So you’re lying in bed and you’re not sure what to do anymore. You’ve told him how much he means to you and it still feels like every single day that he is drifting further and further away from you. Everyday, you talk with him and he says everything is fine, that he simply needs some space and that he’s been busy.
You ask if he is going to break up with you and he swears that he is not, but you’re not convinced are you? You call him several times throughout the day and he doesn’t answer, later when he calls you (much later) he tells you that he was busy and couldn’t answer the phone.
You ask if you and he could spend some time together alone, maybe a short trip to another city, like a mini vacation. He says it sounds like a great idea and the thought of you planning it and paying for it makes it even more appealing to him. However, a day or so later he pulls out and informs you that this is simply not a good time for him to go on a trip, especially with work or school and all.
It seems like a million years since he would jump through hoops just to hear the sound of your voice, or to spend 15 minutes just to see you smile. Remember when he hated his job (or school) and he used to complain about how it interfered with the time he wanted to spend with you? Things have changed, haven’t they? Now he seems to have no time for you and when he does he looks preoccupied and in a hurry. Even sex that you two used to enjoy so much seems like a chore to him, and foreplay, whatever happened to that?
Your relationship is sinking and it appears that he already has a life vest on, unfortunately he has the only one. You really, really don’t want to lose him because you love him so much. You’ve been through so much together and you can’t fathom life without him, but what on earth can you do to keep him and save your relationship?
Then one night (or day) it comes to you. Others have done it and you convince yourself that it can work for you as well. So you go into the bathroom and you dump every single birth control pill you have into the toilet and you flush them down.
You’re really excited now, the thought of you, he and the baby as a family is all you can think about. You start looking for names for the baby, Beth if it’s a girl or Michael if it’s a boy (after his father of course). You’re almost giddy with excitement. Not wanting to spoil it by telling him your plans, and having to share it with someone, you tell your best friend. At first she’s shocked at what you’ve decided to do and she plays the devils advocate, only you think she’s simply trying to see if you know what you’re doing. In the end you convince her too that it’s a wonderful idea and that it’ll make you and him very, very happy forever. However, you leave out the fact that your boyfriend has no idea that he’s about to become a father, she didn’t need to know that tidbit of information. She now assumes that you’ll be getting married soon. It’s good that you made her pinkie promise not to tell anyone until you said it was OK.
He has been very busy and you haven’t seen him in about a week. It’s not like him to stay away that long, so you decide you’ll go to his house late at night and surprise him with the new Victoria Secrets lingerie you purchased just for the occasion. He opens the door to find you standing there in a trench coat and although he’s surprised (not happy) that you showed up, he invites you in.
You talk for a while and when he inquires about the trench coat, you dramatically stand and open it to reveal a teddy in the color that you know he loves. His eyes widen just as you thought only he quickly looks past you and you realise that there is someone else in the room. You turn to see another woman standing in his bedroom doorway wearing nothing but a t-shirt (one that you bought last year for him) and a look of confusion.
He tries to tell you something but you don’t hear anything as you run out the door to your car. he doesn’t even have the dignity to chase after you. You sit in your car parked on the street and you feel almost nauseous. Now you can see clearly, you don’t know why you missed all the signs. His inattentiveness, always being too busy, declining the trip you planned, too tired to make love to you, always in a hurry to leave when he came to see you. It was all there in front of you and you simply refused to see it for what it was worth.
You are startled by the sound of your alarm clock ringing and you roll over and instead of hitting the snooze button you set upright in bed. That was a hell of a dream and it has you still shaking as you try to get the cobwebs out of your head. While brushing your teeth, you think about your relationship with him and how it has changed over the last few months. Yes you love him, but getting pregnant for the sake of keeping him around, that’s asinine and you know it.
On the way to work you think about the ramifications of having a child this way, without him knowing it and you come to the conclusion that its simply not fair. It’s not fair to him, you and definitely not the baby, who deserves to come into this world with two loving parents who love one another as well.
You’re getting that nauseous feeling again, this time just at the thought of your dream and the thought that many women have done such a thing all for the sake of holding onto a man. You conclude that this is a selfish act and you make a promise to yourself that you would never allow yourself to ever consider such an act for any man.
On your way home from work your boyfriend calls. He starts by telling you the same old tired story about how busy he is or how school has him studying so hard. You listen and when there’s a pause, you without warning inform him that you don’t need him anymore. You tell him that you’ve known for months that there is no way he could simply be that busy but you chose to say nothing at the time.
You tell him that he doesn’t have to worry about lying to you anymore about his busy schedule and he can do whatever he wants. You inform him that he is free to date, fall in love with any woman he chooses with the exception of you. You explain to him that you’ve waited long enough and since he doesn’t have the intestinal fortitude (guts) to end it then you will. You hang up and of course he calls back and you decide to turn your phone off.
When you get home you call your best friend and ask her out to dinner. Now you have a crazy story to tell her, only this time there will be no devils advocate role for her to play. You now know that getting pregnant will not make any man stay with you or any woman. All it will do is create a miserable existence for three people because of the selfishness of one.