The newest phase of men taking total advantage of women is called, “Friends with Benefits.” Sounds excellent on the surface but underneath it’s just another simple scam for getting what he wants without ever having to commit.
It’s one thing to go into this type of arrangement with a person you’ve never been in a romantic relationship with, it’s totally different when you accept these terms after breaking up with your ex.
If you’re a Medical student and you simply do not have the time for a relationship because of study and whatever, I can see this happening. Let’s face it, sometimes our studies, jobs and other environmental issues demand so much on our times it’s impossible to sustain a serious relationship. Not only is it almost impossible, it’s sometimes not fair to the person you might want to be in a relationship with. Hell, none of us want to be second to a job or studies. We all want to be first in the lives of the people we love and care for.
Under these circumstances I could understand having a friend with benefits. All women have needs, wants and desires and sometimes you have to go to drastic measure to insure these items are met. So if that means having a male that is a friend that takes care of your physical needs on occasion I truly understand. However, If I may impress upon you the importance of setting the boundaries of such a relationship from the beginning. Make sure you are completely honest with the person and remember that over time you will have to realign his expectations. Men, just as women do sometimes agree to certain terms and then over time their feelings and emotions take over and they expect you to understand and feel the same way. It happens.
Now, for those of you who have been made this offer from the guy you just broke up with. I’ve heard from several of you and I’m a little bit disappointed in the thought that some of you have actually entertained this idea. Please, let’s break it down to what your ex is really telling you and I think you’ll understand why this is loaded for his benefits and his alone and you my beautiful woman could be voted “Sucker of the Year” by men’s magazines.
You were in a relationship with a guy I’ll assume you were in love with, right. For whatever reason the relationship didn’t work out and I’m almost positive it was his idea to break up anyway. Otherwise he wouldn’t have the gonads to even suggest something as utterly disrespectful as this.
Think about it, he probably holds all the cards. He knew that you liked him a hell of a lot more that he cared for you. So he thinks he’s doing you a favor by saying, “Hey, why don’t we just be friends with benefits?” In your mind you probably were thinking, it’ll keep you close to him and possibly he’ll change his mind and you two will be a pair again. Right? Wrong! If you agree to participate in this charade, what you just became was his designated piece of ass! On nights when he’s out with his friends trying to pick up other women to sleep with, in the event he strikes out you just gave him the right to call you to come and take care of his needs. Also, what you don’t know is, secretly you’re the butt of jokes to him and all of his friends. Are you OK with this revelation?
Lets examine this without any emotion and a whole lot of logic. This is a man that felt that you weren’t worthy enough to be his girlfriend, fiancee or future wife. However, he thinks that you are great in bed so he’ll allow you to share his bed with him on occasion. What’s wrong with this picture? You’re not good enough to be in a serious relationship but you can be his concubine.
We all know that (and most aren’t happy about it) that men can sleep with multiple women and be considered a stud, player, the man, a chick magnet and more. He’s applauded by his peers and for whatever reason considered a catch by uninformed women. However, on the other hand if you’re in a “friends with benefits” relationship (and I say that lightly because there is no friend actually in it) how many men do you think will be attempting to take you out? Real men I mean, not other dogs as the guy you let talk you into this ridiculous deal? Probably none, and this is why, because the one thing I’ve learned over the years is that most men whom could talk a woman into this kind of arrangement like to Bragg about their conquests. So chances are that all his friends and all their friends and probably girlfriends know that you agreed to something as simple minded and stupid as this. If you’re on a College Campus, everyone now knows about it. However after initially breaking up with him, or he you, had you simply went on your way and cut off ties to him within weeks men whom had been waiting for you to be single again would have been knocking down your door. Instead you’re the butt of jokes to everyone around.
So now, what do you think about that “Friends with Benefits offer?” Just like everything else, it’s not new, it was just renamed. It used to be called, “F*** Buddies” and that wasn’t a good arraangement for women either, but they fell for it time and time again. The funny thing though is whereas men can generally seperate love and sex, women have a hard time to seperating the two and hearin lies the problem. It’s just sex to him. After a few sessions it generally becomes love to you and that’s a very big problem, because he now controls your heart and emotions and when he doesn’t return that love you’ll be hurt.
One other thing before I go, any man that can talk you into such a ridiculous arrangement feels that he can talk you into anything and he may be right. Next it may be let’s make an adult video (I promise to erase it and no one will ever see it.), or let me take pictures of you nude. Then finally, he may drop the big one on you and ask if you’ll sleep with his roommate. Why not, he’s already shown you that he has no respect for you and by agreeing you have no respect for yourself. What do you think? Possible? I hope not.
So ladies, the next time some idiot offers you that friends with benefits package, not only should you decline but tell him to kiss your a** goodbye. Then seek out a real man and put that loser in the rear view mirror of your life. You’ll be happy you did.