Where to find a good man

I’ve gotten quite a few letters asking the question; “Where can I find a good man? I’ve gotten just as many asking this question in a different manner; Where is the best place to meet good men? I had to think about these questions long and hard, I also had to go out  and do a bit of research to pass along to you ladies who want to know this information.

To begin with I have questions of my own. What type of man (besides a good man) do you seek? What I mean by this is, are you seeking a professional man, such as a Doctor, Lawyer, Accountant, Professor or a Bank President? That’s what you want a Professional? Or would you settle for a good man that’s a Grocery store clerk, a bus boy in a restaurant, a security guard or a garbage man?  It’s up to you.

However, before we get started in this let me make one thing perfectly clear. Regardless of his position or the level he’s on with a company, he’s a professional. If he has a job and he’s getting paid, he’s considered a professional. They do not pay amateurs.

With that out of the way let’s first try to determine what’s considered a good man and how to possibly identify him. From past experience and above that being a man myself I noticed one very distinct difference between myself as a dog and men who weren’t. You know what is was? Men who aren’t dogs keep to themselves. I’d talk to them at work or while playing basketball or some other activity, but if the subject of women came up it was generally me asking why they didn’t have one. Want to know what the number one answer to that question was? Bingo! I haven’t found the right girl yet.

As a dog all women were the right one for me. But for a good man he’s not about to waste his time and energy on  just any woman, he’s looking for the right woman. That’s why you will not see him around town with a different girl every other weekend. That’s too tacky for him.

Now, good men come in all shapes, sizes and colors and while you’re reading this think about who you know that you haven’t paid much attention to that fits this description. He’s generally alone or with family, if he’s with friends generally it’s only one maybe sometimes two. Older women in the neighborhood or work place love him because he’s nice, polite, helpful and genuine. When you talk to him he looks straight into your eyes and actually listens to what you have to say, he never pretends. He will not look you up and down or make you feel uncomfortable and generally when you’re in his company you are at ease because it’s like being with your brother.

If he has a girlfriend he proudly displays her photo on his desk or in his work area. (Dogs never do this because the photo’s would take up too much space and they feel it would mean commitment which could cause them to miss a chance to hit something else in the office) A good man has a hobby, hunting, fishing, bowling, creating websites or photography. This he spends all of his free time doing to fill his time until the right woman comes along.

He doesn’t gossip and wouldn’t dream of telling your personal secrets. He’s probably a little bit homophobic and it’s not that he doesn’t like gay people but he simply does not understand it. He is very  seldom rude and rarely get angry and if he does you would not know it. He’s not flashy, doesn’t waste money and is more likely to drive a American made car, a ford, Chrysler or Pontiac because it shows loyalty to his Country. He probably has a dog or two and he would never own a cat (but he would allow you to if you became a couple).

He may dress nice for work but feels more comfortable wearing jeans and a t-shirt with some cross training shoes that a woman would probably attempt to replace. However he will not because they were expensive and he’s frugal and as with everything else he’s as loyal to them as they’ve been to him over time.

You’ve probably either known him for years or worked beside him for a long time and because he make you feel so comfortable you tell him everythng and he actually listens and gives you a little feedback but very seldom tells you what you should do. Because he knows that you just need to vent and your current boyfriend probably will not listen.

Those of you that have this guy right now in your inner circle probably have never once wondered who he really was as man. However, every time shit hits the fan, he’s the guy you call. You don’t call the man you sleep with, you call the man you take advantage of. Many times women select dogs because of their prowess and reputation as a ladies man. You go into these relationships knowing full well the end results, but somewhere along the line you meet someone whom is real and supports you emotionally and he picks you up when life knocks you down and many times you forget to even say, “Thank You.” Then when you’ve had your fill of your boyfriend, you’ll get a new one whom is really just a carbon copy of the old one. In the beginning when things are going smoothly as they all do in the beginning, you forget about the person whom helped you through the last bad relationship. You don’t call or stop by to say hello because your life is great. However, at the first sign of trouble, what do you do? You call the guy you’ve been to busy for over the last several months and cry on his shoulder.

          And you know what? He lets you. Why? Because he’s a friend and he cares about you and he’s more loyal than you could ever be. That’s because this is what real men do. They possess a trait that dogs could never phantom, loyalty. How many of you have an ex-boyfriend that you are actually friends with? Generally this is because most dogs like my former self will only be friends with you if there are stipulations. That’s right! We want to be friends with benefits or the deal is off. Real men start relationships off as friends and remain friends, forever. 

          Good men are all around you. Each and every one of you either have a guy like this right now in your life or you had one earlier in life. He was the guy whom was more interested carrying you books home from school than trying to feel you up. Your parents loved him but your friends probably convinced you he was a dork, because he wasn’t a jock or student body President. More than that he probably wasn’t popular. However, you felt safe with him then and if he or someone like him is in your circle now you still do. You know he’s really what you’d like your boyfriend to be like and you may have even thought about what it would be like to date him. Then either your friends talked you out of it or you came up with that same old lame excuse women have used for decades to avoid happiness, ” I’m afraid to date him because if it doesn’t work out it might ruin our friendship.” That’s a cop-out and you all know it. Here’s a guy whom you know is nice, works, treats you great, knows everything about you (even your secrets) and still likes you. What more could you ask for? What do you tell your friends and boyfriends about this guy? “Oh, he’s my best friend.”

Hello! One of the most valuable components of a successful relationship is that your mate is your best friend! Whats really great about this is you actually created this perfect situation over time and didn’t even know it.

So now, to answer your question: Where to find a good man? There is no magical place like a good man’s bar and grill. He is right there, either in your office working with you, or in your Rolodex, you have him in your contacts list on your cell phone. Your boyfriend secretly hates him because he too knows that the day you open your eyes to what you have right in front of you, you’re gone.  So you know that friend of yours that your boyfriend consistently refers to as a “Fag”, he’s the one.

So ladies, now that you know where to find him, what’s next? Will you chose to continue seeking love from guys whom want nothing more than to use and abuse you both verbally and physically? Or will you take a closer look at the guy whom has always been there for you even though you’ve not always been there for him? Think about it. Would you like the perception of happiness or true happiness? It’s your choice, I hope you make the right one now that you know. Good Luck!



16 comments on “Where to find a good man

  1. I have many guy friends. I am not physically attracted to them. I would rather have sex with Angelina Jolie then any one of these guys. So what does that mean?

  2. what if you gave this guy a chance but it didn’t work out and you ended on good terms but he wants you back? he’s a flirt and he really is popular and he fits all the right guy qualities and i do like him, but i don’t know if i should give him another chance. advice perhaps. :]

  3. What if you knew this guy and he worked up the courage to make a move after several years, and you knew that you really, really wanted him, but you made him feel like you rejected him when you hadn’t, you were just overwhelmed by the whole situation. How do you fix that? How do you get back to that place with him? I feel like I really bruised his ego and never intended to I was bowled over by the attention and didn’t know how to react, but, I certainly knew this was a much better man then I had ever met in the past and I definitely wanted to savor the moment not rush it.

  4. you mentioned that people should drop you an email if they had further questions about this post but I can’t find an email adress can u send one to my email please?

  5. To Akasha, I say… you tell him. Be honest. That’s the best policy, and if he really wants you, he will appreciate the honesty.

  6. I know a guy like that, and he really is my best friend. Bu I cannot see myself with him. OK, once after a traumatic experience I had some serious PTSD. I asked him if we could try going out and he said no. Again, it was the state of mind I was in then, and even back then I knew I didn’t really like him like that. While I would love someone similar to him, without all of his “drive-me-nuts” traits, I can’t see myself with him. And he doesn’t even have any cool guy friends! All of his guy friends suck! So now what?

  7. I think you are saying, Leslie, that your feelings about this guy-friend could make you think there is more potential than there really is. That is very true for Akasha’s situation. Is she feeling this way towards him because she is lonely or has gone thru some other issues and wants to feel loved? Again, though, I think… honesty is the best policy. Why are you where you are? You have to be honest with yourself before you can begin to be honest with others. This can be a really difficult balance. That said, I am really not good at this!

  8. All very good points to think about…thank you. If the opportunity presents itself I’ll discuss it with him and if not I’ll chalk it up as a missed opportunity and a lesson learned. Now that I’ve had time to get some male perspectives on the situation I feel like there was some very low self confidence on his part and my response was misinterpreted and now there is this wall he’s put up to guard his emotions and I’ll just have to wait until he’s ready to talk to me. I’m not very old but I’ve lived long enough to know better then to think that anyone’s going to be perfect I had weighed the pros and cons and was willing to accept the negatives that came with this person (I feel like he showed me a person on the inside that was a far better person then most people perceived him to be). It’s too bad I haven’t had the opportunity to say that to him but I’m not the only force at work here, I’m sure his friends are taking his side like mine would and have taken my side. And honestly, in the beginning it’s the potential you see in someone that makes you want to try and make it work with them, isn’t it? I’ve really just decided if someone is meant to be in your life for any reason at all they will stay in it. And if they leave, sometimes it’s a good thing and sometimes they return just when you need them to. This doesn’t mean I’m going to sit back and be completely passive but I’m not going to force the situation either. I’m just going to do a better job of conveying what I want if I get another chance.

  9. I just got dumped by a guy who went off to Antigua for medical school and I only wish I read your blog while I was in the relationship with him. He was so sweet which was why I loved him but I was always unsure and he attributed it to me being “untrusting” of him. I was unsure because he’s always scoping out other women right from day one to the last day. He gave his phone number out to the filipino nurses where we worked and at the beginning of the relationship they made prank phone calls asking for sex even though they knew he had a girlfriend, which I didn’t like and complained about (instead of reassuring me that he wouldn’t go for them, he said I was no better then they were and probably would have had sex with them if I didn’t want to). He accused me of not being there for him when he asked me to buy our plane tickets to florida together and I refused. He always reminded me that he could go find someone else, even his mother said those things, which my Albanian co-worker attributed to his culture (he’s from Bosnia), but now I realize that it has nothing to do with culture, but that he just didn’t love me and never thought of me as “the one”. Thank you so much for your blog. I feel so much better after reading it. Had he never gone off to Antigua, he either would have cheated on me or we would have stayed together and I would have gone through abuse and be made to think I wasn’t “good enough” for him all the time… I would have eventually ended up in the poor house or the crazy house! Keep up with the blog, it gives me hope.

  10. Great guys are easy to find. The problem is that women are to selfish to accept them. Most women of this generation (born after 1980)are looking for Prince Charming. They want it all. Concerning good guys; you are either going to get the poor guy who gives you all the attention your needy ass demands, or you will end up with the successful guy that is involved with dealing with things that matter (your low self esteem stemmed from not having a father does not qualify for his attention). The other 95% of women will end up floating from loser to loser. Women love sociopaths, which there is no shortage of. These guys are lazy because it is human nature to do as little as possible and pick the low hanging fruit. The men who matter or care are but a small percentage, granted many of these men share sociopathic traits, they will never leave you holding the bag (they accept responsibility and can be depended on for the long haul). A question I like to ask women (I am a sociologist) is: if you could choose only one trait, would you prefer a man to be nice or honest? I am not shocked at the number of women who pick the nice guy. I have asked women 17-60 years old. I then remind the women that nice guys are usually nice to get one thing from women, and that Ted Bundy was nice. When they respond “Ted Bundy was a serial killer” I then asked them if they actually believed that Ted used the line “hey I want to rape then kill you. Will you get into my car?” Women really are foolish sometimes. Military men are seldom nice. Many rely on honesty to stay alive and possess a level of confidence women crave. I suggest letting Uncle Sam provide the vetting process for you, there are many single men in the military. Do something patriotic and date one.

  11. I tend to meet men at work. Both of my serious relationships have been with people I have met in such a way.

    My only requirement are that they guy has a good heart, likes to have sex occasionally, and won’t fuck me over. My ex actually fucked me over many times– including getting me arrested for something I didnt’ do. That in additionn to his chronic addiction problems..(luckily the court thing was dismissed, but still– way to stressful)…

    I don’t care if he’s not a lawyer, doctor.etc…If he only earns $8 an hour, but has a good heart and can hold that job, sounds good to me. (If I was wealthy, and he had a good heart, I wouldn’t mind if he was totally broke, but as it stands, I’m totally broke and can’t currently support anyone)

    My point is, I’m just looking for a guy with a good heart, who is not an addict, who I am at least moderately attracted to emotionally and physically, and who isn’t totally insane

  12. I have dated plenty of losers!! Infact, I was wondering if, infact, all the good ones were taken or gay!!
    A few months ago, after finally emerging from a pronounced state of craniorectal inversion, I re-evaluated exactly what I wanted and was shocked to discover that while I knew a whole lot of what I didn’t want, I had only a very vague idea of what I actually wanted.. and I discovered that what I thought I wanted was really bad for me. All the guys I’d dated that had the qualities I thought I wanted all had one thing in common… they were losers!!
    They never had a car, or they weren’t working or they were crashing at a friend’s house..
    I was striking out so bad that every time I was dumped, I didn’t even care anymore.. I was just glad to be rid of the loser!
    But there was a guy who was there through it all and even when I’d get annoyed at his constant calls, texts and asking me out, I still would go out with him and we always had a blast! He was my best friend and had seen me through so many hard times and never left my side. Even when my father passed away, I had him. I don’t think I’d have gotten through that without him.
    My friends loved him and would ask me quite often why I wasn’t with him. I began to wonder myself. I was starting to notice how happy I was when I was with him and how good he made me feel. How much we laughed and how we agreed on everything. I really felt like I had known him all my life. Then after a night of video games at his house, I came home and realized that what I had been looking for before wasn’t what was good for me and that my friend possessed all the kindness, chivalry, intelligence and sense of humor I needed in a man. Although he is really cute, he wasn’t the type I’d usually go for. He did and still does seem to get cuter every time I see him.. So I decided to set aside my shallowness and have a go with him.
    We have known each other for 2 years and we’ve been dating for about 3 months now. I have to say things are going great! He is my best friend and my boyfriend! I’m so happy I finally got enough clarity to see that what I really wanted was right in front of me!
    Don’t dismiss the nice guy. I’m so glad I didn’t.
    Luckily mine is cute, but I do understand that sometimes the nice guy doesn’t always fit with what you want looks-wise.
    They never will. If the nice guy was hot, you’d be dating him already. Unfortunately, though, as lacking in substance as they are, beautiful/handsome people tend to always win out over the average-looking person even if said “average joe” has a stellar personality and genius intelligence. It really is a shame.. so those of you who “just can’t see yourself dating him” Do take the time to consider why… I think it’s cause of looks. What if that friend, with all their inner qualities, looked like a GQ model? My money says you’d date them!! Think about it, ladies.. and guys!! I’ve been “that friend” too.
    anyway, I could write volumes on this subject, but suffice it to say, look deep inside yourself and be brutally honest about the real reason you’re not dating this wonderful friend of yours.
    I’m so glad I did!
    I love you, Russell!!!

    • Thank you for your comment, I am happy that you chose to share it here for others to read. One major thing that most people fail to understand when chosing a mate, “Looks fade over time, but personality and intelligence last forever. I also try to explain to women that all the good men are the ones you ignored on your way to getting your heart broken.

      Thanks again for your comment, and I hope you visit again.


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