“Resentment is often a woman’s inner signal that she has been ignoring an important God-given responsibility – that of making choices.”
One look at Kim Kardashian and men become mush. She’s beautiful, warm, sexy and successful, everything any man would want. Young girls and women look up to her for all she has accomplished in the last few years and for what she more than likely will accomplish in the future.
Lost in all of this admiration and adulation is this question, at what price would you be willing to pay to be in her shoes?
Every month or so she is linked to a new man. I stated in a previous post that there was no way that she would become Mrs. Reggie Bush. Have you ever taken a good look at her and seriously asked yourself, “How is it possible that a beautiful woman of this caliber still be single while her younger sister seems so happily married to Lamar Oden?”
Now before all of you that have been blinded by her beauty and charm jump up and down and shout, “Maybe she likes being single, or she doesn’t want to get married”, I want you to seriously rethink that statement and ask yourself, what woman really wants to move from man to man?
No, the honest answer and although you may not want to admit it is this: The Video Tape! There I said it, the video tape that surfaced a few years ago displaying her sexual prowess with Ray J, has done her far more relationship harm than good in the eyes of men.
This same tape placed her on the map, it made people notice her as a similar tape did for her once longtime friend Paris Hilton. These tapes brought them to the front page of society and ultimately into your living room. However, these tapes also came with a huge price.
False love is something that all women need to remain aware of. When a woman has lost herself in a man who has not lost himself in her it is the perfect opportunity for him to take advantage of you. I’ve stated this many times to my readers that any statement that begins with, “If you love me”, is followed by requesting that you do something disrespectful to yourself as a woman, a person and a human being.
These tapes are a perfect example of what happens when that statement is utilized, or when a woman has lost herself in a man who doesn’t have her best interest at heart. As most of you know, and those of you who don’t please always remember this, “The decision you make today, can and will affect you in the future.”
Think about that if you’ve ever allowed your current or former boyfriend to tape your sexual escapades. He may tell you that it’s just for him to remember his and your love-making sessions when you are not around, or many mens favorite, “I’ll erase it later”. Always promising you that no one will ever see it, knowing fully well that there is no reason in taping it if he cannot show it to anyone.
Taping your girlfriend is like a secret that men simply cannot hold to themselves, they have to share it with someone. So who do they share it with? Their best friends, that’s who! Who blasts his mouth to his best friend and so on and so on. The next thing you know, way before you realise that the secret is out female friends of yours know too. They may have not seen the tape, but there is a rumor that it exists and this is just as damaging.
Oh, and god forbid that you and he suffer a nasty split! You can bet your sweet ass that this so-called private video makes the rounds in your home town as well as the world-wide web. You become an instant porn star without the pay and the butt of jokes from friends and strangers. It’s funny how in society if its done in private, it’s making love, but if this same act is on tape, it’s considered porn.
However, this is just the beginning. How would you like to be at the grocery store with your mom or dad while clerks whisper to one another, “Is it really her?” Or some idiot walks up to you and inform you that he saw the video and thought you were great and should consider becoming a porn star.
Above all of these things is something that women everywhere who have become victims of this type of decision failed to calculate in allowing this filming to occur. It makes creating a solid future relationship nearly impossible!
It’s hard to establish a solid relationship when you have a hard time trusting men because the last one that stated he loved you allowed the world to look into your most intimate moments (worldwide). It’s even harder to locate a man who is not actually asking you out simply for bragging material.
To make matters worse, men have very fragile egos. If you get so lucky as to meet a man who has no knowledge of your video and he falls for you, do you tell him about it, or simply keep it a secret? Either way, it’s still a problem for you. If you tell him, you’ll change in his eyes immediately. You’ll change because he doesn’t have the intestinal fortitude (guts) to accept the fact that not only were you once with someone else, but there is a video that showed it to the world. He may tell you that he understands and he may really try to work through it with you.
In the end though, just like women, men are curious. He’ll ask a friend if he’s seen it? Now its out there, back to haunt you again. If he can resist ever actually seeing the tape, you stand a better chance of having a long-term rewarding relationship with him, one that could eventually lead to marriage. If he for whatever reason sees the tape, it’s just a short matter of time before the two of you are finished.
To give you an idea of what I am talking about let me tell you about a situation I uncovered first hand about this type of situation. A close friend of mine had found what he first described to me as a perfect woman. After the first three months in the relationship he (not her) was already talking about marriage. This was a surprise to all of us as he had always been a committed bachelor.
A few months later the relationship began to fizzle and all of us thought hell, it was simply him missing being a single guy. We laughed about him never wanting to settle down and that it simply wasn’t in the cards for him to ever get married. One night while out and about looking for somewhere to eat, I asked him why the change of heart.
Now, you have to understand, this was a very beautiful, successful, classy woman and to me she was definitely a catch for any man, even my friend. As we sat down, just the two of us, he relayed the following story to me.
He informed me that the boyfriend she had before him was somewhat of a loser and although they had been broken up almost a year before my friend had met her he still held some type of power over her. He said this fact really pissed him off because there was no way that he could be with someone who held another man above him for whatever reason.
He said he asked her about this situation several times whenever her sleazy ex called her asking for some form of assistance, which generally meant money. One day my friend said that he put his foot down and informed her that if they were to be together that she needed to cut ties with the ex. He said that she agreed and changed her phone number so that the guy couldn’t contact her anymore.
He went on to tell me that things began to go back to normal and he thought that finally they could move forward with their relationship. Then he went on to say that one-day she came back into the apartment that they shared crying. In her hand she had an envelope addressed to her from the ex boyfriend.
Through tears she explained to him that while they dated he had taped their tryst one night with the sworn promise that he would erase it later. This was the power that the ex held over her. My friend informed her that he now understood and that now since he too knew about the DVD, he would now put a stop to the blackmailing and end it so that they could move on with their lives.
He told me that night over dinner that he went to the ex’s house and waited for him to arrive home. Once the ex came home he approached him and informed him that under no circumstances was he ever to make contact with or even attempt to make contact with his fiancée. He went on to inform me that he threatened him with serious bodily harm if he failed to heed the warning.
He said that he and the ex entered the ex’s home (with a lot of protest) and deleted all images pertaining to his fiancée on the ex’s computer as well as destroyed two other DVD’s the ex had burned.
A few days later my friend said that he was home while his fiancée was at work. He said that he had started to vacuum and spotted the envelope that she had carried in that day from the mail box. Through tears he informed me that he didn’t know why, but he put that DVD in the computer and viewed it.
He wept as he told me that as much as he loved her and wanted her to be his wife, the images and sounds of her making love to someone else was simply too much to bear. He said to me that night, we all know that our significant other has been with men before us and we accept this fact without much thought. However, to see it for yourself is simply too much for any man.
Since we are friends I knew I could ask this question and get away with it, so I did. I asked him, “Why did you look at the tape instead of simply destroying it as you had the others?” His reply was that for whatever reason, he thought he could handle it. He went on to say that he also wanted to see if all they had went through was warranted. He said that he had hoped that maybe the tape was more like a soft porn, only to find out that it was anything but.
A few weeks after we had our conversation that night over dinner, he called me up and asked if we could have a beer after work. I met him at a local bar and he looked a shell of himself. He quickly informed me that they had broken up. He stated that they had talked it over and it was best for them both.
He said that he still loved her and would give it awhile to see if maybe they could make another go of it. However, he told me as he left that night, “She is free, he no longer has any power over her. So even if we don’t get back together, the next man she meets won’t have to worry about her past haunting them and neither will she.”
A month later she accepted a job transfer to Seattle and he hasn’t heard from her since. He’s back to looking great again and on the lookout for his future wife. Only this time he has a special question he informed me he asks them now; “Have you ever been taped making love?” He states that although it’s an odd question he feels the need to ask for both of their benefits.
So now, please think about this the next time someone who professes their love for you asks if they can bring a camera into an intimate situation. Especially one where they start off saying, “If you love me”. You should end the conversation by informing them that, “If they loved you, they wouldn’t even ask something as disrespectful as to film what should be a loving act.” Then get up, get dressed and move on to someone who is actually worthy of you as you deserve.