Why you’re so afraid to end a relationship that you’re not happy in……


You’ve been mulling this decision in your head for months, should I end this relationship or not? You ask your friends and possibly relatives and you soak in all of this information and you still can’t decide exactly what you should do. To make matters worse, you know in your heart that its the best thing for you and your emotional well being.

You deserve someone who will treat you with respect, someone you can count on, someone you know in your heart that is capable of loving you with all of their heart. You thirst for someone that is exciting and makes you burn with desire again. The man in your life now, he was once like that. He was attentive, responsible, caring and appeared to be head over heels in love with you, and he once knew how to light your flame.

However, that seems like such a long time ago and even those memories are fading. Now, he may or may not call you today.  He may stand you up on a date you’ve planned, something he’d never even considered doing when you first started dating. Hell, during those days he’d come to your work place with an umbrella for you just because the forecast  called for rain. Those were the days huh? When you were the envy of all of your friends because he placed you on a pedestal.

He’s totally different now, huh? Ok, he’s never hit you or anything and although late at night you have that nagging thought in your head and gut that he may have someone else you have no proof. All you know deep inside is that even though he tells you that he loves you, you don’t feel it anymore, period.

So now, is that enough to end this long relationship? That depends on you and only you. No one is going to have the exact answer you’re looking for. You know the one where they say just the right thing and a switch goes off in your head that says, “Yep, I’m ending this right now!”

However, what I can do is explain to you why it’s so damn hard to pull the trigger on a unhappy relationship. Interested? If you are, read on.

If you’re at this point then above everything else, you’re simply not happy. When I say this I’m not talking about being sad or depressed or anything like that. I mean that your relationship has lost its luster and you know in your heart that it has ran its course. However, you still cannot understand why you can’t simply end it.

You can’t end it because of one word; change!

Many people fear this word and most of us aren’t sure why.  It really boggles my mind because change means a new beginning, starting over with a clean slate. I know its venturing into the unknown, but who knows what awaits you on the other side?

When contemplating ending a relationship we tend to think about all of this small stuff, such as what do I tell my friends, family and co-workers. What happens if I make a mistake, will he take me back? Will I be able to find someone better or will I end up with someone worse? A real dilemma, huh?

Oh, and my favorite, I don’t want him to hate me for ending it. I want us to remain friends, always. Hey, and don’t forget, what if no one else wants me? Better yet, how about this thought that I know all of you have had at one time or another; the fear that he will be out of your life, forever! Yeah, you know the one where you are so used to having him in your life and the thought that he will no longer be around scares you. Well guess what? How about before you two ever met? You got along fine during that time of your life, didn’t you?

You know what I think of all of this stuff? Its just stuff! That’s all it is, stuff. It enough to make a sane person go mad, seriously. So tell me, who in their right mind would stay in a relationship that they are not satisfied with? You?

Life is short and its fleeting. Why you’re reading this post time is flying by. Time that you’ll never get back so I try to write things that you can get something out of. I don’t want to waste your time, because its extremely precious. With that in mind, can you really afford to spend another hour, day, week, month or year in a relationship that you’re not happy with?

To make matters a little more interesting let me give you something to think about. How do you really know that he’s not feeling the same way? Yep, men stay in relationships because they want to avoid change as well.  Any of you ever been in a relationship and one of you decided it was time to call it quits and you both breathed a sigh of relief? It happens, I promise.

Hell, it happened to me years ago. I dated a girl for roughly 6 months and one night while watching TV she asked me if I was really happy in the relationship and after dancing around the question (I thought it was a trick) I confessed that actually I wasn’t. I told her that I was content, but not truly happy.

She laughed and told me that she felt the same way. Yep, there was a sigh of relief on both of our parts. We both had a good laugh about it and through talking we discovered that we’d probably make better friends, which we did. I mean, we liked the same things, we loved to talk to one another and we laughed a lot. However, once we became a couple the magic kinda disappeared. Afterward, it wasn’t awkward at all since we quickly went back to being friends.

We still hung out together, called each other often and held Friday night movie vigils at her home or mine. Then after a couple of months she called me really excited and informed me that she had met a guy that she thought was the right person for her. I wished her well and I met him a couple of years later at their wedding. He’s a very nice guy and they are still very happily married with children to this day.

The moral to that story is that hell, he may not be happy in the relationship either and chances are that if you’re not happy, neither is he. How can he be happy if he knows that you are not? You may not say whats on your mind but if you’ve been together for awhile he knows your body language and he knows that there is something wrong. The girl I spoke of above, she later told me that she noticed that I seemed distant. She went on to inform me that she noticed that I seemed as though things weren’t fun and exciting anymore and she began to feel the pressure as well, and it she too became unhappy with the relationship. We only dated for about six months, how long have you and your man been dating?

Now, for those of you in this situation I hope that this post opened your eyes a little. I hope you stop thinking about only you and think about how he may feel as well. If you’re not happy, maybe he isn’t as well. I hope you stop worrying about the changes you assume you’ll be faced to deal with and begin looking forward to what can be awaiting you in the future.

Good luck to you all!

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6 comments on “Why you’re so afraid to end a relationship that you’re not happy in……

  1. Pingback: Why you’re so afraid to end a relationship that you’re not happy in…… | Adult Friends Dating, Local Personals and Casual Sex | Adult-Friends.biz

  2. This is great advice, Louis – I feel the same way and had a few decisions to make in my single years about whether or not to end something that was just comfortable but nothing more. And I’m sure I’ve broken a heart or two – and I’ve had my heart broken too – one from a guy in high school I thought I couldn’t live without (he’s now gay by the way) and found that I could. We sometimes beat ourselves up too much and think they will hate us – and yes be out of our lives forever – that’s a tough one for me. I had a guy friend a couple of years ago I was sure I couldn’t live without after a falling out and I’ve existed just fine – but it’s been hard to understand why he would do what he did to me – especially someone I trusted and who was like a brother. Oh well – life does go on and if you have good friends in your life and you’re married to your best friend – all is well 🙂

  3. Pingback: Why you’re so afraid to end a relationship that you’re not happy in…… | Online Dating Sites, Dating Services and Matchmaker Tips | DatingFuel.com

  4. Pingback: A "Magic Makeup Methods" Guide To Ending A Relationship | Magic Makeup Methods - Get Your Ex Back - Prevent Divorce

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