I get really good letters from women from around the world and I do my best to answer them all. Sometimes I receive one and it inspires me to write a post on it. Last week I was written to by a 19-year-old girl from Russia whom asked me this question. “Are there certain types of men women should not date?”
That was a very good question and after thinking about it for the last few days I decided to create a list for her. However, since I figured it could benefit my other readers as well I decided to post it here. While coming up with this list I decided to create it by taking into account all of the sorry ass men I have known in my life (to include the former me) and all of their characteristics.
I added to what I know by including information I have received about some so-called men from readers just like you, whom have unfortunately fallen prey to some of the dredges of society worldwide. Hopefully this information will assist some of you in the future and keep you from becoming victims of men who could really care less about you, but are good at faking their true feelings.
If any of the men I describe in this post reminds you of a former or even current boyfriend, please let us know by posting a comment. With that said, lets move on to this post:
9 Types of men you should never date:
#1- The Selfish Man: Selfish men can be described in a variety of ways. However, regardless of how you chose to describe them it all comes back to the same meaning, it’s all about them. Every single aspect of your relationship will be dictated by his quest to fulfill his own needs. From sex to support you will always be second when it comes to his needs being taken care of. You’ll quickly discover that with this type of man you are simply there to please him and to hell with you. Some women liken relationships with these types of men as fulfilling as playing second fiddle to a mistress.
Selfish men are the types of guys whom while you work hard to put food on the table he spends the day playing video games with his friends. To top that off, when you get home he expects you to cook for him and his friends. He’s the guy who when he takes you to dinner, you pay.
A selfish man is the guy who refuses to come and see you on his day off, but always has time to go hang out with his boys. He’s also the guy who lives by the mantra that he can do as he please in the relationship, however he criticizes you for what you do.
The selfish man is the guy who will not open your car door, help you carry groceries, never assist you with chores, he spends his money on what he likes but makes you explain what you purchased with yours. The list goes on and on, so I know you get my point.
#2- The Possessive Man: Where have you been? Why are you late coming home? You cannot wear that in public. Why do you need to go see your family? Welcome to some of your dating experience with a possessive man. Sadly though, these are just some of the negative things you’ll endure dealing with men of this type. They have also been known to be extremely jealous, aggressive and tend to have violent outbreaks. These outbreaks eventually will be aimed at you, especially if he fears that he may lose you. Women like to be loved, however when that love takes on a whole different meaning then there is a serious problem. What starts out as a mistaken case of jealousy could land you in a relationship where you are someones possession, just like a car, clothes, computers and more. Possessions that can be destroyed in a fit of anger.
Hey remember OJ? Drew Peterson? Or any of the other idiots whom went out and killed their wives, these are all possessive men. In the beginning his hints of jealousy is cute, in the end unfortunately it could be dangerous as well. Think about that the next time a boyfriend demands to know where you are or gets animated when you arrive home simply because you arrived later than he thought you should have. You also might want to pay particular attention when he attempts to separate you from your family and friends. If this happens, you may want to take this opportunity to get out of the relationship while you still can, and make sure that you let family members and friends know why you got out of this situation. Also, when some friend or family member tries to explain his behavior away by reminding you that he was just worried about your safety and that he loves you, tell them to date him and leave you the hell alone!
#3- The Dreamer: This list includes men whom capture you with their aspirations to be “Rock Stars”,” Actors”, “Rappers” or some other type of star that will make them tons of money and unfortunately leave you out in the cold. These men will do whatever it takes to get what they want out of life with the exception of holding down a steady job to assist you with keeping a roof over your heads or putting food on the table.
I wish I had a nickle for every woman I’ve ever met that wound up on a stripper pole because a dreamer assured her that the large sums of cash she’d make would help him get to the top so much sooner. Five years later and while she’s sliding around on strange mens laps to make a buck, he’s at home still no closer to becoming a star than when they first met. He on the other hand probably now has a drug addiction (because somehow he thought drugs would do for him what you couldn’t, inspire him) and he is probably spending more money than you could ever bring in, even if that club was open 24 hours a day.
Now, don’t get me wrong, occasionally one of these low life’s make it to the big time. However, guess who won’t be going with him? That’s right, you! Yep, as soon as he gets a taste of the good life he doesn’t need you anymore or any of the children you allowed him to (father, nope not a good word, lets say have) with you.
Oh and the main reason he’ll leave you behind? Because he’s just like the man I described above, he’s selfish!
#4- The Jail Bird: Who in their right mind would have anything to do with a man who simply cannot keep his life straight? This nonsense happens all the time and it’s simply without a doubt, STUPID! Life is hard enough without taking on the extra baggage of a man who is in trouble with law enforcement. There is nothing more devastating than having the local PD kick your door in at five o’clock in the morning and haul his sorry ass to jail while you stand there in your bath robe holding a crying 3-year-old.
These types of men are simply selfish, they only think about themselves and what the world can do for them. I can understand a single brush with the law, however multiple brushes are unacceptable. With a man like this you will never, ever, have a normal relationship, period! How can you when he’s in and out of jail.
It sickens me when men walk around trying to be hard. Whatever, hard is getting your sorry ass out of bed every morning to go to a real job. Hard is doing whatever it takes to keep your parents name clean. Hard is taking care of the woman you say you love by being there for her every single day, not just when you’re out on parole.
Sometimes I think that these men are actually closet homosexuals. Think about it, what man in his right mind wants to be surrounded by nothing but men for months on end with no females in sight. Then to get out of jail and a few months later they’re right back in, please!
#5- The Party Animal: It’s ok to go out and have fun every now and then, but if you get the wrong man, he may want to make everyday a party. That shit may be cute in College, but in the real world it’s B.S. I know guys whom have graduated College and landed great jobs, only to be fired for something as simple as a piss test.
Going out with his boys every night is childish. When a man has a beautiful woman whom wants nothing more to spend quality time with him, why in the world would he want to be out with a bunch of hard legs (men)? Moderation is the key and if he doesn’t understand that then he has no self-control and furthermore he lacks what you really need as his woman. Do you know what that is? It’s the ability to commit. If he was really intent on committing to you and only you, then he really has no reason to spend all of his time being the life of the party.
Guys like this crack me up because generally they come home unannounced, only to find that his girl had tired of his parting and gallivanting around as if he wasn’t in a relationship. In his absence she replaced him with someone a little more stable and then the party animal realises that the party is over and he’s heartbroken as if it’s her fault. Go figure. My brother once told me that women have needs, wants and desires, and if you’re not there to fulfill them, someone else surely will. I believe that to this day.
#6- The Player: Ah, the player, the guy who spends all his money on matching sweat suits and high-priced sneakers. He drives around in a BMW with a payment higher than most peoples mortgage, while he lives at home with his mom or other family member.
He’s the guy with the reputation and most women will ignore the warnings figuring that they will be different from every woman who has fallen before them. Wrong! The car looks fly and the gear he is wearing is off the chart, but underneath all of that glitz he’s still a loser.
Let me break it down for you in a manner in which anyone can understand, ok? Any man who spends 40 thousand dollars or above for a car and rents his home is a fool. Why, you may ask? Well, lets look at it this way, a vehicle is not an investment. The day you drive it off the lot, it depreciated 15%. So using 40 thousand as a marker, after signing the paper, handing over your cash and getting the keys to your brand new car, once you stick that key into the ignition it is now worth 34 thousand dollars if you tried to trade it in. Also since he’s driving this expensive car and renting his place to stay (providing he’s not staying with mom) he’s receiving no tax credits for paying someone elses mortgage. That’s what I call insane, and you and I see it every single day! Looks cool on the surface as these guys slowly drive by trying to get your attention, but underneath its pure lunacy.
Now, if he was an intelligent man this is what he would do. He would purchase his home first and even in this economy it’s easier most times to get a home loan than a car loan. This way he now is a home owner and he has a substantial investment. It doesn’t even have to be a single family dwelling, it can be an apartment. Either way he will receive a tax credit each and every year. Once he has his home secured then he purchases the vehicle, and since he’s a home owner it doesn’t have to be an expensive one at that. Why? Because which would you rather have a man with a Mercedes who lives with his mom or roommates? Or the man who drives a Honda and owns his own place? Make sense?
The man who subscribes to purchasing items for the future may look boring on the surface, but he understands that planning for his future wife and offspring are paramount to a happy and successful family. Doing it the other way around, not planning and living in the moment of simply looking good is a disaster for you as a woman to attempt to unravel later. Do you want to waste that much of your time?
#7- The Mammas Boy: It’s ok to love your mom, don’t get me wrong but when you allow your mother to dictate to you who you should date it’s a serious problem. Now my mother knew that she could have input into my dating selection, however that’s all it was, input. The final decision came down to me. Her feelings on this was simply, as long as I was happy, so was she regardless of whom I selected.
I’ve known people whom have been exiled out of families because of the woman they chose to date. It sounds crazy but it happens. However, when these issues happen I blame the man because as a man he hasn’t shown his mother that he is capable of making a sound decision on his own. He’s failed to show her that he is an adult and that this is his life and the woman he chose should be accepted because he and only he has the right to decide who is good enough for him.
I know moms mean well, however she needs to understand that if she is not happy with his selection then she too is at fault because he is simply working off of the values she instilled in him.
As a man, if he cannot take you home to meet his mom because of your color, nationality, religious beliefs or any other reason then he is not a man, he’s simply pretending to be. As a woman, why would you share your bed with a man who doesn’t have the intestinal fortitude (guts) to inform his mom and family that you are the one that makes him happy and you are the one that he will be keeping. Further telling them that they need to accept this fact and treat you as his girlfriend/wife in the manner in which he demands you be treated.
If he cannot do that for the love of you, then you need to kick his sorry ass to the curb because he is exactly the type of man you want to avoid, a mammas boy, pretending to be a man. She raised him, she needs to accept his decisions on who his mate is.
#8- The Seed Spreader: I call these guys this because they have children everywhere. I know a young woman and one day while working together a few years ago she introduced me to her then boyfriend. He was a pretty nice guy and she was really in love with him. A few months later she was pregnant and while pregnant she became really moody one day and began to vent her frustrations to me. It came out that he couldn’t keep a job and it was driving her crazy, especially since they had a child coming. I inquired as to what the problem was and she confided in me that he had five other children by three different women and whenever he got settled into a job the State would find out and garnish his wages leaving him with basically no pay. So to combat this he would simply quit and move on to another job, so he could receive some money before the State discovered and took it all for back child support.
I had to ask if she knew about this before deciding to have a child with him? She informed me that since they had only recently moved in together she had just discovered this issue and it was driving her insane.
Why any man would father children with multiple women is a mystery to me. However, the bigger mystery is why women would even consider a man whom are in this situation? There is no future to be had with any man whom has allowed himself to fit this label. In today’s society whenever you are offered a job in most states they have you sign a document informing them if you are responsible for paying child support or not. If you lie on the form, once the Department of Human Services catch up with you (they monitor your social security number) and it is determined that you are supposed to pay child support then the company can terminate you for lying on your initial application. So unless he has mad skills and makes a shit load of money, chances are he’ll never have enough to take care of you and any children you may have.
This type of reckless behavior causes havoc in all the participants lives, especially the women and children he left behind. These types of people is exactly why I cannot stand to watch “Maury”, because in reality Maury Povich is reckless too. What his ass should be doing is not only conducting paternity tests but he should be making his guest undergo AIDs testing as well. Com’ on could you really date a guy who may be one of eight to have fathered some girls baby? Damn, just thinking about that makes me want to run and take a shower.
#9- The Victim: Ever had a boyfriend who thought the world was out to get him? His ass was always complaining about why he couldn’t get ahead and it was always someone elses fault. He didn’t get a raise because he was a white male, or a black man. Never once will he tell you the truth and tell you that he didn’t get the job because he’s lazy as hell and will not do what it takes to get ahead.
He gets pulled over by a cop and although the windows of his car are tinted, he complains that because of his race or ethnicity he was profiled. Even though you both know that the cop had no idea who was driving because he couldn’t see in the damn car.
This type of guy is always the victim and it’s always someone elses fault. He always complain that because he refuses to kiss ass at work they won’t promote him, or the guy that got promoted plays golf with the boss. He’ll attempt something like start his own business and if it doesn’t succeed he’ll blame God before he’ll assume responsibility of its failure.
To him success or failure is based on luck. “Oh he’s just lucky is what he’ll say whenever something good happens to a friend or relative. He’ll go through his whole life (and yours too if you let him) making excuses for his own failures without ever accepting responsibility.
So the next time he calls someone who he should compliment, lucky. You tell him this, “The formula for luck, is when preparation meets opportunity.”
I hope that this list will assist some of you and help you avoid some real sorry men within our society. Love is blind, I know, however in the beginning, just for a minute before you lose your sight, you may see some of the characteristics in him that you read here today. If you do, I hope you have the presence of mind to take a step back and view him in a different light, because the next step that you take could be one that harms you or saves you from heartbreak or worse. I hope you make the wise decision. Good luck all.