The question of the day is, “Why do men Cheat?” That is a question that can never correctly be answered. Men cheat for different reasons and although we do think alike, each relationship is different. Therefore answering that question utilizing all men as the target subject is virtually impossible.
To assume all men are cheaters is irresponsible. Many men don’t cheat for whatever reason. Now we all know that the men women like to call dogs cheat, however simply because he cheated once doesn’t necessarily make him a dog. Being a dog takes practice and skills, being an opportunist does not make a man one.
If you really feel the need for a simple answer to this mysterious question to make you feel better then Steve Harvey has a easy one for you. He states that men cheat, “Because they can!”
It sounds good. However before you accept that simple explanation you need to look at it from a different prospective.
If you as a woman control 50% of the relationship and influence 100% of it, what does that statement say about you? Interesting huh?
I chose to approach this subject in a different manner, I don’t have the answer as to why men cheat. I know why I cheated on women, but that’s just me. Every guy I know that I have asked that question to gave me a different answer, only a couple told me that they did because they could. The rest had different reasons altogether.
So since I cannot honestly tell you why they cheat, I figured I’d do the next best thing and tell you the factors that you control that contribute to the possibility of him cheating on you. Some of the things I am going to tell you may hurt, the truth usually does. However, rest assured without pain there is generally no gain to speak of. What I tell you here today may not assist you in your current relationship, but hopefully in your future one you’ll reap some benefit from what you learn today.
Before we move on though, lets first define cheating so that we’re all on the same page, OK?
For the purpose of this post I am going to assume that we will all classify cheating as a man being physically involved (sexually) with a woman other than the one he is in either a married, engaged or boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Willingly participating in this situation with disregard to the promises to his so called true love (wife/ fiancee/girlfriend) of being honest and loyal.
Hopefully we all agree to this, or at least we all understand what we feel cheating is?
So lets get started with “12 Things Women do that assures he will Cheat.”
#1) Getting into a relationship and not defining your role: Too many times do women go out with men on several dates and then sleep with him and not truly know where they stand. She assumes that since you’ve been intimate that they are now a couple. However, he may be thinking that it’s simply two adults taking care of one anothers needs. You have a right to ask him (and not over the phone) if you and he are an item or just friends. Preferable before you jump into bed with him. If you don’t close that loop hole fast he may take the opportunity to pleasure himself somewhere else and you have no recourse because you and he are on different pages. Be an adult and ask, don’t assume anything in a relationship, ask!
#2) Disrespecting yourself: Men treat you the way you demand to be treated. You set the tone and he as well as other people in society follow your lead. How many of you have worked in a job where the boss yelled and screamed at certain people but avoided that tone with others in the same office? He didn’t scream at those people because they were bad at their job, he did it because they allowed it. The people that he didn’t scream at, it was because they wouldn’t allow it! They had too much pride and respect for themselves to allow someone to disrespect them, including the boss. This respect started the first day they went to work in how they presented themselves, and if not then, it occurred the first time he attempted to disrespect them and they corrected him sternly.
When I look at some women’s My Space pages, Facebook, even Twitter Bios, I see women describing themselves as bitches, whores, players and so on. Why in the world would any self respecting man be attracted to a woman who disrespects herself? He isn’t, which leaves you to select from the men who do not respect themselves or you.
By describing yourself in a loathsome manner, the men reading this will treat you exactly based on your own opinion of yourself. You’ve already described what you think of yourself to the world, why should men treat you any different? Men will not take you seriously and cheating on you will most definitely be an after thought because to him, you really don’t matter. Because even in your description of yourself as a bitch, he will assume that you’ll be just that, a bitch! So of course if he’s good, you’ll be a bitch and if he’s bad you’ll still be a bitch so he has nothing to lose.
I’d suggest you think clearly about describing yourself in a manner that will attract real men and not dogs. However, that’s really up to you.
#3) Listening to your Heart and no one else: When another female tells you that the guy is a known player (dog) it could be a ploy to keep you from being with him. However, when several women tell you the same thing, it’s fact! He has cheated on women before you and more than likely he’ll cheat on you too. Why fool yourself into thinking that he’ll change just for you? Oh, I know, because you’re special, right? Well guess what, so were the other girls he cheated on.
This is the easiest way to become a member of the “Broken Hearts Club.” Listen to what people are saying about a man you’re interested in, jealousy only goes so far and then truth begins to surface.
#4) Telling your damn business: It’s always said that men tell each other their personal business. No, lets be real, women do it as well and many of you have had your man sleep with your so called girlfriend because of it.
Lets face it, not every man can actually perform sexual marathons. So if you have one of these men it may be wise to keep it to yourself. Especially when some of the girls you call friend is with someone who may last 3-5 minutes on a good day.
Hell men do the same thing, especially when they are not sure if you are a keeper or not. It’s easy to tell, especially when all of the sudden you have one of his friends attempting to be extra friendly with you for no apparent reason.
Once my girlfriends best friend gave me a condom while we were visiting her. The next day she called and informed me that it was for she and I. When it’s that easy it’s hard to say no. She told me later my girlfriend had told her everything I had done to her and she wanted to experience it for herself.
#5) Not making him appreciate everything he has (you): My daughter asked me for a new bike. Being a father it is hard for me to tell he no, so of course I went out and bought her one. I got home with it and I was excited as she was. However, my wife was pissed! She thought my daughter should earn the money to purchase her own bike and she assured me that I would regret denying her the opportunity to do so.
Well, I regret it now! She rode that bike everyday for about a month. I just donated it to charity last week. It sat on the patio for months until the tires became flat and the dust became so that you couldn’t tell what color it was.
Why did this happen? Because since she didn’t earn it herself she didn’t appreciate it. Now her Ipod is totally different. She saved for it, worked for it and you’ll never see her without it and it’s going on a year. Damn, I was stupid!
The moral to this story is this: Anything given without effort will surely not be appreciated and this means you! So think about that when you’ve been with a guy for a couple of weeks, a month and you have that itch to take the next step when you know he really hasn’t earned that right.
Months later while he’s running around sleeping with someone else you’ll feel like that bike I just donated that was discarded on the patio. Then in the middle of the night when he hasn’t came home you’ll be saying what I said, “Damn, I feel stupid!”
#6) Using sex to get what you want from him: Some women although they profess their love for a man have this habit of holding back on the intimate side of the relationship until it fits their needs. There is nothing worse for a man to care about a woman and when you want to make love to them they give you all these excuses. I am not saying these excuses aren’t valid, I am just saying!
However, whenever they want something, the sex instantly becomes available. Oh, I saw some shoes at the mall I would live to have. Or, I am short on my rent or phone bill.
Most men have no problem with assisting the women they care for with finances. However, when sex is based on our bank balances a problem arises. I think some women do this and probably don’t even realise it. Hey, but men realise it, you can bet that!
You can also bet that he’s thought about it and is already making plans to replace your ass with someone a little more compassionate and a lot less expensive. However, most guys believe that you shouldn’t leave a woman until you have a replacement for her. So, yep! He’ll be cheating on you for a little while, so get prepared.
#7) Refusing to acknowledge the obvious: His words doesn’t match his actions anymore. Things in the relationship have changed while you weren’t looking and you cannot understand why. He goes out and doesn’t call or even ask if you’d like to go with him. He guards his phone with his life and he gets text messages on the regular.
You haven’t been out together in months and you haven’t seen his parents or family members since you first started dating. You don’t talk anymore and he always seem distracted and when his phone rings he looks shocked (because you’re there) and then makes a reason to go out.
Well, he may not have cheated yet but more than likely it’s inevitable. You can stick around if you want to and go through the final phases before your heart is ripped apart. Or you can acknowledge whats going on and confront him. This way you can try to repair the relationship or end it and spare yourself the pain of what is coming.
Either way you should do something because if you do nothing it’ll only get worse. He may not have done anything yet, it could be in the planning stages. He may think you simply do not care anymore because it didn’t happen overnight and you remained quiet. Say something and hopefully he’ll snap out of it and remember he loves you and only you!
#8) Not paying attention to his friends: We’ve all heard this, “Birds of a Feather”, right? If he’s your man and he has friends that are known dogs, you may have a problem. Especially if he spends a great deal of time with them. He may resist for awhile but if you drip water on a rock for a great deal of time, eventually the rock will crumble. Don’t tell him he cannot spend time with them, however it may be wise to attempt to limit the amount of time if possible. Particularly if he spends time with them and doesn’t invite you each and every time. Why should your man be out with them around woman you have no idea who they are and you cannot be there to speak on his behalf as well as your own?
# 9) Failing to take care of his sexual needs: It’s frustrating to be with a woman whose sexual drive doesn’t match my own. That “I have a headache” B.S. only goes so far with men and then masturbating becomes ineffective after awhile. Sometimes it simply wasn’t meant to be and this is a sure fire way to be cheated on. He may love you for who you are however his needs are greater than yours and it’s inevitable that eventually he’ll find release elsewhere. It amazes me that women fall into this situation. When you first begin making love it’s constant and once real love is established it’s gone. What, you guys think we only wanted to make love that much because the relationship was new?
#10) Being too modest during sex: Hey, I draw the line at anything that causes pain. However, there are things that men like to do and if you will not do it, there’s a shit load of women who will.
I’ve known women who didn’t like oral, giving or receiving. I liked them but not enough to spend my whole life with so I moved on.
You want to know what men’s fascination with prostitutes is? Because if you pay the money you can do anything you like, anything you’d like to try. Then her ass leaves with no emotional ties what so ever until the next time.
Also, sex is too much fun to be serious! Look at the faces we make during the act. It’s enough to make you want to laugh. So if he wants you to dress up like a school girl or get butt naked with nothing on but a pair of red socks, do it, he’ll be happier and so will you. It’ll also make him stay home and out of trouble.
#11) Having a male or female friend that makes your man uncomfortable: We all have friends prior to starting a new relationship do we all agree on this? However, when you have a male or female close friend that makes your mate uncomfortable it could cause him to stray. How so, I am sure you’re thinking?
Well, sometimes you may have a male friend that you have been friends with for years. Hell, he could even be an ex-boyfriend for all your new man knows. When asked about it, if you don’t properly describe the nature of that friendship it will lead to more questions then answers that you have. If done incorrectly your new man will never accept your response regardless of how truthful you may have been. For whatever reason most men are intimidated by the thought that their woman has a male best friend. There is simply not enough room for two men in your life. That’s the way men think, also I am sure that if your male friend has a girlfriend, she’s thinking the exact same way as your boyfriend.
Female friends are different. I know we all refer to the same saying about friends: “A friend is a person who knows everything about you, and loves you anyway.” You’ve heard that saying right? You’ve also heard the one I stated earlier in the post, “Birds of a feather, flock together.” Well, if your female friend has a reputation for being, how shall I say, loose, then your values could be questioned. You know how people like to talk, right? It’s sad,, but that’s life.
It only takes one sorry ass person to make a false statement that links you and her to doing something your man may not approve of to start the ball rolling.
Once he’s not comfortable anymore and becomes insecure in the relationship, cheating is unfortunately a possibility.
So think about your current friendships and make sure you define each male and female friends so that your man understands the roles they have in your life and make sure your friends understand your mans roll as well, so there are no misunderstandings.
#12) Gossiping: Its unfair to say that all women gossip, because we all know that men gossip just as much and this phenomenon has nothing to do with gender. Bored people tend to do it because they have nothing better to do. Some people do it because it gives them an identity, they want to be the person that seems to know it all.
Unfortunately for you, if you gossip, the signal you’re sending to your man is that your relationship with him is boring. If you’re so engrossed in other folks business you’re really not paying much attention to or tending to your own.
Chances are your man will become bored and frustrated with your meddling in other peoples affairs and the drama that comes with it. Not to mention that eventually some gossip will return about you placing an unfavorable light on you. This gossip may be true or not, but at this point to your man it probably doesn’t matter after awhile.
Another thing that happens is that some of the females that you like to gossip about so much will eventually and unfairly target your man in an attempt to get back at you. He may fall for this tactic, and he may not but it will not matter because it’ll come back as he did just to spite you for gossiping too much.
So tend your own garden and leave other peoples alone and not only will your man be happy, but you as well.
These are just some of the reasons that men cheat on women. Like I said earlier there is not one simple reason that men stray, it’s a multitude of reasons that can cause this to happen. The ones above are just to give you a small glimpse of what to look for in your own relationship and possibly change it before it becomes a problem.
Hopefully, you’re keeping him content and busy with you leaving him no time to wonder anywhere else. A friend once told me, “Smart women take up all of their men’s free time. Therefore eliminating the possibility or need for him to stray.” Be a smart woman and you’ll both be happier in the end.