Is she with me because she really likes me, or because of who I am”? Sometimes the answer to this question could be answered by simply looking into the mirror. There is no way on this earth that Mike Tyson was supposed to end up with Robin Givens. Sorry Mike, but I had to say it and I am just being real.

Making it more difficult to trust anyone is the stories he will read in the tabloids, hear from his teammates and coaches about how some player is getting divorced and his wife is taking him to the cleaners. If that isn’t enough to make him skeptical in the love department then the tales of paternity suits and allegations of sexual and physical assault surely won’t make him feel any safer.

Smart athletes if possible marry their H.S. sweetheart. Women that stood beside them when they had never been interviewed on national tv. Women that stood beside them when they had nothing and his sports prowess meant nothing to her, she was with him because they were in love.

Unfortunately even that isn’t enough today, Dwayne Wade and his wife are in a bitter divorce. These two had been together since the 7th grade. Oh, and by the way, he’s now dating Gabrielle Union whom his ex states caused the split. Drama, so much drama.

So now, since some of you will undoubtably still accept an opportunity to wed a pro athlete let me ask this. Could you marry a man with trust issues to begin with? Think about it, if this were a regular guy who worked a regular job and you felt that he may not be faithful to you, would you marry him anyway?

The first sign of lack of trust is the Prenuptial agreement. Unconditional love would never suggest such a thing and would be appalled at the thought. How could anyone consciously ask someone to sign a document saying that in the event the marriage doesn’t work  you get X Y & Z? It baffles my mind when someone famous gets divorce and the media questions whether he or she has a prenuptial agreement.  I always ask myself, what the hell was she or he thinking?

Do you know what a prenup does for marriages? It tells both parties that the marriage probably won’t last and they expect it not to. It also tells the person who is asked to sign it that they are worth a specific amount of cash, property etc if they agree to marry this person. That’s not love folks, its warped thinking by people who place material wealth above everything else, to include real love.

If for whatever reason my wife requested a divorce from me today, this is what I would do. I know this because we went through a rough patch a couple of years ago. We discussed divorce and legal separation and this is exactly what I told her; “I will not allow any attorney to determine who gets what in a marriage that they were never apart of. We’ll pick up the documents, we’ll fill them out together and you may have anything you want. All I really care about is having access to my children unconditionally. I told her that she could have any and all investments, the house, checking accounts and furnishings because I can start over. The most important thing to me was ensuring that the lives of my children didn’t change one bit.

Well we worked through it and fortunately we’re still together. In our society today it’s too damn easy to simply get a divorce. No one ever said that marriage was easy. However it can be if you chose to work together instead of quitting at the first sign of trouble.

Recently, we’ve seen Tiger Woods divorced, Dwayne Wade getting a divorce, Tony Parker and Eva Longoria called it splits earlier this week and although few know, Steve Nash and his wife are splitting as well. Oh, and the woman who Tony Parker is suspected of having an affair with is getting a divorce as well and her husband is a former NBA player, go figure.

A  lot of these divorces can also be attributed to the choices these athletes make in their selection of the women they marry. Sit down and try to watch (to watch a whole episode is considered cruel and unusual punishment) a few minutes of “Basketball Wives”. It will allow you to understand why the divorce rate within this industry is so damn high. 

However, in the midst of all of this drama and the carnage left behind with all of these divorces there are still a few players who still have solid marriages. After Magic Johnson’s announcement most women would have run, all the way to the bank. Not Cookie, she’s stood beside him through thick and thin. When Kobe had his indiscretion in that Colorado hotel, Vanessa could have taken him for everything if she chose, and instead she stood beside the man she loves. Guess what the both of these marriages have in common? Neither have a prenuptial agreement. They were both lucky enough to discover women who loved them unconditionally, not for what they can get.

Now before I go I want to share one more thing with you. Hillary Clinton didn’t leave Bill Clinton when he was being grilled by Republicans about his supposed affair with a White House intern. She could have and no one would have blamed her, instead she stood by her man. When asked about this, Hillary stated, “There are things that are far worse in marriage than infidelity”. Maybe she’s right?

How selecting a puppy is just like selecting a new man


This post is somewhat long, however I challenge you to read it because there is a moral to this story that you simply may not want to miss ~ Anonymousmale1

How many of you have bought puppies in your life? You go down to the pet store and you’re excited and apprehensive at the same time. You walk into the pet shop and you walk to all the holding pens looking for the puppy that you feel will be your perfect pick.

Many of the puppies are all giddy at the prospect that they could possibly go home with you. They do everything they can to get your attention. They run up to the window and jump around, bark sharply and whimper when you walk to the next window.

Then you spot one and he’s excited and he’s posturing just for you. You tap on the glass and he dances around panting and barking and as you smile he gets even more excited. You request that the shop employee remove him to allow you to play with him a bit to see if he is exactly what you want.

She guides you to a small holding area and soon return with this beautiful puppy that’s eager to meet you as well. You take him in your arms and hold him, kiss him on the head pet him and play with him. He gets so excited he urinates, and you don’t mind because you’ve already decided he’s the puppy you’ll be taking home.

You alert the sale associate that you’d like to buy him and she leads you through the isles as you select items he’ll need, a bed, food, toys and a collar and leash. She then guides you to the register to ring up your sale which will total way over the amount you originally wanted to spend, but you’re happy, he’s happy and that’s all that matters.

As you’re standing in line while the associate completes the transaction, you look back at the small cubicle that once was your new puppies home. In the back of the cubicle you for the first time observe an identical puppy that you hadn’t even noticed. He’s sitting there now in the front of the cage watching you. He’s watching you with eyes that say he understands, he’s not bitter for not being selected and his expression shows that this is not the first time he wasn’t chosen. However, he still holds the look of love in his eyes and its difficult for you to break your gaze away from him.

With your transaction completed you go home with your newly purchased puppy with the wagging tail and the cute bark. You soon forget about the puppy that was left behind.

You arrive at your home and you place the puppy on the floor and what does he do? He takes a shit on your brand new carpet, then he looks up at you with those loving eyes as to say, “Sorry about that”. You forgive him of course and begin the task of attempting to house train him.

Days turn to weeks and weeks to months and there are times that his cuteness is wearing thin. Frustration sets in, how many pairs of your expensive shoes can he destroy. How many times can you step in puppy puddles in the middle of the night before you feel you’ll go mad.

Your mom comes over and you know what your puppy does? He humps her leg, as a matter of fact, he humps every womans leg that gets in his vicinity. people think he’s cute and when you explain to them how difficult it has been, they tell you, “He’s just a puppy, he’ll grow out of it”, secretly, you wonder.

He barks excessively, driving you and your neighbor nuts. Walking him is a chore, it always ends up with him walking you. He never listens to you and the only time he even appears to care is when you feed him. The rest of the time he’s being destructive.

This goes on for months and you are at your wit’s end, not to mention that this cute puppy now weighs a whopping 75 pounds. Now when he’s walking you in the park, you pray that no one comes anywhere near you with another dog because if it’s a male, a fight will surely occur. If it’s a female in heat she doesn’t stand a chance because he’ll be on her and at his weight the chance of you keeping him off her is slim to none.

Finally you’ve had enough and you talk your cousin who has a house with a few acres of land into taking your once cute puppy off of your hands. You rationalize this situation by telling yourself that what he needs is a very large rural area to run around in. You tell yourself that your small 900 square foot apartment was simply too small for him and he felt cramped.

When he was finally gone you felt remorseful. For weeks you thought about driving the 3 hours to your cousin’s house and taking him back. You miss him and it became difficult to sleep without him there to protect you and although he still refused to be house trained you felt comfortable and safe having him around. You felt guilty for sending him away and you hope and pray that he’s happy, although you’re miserable as hell.

Then one-day while reminiscing you walked through the park where he used to walk you. You though about the time when he basically drug you just to sniff a female dog that was out with her master. You still have the scars on your knee as a reminder.

While sitting on the bench with tears filling your eyes while you think about how much of a failure you are for not being able to make him happy something amazing happens. A ball bounces in your direction and you pick it up. Before you realise it a dog identical to your runs down the hill and directly up to you. You think it is a miracle and you cannot take your eyes off of him. He stops his run and slowly walks toward you as you are holding his tennis ball in your hands.

As he gets near and then directly in front of you he sits down and he gazes deeply into your eyes as you reach the ball out to him. Looking into his eyes you are startled, this is the same dog who while as a puppy stared at you in the pet store. He takes the ball and heads back up the hill to his master. You decide to follow to see who the lucky recipient will be.

When you arrive on the other side of the slop you watch in amazement as the dog returns the ball to the sales associate whom had rung up you transaction that day in the pet store. He returned it with such love and care that you instantly became envious.

Your curiosity gets the better of you and you decided to approach her. You had many questions you wanted to ask. Upon approach she recognized you instantly. After awkwardly explaining how you’d given your dog up, she explained to you how she’d selected it’s brother.

She told you that day in the park that in the beginning there were 5 identical puppies in the pet store and that women just like you had selected the most aggressive of the litter. All had eventually given up on their puppies as they became dogs and had given them away or taken them to shelters. They simply couldn’t control them or change their behavior.

She said that a few days after you had purchased your puppy she was cleaning the cage and after taking a long look into the remaining puppies eyes she decided she wanted him. She said that he wasn’t excited, he simply sat back and watched everyone. She likened it to someone who was looking for a special place, a special home a special friend. She felt that she was special, so why not her and took him home.

She went on to tell you that she never had to house train him, he’d never been on a leash, never chewed anything in her home and only barked while they played. It was like he simply instantly knew what she wanted or needed. When she was happy, he was happy, if she was sad, so was he. She stated from day one she was never his master, but rather his life mate and they both enjoyed one another’s companionship.

Before you left you asked one last question. You wanted to know if her years of working in the pet store teach her which puppies turn out great and which do not? She laughed and told you that in reality she had never owned a puppy before. However, she went on, ” Although I did look for the one I thought needed love as opposed to ones that only loved themselves”.

With that she and her well-behaved, happy, obedient companion disappeared walking side by side, no leash necessary.

The Moral of this story is:

Many times this is how you as women select men as well. You walk into a crowded room and the man who catches your attention is the one that creates the most commotion. They draw attention to themselves in any and every way possible.

If you’re at a bar or a Night Club these are the men the approach you offering drinks or to dance. If you’re at school, these are the guys who approach you and want to start conversation. These types of men make a bee-line directly to almost every beautiful woman in their vicinity begging for you to take them home.

What you fail to notice is that generally they are in the company of another guy. The guy who never feels the need to make an ass of himself by humping your leg. This guy is the one who will not approach you or make a fool of himself. He quietly sits back and occasionally will make eye contact with you, but never for too long.

He is the guy who doesn’t want the attention of every woman on the planet, he simply wants the attention of one. You’ve met him many times and generally you’ve been enchanted by the antics of his friend and when you return to their table his crazy friend will introduce you and he’ll be polite but very soft-spoken. He won’t say too much to you but he will answer questions if you ask. He and his friend probably rode to the party or function together and if you chose to go home with his friend he’ll be in the car with you  two (more than often the one driving, since he probably doesn’t drink).

Watching him closely he’ll probably open the door for you after his friend has already gotten into the car and dismissed this act as too gentlemanly for him. He’s the guy that doesn’t fixate on you, however you know that he looks at you differently.

He loves his friend but he really doesn’t approve of his antics and in most cases the way he treats women as a whole. However, he keeps his thoughts to himself because even though his friend (the one you chose) has flaws, he loves him anyway because that’s what friends are for. Friends love you regardless of how crazy you may appear to others, right.

When you get to their apartment (if they live together) he will simply disappear into his bedroom after wishing you good night. What you don’t know is that he is laying in his bed watching tv, while you are becoming a one night stand to a man who wrote the term.

Later after you’ve been used and abused and his friend doesn’t answer your calls anymore. You’ll remember his friend and one-day you’ll run into him at a mall or somewhere simple and he’ll be in the company of a girl that he treats like a queen. You’ll approach and he’ll say hello and being the respectful person that he is he’ll introduce you to his date. You’ll ask about his friend since now he’s avoiding you and he’ll lie for him (because they are friends) but his eyes are too hones and you’ll see that even this hurts him to do.

Guys like this are everywhere. They are the men that women think are myths and they really are not. They simply get overlooked because just like the puppies in the store, others require much more of your attention.

Why they don’t stand out more is anyones guess. Mine would be that many are simply waiting to be noticed by you. These are men who are shy, have been hurt or have a definite idea of exactly what they are looking for in a woman. Regardless of all of this, they are invisible to the women that so desperately need them.

So the next time you and your friends are out, try looking past the puppy that is doing all of the tricks to garner your attention. It’s the puppy in the window who simply is waiting for you to recognize his true worth that you should be seeking. It’s the man who needs someone to love him that is most valuable to your happiness, not the one that loves himself more than he could ever love you that will break your heart, again.

Is getting your ex back really a good decision?


    “There is an innate desire in all creatures to grow…Yet in any type of growth and change something has to end for something new to begin” ~Unknown

 

Recently while I was surfing the web I noticed tons of advertising for books on “Getting your Ex back” everywhere. This made me wonder about the state of many relationships and I ask myself this question, which now I will pose to you; “Why would you want to get back with someone who broke your heart?”

Let that thought simmer in your brain for a minute and think back to all of the sleepless nights, laying in bed wondering if he was true to you, his selfish nature, cheating, lying, treating you like crap. Why in the world would anyone want to cross that bridge again?

My next question to you is, “If the relationship was so great, why did it end?”  I will tell you, it ended because it was supposed to end. Relationships that we form over the years are really training zones to prepare us for the one we’re really supposed to be with in the end. Not every man who you date is the one for you, however with that said, most are simply there to educate you on what you do or do not want in the real man you’re seeking as a life mate.

Relationships are just like life, they are tests, a classroom full of experience. Some of you will graduate by learning how not to repeat the same mistakes and move on to the one you were intended for. Others will continue making mistakes, some bigger than others and make this process harder for themselves.

If you are jumping through hoops right now trying to win your ex back, you are making a big mistake. You have not learned your self-worth and simply do not understand that there is a man, a good man out there looking for you right now. One that is probably the man of your dreams, and he cannot find you or you him if you focus on a past relationship that failed.

When women suffer through pains and still try to rekindle a relationship with an ex, it’s not because of love. No it’s not, it’s because of comfort. You want him back because regardless of how miserable he made you, you were comfortable with him and you refuse to accept change.

You may like the way he makes love to you (when he does) or the way he looks, but everything else he does you may hate. This all goes back to what I wrote a long time ago, you can love him all you want, but if you don’t like him as a person why punish yourself by staying or attempting to get him back when it’s over?

It amazes me that we as people don’t understand that if the person you were with would not change to keep you, they will not change if you take them back. Why should they? By taking them back you are simply sending them a message that you will accept them for what they are and who they are.

If you chose to accept them back, then you need to understand that more than likely you will be right back at your break-up point within a few short weeks. The reason I tell you this is because there was no change, no effort, no resolution to speak of.

How many times have you been in a relationship and then it ends for whatever reason? We go through different emotional feelings as we attempt to adjust to this new change in our lives. The person we were with had been a fixture in our lives for months, weeks or even years and now there is a void where they once were.

Emotionally, we sometimes feel like the man who lost a leg in a Coal mining accident, the leg is long gone, however mentally it still itches from time to time. So there are times when we really mis our ex, like when we visit places that bring back old memories.

One thing about human nature is that we tend to block out bad memories, opting instead to hang onto the good ones. We remember our ex and we revert back to happier times, times long gone. You remember things like getting caught in the rain and he used his coat to keep you dry, and then gently kissed you for the first time on your front steps while he was soaking wet.

You tend to remember the day you wrecked your car and he showed up and held you close making sure you were ok all the while whispering that everything would be alright. You remember how when you first began he couldn’t stay away from you too long, he had to see you no matter how difficult it might be for him. Oh, and don’t forget the long lovemaking sessions that seemed like marathons and left you both exhausted and pleased on sweaty sheets.

All of these things you remember fondly and it makes you yearn for the good old days with the man you loved. However, in your mental Rolodex you’ve simply overlooked the fact that somewhere through time he had changed. You don’t think about the guy who wouldn’t return your calls in the end, always telling you how busy he was when he returned home. You’ve forgotten about how he spent hours surfing dating sites on the internet, complete with his own profile.

You’ve forgotten about how he made you feel when he screamed at you in public, and even the sting of humiliation has been omitted in your though process. Hey, what about the day when some random girl called him while you and he were watching a movie and he got up and talked to her in another room? Did you chose to forget about that as well?

What about the occasions when he came home late and you could have sworn that he smelled like women’s perfume, a perfume that wasn’t like yours? Or the times in the end where he simply didn’t want to touch you, let alone make love to you?  Thinking back he was probably also very secretive during the last few months and became a person you hardly recognized.

The person we are with when a relationship ends is hardly the person we began with. We all change over time because this is simply human nature, however with that said the goal is to grow and change together not separately.

By now you may be thinking that not so long ago you and your ex broke-up and he was more like the person listed second than the man you originally started with. If this is the case then try asking yourself this question; “Didn’t you try to get him to revert back to the person he was before you chose to break up with him?”

He knew that if he didn’t change back then the possibility of you and he parting was very good. Apparently, he refused to change and now he’s your ex boyfriend for just this reason. Now for a second question, I have to ask this; “What on earth makes you think if you get back with him that he will change now?”

Lets look at where you are now and see if getting your ex back is a good idea for you? Currently, you are in a single situation. There is a multitude of available single men out there right now looking for a woman just like you. By failing to capitalize on the time you have to meet Mr. Right, You are simply hanging on to the past.

Right now, I am sure you have many of your girlfriends who are telling you the same thing and your thoughts are they simply do not know how you feel. In their haste to help you they are trying to set you up with men that they think you’ll like.

However, what they are really doing is introducing you to men that they like, because only you know what is really what you want and need in a man. So the next time they tell you that they found the perfect man for you, secretly you should know that they found the perfect man for them. Hey, as friends you can pick out shoes or dresses for one another, but selecting a man is something that you should do for yourself.

Now the other side of this equation is that you can give into your whims and try to get your ex back. Although the ending left a bad taste in your mouth, maybe he’ll really change and you two can rekindle your relationship magic and make things work this time. Or not!

If you’re willing to ignore the things that caused the break-up to begin with and accept all of his faults, you can make a go of it if he’s willing. You also may want to consider that the time that you two were apart if he was actually as heartbroken as you. If not, then he may not have waited for you as you did he. He may have dated, tasted his new-found freedom and enjoyed the company of a bevy of women seeking your replacement.  If this is the case he may not be as eager to return to a relationship that he may feel was mundane as you are. Just a thought.

Now, before I end this I need to make something perfectly clear. I am sure that these books on “How to get your Ex back” are full of priceless information and they will serve many people well. However, with that said, I would like to point out that trying to get your ex back is easier if you can answer these questions; “Do you love him & is he worth trying to work it out?”

If your answers to both these are yes, then by all means arm yourself with the information in these books to assist you with making your dream come true of getting him back. I hope it works out for you in the end, and if it does, I’d love to hear about it so drop me a note and let me know if you would. Thank you in advance.

What all women can learn from Kim Kardashian’s mistake


“Resentment is often a woman’s inner signal that she has been ignoring an important God-given responsibility – that of making choices.”

One look at Kim Kardashian and men become mush. She’s beautiful, warm, sexy and successful, everything any man would want. Young girls and women look up to her for all she has accomplished in the last few years and for what she more than likely will accomplish in the future.

Lost in all of this admiration and adulation is this question, at what price would you be willing to pay to be in her shoes?

Every month or so she is linked to a new man. I stated in a previous post that there was no way that she would become Mrs. Reggie Bush. Have you ever taken a good look at her and seriously asked yourself, “How is it possible that a beautiful woman of this caliber still be single while her younger sister seems so happily married to Lamar Oden?”

Now before all of you that have been blinded by her beauty and charm jump up and down and shout, “Maybe she likes being single, or she doesn’t want to get married”, I want you to seriously rethink that statement and ask yourself, what woman really wants to move from man to man?

No, the honest answer and although you may not want to admit it is this: The Video Tape! There I said it, the video tape that surfaced a few years ago displaying her sexual prowess with Ray J, has done her far more relationship harm than good in the eyes of men.

This same tape placed her on the map, it made people notice her as a similar tape did for her once longtime friend Paris Hilton. These tapes brought them to the front page of society and ultimately into your living room. However, these tapes also came with a huge price.

A price that all women, regardless of if you ever want to become a starlet or not need to understand and learn from. Unfortunately, both Kim and Paris were with men whom probably professed their love of them.

False love is something that all women need to remain aware of. When a woman has lost herself in a man who has not lost himself in her it is the perfect opportunity for him to take advantage of you. I’ve stated this many times to my readers that any statement that begins with, “If you love me”, is followed by requesting that you do something disrespectful to yourself as a woman, a person and a human being.

These tapes are a perfect example of what happens when that statement is utilized, or when a woman has lost herself in a man who doesn’t have her best interest at heart. As most of you know, and those of you who don’t please always remember this, “The decision you make today, can and will affect you in the future.”

Think about that if you’ve ever allowed your current or former boyfriend to tape your sexual escapades. He may tell you that it’s just for him to remember his and your love-making sessions when you are not around, or many mens favorite, “I’ll erase it later”. Always promising you that no one will ever see it, knowing fully well that there is no reason in taping it if he cannot show it to anyone.

Taping your girlfriend is like a secret that men simply cannot hold to themselves, they have to share it with someone. So who do they share it with? Their best friends, that’s who! Who blasts his mouth to his best friend and so on and so on. The next thing you know, way before you realise that the secret is out female friends of yours know too. They may have not seen the tape, but there is a rumor that it exists and this is just as damaging.

Oh, and god forbid that you and he suffer a nasty split! You can bet your sweet ass that this so-called private video makes the rounds in your home town as well as the world-wide web. You become an instant porn star without the pay and the butt of jokes from friends and strangers. It’s funny how in society if its done in private, it’s making love, but if this same act is on tape, it’s considered porn.

However, this is just the beginning. How would you like to be at the grocery store with your mom or dad while clerks whisper to one another, “Is it really her?” Or some idiot walks up to you and inform you that he saw the video and thought you were great and should consider becoming a porn star.

Above all of these things is something that women everywhere who have become victims of this type of decision failed to calculate in allowing this filming to occur. It makes creating a solid future relationship nearly impossible!

It’s hard to establish a solid relationship when you have a hard time trusting men because the last one that stated he loved you allowed the world to look into your most intimate moments (worldwide). It’s even harder to locate a man who is not actually asking you out simply for bragging material.

To make matters worse, men have very fragile egos. If you get so lucky as to meet a man who has no knowledge of your video and he falls for you, do you tell him about it, or simply keep it a secret? Either way, it’s still a problem for you. If you tell him, you’ll change in his eyes immediately. You’ll change because he doesn’t have the intestinal fortitude (guts) to accept the fact that not only were you once with someone else, but there is a video that showed it to the world. He may tell you that he understands and he may really try to work through it with you.

In the end though, just like women, men are curious. He’ll ask a friend if he’s seen it? Now its out there, back to haunt you again. If he can resist ever actually seeing the tape, you stand a better chance of having a long-term rewarding relationship with him, one that could eventually lead to marriage. If he for whatever reason sees the tape, it’s just a short matter of time before the two of you are finished.

To give you an idea of what I am talking about let me tell you about a situation I uncovered first hand about this type of situation. A close friend of mine had found what he first described to me as a perfect woman. After the first three months in the relationship he (not her) was already talking about marriage. This was a surprise to all of us as he had always been a committed bachelor.

A few months later the relationship began to fizzle and all of us thought hell, it was simply him missing being a single guy. We laughed about him never wanting to settle down and that it simply wasn’t in the cards for him to ever get married. One night while out and about looking for somewhere to eat, I asked him why the change of heart.

Now, you have to understand, this was a very beautiful, successful, classy woman and to me she was definitely a catch for any man, even my friend. As we sat down, just the two of us, he relayed the following story to me.

He informed me that the boyfriend she had before him was somewhat of a loser and although they had been broken up almost a year before my friend had met her he still held some type of power over her. He said this fact really pissed him off because there was no way that he could be with someone who held another man above him for whatever reason.

He said he asked her about this situation several times whenever her sleazy ex called her asking for some form of assistance, which generally meant money.  One day my friend said that he put his foot down and informed her that if they were to be together that she needed to cut ties with the ex. He said that she agreed and changed her phone number so that the guy couldn’t contact her anymore.

He went on to tell me that things began to go back to normal and he thought that finally they could move forward with their relationship. Then he went on to say that one-day she came back into the apartment that they shared crying. In her hand she had an envelope addressed to her from the ex boyfriend.

Through tears she explained to him that while they dated he had taped their tryst one night with the sworn promise that he would erase it later. This was the power that the ex held over her.  My friend informed her that he now understood and that now since he too knew about the DVD, he would now put a stop to the blackmailing and end it so that they could move on with their lives.

He told me that night over dinner that he went to the ex’s house and waited for him to arrive home. Once the ex came home he approached him and informed him that under no circumstances was he ever to make contact with or even attempt to make contact with his fiancée. He went on to inform me that he threatened him with serious bodily harm if he failed to heed the warning.

He said that he and the ex entered the ex’s home (with a lot of protest) and deleted all images pertaining to his fiancée on the ex’s computer as well as destroyed two other DVD’s the ex had burned.

A few days later my friend said that he was home while his fiancée was at work. He said that he had started to vacuum and spotted the envelope that she had carried in that day from the mail box. Through tears he informed me that he didn’t know why, but he put that DVD in the computer and viewed it.

He wept as he told me that as much as he loved her and wanted her to be his wife, the images and sounds of her making love to someone else was simply too much to bear. He said to me that night, we all know that our significant other has been with men before us and we accept this fact without much thought. However, to see it for yourself is simply too much for any man.

Since we are friends I knew I could ask this question and get away with it, so I did.  I asked him, “Why did you look at the tape instead of simply destroying it as you had the others?” His reply was that for whatever reason, he thought he could handle it. He went on to say that he also wanted to see if all they had went through was warranted. He said that he had hoped that maybe the tape was more like a soft porn, only to find out that it was anything but.

A few weeks after we had our conversation that night over dinner, he called me up and asked if we could have a beer after work. I met him at a local bar and he looked a shell of himself. He quickly informed me that they had broken up. He stated that they had talked it over and it was best for them both.

He said that he still loved her and would give it awhile to see if maybe they could make another go of it. However, he told me as he left that night, “She is free, he no longer has any power over her. So even if we don’t get back together, the next man she meets won’t have to worry about her past haunting them and neither will she.”

A month later she accepted a job transfer to Seattle and he hasn’t heard from her since. He’s back to looking great again and on the lookout for his future wife. Only this time he has a special question he informed me he asks them now; “Have you ever been taped making love?” He states that although it’s an odd question he feels the need to ask for both of their benefits.

So now, please think about this the next time someone who professes their love for you asks if they can bring a camera into an intimate situation. Especially one where they start off saying, “If you love me”. You should end the conversation by informing them that, “If they loved you, they wouldn’t even ask something as disrespectful as to film what should be a loving act.” Then get up, get dressed and move on to someone who is actually worthy of you as you deserve.