How this “L” word can change your relationship-and it’s not Love

Whenever women talk about the “L” word in relationships to men that aren’t ready we cringe. However, for today’s post I’m going to talk about the other “L” word that most men utilize in determining a woman suitability as a mate. Any ideas as to what word I’m talking about?

This word is very important in every relationship and for some reason or another it gets lost over time and it’s the main reason for many break ups even though we seldom identify it as such. Any idea now?

It’s a small four letter word just as “Love” is but it seldom gets the attention it deserves in our lives. The word I’m talking about is “LIKE”.

For men our relationships are most times based on whether we really like the female or not. Because as men we like people. Not many men run around talking about how much they love someone. That’s just a little bit too feminine for us. So we put them in the category of “Liking” them. 

Before we get to that level where we admit that we are in Love, you’ve probably heard guys say, “Hey, I like her, she’s cool.” If he really starts to like you, he’ll take you places he frequents. Not bars, I’m talking about football games, car races, fishing and things like that. These are typically things guys do together because they like each other, and they enjoy the others company.

In the beginning of all relationships we men tend to take you everywhere, “Hey, would you like to go camping with me and my friends?” However, as the relationship grows from “Like” to a little closer to “Love” you may see these offers decline.

This is the first sign that your relationship is headed for problems. If you can catch this early enough you can do one of two things. You can attempt to adjust it, by re-examining it closely from both of your prospectives. What I mean by this is for you to look closely at your hand in the declining offers too. Were you too busy, or not interested in what he likes to do or did you just decline one too many times and he simply stopped asking you to go along? These are important questions? Although the toughest question I have to ask, is did he simply one day just stop asking, even though you’d like to go? 

If the answer to this question is yes, then you probably have major issues in your relationship. If this is the case then you can do the second thing as I talked about above. You can start to disengage from the relationship and prepare to move on and by paying attention to this little word it can save you days and hours of unnecessary frustration and anguish.

Let me attempt to explain to you exactly why this word is so important and by understanding it in the method by which men apply it you can now control where your relationship heads. Or at the least you can control and protect your own heart by knowing exactly when to get out. I say this because don’t you think it’s amazing that women stay in a bad relationship for years hoping it’ll get better, only to see it get worse and when it’s over, she’s still hurt?  She’s also wasted valuable months or years? Time she will never get back.

What if you could cut that time? You still may be hurt but you saved yourself valuable time. Time that you could be utilizing to locate Mr. Right.

This is why the word “Like” is so important to you as women.  As a man if we like you, really like you, then we’re going to include you in everything we do. All we ask is that you want to go to be with us. If we really like you, and for whatever reason you cannot go along with us, then hell, unless it’s an emergency we’ll  be staying home with you. Because if we like you, then you are our best friend, our confidant, our buddies and our pals. We like you and more importantly we like being around you and having you with us.

You know what women call this? That’s right, “LOVE!” However, for men that word is sometimes a little to final and so just like in everything else we do, we rationalise it and change it to “Like”. It’s not as strong a word, but in reality it means the same damn thing.

If you have a man now, or had one recently, the one thing you can bet is he has a friend or several friends. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell if  the friend is your competition or not I’m sure. Your man never gets mad at him, they never argue, they hang out together, always have something to laugh about and talk on the phone several times a day. If the friend has a problem he calls your man and regardless of the time day your man is there for him.

This is the position you want to have in your relationship. You want your man to get out of his bed at three in the morning for you because your car wouldn’t start. Why? Because it says, not only that he “Likes” you, but he considers you his friend. He chose his friends wisely (hopefully) and he probably chose you based on the same criteria.  However, because his other friend is a man, your mate doesn’t have to worry about him breaking his heart and with you he does.

You on the other hand have friends too. Some have issues and problems and they lean on you for support. You probably have gotten that 3am phone call because of something she’s going through. You deal with it because she’s your friend, and more importantly you “Like” her.

Now before I conclude this post I want you to think about this. If you are in a relationship now, ask yourself this? “Do you really like the person you’re with? I don’t mean “Love”, I mean like as in the dictionary. I ask you this because a main ingredient that determines success in your relationship is the ability to like the person you’re with. Women sometimes get this part wrong. They are in Love with their mate, but because of underlying factors they no longer like whom that person is. They stay in the relationship because of the love they have for the man, but they look for reasons not to go places with them or they hope he doesn’t even ask at all. Preferring to spend time at home without him. Ask your friend who’s been having relationship problems recently if she likes her mate? She’ll probably say, “I love him”. But that’s not what you asked, but it’s probably the response you’ll get.

If this is you,then half of your relationship is dead. If you are not your mans best friend and he yours then you are wasting not only your time but his as well. There is very few things worse than being in a relationship with a woman/man that you cannot stand. Get off the fence, make a decision and save both of you heartaches.

Now for you women whom are just getting into a new relationships or hope to soon. Try this, when you get deep enough into the relationship and you get to the point where you want to express your feelings for him. Use the other “L” word. Look deeply into his eyes and say, “I really LIKE you”. Continue to tell him that whenever the urge comes up. Your choice of words will make him comfortable and not uncomfortable as you may have experienced with past men. When he gets so comfortable that instead of saying “I like you too” he says, “I love you”, he’s yours. However, to get him down the aisle quicker, continue to tell him you “like” him instead of the other “L” word for a few more months after he’s already told you he loves you. By doing this, he will not know exactly how you feel which is exactly what you want. That’s what we men do to women, keep you guessing.  You may argue a little about this, but it’s OK, he’s already tipped his hand and told you he loves you first. Guess what? Now he’s worried about how you feel about him instead of the other way around. In other words, you now wear the pants!

Note:If you get a little confused reading this post, don’t panic, it’s by design. How else are you going to learn how the minds of men work if I don’t write exactly how we talk to you. In circles, right? Everything you need is there, you just need to figure it out by dissecting it as practice. Eventually when a man says something to you, you’ll know exactly what he means  because you’ll decipher it automatically in real time. However, if this exercise is too hard right now, let me know and I’ll only do it in small doses in the future.


4 comments on “How this “L” word can change your relationship-and it’s not Love

  1. I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.

    Stacey Derbinshire

  2. I just found your blog and think they are right on the money. Still a little skeptical but on the money nonetheless…ok straight to the point, i need a little advise. I’ve known this guy for about six months before anything happened. He calls me out of the blue and we started hanging out. Now i believe in your rule about waiting six months for sex but unfortunately i didnt follow it. We slept together, he takes me to his favorite place, atlantic city and we spend the most amazing two days. This all takes place within a month and change. We get back home and he stops calling. I called him and he feeds me some line about his life being complicated and i havent heard from him since. I know what you’re going to say but i just need to hear from someone looking in from the outside. How can i get the upperhand from this situation, he has some things of mine but i dont want to call because i dont want him to think im all over him. Waiting your response

  3. This is the second post I read from you and I really like the way you explain everything. It’s simple and I think I am able to read between the lines.

    It’s funny, many months ago I was speaking to a friend who’s having important marriage problems with his wife. He kept bragging about her and I felt the need to ask him “man, let me ask you a question : do you like her ?”. He responded “Of course, yes, I love her !”.

    Reading your blog here reminded me of his reply, it made me smile 🙂

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