“There is an innate desire in all creatures to grow…Yet in any type of growth and change something has to end for something new to begin” ~Unknown
Recently while I was surfing the web I noticed tons of advertising for books on “Getting your Ex back” everywhere. This made me wonder about the state of many relationships and I ask myself this question, which now I will pose to you; “Why would you want to get back with someone who broke your heart?”
Let that thought simmer in your brain for a minute and think back to all of the sleepless nights, laying in bed wondering if he was true to you, his selfish nature, cheating, lying, treating you like crap. Why in the world would anyone want to cross that bridge again?
My next question to you is, “If the relationship was so great, why did it end?” I will tell you, it ended because it was supposed to end. Relationships that we form over the years are really training zones to prepare us for the one we’re really supposed to be with in the end. Not every man who you date is the one for you, however with that said, most are simply there to educate you on what you do or do not want in the real man you’re seeking as a life mate.
Relationships are just like life, they are tests, a classroom full of experience. Some of you will graduate by learning how not to repeat the same mistakes and move on to the one you were intended for. Others will continue making mistakes, some bigger than others and make this process harder for themselves.
If you are jumping through hoops right now trying to win your ex back, you are making a big mistake. You have not learned your self-worth and simply do not understand that there is a man, a good man out there looking for you right now. One that is probably the man of your dreams, and he cannot find you or you him if you focus on a past relationship that failed.
When women suffer through pains and still try to rekindle a relationship with an ex, it’s not because of love. No it’s not, it’s because of comfort. You want him back because regardless of how miserable he made you, you were comfortable with him and you refuse to accept change.
You may like the way he makes love to you (when he does) or the way he looks, but everything else he does you may hate. This all goes back to what I wrote a long time ago, you can love him all you want, but if you don’t like him as a person why punish yourself by staying or attempting to get him back when it’s over?
It amazes me that we as people don’t understand that if the person you were with would not change to keep you, they will not change if you take them back. Why should they? By taking them back you are simply sending them a message that you will accept them for what they are and who they are.
If you chose to accept them back, then you need to understand that more than likely you will be right back at your break-up point within a few short weeks. The reason I tell you this is because there was no change, no effort, no resolution to speak of.
How many times have you been in a relationship and then it ends for whatever reason? We go through different emotional feelings as we attempt to adjust to this new change in our lives. The person we were with had been a fixture in our lives for months, weeks or even years and now there is a void where they once were.
Emotionally, we sometimes feel like the man who lost a leg in a Coal mining accident, the leg is long gone, however mentally it still itches from time to time. So there are times when we really mis our ex, like when we visit places that bring back old memories.
One thing about human nature is that we tend to block out bad memories, opting instead to hang onto the good ones. We remember our ex and we revert back to happier times, times long gone. You remember things like getting caught in the rain and he used his coat to keep you dry, and then gently kissed you for the first time on your front steps while he was soaking wet.
You tend to remember the day you wrecked your car and he showed up and held you close making sure you were ok all the while whispering that everything would be alright. You remember how when you first began he couldn’t stay away from you too long, he had to see you no matter how difficult it might be for him. Oh, and don’t forget the long lovemaking sessions that seemed like marathons and left you both exhausted and pleased on sweaty sheets.
All of these things you remember fondly and it makes you yearn for the good old days with the man you loved. However, in your mental Rolodex you’ve simply overlooked the fact that somewhere through time he had changed. You don’t think about the guy who wouldn’t return your calls in the end, always telling you how busy he was when he returned home. You’ve forgotten about how he spent hours surfing dating sites on the internet, complete with his own profile.
You’ve forgotten about how he made you feel when he screamed at you in public, and even the sting of humiliation has been omitted in your though process. Hey, what about the day when some random girl called him while you and he were watching a movie and he got up and talked to her in another room? Did you chose to forget about that as well?
What about the occasions when he came home late and you could have sworn that he smelled like women’s perfume, a perfume that wasn’t like yours? Or the times in the end where he simply didn’t want to touch you, let alone make love to you? Thinking back he was probably also very secretive during the last few months and became a person you hardly recognized.
The person we are with when a relationship ends is hardly the person we began with. We all change over time because this is simply human nature, however with that said the goal is to grow and change together not separately.
By now you may be thinking that not so long ago you and your ex broke-up and he was more like the person listed second than the man you originally started with. If this is the case then try asking yourself this question; “Didn’t you try to get him to revert back to the person he was before you chose to break up with him?”
Lets look at where you are now and see if getting your ex back is a good idea for you? Currently, you are in a single situation. There is a multitude of available single men out there right now looking for a woman just like you. By failing to capitalize on the time you have to meet Mr. Right, You are simply hanging on to the past.
Right now, I am sure you have many of your girlfriends who are telling you the same thing and your thoughts are they simply do not know how you feel. In their haste to help you they are trying to set you up with men that they think you’ll like.
However, what they are really doing is introducing you to men that they like, because only you know what is really what you want and need in a man. So the next time they tell you that they found the perfect man for you, secretly you should know that they found the perfect man for them. Hey, as friends you can pick out shoes or dresses for one another, but selecting a man is something that you should do for yourself.
Now the other side of this equation is that you can give into your whims and try to get your ex back. Although the ending left a bad taste in your mouth, maybe he’ll really change and you two can rekindle your relationship magic and make things work this time. Or not!
If you’re willing to ignore the things that caused the break-up to begin with and accept all of his faults, you can make a go of it if he’s willing. You also may want to consider that the time that you two were apart if he was actually as heartbroken as you. If not, then he may not have waited for you as you did he. He may have dated, tasted his new-found freedom and enjoyed the company of a bevy of women seeking your replacement. If this is the case he may not be as eager to return to a relationship that he may feel was mundane as you are. Just a thought.
Now, before I end this I need to make something perfectly clear. I am sure that these books on “How to get your Ex back” are full of priceless information and they will serve many people well. However, with that said, I would like to point out that trying to get your ex back is easier if you can answer these questions; “Do you love him & is he worth trying to work it out?”
If your answers to both these are yes, then by all means arm yourself with the information in these books to assist you with making your dream come true of getting him back. I hope it works out for you in the end, and if it does, I’d love to hear about it so drop me a note and let me know if you would. Thank you in advance.