correctable situation. Change the selection process. You see, women and men differ in one major area of selecting a stable mate. Women love with their hearts first and brains second. By the time they discover the guy is a complete loser it’s too late, she’s hooked and spend enormous amounts of time and energy making excuses to friends and family trying to cover up his flaws.
Men on the other hand, generally love with their brain first and heart second. Many times in the past I’ve met women whom were totally amazing on the surface but underneath all that beauty, they were full of sh**. All my friends would complement me on a great catch and secretly I’d be devising a plan to get rid of her ass at the first opportunity. This is because as a man, after being damaged as a teenage boy (read previous post) I’d learned that it wasn’t healthy to give my heart to anyone. The woman whom would finally get it would earn it, and until I was ready it wasn’t going to be a easy task.
Women give their heart to the wrong men, men whom have not earned it in anyway possible and probably really doesn’t even want it. He probably wanted something that is a little bit lower on your anatomy. However, since you’re already in love with him you’ve probably given him that too. Trust me when I tell you this ladies, when you give up that intimacy you’ve already lost and don’t even know it.
Before we get back to that issue (intimacy) lets first work on correcting the flaws in your selection process for a suitable mate, OK?
Flaw #1– Put looks on the back burner. I don’t expect you to select a man whom doesn’t take care of himself (hygiene, weight, etc) but believe me when I say you also don’t want a man whom spends more time in the mirror than you do. If he does, chances are is that you are only a pit stop because he’s trying to look good for all women. (Your sister included). Seek out someone whom takes care of himself and is appealing to your eyes and your eyes only. Treat it like your clothes shopping, somethings you like and your girlfriends don’t, like those shoes you just brought. It may not appeal to them but they make you happy. Dating outside your race is fine, so check out men you’ve never looked at before. Is this a problem? Your family, friends or co-workers don’t approve? Think of it this way, who’s happiness are you really trying to secure anyway? Yours or theirs? Now seeking a man of another race is cool, but outside your economic status is not. You can seek a man who makes more money that you, but beware of the man that you make a lot more money than he does. Some men, not all, are a little less comfortable with their potential mate being the breadwinner. Also, if the gap in incomes is really large, he could possibly feel you’re only with him out of boredom and that as soon as you find someone more along your economic lines you’ll be gone in a flash. So be careful with this and if you are a CEO of a Company, don’t start a relationship with the guy in the mail room because you think he’s cute.
Flaw #2- Women have what I like to call the Florance Nightingale syndrome. You ladies kill me with this, you select guys that you know are full of sh** and because you see something in him that attracts you, you feel that if you could possibly fix everything else he’ll be perfect for you. Wrong! You cannot win this battle, and this is why. Five years elapse and one morning you look across from you and he’s laying there sleeping. Now after this time he’s either (a) still the same sorry prick that he was when you met him and he’s never going to change. Or (b) he’s now the most wonderful husband anyone could ever ask for. Takes care of the kids and you, provides a nice lifestyle for your family and your friends love him. However, in both cases you lose. Why, because the first guy you just lost five years on an idiot. The second guy, now he’s not the man you fell in love with, he’s a different person than the man that attracted you in the first place. Now you’re no longer in love with him because your project is finished. So, you just threw away five years for nothing. The moral to this dilemma is don’t try to change someone to fit what you are looking for , instead find the person that already possesses what you need. In the end, you’ll both be that much more happier.
Flaw#3- Change the places you look for men. Even better than that stop looking. The right man will certainly find you if you’re not walking around with that I need a man look on your face. Looking for a suitable mate in a bar or nightclub is asinine. Women whom meet men in these environments are looking for sex, not love. Hell, as a Dog I went to nightclubs to satisfy my needs because I knew that’s what women were going there for also. So if you think the bartender is nice looking and you want to date him, you’re just fooling yourself. He simply got that job in the club because of the women it gave him access too. The best place to meet good men is in a Library, grocery store, mall, Church, laundry, or a host of other places where the overall tone is not set for sex.
Flaw #4- Keep your legs crossed. If you don’t have a man and you’re hoping to soon find one, my advice to you is to go out and purchase a very good vibrator. Because to find the right one you’re going to have to go through at least six whom only want one thing. To separate the dogs from a good man it’s simple. Make it a rule in your life, any man that you date you will not sleep with until after six months! That’s right, six months! This is why, if he is just after sex, he’ll be gone at the end of a month. Most times sooner than that. If at the end of six months, he’s still there, guess what? No, not yet, get your head out of the gutter. He’s in love with you. He now knows who you are as a person, he likes being around you and enjoys the time you spend together. You accomplished all this by taking sex out of the equation and forcing him to see you for what you are, a beautiful, intelligent, caring woman whom deserves a good man. He’s also secure in the knowledge that if it took him this long to make love to you, then you weren’t running around jumping in and out of a lot of men’s beds. oh, the vibrator. That’s to tide you over during this down time of six months.
Flaw #5- When he tells you how he feels about you or talks about a future with you, don’t sit around trying to dissect his words. Calling your girlfriend on the phone and running it by her will only confuse you even more. Here’s a simple way to determine if what he’s telling you is how he really feels or it’s B.S., ask yourself, does his actions really match what he’s telling you. If the answer to that question is no, they don’t, then you know he’s lying and just playing with your feelings. It’s really that simple. There is no real secret to understanding relationships than to think for yourself. Take your heart out of the relationship, take a step back and look at it as if you weren’t really involved. People are quick to give other people advice about what they should do, but when it comes to their own they make the same mistakes they’re giving you advice on. That’s because it’s easier to spot a flaw, or a one sided relationship if you are not the one in it. So step back from your own relationship from time to time and evaluate it from a different prospective. You’ll be surprised at what you see, then you can either fix it or move on.
Flaw #6- All the stuff that the new guy you met tells you about his ex, is probably a lie. So don’t buy into it. He’s not about to tell you that he was caught cheating on her, or that he didn’t work during their entire relationship and she paid all the bills. He’s not about to tell you that he hit her or was verbally abusive. He’s going to tell you that she cheated on him or something to that effect because he needs for you to view him as a victim. People tend to treat victims a little nicer, don’t you think? Two things to remember: (1) every story has two sides,(not just his), (2) and if things don’t work out between you and him, then to the next girl he meets you will be the bad guy. Is that what you’d like to be? A real man, never talks about his ex. Because if he’s talking to you, then every girl he met before you ceased to exist the moment he met you. His real focus will be on you and you alone, and not only does he not care about your ex-husband or boyfriend he’ll never even ask, because the day he meets you is when time started and the past is just that, the past.
I hope there is something in this lesson that you can take with you that will help you in your search. I also hope something here keeps your heart safe. Also, let me remind you, if there is something you’d like to know that I haven’t talked about e-mail me or leave a comment and I’ll write something about the topic you were interested in. My aim is to assist you ladies in any manner I can. See you next week.