Why being Happy with yourself is important to your Relationship


                           “The most beautiful makeup of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy.”
                              — Yves Saint-Laurent 
A couple of months ago I met a young woman whom works for a vendor at the place I work  and after passing her on a daily basis I decided to stop and talk to her.  We began a conversation and I discovered that she is actually from Bulgaria and besides working she is a student here in the states. 
The first thing that I noticed upon approaching her was how stunningly beautiful she is in a wholesome kind of way. She reminds me of the type of women that can roll out of bed, run her fingers through her hair and look as well or better than she did before she fell asleep the night before. 
The second thing I noticed was that although she is stunning she possesses the ability to place people at ease while talking to them. After several conversations with her on everything from school to her perception of life in the States, I realised that she had no idea (or chose to ignore) just how beautiful she actually is. As a man I found this to be refreshing and unique. 
A few weeks later I was walking past the location that she works and since she wasn’t busy I stopped by to chat, which had become a weekly ritual. As we were talking I looked closely at her and I noticed a difference. I wasn’t sure what it was initially but I could sense something different in her appearance, slight as it may be. 
I inquired about the change and she laughed, I asked if she had a change in her make-up and she continued to laugh and informed me that she hadn’t. So I asked what had she actually done because although she was still beautiful I could tell something had changed. After a few moments of silence she informed me that she had a small surgical procedure done on her upper lip.  
Since we had become quite friendly over the time I had known her I felt at ease to ask why. She stated that she simply wanted her lips to be fuller and therefore she had the procedure done. She further went on to inform me that I had been the only person to notice that she had affected a change. 
To make a long conversation short we began talking about appearance changes in women and in the process I learned a lot about her in that she felt the need (or want) to have several more cosmetic enhancements in the near future. I was simply blown away. In my mind and eyes, she is one of the most beautiful women I have ever had the pleasure to meet, however in her mind there is definitely room for improvement. 
This conversation started me to thinking, if this young woman with looks that would make any professional model envious feel the need to enhance her looks, what do other women think about their looks and why?  
Over the years I have met many women whom have stated that they’d like to have brest augmentation, and I have really never understood it. Maybe its just me but I feel that all women are beautiful, some more beautiful than others but beautiful none the less. I know you have your reasons and it’s really not my place to question why. However, I would like to say one thing if you don’t mind, “God made you perfect, what makes you think that you can do it better?” Just a thought. 
When I hear women state that they would like to affect changes I somehow feel that the change they really need is in the amount of confidence they have. All these changes may make you feel more beautiful, but if you still lack confidence in yourself then whats the difference? 
“Confidence is the sexiest thing any woman can have. It’s much sexier than any body part.”~ Aimee Mullens 
I am not sure why women feel this need to make all of these changes, but I think I have an idea and I thought I would share it with you. I could be wrong, but then again it wouldn’t be the first time. I think that the real reason that beautiful women feel that they’re not beautiful enough is because that’s the message that society is sending you. 
After my talk with the beautiful young woman at work, I was laying on the couch (a hobby when I am idle) watching that idiot box (TV) in my living room. A commercial came on and it showed a stunningly beautiful young woman and  they showed her from several different angles while the VO (Voice over) raved on about how this new product would make you look years younger. I immediately sat up and I watched this commercial and took notice. Then I made a few phone calls to old friends in advertising in L.A. and New York and asked a few questions. For the next few weeks I paid close attention to every beauty product or weight loss product that came across that idiot box in my living room. 
In the end I was dismayed, frustrated and pretty pissed at the messages being beamed into our homes daily aimed at women. They’re not fair and they have an agenda, to separate you from your money which I am sure you already know, but also to make you feel inadequate, self conscious and not the beautiful woman you should know that you are. 

The problem is that these tactics work, to the tune of several billion dollars a year. However, the tactics are dishonest and mean-spirited. In some of these commercials (and magazines as well) show you images of young women in their early teens (14, 15 or so) and utilizing make-up give them the appearance that they are in the mid to late 20’s. Women worldwide see these images and think that the product that they are selling could work wonders for them too. How many of you have brought these products simply because you saw it advertised on TV? 
During the weeks that I paid close attention to these commercials I was overwhelmed with commercials telling women that they are too fat, too short, too tall, too old, out of shape and more. Your hair doesn’t look good enough, it’s not shiny enough (like this hair models made up by a professional hairdresser). They tell women that you have stretch marks, hair under your arms, hair under your noise then they say your butt is too small and the next commercial tells you that it’s too big. It’s enough to drive a man crazy! So I can only imagine what it does to women around the globe. 
Everyone wants to look like a movie star. Would you agree with that statement? Everytime you see Sandra Bullock, Julia Roberts or my favorite, Selma Hayek on tv or in a movie they look stunningly beautiful. Well, let me tell you a little secret. I worked executive protection in Hollywood for a couple of years and in person, the young woman I talked about at the beginning of this post puts them all to shame in the looks department. That is an honest and true statement, I promise. 
While I worked in L.A., my wife was a cosmetic counter manager at the Century City Mall (between Santa Monica and Beverly Hills for those of you whom don’t know). When I wasn’t working I would sometimes take her to work and later pick her up so we could spend even more time together. I made a habit of arriving to pick her up at least 45 minutes early so I could set on a bench outside her store and star watch. 
I’d sat there and gasp, as starlet after starlet would walk by and believe me when I tell you that they look nothing in person like what you see on the silver screen. They look, well, ordinary! Plain. Sometimes they were almost unremarkable, they looked nothing like you’d think they would, trust me when I tell you this. many times I would sit on that bench and when my wife finished work she would ask me if I saw a certain so-called star just walk past me and I’d draw a blank because they simply do not stand out. 
Make-up and camera angles make all the difference in Tinsel Town. Years ago, I was working in retail investigations in Honolulu. I was on the first floor in the mens department when I heard a mans voice ask me if I knew where the “Jams” shorts were located. I turned around and looked down at this middle-aged man and pointed to a corner of the store. He thanked me and walked in that direction. A few minutes later a sales associate ran by me to inform the other associates that Arnold Schwarzenegger was in the “Jams” area. Thats Hollywood, in real life settings unless they have someone announcing their presence they go unnoticed. 
However, when you see them they are on the cover of magazines or in movies and they look flawless, in real life that’s far from the truth, believe me. There are exceptions though, Rachael Ray, she’s gorgeous in person and she has a winning attitude to go with it. I met her not long ago and as I always said, natural beauty and a good personality is a perfect combination.

By now you’re wondering , “what does all of this have to do with my relationship?” Well I’ll tell you, if you are not happy with yourself then what chance do you have making your man happy? Now most of you will say, its not my job to make him happy, only he can make himself happy. Good point, so take your own advice and be happy with yourself, so he doesn’t have to worry about it and you either. See you later……
  

 

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2 comments on “Why being Happy with yourself is important to your Relationship

  1. Thank you for writting this. It is nice to read a man with an understanding and desire for true beauty. My mother, father and sister gave me a very positve body image. I am not beautiful but I have always felt my personality and my genuine happiness provided me with that “outter glow” of what I always thought was natural beauty. Reading this helps me reconfirm somethings I believe and why I believe them and is getting me thinking about what I need to work on to help my marriage.
    Things are not bad, we just simply have had some events that have caused me to question hubby’s character and what he wants in a wife. His actions have left me feeling like I never have before. My husband reassures me that he is still attracted to me but I still feel sooooo insecure about my self- so much so that my glow-the one that has ALWAYS be there- has disappeared and that has effected my looks. I am responsible for how I feel but I cannot help to feel that the images of what is beautiful and attractive that is fed to us -both men and women- really destroys what REALLY is beautiful.
    I felt like I could do anything and my skills, creativity, consideration for others, and genuine nature out weighted anything I was lacking visually. I never paid attention to what society told me was beautiful and especially not Hollywood (what a joke!) but now I feel like I should worry…even when I know it isn’t what is really important. Reading this provides some balance to my current “brain demons”. I need it too… because if I keep worring about it I will create a new problem.

  2. Great post! Even though I know about all the “tricks of the trade” I still look at magazines and think how great people look. But then if I think about it I think about how 99% of people aren’t like that and even the ones who are, they must live crazy lives to look like that.

    I like your post but I have a request for you if you don’t mind. I started a blog in the fall and I am trying to get feedback on it. Could you check out my blog then email me with your thoughts? I would appreciate it a lot! My email is bennettrainey88@gmail.com and my blog is at http://bennettrainey.com/wordpress/

    Again, thanks so much if you check out my blog!

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