Today I was standing in line at a local Albertsons (grocery store) and eavesdropping on a conversation between a female cashier and a guy she was waiting on. I know listening to other peoples conversations is somewhat rude and unacceptable but I’ve been in the Desert for a long time and it’s simply nice to hear the English language spoken everywhere.
Besides that, I wanted to see if I could determine two things from their encounter. (1) To see on what level of game he was on and (2) if she was really gullible enough to give her phone number to a guy who was purchasing a 12 pack of beer and a bottle of Vodka at 9am. Can you say drinking problem?
Anyway, this is what I caught of the conversation. See look, I get chastised for eavesdropping but you want to know too, ha-ha. It’s OK, I don’t know them anyway.
He was a skinny, somewhat greasy looking guy wearing a torn t-shirt and in possible need of a bath and a shave. That Don Johnson look went out in the 80’s. She was very attractive, Latino decent, nice features, beautiful long black hair and a smile that lit the whole store.
What I could hear:
Him: No, I live around the corner.
Her: On Rainbow?
Him: Yeah, over there. It’s walking distance from here.
Her: Did you drive here or walk?
Him: I walked today, my car is in the shop. (Pause) So, are you gonna give me your number?
Her: (Thinking about it) Do you have a cell phone?
Him: I lost it last week. I have to pick a new one up today. Just write it down on the receipt for me.
Her: You won’t get in trouble will you? (Meaning wife, girlfriend etc.)
Him: No, I’m divorced for 3 years now.
Her: Are you gonna call for real?
Him: (getting excited) Hell yeah, I promise.
She wrote the number down on the back of the receipt and slid it to him. They said their goodbyes and he hurried his scraggly ass out the store happy as sh*t! I was amazed, once again a woman settling for some idiot who was full of crap.
Now, how do I know he is full of crap? To begin with when I pulled into the lot he and a female (who also looked in need of a bath and also a meal) were holding hands and giving one another sweet kisses. The female, went into the McDonald’s and he ventured to the store where I eavesdropped on the above conversation.
Now, if that wasn’t bad enough and I was bored I waited while I made a phone call to the wife and I observed to two meet up and stroll of hand in hand out of the lot. Oh, and remember when he said that he lived nearby? He sure as hell did. I observed him and the girl as they entered their make shift home under a nearby bridge, within walking distance to the store. At least he got the distance right.
Now, since I am on the subject of men and the lies they tell women. I figured I’d give you a list of 10 Lies men tell women. If nothing else, I promise to make it interesting. However, please don’t get mad if you’ve been told one of these and didn’t know it was a lie. It really wasn’t a lie until you discovered it was, until that point it was merely fact.
A Few Lies we tend to tell:
1) She is just a friend.
Well hell, if she’s just a friend then why are you just finding out about her. He introduced you to all his other friends right?
2) I promise I will respect you in the morning.
Whatever dude, if he had any respect for you he wouldn’t be trying this shit on a first date to begin with. You think?
3) I’ll erase the tape afterwards.
This is the easiest way to end up on Youtube. Why would I even make a tape of us getting busy and then erase it. Are you kidding me? I’m keeping that tape for leverage. Also I need it as proof, because my boys just might not belive what you were will to do.
4) Who’s going to know?
If that comes out of his mouth, you can bet everyone will. Men talk way more then women do and thats a fact. Who do we tell? Our best friends, right? Now what happens when our best friend has a best friend who isn’t us? Thats right, he tells his best friend and so on and so on and so on. You get the picture right?
5) I promise to pull it out in time.
Oops! Sorry but there are more kids born each year that started with that same lie. Regardless if it’s oral or vaginal if it feels good we’re probably going to miss our mark, or forget all together. If it’s any consulation to you, we’ll tell you just how good you were and blame you for our mistake.
6) I didn’t sleep with her.
If you ever ask a man this question you already know the answer, he did. Men think like this: If my girl discovers that I am here with this other woman, she is going to assume that I slept with her anyway so I might as well do it or risk getting in trouble for nothing. Also, never, ever doubt a man and his d**K!” Oh, and if this question is asked with your girlfriend or relative as the other female, then you know he’s lying.
7) I will always love you.
This lie should actually come with a disclaimer, that states, “Or until I find someone new to put up with my bullshit!”
8) My ex was full of Sh*t.
Chances are she got tired of his ass and showed him the door, unfortunately for you it was your door he walked into. Women are nortoriously bad in siding with their men in regards to the description of events in his last relationship. You weren’t there and therfore you really only know what he tells you about it, and it’s much easier to fool a woman that you’re sleeping with then one you used to sleep with. Remember, “Regardless of how handsome he is, somewhere there is another woman who was sick of his ass!”
9) I’ll just put the head in.
Do women still fall for that? I sure hope not. Because I can assure you that once he’s in, he’s in and not getting up until he finishes. Then he’ll roll over with that “I just humped the neighbors cat look on his face” and then revert back to that same excuse he used in #5.
10) It will never hurt you.
Pain comes in many forms and emotional pain tends to hurt so much more. If he ever says this to you ask him to please remove the word “never.” He’ll fight you on this, swearing on the good book that he’ll never, ever hurt you. Men make it appear that all relationships work, if they do then why does everyone have a ex somewhere? We always hurt the ones we love, even when we don’t mean to.
And one to grow on:
#11) This won’t hurt, I promise.
WTF! Anytime someone says it won’t hurt, get ready for the pain. It may be brief but it’s coming. You know it as well as he does, you’ve been conditioned all of your life to expect this. Your first doctor visit, dentist visit all started the same way. “This won’t hurt,” and then a nurse comes in with a needle that looks like a harpoon. The next time a man tells you that then you should respond by saying, “If it won’t hurt then let me do you!” You can bet he’ll decline the offer. Some parts of the body were made to only put things out, not take them in as men would like to think.
Anyway, I just thought you guys would like something to read and possibly laugh at today. Hopefully, I made good on both. Hey if you’re not doing so already, please follow me on twitter. I’d love to have you. http://twitter.com/anonymousmale1