Find a Good Man by changing your selection process

Women constantly complain about not being able to find a suitable mate. This is a easily correctable situation. Change the selection process. You see, women and men differ in one major area of selecting a stable mate. Women love with their hearts first and brains second. By the time they discover the guy is a complete loser it’s too late, she’s hooked and spend enormous amounts of time and energy making excuses to friends and family trying to cover up his flaws.

Men on the other hand, generally love with their brain first and heart second. Many times in the past I’ve met women whom were totally amazing on the surface but underneath all that beauty, they were full of sh**. All my friends would complement me on a great catch and secretly I’d be devising a plan to get rid of her ass at the first opportunity. This is because as a man, after being damaged as a teenage boy (read previous post) I’d learned that it wasn’t healthy to give my heart to anyone. The woman whom would finally get it would earn it, and until I was ready it wasn’t going to be a easy task.

Women give their heart to the wrong men, men whom have not earned it in anyway possible and probably really doesn’t even want it. He probably wanted something that is a little bit lower on your anatomy. However, since you’re already in love with him you’ve probably given him that too. Trust me when I tell you this ladies, when you give up that intimacy you’ve already lost and don’t even know it.

Before we get back to that issue (intimacy) lets first work on correcting the flaws in your selection process for a suitable mate, OK?

Flaw #1– Put looks on the back burner. I don’t expect you to select a man whom doesn’t take care of himself (hygiene, weight, etc) but believe me when I say you also don’t want a man whom spends more time in the mirror than you do. If he does, chances are is that you are only a pit stop because he’s trying to look good for all women. (Your sister included). Seek out someone whom takes care of himself and is appealing to your eyes and your eyes only. Treat it like your clothes shopping, somethings you like and your girlfriends don’t, like those shoes you just brought. It may not appeal to them but they make you happy.  Dating outside your race is fine, so check out men you’ve never looked at before. Is this a problem? Your family, friends or co-workers don’t approve? Think of it this way, who’s happiness are you really trying to secure anyway? Yours or theirs? Now seeking a man of another race is cool, but outside your economic status is not. You can seek a man who makes more money that you, but beware of the man that you make a lot more money than he does. Some men, not all, are a little less comfortable with their potential mate being the breadwinner. Also, if the gap in incomes is really large, he could possibly feel you’re only with him out of boredom and that as soon as you find someone more along your economic lines you’ll be gone in a flash. So be careful with this and if you are a CEO of a Company, don’t start a relationship with the guy in the mail room because you think he’s cute.

Flaw #2- Women have what I like to call the Florance Nightingale syndrome. You ladies kill me with this, you select guys that you know are full of sh** and because you see something in him that attracts you, you feel that if you could possibly fix everything else he’ll be perfect for you. Wrong! You cannot win this battle, and this is why. Five years elapse and one morning you look across from you and he’s laying there sleeping. Now after this time he’s either (a) still the same sorry prick that he was when you met him and he’s never going to change. Or (b) he’s now the most wonderful husband anyone could ever ask for. Takes care of the kids and you, provides a nice lifestyle for your family and your friends love him. However, in both cases you lose. Why, because the first guy you just lost five years on an idiot. The second guy, now he’s not the man you fell in love with, he’s a different person than the man that attracted you in the first place. Now you’re no longer in love with him because your project is finished. So, you just threw away five years for nothing. The moral to this dilemma is don’t try to change someone to fit what you are looking for , instead find the person that already possesses what you need. In the end, you’ll both be that much more happier.

Flaw#3- Change the places you look for men. Even better than that stop looking. The right man will certainly find you if you’re not walking around with that I need a man look on your face.  Looking for a suitable mate in a bar or nightclub is asinine. Women whom meet men in these environments are looking for sex, not love. Hell, as a Dog I went to nightclubs to satisfy my needs because I knew that’s what women were going there for also. So if you think the bartender is nice looking and you want to date him, you’re just fooling yourself. He simply got that job in the club because of the women it gave him access too. The best place to meet good men is in a Library, grocery store, mall, Church, laundry, or a host of other places where the overall tone is not set for sex.

Flaw #4- Keep your legs crossed. If you don’t have a man and you’re hoping to soon find one, my advice to you is to go out and purchase a very good vibrator. Because to find the right one you’re going to have to go through at least six whom only want one thing. To separate the dogs from a good man it’s simple. Make it a rule in your life, any man that you date you will not sleep with until after six months! That’s right, six months! This is why, if he is just after sex, he’ll be gone at the end of a month. Most times sooner than that. If at the end of six months, he’s still there, guess what? No, not yet, get your head out of the gutter. He’s in love with you. He now knows who you are as a person, he likes being around you and enjoys the time you spend together. You accomplished all this by taking sex out of the equation and forcing him to see you for what you are, a beautiful, intelligent, caring woman whom deserves a good man. He’s also secure in the knowledge that if it took him this long to make love to you, then you weren’t running around jumping in and out of a lot of men’s beds. oh, the vibrator. That’s to tide you over during this down time of six months.

Flaw #5- When he tells you how he feels about you or talks about a future with you, don’t sit around trying to dissect his words. Calling your girlfriend on the phone and running it by her will only confuse you even more. Here’s a simple way to determine if what he’s telling you is how he really feels or it’s B.S., ask yourself, does his actions really match what he’s telling you. If the answer to that question is no, they don’t, then you know he’s lying and just playing with your  feelings. It’s really that simple. There is no real secret to understanding relationships than to think for yourself. Take your heart out of the relationship, take a step back and look at it as if you weren’t really involved. People are quick to give other people advice about what they should do, but when it comes to their own they make the same mistakes they’re giving you advice on. That’s because it’s easier to spot a flaw, or a one sided relationship if you are not the one in it. So step back from your own relationship from time to time and evaluate it from a different prospective. You’ll be surprised at what you see, then you can either fix it or move on.

Flaw #6- All the stuff that the new guy you met tells you about his ex, is probably a lie. So don’t buy into it. He’s not about to tell you that he was caught cheating on her, or that he didn’t work during their entire relationship and she paid all the bills. He’s not about to tell you that he hit her or was verbally abusive. He’s going to tell you that she cheated on him or something to that effect because he needs for you to view him as a victim. People tend to treat victims a little nicer, don’t you think?  Two things to remember: (1) every story has two sides,(not just his), (2) and if things don’t work out between you and him, then to the next girl he meets you will be the bad guy. Is that what you’d like to be? A real man, never talks about his ex. Because if he’s talking to you, then every girl he met before you ceased to exist the moment he met you. His real focus will be on you and you alone, and not only does he not care about your ex-husband or boyfriend he’ll never even ask, because the day he meets you is when time started and the past is just that, the past.

I hope there is something in this lesson that you can take with you that will help you in your search. I also hope something here keeps your heart safe. Also, let me remind you, if there is something you’d like to know that I haven’t talked about e-mail me or leave a comment and I’ll write something about the topic you were interested in. My aim is to assist you ladies in any manner I can. See you next week.


84 comments on “Find a Good Man by changing your selection process

  1. Pingback: Dating Advice - Anything ‘08 : Blog Archive : Find a Good Man by changing your selection process

  2. Hello there,

    Thank you so much for your insight. I’m learning so much about men, how theit brains work, and dating pitfalls from smart, informed, enlightened and honest men like you. I’m not interested in a relationship right now, and it’s going to take a while for my heart to heal, but I have definitely learned my lesson once and for all about looking for love, and also trying to ‘fix’ something when it should be left for dead. I have more clarity now than I’ve ever had before. Ladies, we must learn to use our brains first, not to give away our power, and that WE get to pick and choose a lover, not just the men! You’re absolutely right about taking sex out of the equation and making him earn it!! I hope you find love, or better yet, that it finds you. I think you have to pretty much give up for it to arrive. Ladies, be sure to also check out Christian Carter’s products – he’s done a lot of valuable research and put it together in a couple of programs. I just got one on Attraction, and it’s wonderful! I think the website is Check it out!!


  3. Pingback: The Boys Club - Dating Advice from a Man's Point of View | Successful Online Dating

  4. Great article, great blog! I mentioned it and left a link in my online dating blog. It’s good to hear things from a man’s point of view. I’ll be reading all your posts.

  5. thanks for ur advce i am into one and i met him in a part ground and not to sure where the relationship is taking us to cus he never told me He like me.what next should i do, he gives me 3000 nirai any time i go to his house. thanks.

  6. Amazing advice! I am so happy I found your blog, I will read every post!

    I will listen to every advice you give as my relationship is going nowhere and I don’t know what to do as it has been three years since we live together, and I am so confused about my future now…

    I would love to write you more about that and maybe you could advice something, if you would be willing to, of course. If you can, pls write me back as I have interesting story to tell. thank you.

  7. I don’t agree with the economic thing. That is setting a double standard. Why can’t a female CEO date a mail clerk? I wonder what a study of the pre-marital occupation of the wives of CEOs would look like? Also if you pull that no sex for 6 months thing you better be sure he wants to have sex with you, otherwise you just wasted half a year.

  8. This is a sick article. I am not sure about the vibrator. I can live without it all. Also I prefer the real thang. Any how. I always seem to attract all types of men, but I always choose the wrong ones. I work 7 days a week. I would love to find someone who is as committed and hard working as me. Also someone who is loyal.

    I probably will be single forever as I have two children. It’s hard to trust anyone around my children and it’s hard to find someone who actually accpets me as a package!

    Thanks for the article. Keep up the fabulous work!

    • Ms. Lexxus
      I agree with you. I can’t trust no one around my 2 kids either. they have some sick people out there. Yes we do come as a package and not baggage. Good luck to you. I am just going to wait on God.

  9. Your article on How to find a good man is really, really good.

    I have had 3 relationships with 3 men.They are all selfish and only like to talk about themselves all the time. But initially, they didnt talk about themselves.

    Please give me some advice. How can I know if a guy is selfish before I give myself to him?

  10. Have you ever been just flat out loved? Pursued for who you are? I hope you have, and if not, I hope you will. The judgment you have towards others is the same you have toward yourself. Love and forgive, others, and yourself.

  11. OH MY GOD!!! I wish I could have read this 6 years ago!! but when readding I do some of the samethings men do to women!!! My life has been hell the past 6 years and today I really feel like I have a chance to change myself so the rest of my life I can be happy!!

  12. I had decided to take a break for about a year after all of the crap I have delt with since i was a teenager. I got tired and just said let me take a break and step back. Soo many things you have said in this article are true. I learned my love cant change anyone, stop making excuses, and take your time. I now get out when i take a step back and see it’s bs. Thanks this helped.

  13. Wow! I’ve been in a relationship for two years now and have repeatedly told the guy how he treated me was completely different than how he said he felt about me (flaw #5). He kept telling me i was crazy! Thanks for making me feel more sane.

  14. i waish i read this before i got married. Well i’ve learnt the hard way that looks isn’t everything. Now I am more informed about the right type of qualities that i should be looking for.

  15. Pingback: Find A Good Man, article -

  16. How do you get over someone you still love when he is playing games with your head? My mind is telling me to walk away and that I deserve better, but my heart wont let go. I am so very depressed and looking for advice!

  17. I find the tone of this article harsh and not respectful to women. My sugestion for this author is to read his article to himself as if he were the intended student of his own advise and see how he reponds to the tone of his article.

  18. Amazing and a reality check! Your directness is greatly appreciated! Now, that is the way to communicate. Straight forward! Thanks for all your advice! You have aided many of us ladies!


  20. This article is so insightful. I just came out from a relationship and I’ve been feeling very down. After reading your article, I’m reflecting on all my failed relationships and you’re so right. I have done everything that you mentioned in your article that I shouldn’t have done and that’s probably why my relationships failed.

    I’m going to stop looking and really start healing. Thanks for writing this article. It’s time to dry up the tears and start living again!

  21. Thank you for this article…I stumbled upon it by chance and being 21 and single it help confirm alot of the things I see happening when it comes to my dating life most importantly as you intended see what most of these guys true intentions were. I can deifinately say that it is a spirit booster and comforting. Thanks!

  22. Thank you for writing this article. Most I agree on and it is written in a down to earth way that opens your eyes. some small parts I didn’t quite agree totally but everyone has opinions. This article makes sense and is well written.

  23. The writing style and passion you have in writing what you feel and believe is exuded beautifully in the post. I appreciate your down to earth approach in communicating yoour ideas. Well written, thanks for sharing with a passion to help others…

  24. Terrific insight on the world of Man. Its sad and shameful how relationships can’t be just clear and honest from the begining. I wish I heard your advice a long time ago as I would have saved myself the repeated heartache and the buckets of tears. Still, I guess there is value in making mistakes and the trick is to learn from the past. Your article serves a painful reminder of the truth. Thank you and believe me you have helped many….

  25. Good article. However Their was a time when advice like this was common sense to women in past generations. As sexual mores have changed due in part to the sexual revolution. Women have actually lost their power sexually by giving into intercourse after a few dates. Women need to take back the reins to accomplish this they must treat themselves with dignity and honor. After all what did the sexual revolution do for women?

  26. Thank you so much for this post. I really appreciate the things you shared, and have felt they were true for a long time. It’s nice to be reminded, and to hear someone confirm these things. Thanks again.

  27. That was exactly what I needed and wanted to hear, that is some Truth I need to remember and live by. I just stopped seeing this guy not quite a week ago, but he is not a good guy, he plays the role, he plays the games, he is a liar, and I am above him and he knows it. That is why this time, he knew I was done with his immature and selfish ways. So again just one person closer to finding my man, the real love. When I was with the last guy I am left with feelings and symptoms of lost love, and a broken heart, but that is because I dated someone who is not stable, has a bad record, and on and on, tried to fix him, so that is my mistake and I need to know not to do that again, thank you.

  28. Thanks a lot for your article. I just wished I could read this before I give my heart to someone who didn’t deserve it. I was too in love, always the caring good girlfriend, and refuse to see the reality and finding excuses. Thanks God I had the courage to end that insane relationship even if my heart was dying. Fortunately I decided not to find excuses anymore to the unexcusables (calls rarely returned, trying to keep relationship hidden, acting just as friend with me in front of his friends and loving when no one is in sight, talking flirtiously with other girls, always busy, kind of always “not ready” or “too soon” to commit…). Gosh, I’m really ashamed when I think how could I bear all these. Now I read your article, I hope I will keep these people far away from me and find strenght to move on.

  29. I really enjoyed reading this article. I have been single for a year now after a lot of bad relationships, but I have also been told now I am cold hearted because I do not fall for crap so easily. Am I wrong for that? Im not trying to be cold hearted just not fall so easy. I am doing my best not to get hurt. My main problem is I don’t get out enough to find someone I think I could be serious about.

    • Hi Lisa,
      Thanks for the comment. To be honest, you are not cold hearted and I applaud you for being cautious in the matters of the heart as you should be. Be patient and the right man will come along, you can count on it.


  30. “The right man will certainly find you”

    Oh my goodness I’m so glad you said this! You have no idea how many people have said.. oh you’ll find the right guy. I do NOT WANT to do anything concerning said guy. I want to be found. I want to be chased after. I want to be pursued.

    “does his actions really match what he’s telling you. If the answer to that question is
    no, they don’t, then you know he’s lying and just playing with your feelings.”

    before things progress to a relationship and we’re at that talking stage… i always let him know that actions speak louder than words. BUT i also tell the guy that I remember everything you say so you better not make yourself to be a liar by default

    “All the stuff that the new guy you met tells you about his ex, is probably a lie”
    it also probably hints at him not being over it…

    great post thoroughly enjoyed reading.

  31. Ladies, heed what the person who wrote this article is telling you. He (or she) is absolutely correct! It has brought a smile to my face, since it’s exactly what my dear and wise grandmother used to say! In addition, it is just downright and plain common sense!

    Remember the AIDS, HIV, HPV (which can kill because it can cause cervical cancer), hepatitis (also a potential killer), herpes, etc. Do NOT jump in bed with some guy before you really know him well and what his intentions with you are. If you have sex without knowing him, when he dumps you or starts treating you poorly in order to force you to leave, you will be in a revolving door of men, feeling more and more angry and resentful of them, and not being able to trust any of them again – which will only ensure that you will die alone, lonely and bitter. Is that what you want? The answer should be NO!

  32. good work,i read your writeup about finding the right guy,and i saw i have being making mistakes that is why my past relationships did not work,i have taken a break and will work with your article in finding the right man for me.

  33. Great reading! I just went through the end of a relationship based in everything you said has to be opposite 😦 I will keep in mind your advice! Thanks!

  34. lovely article,simply the truth…reading through the article my head ache seriously cos of my past that was glaring in the article…

  35. I thank you for this article I wished I knew this 3 years ago it would have saved me a lot of pain and heartache I did get my son out of it but now I know what to look out for.

  36. Pingback: Good man | Sickfightgear

  37. Great article with lots of sound info. I mostly had to learn all this stuff after I went through 2 hard, long relationships, that turned into dust, the first was one sided, the second… We both tried really hard, but failed, since we were too different.
    I DO have a question though.
    SIX MONTHS??? REALLY??? That’s a bit extreme…
    Yes, I’d like to meet a good man, but I’m not in a hurry. And among other criteria, being good in the sack is CERTAINLY a quality I am looking for in a man.
    What do I do if I end up after 6 months with a good friend who isn’t compatible that way??
    I’m a human too, you know…

  38. Hello, my question is my boyfriend was calling me all the time… And then lately it was once or twice in a few weeks… then hardly at all… Then I got an email message from a woman stating she was dating him… So I accused him of playing me, breaking my heart… And cheating… And now he want even talk to me too tell his side… He has totally ignored me… And he has canceled all of his social networks he was on… So wy is he acting this way… I have been trying to apologize to him… I call him, no answer… I text him, nothing back… And even email him, still nothing… Was he doing something wrong to get this mad at me? or is he that hurt?

    • Hi Jeannie,
      I have a question for you. Why are you attempting to apologize to someone who doesn’t have the decency to inform you that your relationship is over. When the calls stopped coming, that should have been a sign to you that something wasn’t right. When you received that e-mail it should have confirmed it for you. By asking him about it is not accusing him, its seeking clarification. You wanted to know what was going on and you asked, he refused to tell you because he knows that what he’s done is wrong and its hurtful. By not acknowledging that he has hurt you, he feels that it will go away.
      Now, you are seeking closure, but he won’t talk to you because he doesn’t want to admit that what he did was wrong. He should have informed you that the relationship wasn’t working out with you, way before he began dating someone else. He should have talked to you about this out of respect, because if you’ve been together you deserve at least to know why things weren’t working. However, unfortunately he’s selfish and all he can think about is himself. This is what you need to do as well. Think about you and move on until you’re comfortable enough to date again. Believe me when I tell you that there are plenty of good men out there looking for a nice girl like you.
      Oh, and as for your ex? Its his loss, not yours. One day he’ll be laying in bed unable to sleep because the woman he’s with is not a fool. She knows that he left you for her and he could do the same to her. She’ll be prepared and next time he’ll get caught holding the bag. Ever hear of Karma?
      So good luck and tomorrow the sun will rise again and as much as it hurts now, over time it’ll get easier. To make it though all of this, all you have to do is remember to breath.


  39. Hi i’m 16.
    I have one quick question.
    I try not to search out boys to date but this situation that happened to me stood out.
    A boy that i was kind of interested in asked me for my number. From the way he talked he seemed to be inerested in me to, so i gave him my number.
    Then when he called he didnt really talk. I had to ask all the questions.
    We dont talk anymore, but i just dont understand if a boy was interested in you why wouldnt he talk when u call to talk to get to know him?

    • Hi KC,
      My advice to you is to get used to it. Beautiful women have this way of rendering boys and men speechless and you fall into this category. It takes some work to get 16 year old boys to relax so that they feel comfortable enough to actually talk to you. So, in the future you may want to try this; watch his breathing when you are talking to a boy that you know is interested. If he’s breathing fast, politely ask him to take a deep breath or say something that will make him laugh so that he can relax a bit.
      The first time a young man actually talks to a beautiful girl, his stomach is in knots. It’s kind of like the feeling they get when they meet say, Michael Jordan or Kobe Bryant. They’re not sure what to say or how to act and when they do say something it comes out very fast. I watched Kobe one day explain to a boy of about 15 or so to relax, he said, “I’m not going anywhere, so relax and take a deep breath so we can talk.” Kobe laughed, and the kid laughed and then they held a long conversation as if they’d known each other forever.
      Only two things can make a young man stupefied, a beautiful girl and his childhood hero. So remember that in the future, you’re in great company.

      Good Luck


  40. I love to learn from your articles. This article especially got me struck because
    It truly applies to me. I need some advice!! I need to know what to do to see myself in the big picture, are the things I do will be a beneficial outcome? I am Hmong American and he is African Amer.+Philipino. It gets rough, we secretly date from my parents now for 6 months. Not that they dont know but Ive been getting in trouble all family members know. The hardest thing is to determine if he is the one for me. There is actually a reason why I chose to still be with him. He’d been the guy that all the girls could want and need. He did come to me. He’s shown that he is serious about marriage and willing to do whatever it takes, esp. my parents and culture. But overtime like recently when he been in close relationship with his friend. They go out, talk shit about girls on FB. He’s showing some side of him from his relationship with his buddy.. And I see the bad things he says.. like slang words.. just today he post a status saying: “It was good I had fun hanging out with you.” It surely wasnt me! I asked him nicely.. he try to cover up and change the subject.. and became offended saying people keep discouraging me to think this way.. that its all about trust.. but his way of recieving my feedback was always defending himself. grrrr =( He never admits, tell me anything.. i dont want these things to go on like this, I want to grow and build good investment for us and our future as planned. I need advice.

    • Hi DouaGee,
      Thanks for writing. I read your comment and I can understand your dilemma. Dating outside of your race can be difficult but rewarding. However, the difficulties can become intensified if the person you are with isn’t all in. What I mean by this is that it is important that he understands clearly that this is something that could cause a rift with your family and that he should do everything possible to assist you with overcoming this obstacle.
      As a parent myself, all I want is the best for my children and race plays little in the equation. Whats most important to all parents is that the person that their child dates or eventually marries is one who is honorable, respectful, hardworking and truly in love with our sons or daughters. Maturity goes a long way with assuring these things are met.
      You didn’t inform me of your exact ages however by stating that he is placing things on FB that bring questions to your mind, I would assume that he and you are quite youthful. The FB issue can simply be resolved if he really cares about you. However, its the issue of never admitting things or sharing things with you that concern me as it does you. If he is keeping secrets from you this will cause him to become defensive as a way of keeping you in the dark. This is not good in a relationship such as yours.
      It is difficult enough dealing with the pressures of your family in attempting to keep this relationship afloat, it’s even more difficult if you feel as if you are working with a partner who may not be mature enough to keep it together. I think it would be prudent for you to have a serious talk with him and remind him of the challenges you are faced with to remain with him. Inform him of the things that you have questions about concerning the relationship. See if he is willing to step up and become the person you know that he can actually be. If he is not you may be forced to make a hard decision.
      You should never be placed in a situation where you have to chose between your family or your heart, however if this occurs its an easy decision if the object of your love isn’t in it for the long haul.

      I wish you luck,


  41. I loved your article. What particularly caught my attention was flaw#4–waiting for at least 6 months to be intimate with a guy. Now I don’t have a problem with this rule at all being that I want to take my time in a relationship and be sure that a man genuinely has good intentions with me.

    However I am talking currently talking to this guy who I have somehow formed a strong bond with over the course of 2 months and I would like to know if I’m heading in the right direction with him–if he really likes me for me or is he waiting for sex so he could leave me?

    To give you background on the relationship, I met him when I was I had a boyfriend at the the time, who I had only known for a month. My boyfriend then went to work overseas for 4(months). During (most of) this time I honestly didn’t have a problem being loyal to my boyfriend, but towards month 3, I began thinking , “What am I doing committing myself to a man I have only known for a short amount of time?”, especially when he didn’t call back when he said that he would. I had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship and I wasn’t really ready to date again but at his request I foolishly decided to give love another try. He was a nice guy. So in month 3 I receive a business card from a man at a train station. No flirting occurred as I payed him no mind, but he then hopped on the same train as I did. He encouraged me to call him, shortly after I caught him staring at me, then looking away. He then hops of the train at his stop.

    I call him a few days later. We vibe on the phone instantly and continue to talk for a few weeks– even when he goes out of town for a few days. I tell him about my current boyfriend from the gate. He still wanted to see me but I hesitate because he says something sexual. I explain to him my morals and get mad at him about bringing up the topic which he says he means no harm by and he just can’t help being turned on by me. It was more of what he asked then what he said, i.e., “You have a nice ass!”.. He then makes an effort to call and try to make this situation better. I had ignored his texts for a few minutes.

    So to summ things up we still talk mostly via text (my fault) and occasionaly on the phone. He calls me most of the time. I broke up with my bf to figure out what I want. He was upset that I took so long to do so since he was felt I was with someone who didn’t give me the attention that I needed and ignored him when he tried to. It’s been two months now and we’ve only met twice( after I CLEARLY established my morals and he said he respected me) and we still haven’t been intimate yet.

    Are these signs of a man who is truly interested in me and not just my body? I mean he always calls and lets me know how he feels about me, especially when I begin to pull away in fear of getting my heartbroken. From the depths of my soul, I feel he is being genuine but maybe I’m being naive? What do you think?


  42. Wow … what an intriguing article. – We are really fortunate to have you. – What an eye opener. – Loved every word. Already sent this article to my adult girls. P.S. Great looking triplets for an amazing article! Thank you … Esmeralda

  43. What is your personal opinion on these dating websites for women seeking men … Are they really worth anyone’s time in finding a great partner in life? – I tend to doubt so … and think that’s a whole new chapter all together …

    Thanks … Esmeralda

    • Hi Esmeralda,
      Thanks for visiting “Eavesdropping in the Boys Club”. As for my opinion on dating sites, you can read the post that I wrote on the subject titled “Finding love on the internet, and why its not a good idea.” I hope you like it and continue to be a visitor to this site.



  44. Thank you for your response. I will definitely continue visiting your website and will encourage other women to visit as well. – Thank you for blessings us with choices to improve our lives :-)!!!!

    Sincerely … Esmeralda

  45. Best advise I’ve read from a guy about guys on the web so far! Thanks, this is really going to help me and I need it! 😉

  46. Thanks for the advice, interesting. I have a little bit of advice for you: you overuse “whom,” you really should just go with “who”. 😉

  47. I really loved it, its funny its all common sense but when you hear someone say it and put all of it together you understand a little better. Nothing you said my mom didn’t already say as i was growing up but of course when were younger what do moms know. I would love for you to write about how to deal with an ex-husband who still holds anger towards you but he remarried and had a kid but you have to deal with him because you have a child together. ( little insight he cheated i left, i found out because she was pregnant)

  48. I really enjoyed this post. It is so true on so many levels. I have a question. I meet this man 3 and a half years ago and we dated for a while but nothing serious I broke it off because he was married. Recently about 3 months ago we connected again and becames serious. I was moving in with him and the whole nine yards. He is still legally married and now he tells me that he has been thinking about his wife because he and I have similarites and its the little things that we do that are alike. He tells me that he is in love with me I asked if he was still in love with her and he said that he did not know. He told me that he needed sometime to himself to figure out his emotions. What should I do??

  49. This is a great article and sheds a lot of light on my recent break-up. I am fortunate to have family and friends that are willing to tell me the truth no matter if it hurts b/c they truly care about my wellbeing. Emotions get in the way of truly seeing a person for exactly who they are. Your advise to step back and look at the relationship with your brain and not heart is excellant!! Once the next guy comes around, I will definitely approach things in a whole new way.

  50. I need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together over a year now. I talked to him for almost a year before dating to make sure I was getting a man with good morals, honesty, communication skills, etc. Unfortunately monts after dating I found out that he played me and made me believe he was someone he wasn’t. His real past is an absolute nightmare for me. He was the worst of man whores and been with more women than a porcupine has needles. He does love me though, he does want to only be with me and is really in it for the long haul. I of course have been unable to deal with his past. He didn’t tell me and still won’t. I’ve asked him to be open and honest with me about everything so I could put all my questions behind and work on moving forward with us. I understand a persons past is their past but he made me believe he was something other than who he was and actually continued bs’ing women in the beginning of our relationship. Am I wrong to want answers? I don’t feel I am considering… How do you forgive? Trust again? I’m numb, I have no feelings for him right now but disgust. Will they come back? I’m just 100 percent confused.. Any advice? Books? A hollowpoint? Lol

  51. Pingback: Mom and Me

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