What “Baby Momma” Drama really says about your man

I write this blog and purposely I leave things out that could identify who I am. It’s not that I am ashamed of where I’ve been and the things that I have done in life, it’s more to shield my family from any attention that these posts have gathered. There is nothing inside any of my posts that my wife isn’t privy to and so there are no surprises for her, but for my children I think somethings are best to be unsaid.

That’s right, I said children, plural. If you read the original post you’ll notice that I made reference to my daughter only, well since this blog is for women at the time I saw no reason to mention my son at all. However, with this post I feel that it is necessary and in the end hopefully you’ll understand why this is so important.

Many of you are currently in relationships with men hom have fathered children by women they failed to marry for whatever reason. Most times this is a total nightmare for you. Receiving late night phone calls from the childs mother asking to speak to your man is annoying to say the least. Their constant threats and attempts to utilize the child as leverage to either garner more money or whatever constantly looms in the air.

This type of relationship is and can be challanging to say the least. How this situation is handled screams volumes about what type of man you are really dealing with. I hope what I’m about to devulge to you will assist any of you in how to select men from this group based on my own personal experiences. I didn’t have a manual to guide me through this journey, all I had was my word and faith that I could make it all work.

I’ve traveled the world and I’ve seen and done things that most people can only dream about, however when I look back on my life the two things that make me proud and excited are my two children. They are from different mothers but somehow I managed to make us all one family, for this feat I feel I am truely blessed.

In my Senior year of College my girlfriend informed me that she was pregnant. Yeah, I was shocked  but at twenty two who isn’t when they recieve this news. I dropped out of College and I went home. I wasn’t sure what I would do, but I knew that the values that my parents had instilled in me dictated that I need to get into a position to take care of a child that would depend on me for years to come.

Most people would say, “Why didn’t you just finish College?” Hell, who thinks at that age? All I knew was that there was soon to be a life depending on me and College wasn’t going to pay me and he’d be there before I finished so the best thing I could think of was to quit and get a job to prepare for his future and his moms.

I had no idea if we would be together for life or not, but regardless I now had a major responsibility and I was determined not to screw it up. To make matters worse, I was still a dog. Man was I an idiot!

When I got home I still didn’t tell my mom why I had dropped out of school and since I never had given her any problems, (no drug usage, theft, robbery or any troubles to speak of) she politely asked me to take a break and finish up school at the local Community College.

I went to meet my mom for lunch one day after I had been home from school for about a week. I still hadn’t had a conversation with her about my soon to be fatherhood. On the way home that day I saw a sign that would change my life instantly. The United States Air Force recruiting office was screaming for me to take a look. I couldn’t resist, I stopped in and the rest is history. Three weeks later I was in Basic Military training school in San Antonio Texas. However, it’s the weeks prior to me leaving for the Air Force that may interest you.

I decided it was time to have a sit down with my mom and explain my situation. She didn’t yell, or scream but she did remind me that a child was a very big responsibility. I assured her I knew and that I would do whatever it took to make sure he was well taken care of. With that done I had one more meeting to have.

I met with my girlfriend and her mother, now you have to remember I was all of 22 years old at the time. On this day, I explained to them that regardless of wether my girlfriend and I remained together and eventually got married , I promised them that I would make sure that our child had anything and everything necessary to succed in life, especially the love of it’s father. I told them that day that I was leaving for the USAF and that I would send my girlfriend a certain amount of funds to make sure that she and the baby would be ok financially and that when I returned from Basic Training we would discuss what our next move would be in regards to marriage or whatever.

I left for the Air Force and I kept my promise. I returned and my girlfriend was approximately seven months pregnant. I returned with a set of order that was to send me far away from home for several years. She and I sat down and we talked about our future together and although we loved one another very much we both felt that getting married for the sake of a child would not hold a family together. I assured her that I understood and my original promise to take care of my child was as I had stated, permanate.

I went overseas and she stayed behind to have our child. The day he was born I was traveling through Tokyo Japan unable to come home for the delivery ( the needs of the USAF come first, according to them). She sent me photo’s and I continued with my agreement. The sad thing is that I wasn’t allowed to come home until around the time my son was ten months old.

I remember that day vividly and I charish it in my heart. The great thing about kids is they love unconditionally, so he never held it against me that I wasn’t around.

This could take forever, so lets cut through the chase, ok? Eventually, my ex and I both met different people. We talked about it and both understood. We still weren’t ready for marriage and the time apart had taken a hugh toll on us as it was. However two things remained intact. I continued with the promise I had made to her and her mom, and she refused to let my son forget whom I was. Around the third year of his life I was home and she and I made an agreement that would affect and impact both of our lives years later. The agreement was that when our son was old enough, he could make a decision to determine whom he wanted to live with.

Now, as a man and any woman I have ever dated will attest to this, I told each and everyone of them the same thing. I have a son, and he is the most important person in my life. One day he may deciede to come and live with me if I’m lucky and if this is not something you can deal with then you need to find someone else to possibly spend the rest of you life with. However, if you can accept this I may be that man.

A few women accepted this, some chose to move on. I understood, but to me a child is never to be considered a hinderance, and any woman or man whom choses a mate and rejects their child is not worth of being a human being. Now on the other hand, as we discussed above somtimes you have to deal with the other parent and thats a whole different story.

As a young man I accepted my responsibility, I made a promise and I stuck with it. I’ve never had to go to court to have some Judge tell me to take care of something I already knew was my reponsibility. I budgeted to insure he was well taken care of. Because I was honest with my ex and her mom, I never had an issue with her interfering with my relationships nor me hers. I still love her, although it’s not in the way it was when we were younger. I love her now because she is the mother of my child and even in my absence she raised a well behaved and manner young man alone. For this I am grateful and I am forever in her debt.

My wife? She understands all this and when my ex flys in to spend some time with our son, she stays with us. She and my wife are friends and my son thinks my wife is the best thing since cotton candy and my daughter calls my ex her Aunt, because they spend so much time together when she’s in town. Sometimes it’s funny because when my ex’s mom is around she constantly reminds her that she should have married me when she had the chance. It’s ok though, I love her anyway, and I thank her often for the son that she gave me and my wife.

Oh, the agreement, when he turned 14, he rolled out of bed oneday and asked her if he could live with me and my wife so we could spend time together. My ex called the house and informed my wife of my son’s decision (I was at work) my wife simply asked her to take him to the airport and the ticket would be waiting.

When I found out I explained to her as nicely as I could that she had done a great job raising him, but it was my job to teach him into a man. She agreed and the rest is history. However, now that my son is older, my ex complains that she’ll never find a good man because my son and I critique them too much and she said at times that’s intimidating for them. It’s ok though because she knows that all we want is the best for her, and trust me after the things I’ve done I know instantly when he’s not worthy and I’ve let more than one know it. Not trying to get into her business because she’s a gown woman, but if you had a friend who was about to drown, what type of friend would you be if you didn’t throw them a life preserver? Hey, we love her, sue us!

Now that I took you through what may have been boring for you lets get to the real point of this post, What “Baby Mamma” drama says about the men you meet or are in a relationship with.

It amazes me when you ask a woman about the problems she is having with the ex of her love interest. Most will give you this long drawn out disertation about how screwed up the ex girlfriend is and how she always wants money and wants to cause problems.

The really f**ked up thing about these answers is that if they really listened to themselves they would realise that they know absolutely nothing about the ex girlfriend and what they really do is regurgetate exactly what the boyfriend has said. Basically they are brainwashed. You may have a girlfriend or relative in a situation just like this (or maybe even you), and if you pull them to the side and ask these questions it may turn on the light inside their head. “Do you really know his ex?” “What is she really like?” Because, regarless of whatever we think about them they are in your life and relationship for a reason, and most if not always that reason is that he chose to lay in bed with her and have unprotected sex. Then when the child came he decided to run away from his responsibility and blame it all on her. My favorite excuse that men use to describe their ex’s that they have children with is, “She trapped me by telling me she was on the pill.” Or how about, “She’s crazy!” Yes she probably was, to sleep with a low life like him who created something as beautiful as a child and then walked away from his responsility.

“Baby Mamma” drama is created by a desperate attempt of women to force men to step up to the plate and take care of their responsibilities, it has very little to do with trying to destroy your relationship with them. In a sense for you women whom are going through this very issue, it would be wise to stop listening to what your so called man is telling you about her and listen to what she’s really saying.

The truth is she should be looked at as a warning for you. Not because she’s after your man, no, that’s what he wants you to think because it covers up what she’s really screaming for you to hear. She’s screaming for you to open your eyes and utilize that piece of gray matter between your ears and not make the same mistake she did. Because in reality, you’re actually in the exact same boat as she was once in, only for now you’re sleeping with the Captain and she’s in second class.

What she is really attempting to tell you and you cannot hear is that he is actually a very sorry excuse for a man. Seriously, think about it. He fathered a child and then walked or ran from his responsibility. Very few men whom father children and then seperate from their wives or girlfriends experience this situation now called, Babies Mamma drama, if they at a minimal support the child financially.

Raising a child is difficult at best, and when a man says he’ll take care of a child that’s exactly what he should do. It amazes me how many women fall for this B.S. when the new guy you’re dating tells you that his ex is crazy and she will not leave him alone. You’ve got to be really ignorant to believe a man or so called man whom refuses to support his own flesh and blood. If he will not take care of the children he fathered by her, why in the hell would you take a chance to see if he’ll take care of any he father with you?

Men can make you believe anything you want to believe. Let me say that again, They can make you believe anything you want to believe! How many lies do you think he told her before he walked out on her and their child? So for once, please get your head out of your ass and listen to what she’s really saying, because if you don’t it could be you he leaves behind with a child he will not support regardless of what he told you.

I’ve had women who have a boyfriend that has a child with someone else tell me, “Oh his ex is crazy, she got pregnant just to trap him.” Do you really believe that? Who in their right mind would have a child just to keep a sorry excuse for a man in her life for 18 long years or more? Would you?

Women in these situations need to open their eyes and ears and think for themselves. Try asking these questions. How did she get my phone number? Answer: from him. How did she know where I live? Answer: from him. If your car is damaged, how did she know what I drive? Answer: Him again.

Chances are, he likes the attention from her and you’re getting headaches for something you really have nothing to do with. She’s not mad at you in most cases, but you’re an easy target and since you will not listen to the message she’s screaming out loud, then you’re a part of the problem.

A very big part of being a man, is accepting responsibility. If he’s not accepting it, and he’s not taking care of the child he helped bring into this world, why would you really think he’s going to be a good man for you?

Any male can make a baby, but only a real man can be a father. So the next time you’re sitting around with that so called man, I’d like you to do me a favor. Take a real good look at him, and then ask yourself, How could this person walk away from a child that desperately needs him?” Ask yourself, “What kind of person is he really?” You probably won’t like what you really think. Thats a start, and hopefully you’ll lose his ass and find yourself a real man.


24 comments on “What “Baby Momma” Drama really says about your man

  1. Good stuff and right on sister- you have the full story here… let’s share with others..


    Love your stuff!!!! Keep going- keep going!! We will be back lady!!


  2. Hi – I wanted to contact you directly, but I don’t see any links for that, so I guess leaving a comment is the next best thing.
    This might sound silly, but I’d be really interested to get a man’s opinion on the difference (if there is one) between loving and being “in love”. I know, it’s a cliche…
    I think there’s a difference, but I wonder if all the things I consider signs of being “in love” are … well, rubbish.
    I know there’s a difference between the love for a friend and the love for your spouse, but where is the line between the two? What about having loved an ex, but now being “in love” with your spouse. Surely your feelings for the latter are more powerful, but how are they defined? What indicates “in love”?

    Thank you.

  3. We would be interested in purchasing advertising on your blog. Please get back to me using the email address I have entered if you would be interested in discussing this further.

  4. I hate to play devil’s advocate here, but I disagree with a comment you made. Specifically, “Very few men whom father children and then seperate from their wives or girlfriends experience this situation now called, Babies Mamma drama, if they at a minimal support the child financially.”

    I am the fiancee of a man that has 5 baby momma’s (one was an ex wife). Don’t judge me just yet…..

    We’re not talking about a deadbeat here—he makes well over six figures, he bought a 5000 sq ft home for his kids and he spends time with ALL of his kids 3 days per week (would be more but some issues exist).

    I have interacted with all of the women many, many times. Here’s what I found—the real question is dead beat dad or gold digger? It becomes war when you’re NOT even close to a dead beat, but nothing is ENOUGH!! The 1500 p/month per child isn’t good enough, three days per week isn’t good enough (but they won’t allow me to pick up the kids—he does have to go to work and it would help him tremendously if i picked them up that way he could see them everyday).

    Let’s just say that some women are bitter. His ex wife hates the fact that when she was with him, his business burned down down and they struggled for a couple of months. She feels like he still “owes” her for the comfort she provided during those times. And these are first hand conversations that I’ve had with her. I like to have both parties in the room!!

    Anyway long story short, all of them aren’t resentful. I just wanted to point out that sometimes we date/marry people who really never had our best interest in the first place. And these people never change.

    Now, the arrangement that you, your wife and ex have is the same situation my fiance grew up in. His mom’s ex-husband even lived with them for a couple of months while he was growing up.

    Bottomline: this is typically the exception and not the norm

    • I agree totally with the flip side you are presenting. My guy actually has custody of his son from the baby’s mom. The baby’s mom walked out on him and the baby. And after he moved on, she didn’t like it, so she tried to come back in his life, but he had fallen in love with me. So, I get threatened, harassed, all types of stuff because she IS actually crazy. He’s doing the right thing, she just doesn’t like the fact that he’s not with her anymore.

  5. I can understand your point of view in the fact that if a dead beat dad doesn’t pay then yes their is most certainly baby mama drama. My fiance has baby mama drama, but he is not a dead beat dad. He pays a lot of child support and keeps insurance on his child. The mother gives us nothing but grief because she refused to get a job and mooches off her mother as well. So there is a flip side to baby mama drama.

  6. I APPLAUD YOU!!!!MY SON FATHER IS ALL ABOUT SELF IF IT DO NOT WORK FOR HIM HE WILL NOT DEAL WITH IT. But the best thing my son got from him is How not to be a man OR FATHER LIKE HIM..My son is now 32 and try hard not to do things like him. HE DO NOT WANT KIDS MAY ONE DAY AND WHEN HE MAKE UP HIS MIND I FEEL HE WILL BE A VERY GOOD FATHER. I don’t talk bad ABOUT the man I have always told my son that he is the one to make up his mind when it came to him.The man and i had been together all our life feel like formthe age of 10.I DO NOT USE THE WORD FATHER BECAUSE HE’S NOT ONE.I DO NOT DEAL WITH HIM AT ALL NOW!!! BUT HE LOVE TO SAY HE IS A MAN OF GOD WHAT A LIE THAT IS. YOUR WIFE IS A BLESSING TO YOU AND YOUR KIDS!!! AND YOU ARE A BLESSING TO YOUR SON!!!AND HIS MOTHER!!!! YOUR SON MOTHER LOVE HIM BECAUSE SHE DID A GOOD AND CARING THING FOR HIM!!!

  7. I wish I had read this post 12 years ago. I believed the line of B.S. about the baby momma from high school getting pregnant on purpose, being crazy, only caring about money, and so on. I thought things would be different for me because we were older, married, had a planned pregnancy, etc. Now that I am in the same boat with her and we are both traveling in second class, he’s moved on to giving this line to the next dumb girl willing to believe that his baby mommas are crazy money-hungry bi*&hes. Thank you for sharing this info. Maybe it will save another woman from making the same mistakes, or at very least, from passing judgment on the baby momma!

  8. What about if after a year, you still haven’t met his son’s mom? You met his son three times in a year and his step daughter (who was rude to me and sat in the front seat), but his son’s mom doesn’t want to meet me, or so he says. I’m confused about several things, this being one of them. He also once told me in a conversation that he loved her and will always love her. This comment scares me to this day. I’m perturbed. I am told that men will always love the mother of their child, but my gut is telling me to run like the wind. What am I to do?

  9. If you haven’t met her it’s very possible that she may not be ready to accept the fact that he has moved on. It also shows that she is somewhat immature and irresponsible because if my ex was involved with someone else I would need to meet that person especially since that person may have access to my child.
    As for him stating that he will always love her, thats natural, she is the mother of his child. However, loving her and being in love with her are two entirely different things altogether. I still love my sons mom, and I tell her that everytime I talk to her or see her in my wifes presence. I do this because I really do, she gave me a son that I am so proud of and she is responsible for the way he turned out. I am forever in her debt. However, I am not in love with her as I was when we were together. The love I feel for her now is more like the way I feel about my immediate family members. In reality, that’s exactly what she is, family.
    However, my real love is my wife and in your case, his real love is you! So don’t run he’s doing the best he can in this difficult situation.

  10. Thank you so much. You lightened my heart immensely. I’ll wait until he feels it’s the right time for us (the mother of his son and I) to meet. Now, I will take his profession of love and conversations of us moving in, marriage and possible, if God will allow- our procreation seriously.

    I respect, love and am deeply in love with this man. I hate to be a greeting card, but when I see and am with him my spirit simply exhales, after years upon years upon years of- well let’s say -learned experience.

    Thank you and bless you.

  11. I am in a baby mama drama situation my husband had two kids with his ex girlfriend and she just couldnt let he go at first she would come to my house telling him you needed him to come home and be with his kids she finally wore he down and he left when we were dating to go back to her i was heartbroken but i understood he would call me tell me how much he loved me and finally i said im done dont call any more but she didnt stop she claimed that i was stalking her calling her driving pass their house and job when i wasnt thinking about either one of them i did love him but why would i come between him and his kids a year later he left her she still went up to his job and tired to drop the kids off and then fussed out his boss because he said she couldnt watch them or he would losehis job he paid her rent and gave her money and he didnt live there after a year we got back together and she got worse she didnt want me to take care of her kids and she wasnt doing it she would send them with us dirty with soiled diapers and clothes that were to small he try to get along but he just couldnt get her to see the bigger pic the kids he went a year and a half without seeing them he tired everything he went to court but she moved and he could not find her finally we found her he got a visitation order and she didnt follow it she was helded in contempted 5 times and still hasnt learned her lesson i recently had a baby that has been in the hospital 4 times and he is only 3 months she told her kids that she didnt care if my baby die this is the kind of person we are dealing with she talks to my husband like a dog we have been married 5 years she has taking us to court saying we harass and threaten her it was drop tried to get a protective order aganist my husband that was droped tried to get him found in contempt that dropped tried to get him to not be able to go to his kids school accuss him of be being on crack and angel dust abusing her me and the kids (when she was the one abusing him) call social service and told them that i was abusing her older daugther and we dont feed them and she told her sister that he was sexual abusing their older daughter since she 6 months old recently she called the cops on him because he had his daughter for her bday she dropped them off at 6 and wanted him to be back at 7 we live 20mins for the pick up he dropped her off at 830 this made her mad but he did tell her what time but she tried to bully him some mothers are not doing things like this to warn you they are just plain mean why cant we just get along?

  12. That is true for some not for all. I happen to know someone whom was married to a women that he caught cheating (walked in on it in his own home) . He tried to stay, but could not they went to counseling it didn’t work. The ex-wife even asked him to stay and raise the child together but, he could do it. She is unable to live with her mistake and constantly puts him down to make herself feel better. She says things pertaining to her job status versuses his just anything to put him down. She uses his child for leverage. This women is remarried and her husband has left her at one time for countinuing to harass her ex.

  13. You make some good points and I’m gald that everything is working out for you. Honestly though, I’ve tired, I’ve tried, I’ve tried and my husbands ex is still a bitch. Honestly, I’m at the point in which I don’t know if I even want this relationship anymore. Dam, I wish I would have listened to my mom.

  14. I think anytime a woman dates a man that has children with one or more women she is taking a risk. You are taking a risk with your sanity, patience, love, affection, money, and time. I know how some of you ladies feel because I too am dating a man with six children by three different women. I am only 24 years old. I think it may be time for me to move on though.

    Honestly, I would advise all women to stay away from men who have more than one child by different women. Ask yourself if this is something you want for yourselves. Ask yourself if you can handle dealing with women who may or may not be mature enough to understand your boyfriend/husband has moved on. Ask yourself if you can handle someone who has more children than you would ever have yourself.

    I am not bashing single men with children, but I just would not actively pursue them. There really isn’t anything to gain from situations like this except for headaches at the most. Yes he may be a good man, but a lot of times the women he had his children with are not emotionally/mentally stable. They do cause drama and other problems. They do try to break up your relationship. They do use the kids as a bargaining tool to get him to do whatever they want. They do dog him out in front of his kids, and then turn around ask for money. They do go and raise child support when they are angry at him. I know this because I am dealing with this, but I have had enough.

    I have no children and I am wasting what should be the best years of my life on some bs. I really am. I should be out mingling with other singles who don’t have children. I should be exploring different cultures around the world, and living it up. Instead I am trying to stand by a man who was irresponsible in his youth and now is paying for it ten fold. I feel sorry for this man. I am living a nightmare, and now I just want to escape.


  16. So how do you support a man who has been a financial provider for his baby but not allowed to see the child. The child turned 1 on the 31 March and my boyfriend has never seen her since the woman got discharged at hospital, because the baby mamma and her family will not allow him if he does not marry her or pay the R36 000 damage fee, but a R 1000 is deposited in this unemployed womans account on a monthly basis. How is that for unfair?

  17. In the beginning, she WAS partially right about him. I know she probably thought that I was enabling his immaturity by staying in his life, but I wasn’t. I was probably a little more patient with the man than she was because, he was 20 when their child was born. Like her, I expected my ex-husband (who’s 4 yrs older than me) to grow up and help me raise our kids, so I understood, if that was her problem with me. He’s a great Father, just a little unconventional (and stubborn), but he was childish as far as (being her) mate. As you said, it really was about him needing attention. I just told him I wasn’t going to entertain that BS, because neither of us knew what he was saying to each other, behind our backs.

  18. Ok well I have one for u….my boyfriend and I have baby mama drama…is now 2 yrs old …I have 2 kids myself 5 and 8.and his baby mama is the pits…we have been togeather for 15 mos and his baby mama from day one has been trying any and every thing to break us up……she has never met me and if I was standing right next to her she would not know who I was…as a matter of fact I tested her with it and she didn’t even know I was standing in her face…..she hates the fact that he’s with me and we are happy…she makes a point to call any time of the day or night…to disrespect me and our relationship ….and to just come between us in any way she can….I have sat back and staied civil all this time do to the fact that this is his bbm so I choose to let him put her in her place…..this heffa is crazy and wont leave us alone…and her reasons are CAUSE I’M HIS BABY MAMA! …well I have 2 kids and I don’t do these things as a matter of fact I can careless what my kids daddy iis doing with his life long as he takes care of baby…and yes my bf takes care of his son…..she uses his son as a pond to try and get what she wants from my bf..including sex…money….time spent with her….and she even went so far as to tell him he needs so break up with me in order to see his son…..wth!….I don’t deal with deadbeats so its a must that he takes care of his child…….so what do u think the verdict is for this and how would u handle this heffa

    • Lady Fyah,

      Sometimes people are seriously disturbed. It’s very smart of you to stay out of it and it’s great that your man takes care of his child. It appears that she has issues far beyond the norm. Hopefully one day she’ll find another man and move on with her life leaving you and your family alone.

      Thanks for the comment,


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