When is it safe to make love to a man that you recently started dating?


I wrote this post months ago for a fellow blogger and received quite a bit of criticism from several persons whom feel that they are more qualified in this arena.  They feel that you should never be given a time-table for when you should jump into bed with someone, that you should perform this function (sex) when the time feels right.

I feel that this approach sounds great if you’re a man. It can also be ok if you’re a woman and you’re not seriously seeking a lifetime partner. However as we all know, women unfortunately are held to a higher standard in this man-made society that we live in.  Men can jump into bed with anyone (when it feels right) and at most he’s considered a stud to his friends and colleagues. Anyone want to guess what a woman whom does the same thing is considered by society. Thats right!

One guy even stated that the time frame I gave was too long only to discover that the sex is bad when it finally happens, and you’ll have wasted time. To this I say if the real goal is lasting love and during the process this is what you achieve you still win. Why? Because of the love that you and your mate created you are now able to communicate without worry of hurting one another’s feelings the adjustments necessary to make the love-making session more fulfilling for you both. Try this with someone that you slept with simply because it felt right. It can be pretty awkward to say the least.

With that said please let me state for the record that this is their opinion and I respect it although I simply don’t agree. As for you my readers, everything that I write is simply a suggestion to you based on my life’s experience of being a man. Wether you chose to implement the information that I pass on to you is totally up to you.

Now, as for what you are about to read I would like to ask that after you’re done reading this post that you reflect on your past failed relationships and any relationships where you may have slept with someone because the timing felt right. Then honestly answer this question: How’d that work out for you?

 

This is a question that most women ask. Is there such a thing as “safe? Not really, it becomes safe when you determine what his true intentions are. Too many women use sex as a way to label their relationship. They feel that if they sleep with a man then from this point on they are considered a couple. Why? Because he slept with you and that’s what couples do, right? Wrong!

The real question should be, “Where do we stand?” Are we a couple? Just dating? What? These questions should be explored and answered to your satisfaction before you ever consider sleeping with someone.

Not only should you get the proper answer but his actions should reflect what his mouth is saying. Just in case you didn’t know, we men lie all the time to get sex. Regardless of how much it may hurt someone, we still will say and do whatever it takes to please ourselves. Hopefully you caught that, “Please ourselves”, because until we hit the ripe old age of thirty, your pleasure is an afterthought.

Now with that revelation out in the open let’s try to determine “When is it safe to have sex with a guy you are dating?”

The key to this is what are your goals? If you’re seeking a long time relationship then as a man I feel the proper time frame is after six months. When I first stated this fact I received hundreds of letters from women worldwide telling me I was crazy. They stated no man would wait that long and most of the women also said that they couldn’t either. My answer to them was this, if he cannot wait that long to get to know you intimately, then all he wanted was a piece of a— anyway so why would you even want him around?

If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, it starts with really getting to know someone. This means communicating, talking about things, discovering one another. Holding hands, late night talks, walks in the park, movies and dinners. Finding out what each persons plans are and determining if you really match one another. Is he the one?

If you remove sex from this equation it is easy to determine if he is a suitable mate. Trust me when I tell you that if he’s only after one thing (sex) and you’re not sure, he’ll be gone in the first thirty days or so. Saving you a lifetime of regret and frustration, for having given someone who didn’t earn the right to make love to you. Let me rephrase that statement, forget the make love part, the right to f— you. Because to him, if he didn’t earn it that’s exactly what he did. This is exactly what he’ll tell his friends.

If he’s around past thirty days he stands a good chance of being the one. At forty-five days his stock rises and so does yours in his eyes. What women fail to understand about this ritual is this, the signs that you send him by making him wait is that you’re a good woman, wife material and that you haven’t been jumping in and out of bed with everyone whom took you to McDonald’s.

This knowledge is powerful to men. Men want a woman whom they know haven’t been the victim of predators who only wanted to taste the sweet nectar and then fly away to the next flower, leaving you wilted and jilted. They love and I mean this literally a woman whom they can really get to know for who they actually are. They respect that and it speaks volumes when it comes to telling their boys that you are different.

At ninety days he’s about ready to meet your parents because even though he won’t tell you he really wants to tell them how much he appreciates you and the job they did raising you. During this time, he’ll probably send flowers because he knows that you’re not sleeping with someone else and he’s just happy you allow him the opportunity to be in your presence. However, he’s still going to test you to make sure this isn’t some type of trick. He’s going to do whatever he can to try to get you alone and set the tone for a sexual tryst. Most times we offer to take you on a trip (overnight of course) to another city. We simply do this to allow us the chance to sleep in the same room and hopefully the same bed with you. Remember; resist this and all other offers of this type. Later, he’ll thank you and you’ll be thankful too.

At 150 days, he’ll be at a point where he knows you and you he and you’ll actually become a couple. However, even before this you should have already let him know that you’ll have it no other way and although you enjoy his company he needs to decide where the relationship is heading. Let’s place a note here: Women always control the relationship, men are only along for the ride. You control the sex, you control us, let me say that once again. You control the sex, you control us! It’s that simple and as long as you plan it out in advance you’ll never go wrong.

At 180 days, he’s forgotten about the sex, but he knows one thing and by then you should too. He loves you! Not because of rolling around in bed, but because in six months he’s been there for you and you he and you can now finish one another’s sentences. You know what he likes and dislikes and vise versa, you’re at ease with one another there is no loss on either side.

He knows that he has a woman who is not sleeping around and he’s secure with that knowledge. You’ll find that jealousy in your relationship will not be an issue because he’ll always remember that it took him six long months to make love to you, so the next guy will have to work twice as hard. He’ll trust you more than any man you’ve ever had, and you’ll both be happier for the wait.

Sex is great, but if it is utilized in the wrong ways it becomes something with no meaning and tons of implications. I know and I’ve known for a long time that women have needs, wants and desires just like men. They suppress these urges in order to avoid being labeled negatively. If you are not careful and move too quickly or be enticed into moving too quickly you could possibly destroy any chance you have of landing the right man for you. In case you didn’t know, men talk. Not only do they talk, they talk a whole lot. Why? They talk to be considered the big man on campus, in the office or neighborhood and unfortunately it’s your virtue that’s at stake. Your reputation could be ruined, and his boasting could cost you the love of your life.

Oh, and all the guys that couldn’t last six months? They were not worthy of you and therefore feel that you are not worthy of them waiting to bed you. In the end, you win because they moved on with nothing to show for their time except maybe a lie or two and that’s easily overcame by just being honest and moving on. However, later much later when he sees you with a real man, one willing to wait he’ll secretly be pissed because he knows you were really worth it all along.

Before I end this I’d like for you to be honest with yourself for a moment and answer this question. How good could you actually expect your relationship to be if you gave someone the most intimate part of you without him actually earning it?  Look back on every bad relationship you’ve had and honestly assess it. If you had sex with your partner quickly, in the first month, first weeks or Heaven forbid the first few days it probably failed. Why? Because the foundation of the relationship was built on sex, you didn’t really know one another because sex became the center of everything.

How many of us have friends that say that the only time they are not arguing with their significant other is during sex? This is because that’s all the relationship is about. Real relationships are built on understanding one another, getting to know one another, becoming a team and forming a partnership. Sex is just the cherry on top, it’s the dessert. How many restaurants have you been to that serve the dessert first?

Now, for you ladies that feel you cannot go six months without sex, you have issues. Just kidding! Look, they make a variety of toys just for you. Pleasing yourself, it’s healthy, liberating and natural and six months is a small price to pay to have the man of your dreams for a lifetime.

I wish you ladies luck and I’m pulling for each and every one of you. He’s out there and he’s waiting even when he doesn’t know it. As men we’re not as smart as we think when it comes to matters of the heart, but one thing we know for sure is that when we chose a wife we want it to be one we earned and not one that we received too easily.

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3 comments on “When is it safe to make love to a man that you recently started dating?

  1. I appreciate that you are trying to help women out there identify the right signs that lead to a safer relationship journey. However, I am quite disappointed in the way you speak of men.
    “Just in case you didn’t know, we men lie all the time to get sex. Regardless of how much it may hurt someone, we still will say and do whatever it takes to please ourselves. Hopefully you caught that, “Please ourselves”, because until we hit the ripe old age of thirty, your pleasure is an afterthought.”
    Not all men will lie to get sex. Yes, it is fair to warn the ladies that many men will, but also unfair to say “we men will lie all the time to get sex” as if you can speak for all men. This does no justice for men who try to be good. And yes, it comes down to being good. Lying for one’s own gain is a very coercive behavior and you should not condemn all men to possessing this quality.
    The latter part worries me the most. Not all young men see a woman’s pleasure as an afterthought either. Many men love to please their woman, and in my experience and I’m sure others, are not satisfied unless both partners are satisfied. Again, it is not fair to either sex to paint such a bleak and generalized picture of the “nature” of men.
    Also, your time frame definitely offers a “better-safe-than-sorry” approach to wait to have sex, but there are many couples who did not wait and have stayed together or at least had long-lasting relationships.
    What I’m saying is, maybe the real root of these problems may not be primarily about when you have sex, but really about the person you’re with, their intentions, and what’s in their heart. OF course, waiting to have sex will definitely weed out the lowest of the low, so your advice still stands for the patient ones!
    Thank you for your time.

  2. Pingback: When is it safe to make love to a man that you recently started dating? | DatingFuel.com

  3. I allowed myself to go with what felt natural and I went to bed with a guy on our first date. I am 55 and a widow and I just wanted the closeness that comes with sex. Big mistake. I thought I was different and special and we could bond sooner if we just made love. I completely dismissed the idea of respect. I made every mistake I have always warned my friends about when they date.

    Though he told me “forever and always”, he was using all those lines to get me to respond and I did. I wish I had read this blog first. We were with each other for over five weeks and slept with each other three times and then just as quickly as the relationships started it ended. As a matter of fact, we said the I love yous and those words ironically were the kiss of death – I guess. I was dumb founded when he blocked me from his phone and didn’t answer my emails. I was hurt or shall I say my ego took a beating and all of this just happend yesterday and the wound is so new and so raw I can’t think of anything else though I must.

    Today I’m looking at blogs like this one to try to learn my lesson. I can’t tell you how painful it is to believe that one minute you are worthy and the next you are worthless to someone you wanted to keep in your heart. I hate that he dosn’t respect me. I hate that more than anything but it’s reality and it’s over and this pain is a high price to pay for attention. slow is good. being patient for getting what you want is the only way. I hope writing this will help others but of course, I hope it helps me.

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