How your perception could be helping him make a fool of you


 

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship”
— Annonymous

There are many ways that men and women differ from one another. However, one way that we definately differ is in the way that we perceive things. Men have a way of determining how they feel about things based on being able to touch it, squeeze it and feel it. Women on the other hand base their feelings about things on how it makes them feel inside.  Women are keenly aware of spoken words and the meanings behind them, or what they hope are the meanings behind them.

Several times in this blog I have stated that it is important to ensure that actions match the words of any man you are in a relationship with. I’ve said this because words can cause your perception of your actual relationship to be better or worse than what it really is. However, by measuring his words by his actions it will allow you to get a better reading on where the relationship really stands.

How many of you are in relationships with men whom verbally worship you, but aren’t consistant in their actions? It’s easy to tell a woman that you love her, but if you really don’t it’s difficult to maintain treating her like a queen. However by consitantly telling you that he loves you, you may overlook the obvious and hang on to his words for an extended period of time.  Why? Because verbally he has informed you that you are the one, and your perception is altered to fit that image.

In order to make this perception even more real for you he occassionally does things that reinforce what he has told you verbally. During these times it is really difficult to determine if his love is real or not. Why? Because this show of love may have been preceeded or followed by an event that displayed disrespect, dishonor, abuse, infidelity or worse.

Real love is above everything else, consistant. Yes, there will be times when questions will arise where you are not sure that he indeed loves you. However, those times will be seldom and simply by reviewing your relationship past you will see the consistancy and most times it will pass.

Now if you are in a relationship where you often question his real feelings for you, then you may want to review your relationship in a different manner. People are creatures of habit. You may look back on your relationship and if you do it objectively you may see a pattern. If the pattern is there it may show you a disturbing look at how your perception kept you in a relationship that was simply not real, at least not for him.

Looking back you may observe that he only reinforced his love for you after events that could have cause the relationship to end. Looking back you may see a pattern of arguments and then him professing his love for you. You may see that after the event he bagan paying more attention to you. He may at this time increased the amount of calls to you, began to be more available to you and began doing things that he hadn’t done since the beginning of your relationship.

Looking back you may see that this situation has been replayed over and over again throughout your time together. If it has, then you are the victim of your own perception of your relationship. A perception that he has assisted you in creating and maintaining over the life of your time together.

Have you ever had a girlfriend whom was in a relationship with a guy you simply felt was not good to her or for her? Of course you have, we all have. However, whenever you talked to her about her situation she assured you that he wasn’t as bad as you and her other friends thought, he was simply misunderstood. She assured you that the relationship was fine and that he really loved her.

This is her perception, this is what she feels and nothing you could say will make her see it any other way. Regardless of how many times you tell her there are better men out there for her or how she is too pretty to waste her time on a loser like him, she simply will not see him any other way.

You on the other hand are viewing the relationship from a different angle. Since you are not emotionally attatched as she is, you posess the ability to see him for what and who he actually is. All you can do is to be there for you friend and help pick up the pieces when her fake relationship eventually falls apart.

We all want to love and be loved, we have a desire to be wanted and sometimes this desire is what causes us so much pain in life. Not everyone understands that when you tell someone that you love them that you really should, or not say it at all. Some people tell you these words because they know that its what you want to hear.

There is something magical about the sound of someone you have feelings for telling you that they “Love You.” We crave that need to be loved, to be held and to be wanted. Those three words conjour up the perception of fairy tales, and three other words we learned as kids, “Happily Ever After.” Unfortunately, just like in those fairy tales that we read as kids, in life there are evil people who will fool you into getting what they want.

So be careful with your heart and with all relationships make sure that you measure his actions against his words at all times. If the time comes where there is a big difference in the two make a serious check of your perception. Its bad enough that he may be fooling you, its even worse when you are fooling yourself.

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