Everyone wants to be a star. Is that a statement that we all can agree on in this media driven society? However, what people fail to understand in their quest to obtain their 15 minutes of fame is that just like everything else in life, it comes with a price.

All of the women coming out of the Wood work (no pun intended) have pretty much nuzzled up to the cameras and are basking in the glow of the bright lights, for now. Today, everyone on the planet are concentrating on Tigers infidelities and sitting on pins and needles wondering how in the hell did the worlds most recognizable face get himself into this relationship hazard? Then, more importantly, how will he get out of it and still save par or rather his marriage and image?

What we have failed to do is look at the other side of the situation. You know, the one where we examine the character of the women that chose to sleep with a married man. The women whom chose to attempt to capitalize on an adulterous affair by publicly airing the incidents for the world to read, all while smirking and smiling for the cameras. Never once feeling remorse for their role in the assisted destruction of a family.

It was disrespectful to Elin Woods and her children for these women to engage in the affairs with Tiger to begin with and then to come out publicly is akin to spitting in their faces. These women knew full well that they were about to and eventually slept with a married man, you’d think that at least one of them would have had the decency to say no.

I am sure that there are at least a couple of women that did just that, they said no to Tiger because of the respect they hold for the sanctity of marriage. These are women whom we’ll probably never hear from, who may have thought about bedding Tiger and possibly would have had it not for him being someones husband and father.

Although we will never have the opportunity to know who these women are at the least we know that some people have more respect for themselves then to be lured into a shameless scandal where no one wins and everyone gets hurt in the end.

If any of the women that Tiger supposedly bedded had an once of character and any amount of remorse after the tryst, she could have easily called Elin and privately confessed her indiscretion and begged for forgiveness. This would have allowed Elin the opportunity to deal with Tigers ways long before it became a media circus with her and her children in the center ring. However, none did, they did what they do best, run around running their mouths about sleeping with the worlds top (married) golfer as if this was some sort of honor. As if this would open doors for them and one day make them some type of celebrity themselves.

Well now the time has come and they are getting their face time in print, online and television. However, whatever happened to Monica Lewinsky? They too shall be relegated to trivial pursuit questions as people struggle to recall their names or what they were once infamous for.

Before this quick fall from grace they will be subject to public scrutiny as they should (starting here) for attempting to capitalize by jumping up and down on the shattered pieces of what was once a marriage. They will be ostracized for being women of loose morals (although for a couple of them that has already been determined) home wrecking and over-all stupidity.

When the time comes and it always does for people like this they will resent the media because they will discover that it’s no fun when you are not the person in control of what they say about you. When they start digging and start publishing your secrets that you thought you had hid away from the world. When they expose you and your own friends don’t want to return your calls because you’ve become more an embarrassment than anything else to them. Those days are coming, I wonder if any of them fully thought this thing through? Fame? It’s over-rated when you lose who you are and especially when you didn’t earn it but created it by participating in a situation that caused someone else to suffer and hurt.

Now Tiger, he’ll continue to golf and as he wins people will forgive and forget with time. However, he too will hurt because besides the embarrassment and suffering he has caused his wife and children he may possibly lose them.

Looking at the relationship that he had with his own late father (Earl), this situation which he caused just may deny him that opportunity with his own children. If Erin chooses to leave him and take the kids as is her right, he’ll spend many a night sitting alone in a big house after winning another Major Championship with no one to celebrate with. He’ll be left with nothing but the echos of his children’s laughter to comfort himself and the knowledge that his own selfishness ended the most important win of his life, which by the way was the day that Erin accepted his proposal.

As a father myself, I can assure you that Tiger himself will tell you if you ask him, that all of his wins and endorsements pale in comparison to the feeling he got with the birth of his children. If he says anything other than that then he’s not much of a father to begin with.

In the end Elin will have the last laugh. She’s beautiful, intelligent and she has done nothing to deserve this unfortunate situation. She is focused on the two people who count on her the most in this life, her two children. To her, that I am sure is all that matters as it should be.

Should she chose to leave, she’ll be wealthy beyond means and will be able to provide her children with a life fit for royalty as a single mom. She has a family that will support her emotionally and as with everything else, time heals all wounds to include betrayal.

She’ll probably return to her native country where they value privacy a bit more then here in the Good ole USA. I am sure she had suitors before Tiger and once she’s free and clear she’ll have even more and eventually she’ll discover someone with a little more integrity and a lot less drama.

Regardless of what she decides to do, I for one wish her well.

What can we learn from kids in the art of dating and matrimony? I think a whole lot and more, if we take the time to listen. A great man once said, “The boy is the Father of the Man”, that statement is equally true of little girls and women.

So for today I thought I would post an e-mail I received from a friend, titled ” How do you decide Who to Marry” written by kids. I wish I knew where this piece originated so that I could thank the person who had the presence of mind to show us what we have long forgotten about relationships through the words of those who are pure at heart.

Please enjoy:

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff…  Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.  Alan, age 10
 
No person really decide before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with…         Kristen, age 10
 
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? 
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then…        Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?   
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.  Derrick, age 8       
 
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?   
Both don’t want any more kids.        Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?   
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough…  Lynnette, age 8   (isn’t she a treasure?)           
 
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
Martin, age 10  (isn’t he ready for the world of dating?)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?   
I’d run home and play dead.  The next day I would call all  the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.    Craig, age 9       
 
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?   
When they’re rich.  Pam, age 7           
 
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.     Curt, age 7      
 
 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them… It’s the right thing to do.  Howard, age 8           
 
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?   
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys…  Boys need someone to clean up after them. Anita, age 9 (bless you child)           
 
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?   
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?     Kelvin, age 8  (I like this kid)           
 
And the #1 Favorite is  …. 
 
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?   
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.    Ricky, age 10 (He’ll be married forever)

If you liked this, please let your friends read it so that they too may have a smile for today. Thanks

“Like a compass needle that points north, a man’s accusing finger always finds a woman. Always.” — Khaled Hosseini

Of all the posts I have written over the last year, this is by far my most difficult. I had tried to stay away from this situation just as I had avoided the Rhianna/ Chris Brown incident. I simply felt that with the media’s bombardment of it, you’d get tired of it and anything I wrote at the time would fall on death ears. Above that was the single most important fact of life, Love is never supposed to result in death. It’s supposed to create life, never it’s opposite.

So here I am writing this post because we need to learn something from this tragedy and you damn sure will not get the real lesson from our mainstream media.

For those of you that do not know about this incident and I am sure that there are very few of you, I will provide a short recap and then we’ll move on to why this post was written.

Steve McNair was an American Icon in the World of Professional Football, the NFL. He was married with several children and had recently retired at age 36. His contributions to humanity through his Foundation are well known in Nashville and beyond. He was a man that on sight could disarm you with a smile that was contagious.

Sahel Kazemi was a beautiful, young and vibrant 20 year old Iranian immigrant. She was well loved by her family and friends and had her whole life before her. According to reports she had been involved in a somewhat volatile relationship with a previous boyfriend before a chance meeting with McNair whom had visited a restaurant where she was employed as a waitress.

On July 4th of 2009, the bodies of both McNair and Kazemi were discovered in the living room of an apartment that he co-owned in the Nashville area. Police have labeled it a murder/suicide, stating that McNair was shot while he slept on the couch by Kazemi, whom then turned the gun on herself. The two had been in a relationship according to reports for approximately 4 months.

I am and will always be a Steve McNair fan, but this post is not really about him. This post is about Sahel Kazemi and the lessons that we can all learn from her actions. I am not about to condemn either of these two people for what occurred on that fatal day in July or before. What I will do is try to make sense of what happened in hope that someone who reads this and has contemplated the same actions will rethink it and chose another course of action.

Steve McNair was a victim, but although the media fails to state this so was Sahel Kazemi. Many people would disagree with that statement, but it’s true. We just chose to ignore her plight because she unfortunately took a mans life. A very well known and loved man whom made us feel good about ourselves when he was entertaining us each and every Sunday.

Football is a violent sport, we know it is and of course no one knows it as well as the men who play it. It also comes with a lot of adulation. Millions of fans pack NFL stadiums each and every year with hopes of coming into contact with greatness. Football players sell us products, ask us to support the “United Way”, they make us laugh and they show that they are human, and yes they even make mistakes.

However, because of who they are generally they are soon forgiven. Could you imagine walking out of a tunnel to 70 thousand people chanting your name and 10 thousand people wearing a jersey with your name on the back? Could you imagine earning more money then some third world countries gross domestic product? They have it all, and then after several years it’s over.

Steve McNair was retired at 36, the average American will not retire if they do at all until probably 70. Now retirement for pro athletes is entirely different than the retirement of normal citizens. Many are still young enough to play mentally, however physically it’s a different story all together. Most don’t take retirement lightly, they have problems adjusting to life after football.

Ask Lawrence Taylor who turned to crack cocaine after his retirement. Many others become addicted to prescription drugs or even selling drugs after retirement. Why? They need something to fill that void in their lives that all that adulation created, they miss the excitement, the energy, the contact and other things that go along with playing the game.

I think and this is my own opinion, to fill that void in his life Steve replaced it with women.

This is why I suggested above that Sahel Kazemi is a victim as well. She was a 20 year old impressionable woman and into her life walked this man who was much larger than life itself.

He wined her, dined her, bedded her and for all intense and purposes was about to dump her. Now the police speculate that Sahel committed this tragedy because Steve was not about to leave his wife as she had been led to believe. I call this speculation absurd.

If they were together while he was married it wouldn’t really matter if he stayed married or not. Nothing would really change by him getting a divorce, even if he chose to marry her. They were already in a relationship.

No, I think that this tragedy occurred because in her mind she had convinced herself that he really loved her. He had shown her love, kindness, financial and emotional support, took her on trips that she could only dream of and made her feel special like no man before him had ever done.

In return she gave him all that she had, love, trust and herself. This young beautiful woman believed everything he had told her. Why shouldn’t she? We believed him enough to buy products he hawked, or to made donations to his charities or Foundation. If we believed him and we only knew him from watching him on that idiot box in our living room, why would a young impressionable woman sharing his bed not?

In the end it wasn’t the premise of him not leaving his wife that caused this horrible event. It was decided the night, when she realized that Steve had lied to her. The night that she discovered that there was another woman he was seeing as well.

We’ve all had heartbreaks, none are ever good and we each deal with them in our own ways. I’ve known people to stop eating, lose sleep and weight, go on drinking binges and worse, in an effort to dull the pain of a broken heart.

People have said that heartbreak is the worst pain any person should ever have to suffer. I agree, I’ve had my share, and recklessly I even caused a few.

So now, try to place yourself in Sahels shoes for one moment and look at things from the eyes of a 20 year old trying to come to grips with the fact that a man she adores, a man bigger than life is cheating on her with another woman.

Remember when you discovered a man was cheating on you? How did you feel? What were you thinking? Anger, revenge, hurt, disgust, pain, suffering, confusion and more is what comes to mind when I think back. These are feelings I pray no one ever has to repeat or go through.

As I said, we all respond to heartbreak differently. Very few people (luckily) chose the path of Sahel. We can all say that she could have done something different, but we weren’t her were we?
We can only speculate how she could have really felt and even then we’d come up short.

How many people have made the statement, “If I can’t have you, then no one will” in a relationship? It happens all the time, love is a contact sport even if we don’t believe it is. Hearts are broken at will, we fail to realise that our dealings with people are actually dealings with raw emotion. We have to take responsibility for our actions, we need to look at all of our relationships from our significant others point of view. Ask yourself, how will this decision I make effect them? How would you feel if the role was reversed? Don’t you deserve to know?

If we refuse to learn from this incident and begin to examine our relationships closely from both parties vantage point then this type of incident will occur again. The next time, it may not be a professional athlete, it could be you or I for that matter.

Love is not a game as some have handsomely labeled it. It’s life, and in this case, death.

Sahel is not the monster that the media portrays her to be, she is simply another victim of this so called game called love. We do her a great injustice by not viewing her as what she really was, a young impressionable young woman caught up in a web of lies and deceit. A woman who dealt with it the only way she knew how, removing the man she loved from this world and then following after him.

I pray that no one ever again loses their life in the name of so called love. I call it this because as I’ve said in many of my previous posts, it is wrong to ever love anyone more than you love yourself.

I end this by saying goodbye to both Steve and Sahel and I hope that we all can learn from this unfortunate incident, so that it may never repeat itself again.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post.

God Bless

P.S To anyone whom feels the need to bash this post for whatever reason of their choosing, please save it. I’m too busy mourning the unnecessary loss of two beautiful people to really care.

Men can be pretty persuasive. They’ve been known to talk women into almost every poor situation imaginable under the disguise of love. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times that when a man starts a sentence with “If you love me”, what comes next is going to be disrespectful to you as a person, a woman and an individual.

Real love has no conditions, there is only love. Therefore there should never be any situation that arises that calls for you to prove your love for him. None! Anyway, this statement is not about real love but rather more about showing how much more you love him than he you.

He is really saying that if you love him so much more than you love yourself then you should be willing to humiliate, disrespect, degrade or brand yourself to show it.

This is especially true of young impressionable women whom have yet to understand that they are most times being manipulated by men who really are only passing through their lives and have no real intention of being with them long term.

The sad thing is that it’s hard to explain to someone on the threshold of adulthood that the decisions you make today, can and will haunt you for years to come. One of the sad truths of life is that we cannot go back and change the past. Whatever is done is done, so you my dear young lady really need to think about whatever it is that he’s asking. If it’s something that makes you pause and have to carefully think about it, it probably shouldn’t be done period. After this point it may be wise to also evaluate your relationship as a whole because he probably isn’t the right man for you, or any other woman for that matter.

Before I get to the list of things that you should not allow men to talk you into, I would like to take this time to tell you a true story about a friend of mine and a terrible guy that she was convinced loved her.

I had been in the Middle East for approximately three weeks when one morning my phone rang and it was a young female family friend. We exchanged pleasantries and then she got down to the reason for the call.

She worked as a sales associate for a leading retailer in Torrance California and had been arrested for theft of merchandise from the store. This really threw me for a loop because she came from a very affluent family, and she was always so level headed despite being a young 20 years old.

To make a long story short, after probing I discovered several interesting facts. She had met a guy who was in his mid 20’s several months before I had left the Country. I had no idea about this relationship and therefore I hadn’t the opportunity to meet him. Her parents of course also hadn’t met him at this point, which I found interesting.

She also went on to tell me that she had recently discovered that she was 9 weeks pregnant. I was really disappointed by this revelation, however she’s an adult and I had to respect that. Of course her parents also knew nothing of this either.

Digging through all this I finally convinced her to tell me what happened to make her get arrested. What she told me really upset me and at the same time I felt sorry for her. This is why: Her new boyfriend talked her into working a scam at her store in order for him to make some cash. The scam was that he would walk into the store, select an expensive item and then take it to her register where she would enter the item into the register as a return. He would then be issued cash in the amount of the item for merchandise that he had never purchased.

In retail they call this “Theft by deception”, and it happens to all associates from time to time. However, when it occurs too often then Loss Prevention gets involved and identify that no associate is that unlucky. They review the tapes and realise that the same guy is making these false returns to the same associate and “Boom”, the associate is arrested because she is a willing participant in the theft. This is what happened in her case, red flags, ending in her arrest.

I inquired as to who’s idiotic idea it was for this reckless act to occur? Knowing her, I already knew the answer. Her new boyfriend had lost his job and convinced her that with a child coming he needed to make some cash until he could get another job. He ended the conversation with, you guessed it, “If you love me you’ll help me with this.”

Above I stated that I was disappointed in her, and I of course let her know that in a very stern tone of voice. I also was very sorry for her because she was going to have a child with a man who had no real love for her whatsoever, which meant that she would have him in her life for a minimal of the next 18 years.

I don’t even have to mention that this man over the course of a few months had taken a young woman with a bright future and gotten her pregnant, cost her job, made her a felon and ruined her parents dream of her completing College in the near future. How? All this was accomplished with false “LOVE.”

Needless to say that I informed her that she was to contact her family attorney, inform him of how and why this situation occurred. I instructed her to inform him of whose idea it was and then ask him to attempt to cut a deal with the prosecutor. The last thing she needed in life was to go through it with a felony record.

I also informed her that she needed to inform her parents (who were paying for her education, apartment and car) of the relationship and pending grandchild. It was only fair for them to know what was going on in their daughters life and how it would affect them.

The last I heard (she won’t call me because she thinks I’m pissed at her), her family is raising the child (their choice). She finished the degree she started, she got off with probation and the ex-boyfriend is nowhere to be found as expected. She was lucky to have caring and understanding family, otherwise this could have been an even worse disaster. Hopefully she learned something from all this, just because a man says he loves you, doesn’t make it so. Make sure his actions match his words, please. Oh, and for the thousandth time, if he says, “if you love me” he really doesn’t!

Now, let’s get down to “Things no woman should allow men to talk her into”, shall we?

1) Tattooing his name on your body:I see this walking down the streets of Vegas everyday. I cannot help but to wonder what the hell do some women think about. What happens if he leaves you? Or you leave him? Do you think that the next man you meet really wants to read another mans name on your body? Any man who suggests such a thing is really only interested in showing the world that you are his property. Is that what you want to think of yourself, someones property? Children’s (yours) names are acceptable, but some guy that you’re going out with, one who doesn’t have the decency to even make you his wife? Not a chance in hell. To be honest with you, men shouldn’t do this either. It’s not a true expression of love, it’s an expression of ownership!

2)Video taping your private moments:I think Kim Kardashian is possibly one of the most beautiful women on the planet, I really do. With that said, it was no surprise to me that she and Reggie Bush are no longer together. When that video of her and Ray J hit the Internet many people speculated that it was for publicity. It may have been, but at what price?
Men are fickle characters, we do not even like to think about what women have done with previous lovers. How do you think we feel when we know that there’s a video of your sexual activity making the rounds? Regardless of how hard we try it’s simply not really possible for us to block that out of our minds.
Even though we know you may not be a virgin the day we meet you, in our minds we convince ourselves that you are a virgin to us. We constantly remind ourselves that before us there was no one, we block your former relationships out of our mind. Unless there’s a tape which becomes a testament that there was sex before us.
So unless you’re doing it for publicity (if you think it’s worth it) then you should never ever allow any man to film your sexual romp with him.
Why would you anyway? That’s what we have memory for, tell him to utilize his if he wants to remember what it was like, but don’t give into his pleads to film it. Once that tape is completed it could eventually land in any ones hands especially if you two end the relationship on a bad note. Many women have been blackmailed with these same tapes that they so readily agreed to do, under the thought that no one would ever see the tape except them. I can assure you that if he made the tape, some of his friends have seen it as well. Why? Because unworthy men love to brag about their exploits, even at your expense.
Sending graphic text photos are the same thing. You only think he’s the only one that will see it. Wrong! He’s likely to brag that he can talk you into doing anything, even something as degrading as sending him nude photos for he and his friends to ogle over.

3) Having his baby out-of-wedlock:  When a guy you’ve been dating for a short time begins to talk about having a child, you should be weary. He’ll start talking about how much he loves children and cannot wait to have one of his own. It may sound sweet to you because you’d never been with a man who expressed himself this way. Generally most men are not so forthright about having kids until they are married.
Now do we have kids before marriage? Sure we do, but generally they are not planned. In these instances we accept it for what it is and some of us man up and become the father we’re supposed to be. Others, they run, telling people that the child is not theirs and that you were sleeping with other men as well. In short, they simply don’t know how to be men and don’t want the responsibility of being a father or pay child support.
So when you have this man talking about you having his baby, red flags should erupt! Why? Because this is rare in a man. If he talks about getting married to you and then having a child, good for you, he’s probably sincere. If it’s simply let’s have a baby, he has an ulterior motive. What he really wants is to cement his place within your life. He figures if you have his baby you’ll never leave him. These men tend to be insecure, abusive and extremely jealous with bouts of kindness in between.
If you have a man like this and you’re only utilizing condoms for protection against pregnancy, you may want to get a back-up such as pills as well. If he really wants to cement his place in your life, punching a small hole in a condom is an easy way to get what he wants and pass it off as a miracle baby.

4) Having an Abortion:  It is no mans place to tell you to have an abortion. Men have no idea the trauma women suffer from undergoing this procedure. I know more than my share of women who have confessed to me that they would do anything to have not had that situation have happened to them. They regret it years later, they have experienced depression and guilt over it.

The strange thing is that although they do not know one another they both informed me that they only had an abortion because the man they were with at the time talked them into it. Telling them things such as, “We’re not ready for a child” or “We have plenty of time to have a child later.”

They thought these men would be with them forever. Now, years later these men are gone and they are left with the memory of this experience that they cannot shake.

No man has the right to make that decision. As the late great Tupoc said, “No man has the right to tell women when to create one.” If this situation arises, the decision should be your own, not his. You have to live with it, he doesn’t. He doesn’t have to go through the procedure and many times he will be absent anyway. Men most times create all these excuses why you should have an abortion but he never tells you the real reason he wants you to. Most times it’s because he is a sorry ass excuse for a man, who enjoyed the activity that led to the pregnancy but refuses to accept the responsibility that comes with it. He is unwilling to commit to being tied to you for the next 18 years and therefore he wants to eliminate the possibility.

So if you are in this situation, it’s your decision to make. Yes you can listen to what he has to say, but the final decision should be yours and yours alone.

5) Believing that his baby’s mother is crazy:  I read a quote by a woman once who stated that there is a special place in hell for women whom do not help other women. If there is it’s bound to be filled with women whom allow men to convince them that the mother of his child was a crazy b**ch!
If you as a woman are confronted with this situation, it is in your best interest to investigate for yourself.
If you allow him to make you believe this to be true, soon it could be you that he is telling his next woman is crazy. You should start by taking a look at how much if any interaction he has with his child? Then look at what type of financial and emotional support he’s providing?
I can assure you that if these two things are absent, his only recourse is to convince you or any other woman he becomes involved with that she’s the culprit. Where in reality he’s actually a sorry excuse for a man. Do you want or need a man in your life like this? If he will not provide and accept responsibility for his own child, what makes you believe he’ll do those things for you and God forbid you make the same mistake and have a child with him as well.

6) Sleeping with his friend: Sounds crazy doesn’t it? But it happens, especially in younger women. It goes hand in hand with that statement, “If you love me.” Again this is a situation where he knows that you love him a lot more than he cares for you and you’re willing to do any and everything he asks to remain with him. I saw this play out many times when I was in College and thought it only appropriate to list it here.
No man should make such a request of you, for any reason. If this request is made you should reflect back on your relationship and pin point the time you allowed him to stop respecting you as a person and a woman. He didn’t just suddenly feel he could make this request, he’d built up to it over time by doing other disrespectful things to you.
If this has happened to you, chances are there is a video of you floating around somewhere as well as nude photos. This man has no respect for you and probably never did. If you are with him now, chances are you have little respect for yourself as well. The longer you stay in this relationship the better the chance that you’ll eventually lose any remaining respect you may have and lower your already rock bottom self esteem.

6) Stealing or helping him steal:  Oh, we already covered this in the beginning of the post.

7)  Co-signing for him:  Credit is an important factor in our everyday lives and keeping your clean is paramount in everything from buying a home to getting a job in some instances.
Co-signing for anyone is a risky adventure and for a boyfriend it’s even more so. One of the best signs of irresponsibility is credit rating. Why allow your life to be disrupted by his inability to be responsible? You shouldn’t and he shouldn’t even ask you to, however he may. Why? Because he feels that if he’s sleeping with you, then you owe him something.
You owe him absolutely nothing, in essence, he owes you for allowing him the opportunity to be with you. Now, what you can do if you chose is to assist him with repairing his credit so he can get his life on track. Don’t do it for him though, simply show him how its done and see if he’s responsible enough to follow through with taking care of it. If he doesn’t, then you may want to cut your losses and move on to a man more stable.

Believing he will leave his wife for you:  No he won’t, he may tell you he will but really it’s to give you false hope so that he can either sleep with you or continue to sleep with you. Men who are married understand that if they are not happy in their marriage there is this thing called divorce.
If he really was going to leave her he would have done so long before he met you and convinced you to listen to his bulls**t! He simply wants to have his cake and eat it too. He is simply playing the numbers game, seeing how long you’ll hang on and continue to let him have his way with you before you wise up and move on.
Why would you want a man who’s married to someone else anyway? Especially one that is willing to cheat on his current wife with you. What type of character does he have? None! He’s dishonest, untrustworthy, a liar and a cheat. You my pretty can rest assured that he has no respect for you or his wife and as one intelligent person so eloquently put it, “Any man who divorces his wife to marry his mistress, leaves a vacancy in that position.” Is that what you want for your future? To eventually be with a man who you know is incapable of being loyal? I really hope not!

9) Sleeping with him without some form of protection:  I wish I had a nickle for every child born into this world for one night of unprotected passion. I’d be wealthy beyond my dreams and yours as well. As a single woman you should always have some type of protection, there is no excuse for being ill prepared.
Many men like the thrill of throwing caution to the wind, unfortunately it’s at your expense. To take this chance is much too risky for my taste, as it should be yours. Pregnancy is the least of your worries. Ever hear of STD’s, particularly HIV?
As a single woman you should have in your purse at the very least a small pack of condoms. This way when things get hot and heavy unexpectedly and he goes into the mode of saying that he doesn’t have any protection, you do. All men have said and will continue to tell women that they will not make a mistake and they don’t need any protection. They make promises that they’ll get up in time or the overall biggest lie of all time, “I’m sterile or had a vasectomy.”
Either way you need to always be prepared, because if not and you allow him to talk you into this reckless behavior not only will you be taking a chance of creating a life, you may unknowingly be taking a chance of losing your life. With that said, do you still think it could be worth it? I didn’t think so. Always be prepared for the unexpected, carry your own protection.

10)  Assisting him with doing anything illegal:  I know some of you have those boyfriends that lend excitement to you and your life now. However, years later when you look back on this time in your life you’ll try to offer it up as youthful indiscretion. Assuming that you are afforded the opportunity to look back on this time.
So many women have gotten into fixes that they cannot get out of based on the man of their choosing. They’ve been talked into assisting in drug sales, carrying unlicensed weapons, receiving stolen property and more.
What happens when you decide to become an adult? It’s difficult when you have a felony record over your head, trust me. How do you tell the right man when he comes along that he cannot take you to Paris on your honeymoon because you cannot get a passport because of a felony record you picked-up during your youthful indiscretion years? It happens!
I remember in LA in the mid 90’s when a female decided to date a member of one of the cities gangs. For whatever reason she after a period of time decided to severe the relationship. He of course had other ideas and while she and her sister were on their way to work at prominent jobs on a Military installation, he and some friends pulled along side them and fired a single shot.
This single shot killed her sister instantly!
Just thought you may want to know that these things do happen and if you fail to select the right man it can just as well happen in your life.
If he is living a life of crime, albeit an interesting one it comes with a terrible price. You need to decide if you’re willing or able to pay this price when the day comes to settle up the debts.

Hopefully some of you can take some of the things I’ve written here and learn from it. For those of you that chose to ignore these things, I wish you luck. All of us seek someone who will appreciate us for who we are and not who we were. This is made easier when we identify people who mean us no ill will and respect us as people.
As a woman you may deal with many men before you meet that right guy, hopefully those that you spent time with before this meeting will not have left any negative residue on your soul and spirit.
Please be careful and never allow any man to talk you into anything that can be considered degrading or disrespectful to you as a woman and a human being. You deserve better than to be manipulated by someone under the guise of love. Remember, what you do today can affect you and your future for life.

Anonymousmale1

Every woman on the planet that has ever been involved with a man that was not worthy of her has asked of herself these questions…”Why can’t I find a decent guy, Why do I always meet the wrong men and When will I find a man who really loves me?” There are other questions that are asked of ones self as well and they all equate to the same issue. You’ve once again selected a man who is unworthy of you and treats you like shit. Regardless of how much you love him or how many promises he makes, you know in your heart that he’ll never ever change.

What are your alternatives? You can get rid of him and find another man but past experiences have shown you that after several months you’ll be right back in the same situation. You’ll still be miserable, unhappy, unappreciated, unloved and insecure about his possible motives.

In the end most women tend to adapt the attitude that all men are the same. They become bitter and cold hearted to love because as with everything else in our lives when we continue to lose we stop wanting to play.

For many years I felt that women were simply attracted to men of little worth. I thought that a bad boy was what all women wanted. The type of guy that keeps you on edge and puts excitement in your life is what I assumed you all wanted.

I thought women loved being with a man who was a smooth talker that kept you waiting and wondering if he really cared. I felt that you ladies enjoyed being taken advantage of and that you enjoyed all the drama that these men afforded you, by cheating, lying, stealing, disappearing for days on end and being worthless.

After writing this blog for more than a year I have learned differently, thanks to all the women that took the time to write to me and to teach me. I’ve found out through readers like you that what women really want is to be loved. You want romance, security, passion, friendship and a partner that will stand by you through everything that life throws your way.

You know what? It’s everything you deserve and every woman should have and can have if she can only recognize why she ends up with less than a stellar mate. Do you know why you are attracted to men that are unworthy of you?

You are attracted to them because you failed to keep a promise that you made to yourself as a child. There, I said it! You broke your own promise to yourself and now you suffer for it with every bad relationship you enter. Every time you select a man based on the same criteria as the last you broke your own promise and broken promises are on the same level of broken hearts, they hurt. However, this time you’re breaking your own heart, by not being true to yourself.

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The Promise:

As small children we are influenced by everything that enter our lives, this includes parents, the boyfriends of parents, girlfriends of parents and their ideas of love and relationships.

This is how we learn as children, by observing the good and the bad. If your mother had a bad relationship with your father because he wasn’t a worthy man you observed it and learned from it.

If your father wasn’t around and your mother had boyfriends or you had a step father, their relationship influenced you and still influences your relationships to this very day.

If their relationship wasn’t a positive one you learned from it. You also picked up your habit of selecting wrong men at this time. Any man who was not a good man in your adolescent life left an impression on you that you carry to this day.

It is said that women tend to seek out the qualities of their fathers (or men performing the father role) in the men they date or possibly marry. If these qualities weren’t good, then you are seeking someone today that you do not want or really need in your life.

If that man was uncaring, unloving, untrustworthy, abusive, selfish, worthless, mean spirited, a cheater, lazy, shiftless, or worse these are the traits you could be looking for in the men you select today. Why? Because you are familiar with this type of behavior and you accept it as normal. It became normal to you because you had nothing to compare it with when you were in the most influential stages of your life.

To make matters worse, if your mother accepted these bad qualities as well, it possibly made you feel that this is the way all love is and although it is not it’s all you knew.

I often wondered why some women shy away from good men, and I always suspected it was because they never trusted true love. When a woman finally meets a man of great character, she spends most of the relationship anticipating when things are going to go bad. When things don’t, she unconsciously begins to sabotage the relationship because for it to be this good it didn’t feel normal or natural to her. This is basically because she’d never been exposed to how real men treat women in her earlier life, therefore making this type of good behavior seem more like a ruse to get her to let her guard down. By accepting this good relationship experience for what it really is could be more heartbreaking in the end if she doesn’t prepare herself for the problems she anticipates will surely come. In her mind, these issues such as jealousy, arguing, cheating, lying and abuse are a real part of the relationship process. The absence of them signal that the man is pretending, and eventually they will show up because to her all men are the same. When the drama fails to arrive, she begins to create drama herself in an attempt to make him show that she was right all along.

The promise as I stated above was this: As a young girl, you promised yourself that the man you chose would be nothing like the one you observed growing up. Have you kept your promise?

If you had then you probably wouldn’t have suffered heartbreak, verbal abuse, being cheated on, being lied to and maybe even being physically abused.

Can you change this cycle of selecting unworthy men? Absolutely! However, the first step is to forgive yourself for breaking your own promise. Then you may want to look back to the types of men that you were exposed to in your youth and then try to remember what it was that you disliked about them to begin with.

Once you have determined what faults they possessed that you hated to begin with, take a look at your former boyfriends and your current one and see what they all have in common. If they possess the same traits you’ll know you were right as a child. The only thing to do after that point is to keep your own promise and steer clear of these types of men, looking rather for men of higher character and standards.

It will not be easy I am sure, however the first step is to be honest with yourself and look deep inside of you. If you cannot be honest with yourself, you cannot be honest with anyone. So ask yourself, is this situation a possibility?

As for me, what I wrote may have some merit. I am not a psychologist, I am simply a realist. Some of you may read this post and say I am wrong, it’s OK. However, you will also have to entertain the thought that I may just be on to something. If this is not a possibility, then the idea that boys whom grow up witnessing physical abuse in their homes tend to become abusers themselves can not be a possibility as well. However, we all know that this is accepted as fact.

I see no other reason that beautiful, caring, intelligent women continue to attract unworthy men. Women are much too smart to be doing this out of need, for as women you can have any man of your choosing especially decent, god fearing men. How else are we to explain the cycle of women whom constantly date unworthy men? The response of, “All the good men are either married or gay” is simply unacceptable. Now, remember the guy that you observed as a child? The one who made your mother cry, verbally abused her or worse? He’s the same guy that you may have allowed into your life on more than one occasion. You are an adult now, you make your own choices. Shut him out of your life for good. Allow only men of great character to have an opportunity to be your partner in the future. dispel all the beliefs that a nice, gentle, caring, passionate man is myth. They are not, they really exist and when you meet one, let the relationship take it’s course. It may feel unnatural at first but if you give it time you’ll grow to understand that what you were used to having was really unnatural and this time it’s the way it was meant to be. Before I go let me remind you of something. “The girl is the Mother of the Woman.” You are now a woman, take the advice you gave yourself as a young girl. Never date a man who does the things you disliked then, just as you dislike them now. If he reminds you of your childhood, avoid him and seek out a man of better character. I hope this helps, I really welcome any feedback on this issue. Please let me know if you feel this could actually help you or even if you feel it’s B.S. I really want to hear what all of you have to say.

So you met this nice guy at the club. He was polite, charming, attractive (or not) and you two hit it off right away. There were sparks in the air and and the drinks were flowing and before you knew it your clothes were in a pile next to his on the floor.

The next morning or a few hours later depending on his staying power, you wake up and you spend the first few minutes wondering how you allowed this to happen. Then after shaking the cobwebs out of your head you remember all the sweet things he whispered in your ear and you convince yourself that you two may actually have a future together.

Why not? He’s cute, nice, gentle and he said he respects you. Whats so far fetched about you two being a couple, after all you just slept with him so he must be special, right?

Wrong! Men, as a general rule do not continue dating women that they met and slept with in the same day, week and most times month. We simply don’t do it. You’ve just became a participant in a One Night Stand.

Women and men view sex differently as I am sure we all know. Women generally have sex for love, men have sex for recreation if it’s possible. As one famous person so eloquently put it, “Women need a reason to have sex, Men just need a place.”

However, since this incident has occurred and he hasn’t returned any of your calls lets take a look at why he probably won’t be calling anytime soon.

Men are insecure and shallow, can we all agree on that? If we can then lets go back to the moment you two met. Chances are that he was actually looking for someone to hook up with and he met you. After talking and laughing with you for awhile he probably had a moment of clarity where he realised that you were actually a wholesome, beautiful and intelligent woman.

It was at this point that he thought that maybe, just maybe you could actually be a nice woman to spend time with. Possibly even become his girlfriend if things went well. During this time frame he would have become really sincere, polite and affectionate because now that he was getting to know you the thought of hooking up completely left his mind.

For the next hour or so he was totally in to you and the possibility of things becoming more were not only good but almost certain. During this time period you were completely safe and he was open, caring and generous with you. You two probably exchanged phone numbers and discussed going to the movies or dinner in the near future. You were doing great at this point.

He was possibly thinking how great a catch you will be and how he’ll show you off to his friends who would go insane with envy. Remember, you’re beautiful, smart, caring and warm hearted, things that men really look for in a girlfriend.

Now the problem would come later, when you became so comfortable that you allowed yourself to be kissed by him. Any kiss during this time is bad but when you allowed it to turn into a deep passionate kiss, as the night went on he began to look at you differently and you didn’t even notice. This kiss which possibly involved some inappropriate touching shook him out of the mental zone that he was in and placed you right back to being a possible hook-up.

When you decided to invite him to your place or accept an offer to go to his, you had already sealed your fate and didn’t even know it. You could have recovered, had you suddenly declined all his advances and promises to respect you, but you didn’t.

So now you’re laying in bed wondering if everything he said the night before was true. Would you two be going to a movie, dinner or elsewhere? You convince yourself that everything is cool, you’re both consenting adults and you like him and he assures you that he likes you. Even before he leaves or you depending on who’s place you’re at he gives you a nice kiss and says he’ll call you later.

The call hasn’t come yet and you’re beginning to worry that he may not call. So you call him and get his voice message. You leave one, then two messages in your most cheerful voice saying hello and telling him that you were thinking about him. You convince yourself that he is busy and he’ll call once he gets the messages but secretly you know he will not.

Why won’t he call? Because you made it a “One Night Stand” for him.

He was at a happy point with you and when those kisses started to flow he began to doubt if you were the wholesome girl he thought you were. So, he had to try and see if you really were the girl he was hoping you were or simply a girl looking to hook up.

When you allowed the situation to go to the next level (SEX) you completely lost him! Why? Because silently he was rooting for you, he wanted you to be that girl that he could get to know slowly and hopefully ease into a relationship with. He was hoping that you were the girl that was like none other to him and in the end, he was disappointed, although he would not tell you this.

Remember how I just said that men are insecure and shallow? Let me put it into prospective for you using this situation as a model. He will not call you for two reasons and here they are: 1) His view of you after the sex is different then before the sex. Before the sex you were great, a keeper. Now, that you slept with him he cannot date you because he’s concerned that he is not the first guy that you slept with within hours of meeting. His idea of you being wholesome was crushed. His idea of who you are was crushed, he went from wanting to sleep with you, to no, she’s a keeper, to oh shit I am going to sleep with her now! He cannot handle that, few men can.

Reason #2 is: Why should he call you? Should he call you because you allowed him to sleep with you? From his vantage point there is no mystery to you anymore, your whole relationship was for whatever amount of time you two spent together that night. Men wait months to sleep with a woman whom they adore, it’s the most intimate anyone can ever get and you allowed him this reward after several hours. It was that easy, too easy for him to ever be comfortable with.

Just like women, men talk, I am sure you guys know this. Just like when you’re with your girlfriends and they say, “So, how did it go?” Well, his friends probably said something on the lines of, “So, you spent the night, did you get it?” Even if he lied and said no, they’d know he was lying. Hell, he spent the night with you on the first meeting. This increases his level of discomfort of the idea of pursuing you as a possible love interest.

He will not commit to a woman whom he simply did not earn the right to be with. It’s to hard for him to erase the thoughts that this is something you have done before and could possibly do again. We love the things we earn and disrespect the things that fall into our laps without much effort.

Now, before many of you cry that he wanted it as well. I am sorry but to be honest with you men expect and hope that you will be the one to put a stop to the possibility of it ending in sex on the first date. Providing that they are really attracted to you of course. Because if you do, silently you make us proud and confident at the same time. We walk away thinking, she’s a good girl and if I couldn’t get it on the first date I know damn well no other man has or will succeed in getting her to.

With that we become comfortable with the idea that where we met you is of no concern because you are a good girl, a keeper. The one we can take any amount of time with to earn our keep and be really happy that we did. Come to think of it, so will you.

Today I was standing in line at a local Albertsons (grocery store) and eavesdropping on a conversation between a female cashier and a guy she was waiting on. I know listening to other peoples conversations is somewhat rude and unacceptable but I’ve been in the Desert for a long time and it’s simply nice to hear the English language spoken everywhere.

Besides that, I wanted to see if I could determine two things from their encounter. (1) To see on what level of game he was on and (2) if she was really gullible enough to give her phone number to a guy who was purchasing a 12 pack of beer and a bottle of Vodka at 9am. Can you say drinking problem?

Anyway, this is what I caught of the conversation. See look, I get chastised for eavesdropping but you want to know too, ha-ha. It’s OK, I don’t know them anyway.

The Players:

He was a skinny, somewhat greasy looking guy wearing a torn t-shirt and in possible need of a bath and a shave. That Don Johnson look went out in the 80’s. She was very attractive, Latino decent, nice features, beautiful long black hair and a smile that lit the whole store.

What I could hear:

Him: No, I live around the corner.

Her: On Rainbow?

Him: Yeah, over there. It’s walking distance from here.

Her: Did you drive here or walk?

Him: I walked today, my car is in the shop. (Pause) So, are you gonna give me your number?

Her: (Thinking about it) Do you have a cell phone?

Him: I lost it last week. I have to pick a new one up today. Just write it down on the receipt for me.

Her: You won’t get in trouble will you? (Meaning wife, girlfriend etc.)

Him: No, I’m divorced for 3 years now.

Her: Are you gonna call for real?

Him: (getting excited) Hell yeah, I promise.

She wrote the number down on the back of the receipt and slid it to him. They said their goodbyes and he hurried his scraggly ass out the store happy as sh*t! I was amazed, once again a woman settling for some idiot who was full of crap.

Now, how do I know he is full of crap? To begin with when I pulled into the lot he and a female (who also looked in need of a bath and also a meal) were holding hands and giving one another sweet kisses. The female, went into the McDonald’s and he ventured to the store where I eavesdropped on the above conversation.

Now, if that wasn’t bad enough and I was bored I waited while I made a phone call to the wife and I observed to two meet up and stroll of hand in hand out of the lot. Oh, and remember when he said that he lived nearby? He sure as hell did. I observed him and the girl as they entered their make shift home under a nearby bridge, within walking distance to the store. At least he got the distance right.

Now, since I am on the subject of men and the lies they tell women. I figured I’d give you a list of 10 Lies men tell women. If nothing else, I promise to make it interesting. However, please don’t get mad if you’ve been told one of these and didn’t know it was a lie. It really wasn’t a lie until you discovered it was, until that point it was merely fact.

A Few Lies we tend to tell:

1) She is just a friend.

Well hell, if she’s just a friend then why are you just finding out about her. He introduced you to all his other friends right?

2) I promise I will respect you in the morning.

Whatever dude, if he had any respect for you he wouldn’t be trying this shit on a first date to begin with. You think?

3) I’ll erase the tape afterwards.

This is the easiest way to end up on Youtube. Why would I even make a tape of us getting busy and then erase it. Are you kidding me? I’m keeping that tape for leverage. Also I need it as proof, because my boys just might not belive what you were will to do.

4) Who’s going to know?

If that comes out of his mouth, you can bet everyone will. Men talk way more then women do and thats a fact. Who do we tell? Our best friends, right? Now what happens when our best friend has a best friend who isn’t us? Thats right, he tells his best friend and so on and so on and so on. You get the picture right?

5) I promise to pull it out in time.

Oops! Sorry but there are more kids born each year that started with that same lie. Regardless if it’s oral or vaginal if it feels good we’re probably going to miss our mark, or forget all together. If it’s any consulation to you, we’ll tell you just how good you were and blame you for our mistake.

6) I didn’t sleep with her.

If you ever ask a man this question you already know the answer, he did. Men think like this: If my girl discovers that I am here with this other woman, she is going to assume that I slept with her anyway so I might as well do it or risk getting in trouble for nothing. Also, never, ever doubt a man and his d**K!” Oh, and if this question is asked with your girlfriend or relative as the other female, then you know he’s lying.

7) I will always love you.

This lie should actually come with a disclaimer, that states, ”Or until I find someone new to put up with my bullshit!”

My ex was full of Sh*t.

Chances are she got tired of his ass and showed him the door, unfortunately for you it was your door he walked into. Women are nortoriously bad in siding with their men in regards to the description of events in his last relationship. You weren’t there and therfore you really only know what he tells you about it, and it’s much easier to fool a woman that you’re sleeping with then one you used to sleep with. Remember, “Regardless of how handsome he is, somewhere there is another woman who was sick of his ass!”

9) I’ll just put the head in.

Do women still fall for that? I sure hope not. Because I can assure you that once he’s in, he’s in and not getting up until he finishes. Then he’ll roll over with that “I just humped the neighbors cat look on his face” and then revert back to that same excuse he used in #5.

10) It will never hurt you.

Pain comes in many forms and emotional pain tends to hurt so much more. If he ever says this to you ask him to please remove the word “never.” He’ll fight you on this, swearing on the good book that he’ll never, ever hurt you. Men make it appear that all relationships work, if they do then why does everyone have a ex somewhere? We always hurt the ones we love, even when we don’t mean to.

And one to grow on:

#11) This won’t hurt, I promise.

WTF! Anytime someone says it won’t hurt, get ready for the pain. It may be brief but it’s coming. You know it as well as he does, you’ve been conditioned all of your life to expect this. Your first doctor visit, dentist visit all started the same way. “This won’t hurt,” and then a nurse comes in with a needle that looks like a harpoon. The next time a man tells you that then you should respond by saying, “If it won’t hurt then let me do you!” You can bet he’ll decline the offer. Some parts of the body were made to only put things out, not take them in as men would like to think.

Anyway, I just thought you guys would like something to read and possibly laugh at today. Hopefully, I made good on both. Hey if you’re not doing so already, please follow me on twitter. I’d love to have you.  http://twitter.com/anonymousmale1

Being in a relationship has been compared to being on drugs, the highs being really high and the lows being the pits, both end with withdrawal symptoms. Unfortunately when the relationship begins to go sour we tend to do what drug users do, we chase the Dragon.

We do any and everything in our powers to get our relationship back to the way it was when we first started it. We try so hard to reclaim those feelings and the excitement that went along with it that it makes it nearly impossible to let go of a relationship that in our hearts we know is not only dying but on life support. The only thing left to do and the most humane thing really, is to pull the plug.

We’ve all been here haven’t we? At one time or another in our lives. It’s a hard decision to make, sorta like, should I stay or should I go? You run all these scenarios through your mind and you convince yourself that with enough prayer, hope and wishes your relationship can survive. You feel as though if you pull the plug on it the guilt of giving up will eat you alive. Couple that with the feeling that you really believe in your heart that your partner will change back to his former self and you’ll wake up and discover it was all a very bad dream.

We all go through these feelings, both men and women. However, one noticeable difference is that women seem to hold on so much longer. They believe that the men they love will revert back to the person they fell in love with. They believe with all their hearts that somewhere within the man that they are clinging to is the guy who used to make them laugh, make them feel safe, make them feel cared for. They feel and hope that he’ll snap out of it before long and things will be the way they were.

I am sorry to tell you this ladies, but it rarely ever happens this way. When your partner changes in a relationship in a negative way towards you and the way he once treated you he’s gone he just hasn’t bothered to tell you yet.

Women have this way of glossing over the faults of the men they love. You tend to make excuses for his actions to your friends and loved ones. How many of you have told people close to you that his change is because he’s under stress at work or for some other reason? When secretly you feel helpless because you really know that stress has nothing to do with it, he simply changed.

Your only question should be, is the changed version the real him and he fooled you into thinking he was someone else? Or is the change because of someone else? Tough question to have to ask yourself, huh? Only he knows and I am sure he’s not about to tell you, yet!

So when things change to a point where you are not sure who he is, how long should you wait to see if he will change back to who he was? Until your relationship is dying and you don’t know what if anything you can do to repair it?

How many promises to change should you allow him to break before you pull the plug? One? Two? Three or more? Is there any acceptable amount for you?

Here’s something I did when I had girlfriends in the past and the relationship began to go south. We all have to admit that changes in the way someone feels about you are subtle at first, but if you pay attention after several changes you see that they become magnified.

When things that were important in your relationship are no longer important to him, that’s a change you’d better not ignore. Things such as talking to you daily on the phone, or seeing you at least twice or more a week. Think back to the beginning, he was adamant about these things, now they’re not as important, why not? What the hell changed?

When it’s not important for him to make sure you’re safely home from work, or he begins to arrive later and later to pick you up from work. That’s a change and you need to recognize it for what it is.

When he fails to show up without calling you, or begins to consistently break preplanned opportunities to spend time with you. That’s a change, especially when this was important to him in the beginning.

When he starts to give you a multitude of excuses for his absence or tardiness, that’s a change! Especially if this wasn’t happening when you first began the relationship.

Every girlfriend I ever had before I got married, I can tell you the exact moment I knew the relationship was going to end. Honestly! Why? Because I watched the changes begin and I addressed them with the person and after accepting the apologies and hearing the stories I allowed them three and only three more opportunities to make a mistake that I felt affected our relationship in a negative manner.

I always stuck to this formula because although I may have been in love with them, I loved me more. You have to love yourself more because if you don’t neither will
he or anyone else. By loving yourself more it makes it easier to disengage from the relationship therefore saving you the heartbreak that will surely come.

When I say disengage from the relationship I am saying it meaning that you should slowly begin to let go. Mentally and emotionally you should be preparing yourself to be without him. You should begin sooner than later and by the time you pull the plug it will be because you’ve come to the realisation that you can actually live without him. Why? Because you began preparing yourself when the cracks first began to form. By the time he has made and broke his 3rd promise to change you’re ready to move on.

The only alternative to this is to attempt to force him to change back and as I said before, in relationships this very seldom happens. When men change drastically in a relationship, generally it’s because they are ready to move on. Sorry. Holding on simply makes the pain that much greater. Preparing yourself is the best way to survive without suffering too much heartache, and if you disengage at the right time you’ll suffer little effects if any.

The good side of this method if you haven’t figured it out yet, is that it leaves him wondering if you ever loved him to begin with. Who has the broken heart now?

So if you’re in a relationship right now that has started going south, start disengaging from it now. Address the issues with him in a calm fashion, listen to his promises to change or any other stories he cares to tell you and remind yourself that you need to protect your own heart, no one else will! Show how much you love and respect yourself by simply letting go slowly. Don’t give him any more tears, he doesn’t deserve them and you deserve better anyway. After the initial conversations about the issues if there is no change it doesn’t matter because you already know what the end game is going to be anyway.

Nothing in this world is permanent, it’s all temporary. Life on this planet is temporary and so is some of the love that men will profess for you in the beginning of relationships. If he cannot hold up his end of the deal and love you forever, you really don’t need him. Especially when somewhere there is a man looking to do exactly that, Love you forever!

Most people say that there are no true aphrodisiacs other then human scent. You know the smell of a male or female and the effect that it has on one another. I disagree, I think that the one true aphrodisiac in the world is a kiss. Not the peck that you plant on the check of your friend or family member, but the deep intense kiss that you receive from a man of interest.

You know the one I am talking about. The kiss that makes you weak in the knees and slightly moist in the region slightly  above them. The type of  kiss that makes you feel as though the room is spinning and you have butterflies in your stomach just thinking about it. The type of kiss that makes you blush just thinking about it now.

How many women of you have had this type of kiss and although it was a first or second date, because of it’s intensity lead you to go further than you had planned. Many women have been fooled by a long facial embrace and mistook it for what what it could lead up to and not what it actually was, passion. If the passion and the chemistry are just right anything can happen.  How do you think women end up in one night stands?

Since I brought up the topic of  “One night Stands”, let me take this moment to explain something from a mans prospective on this phenomenon. One night stands usually become that because one party believes that the intensity and passion can never be re-created and therefore there is no reason to try. The mood, feelings, emotions were as such that to try to make anything out of it would be foolish. Not! I sounded like a man huh? Trying to rationalize why men take advantage of women. Sorry about that, I’ll try to stay on point from now on.

The kiss, women love it. Men do as well, however they tend to down play it to maintain their masculinity. Very few men run back to their friends and boast about how good a kisser you are. Sorry. However, women do and men know it. Therefore to get you into the mood and into bed we put a whole lot of effort into that first kiss when the time comes.

As men we know that if done properly, you’ll melt and we can have our way. If not right now, very, very soon. If we fail to bed you at this time, we simply want you to walk away with that feeling in your stomach that you’ve just been kissed for real. No pressing of lips or that cheek thing that we all do to relatives and close friends, but seriously, deeply and intimately kissed that will have us on your minds all day and night, and conjures up images of things we will do to you in the near future. Our goal as men is for you to walk away thinking that you’ve just had “your last first kiss!”  That’s how good we want it to be.

Kissing like this is personal, deeply personal. Why do you think that as a rule Prostitutes refuse to kiss clients? For this very reason, if done properly she wouldn’t make much money for one. She’d possibly feel that she had feelings for her customer and therefore become uncomfortable with charging him for making love to her. That, and the fact that pimps make it a rule that they are never to kiss any client on the lips. Remember “Pretty Woman?” Julia Roberts roommate chastised her for kissing Richard Gere, stating, “Didn’t I teach you anything?”

Do you remember the first kiss with the one you are with now? I know that you do. Now my next question is when is the last time he kissed you like that?

Men don’t remember kisses, I am sorry to say. After awhile we tend to kiss you like that only when it leads to making love. This is sad, because if as men we remembered that the way we kissed you in the beginning continued long after we captured your heart we would never ever have to worry about you becoming content. We would never have to worry about any other man taking our place. We would never ever have to worry about our relationships period!

I’ve been married for quite some time now and I make it a habit of kissing my wife like the first time at a minimal of once a week. Why? Most men would ask. Because I need for her to understand that I still desire her after all these years. I don’t do it for the sex, although it helps sometimes, but I do it because I want to be the one on her mind. I purposely do it sometimes before she leaves for work, because I want her to think about me all day. I do it before I leave for work at times because once again, I want her to think about me all damn day. I want her to know that the passion and fire that ignited with our very first kiss years ago is still burning hot years later and I desire her just as much today as I did then and more. Why you may ask? Because if you really want to keep someone forever you have to show how you feel about them, each and every day. Nothing shows how much you care as a real, deep, meaningful kiss to say, “I still love you and only you!”

Now, for each and everyone of you that have a man, ask yourself this question? When was the last time he kissed you and really meant it? When was the last time that he kissed you and you said “WOW”? When was the last time he kissed you and it made you want to stay home from work just to spend the day with him?  If that time was too long for you to remember, it’s time for you to remind him. Let him know what he is missing and how the lack of this passion is possibly wrecking your relationship. Because if the passion that started the fire is not there anymore, then you’re only in the relationship because you’re content or comfortable and possibly both.

Women need passion, it’s what makes them beautiful. They glow when there is passion in their lives and you are no different. Make him assist you in rekindling that passion and make you feel desired because you deserve it. All women deserve it and you my beautiful one are no different.

If for whatever reason he simply will not conform to you suggestion, politely explain the obvious to him. Every women is delighted to know that for every women that is married, or in a relationship there is a good man that wishes she weren’t!  He’ll get the hint and hopefully the passion will return. For your sake I hope it does, you deserve it so much, to feel like everyday is the first day of your relationship. To be desired by the man you love and who loves you and expresses it in his kiss, like the very first kiss you two ever shared.

Now I must leave you, my wife will be home shortly and I need to remind her just how important she is to me and how much I love her still to this day. And you know what? I’ll be doing it with a kiss, the exact same type of kiss that made her mine years ago before children and a mortgage and car payments and work and everything that we men use as excuses for not doing our job as men. Because in the end, that one slow, long passionate kiss makes everything we’ve been through worth it. She doesn’t know I know this, but I do. Hopefully your man does too. If not he’s depriving not only you but himself as well.

See you soon,

Anonymousmale1

The question of the day is, “Why do men Cheat?” That is a question that can never correctly be answered. Men cheat for different reasons and although we do think alike, each relationship is different. Therefore answering that question utilizing all men as the target subject is virtually impossible.

To assume all men are cheaters is irresponsible. Many men don’t cheat for whatever reason. Now we all know that the men women like to call dogs cheat, however simply because he cheated once doesn’t necessarily make him a dog. Being a dog takes practice and skills, being an opportunist does not make a man one.

If you really feel the need for a simple answer to this mysterious question to make you feel better then Steve Harvey has a easy one for you. He states that men cheat, “Because they can!”
It sounds good. However before you accept that simple explanation you need to look at it from a different prospective.

If you as a woman control 50% of the relationship and influence 100% of it, what does that statement say about you? Interesting huh?

I chose to approach this subject in a different manner, I don’t have the answer as to why men cheat. I know why I cheated on women, but that’s just me. Every guy I know that I have asked that question to gave me a different answer, only a couple told me that they did because they could. The rest had different reasons altogether.

So since I cannot honestly tell you why they cheat, I figured I’d do the next best thing and tell you the factors that you control that contribute to the possibility of him cheating on you. Some of the things I am going to tell you may hurt, the truth usually does. However, rest assured without pain there is generally no gain to speak of. What I tell you here today may not assist you in your current relationship, but hopefully in your future one you’ll reap some benefit from what you learn today.

Before we move on though, lets first define cheating so that we’re all on the same page, OK?
For the purpose of this post I am going to assume that we will all classify cheating as a man being physically involved (sexually) with a woman other than the one he is in either a married, engaged or boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Willingly participating in this situation with disregard to the promises to his so called true love (wife/ fiancee/girlfriend) of being honest and loyal.
Hopefully we all agree to this, or at least we all understand what we feel cheating is?

So lets get started with “12 Things Women do that assures he will Cheat.”

#1) Getting into a relationship and not defining your role:  Too many times do women go out with men on several dates and then sleep with him and not truly know where they stand. She assumes that since you’ve been intimate that they are now a couple. However, he may be thinking that it’s simply two adults taking care of one anothers needs. You have a right to ask him (and not over the phone) if you and he are an item or just friends. Preferable before you jump into bed with him. If you don’t close that loop hole fast he may take the opportunity to pleasure himself somewhere else and you have no recourse because you and he are on different pages. Be an adult and ask, don’t assume anything in a relationship, ask!

#2) Disrespecting yourself:  Men treat you the way you demand to be treated. You set the tone and he as well as other people in society follow your lead. How many of you have worked in a job where the boss yelled and screamed at certain people but avoided that tone with others in the same office? He didn’t scream at those people because they were bad at their job, he did it because they allowed it. The people that he didn’t scream at, it was because they wouldn’t allow it! They had too much pride and respect for themselves to allow someone to disrespect them, including the boss. This respect started the first day they went to work in how they presented themselves, and if not then, it occurred the first time he attempted to disrespect them and they corrected him sternly.
When I look at some women’s My Space pages, Facebook, even Twitter Bios, I see women describing themselves as bitches, whores, players and so on. Why in the world would any self respecting man be attracted to a woman who disrespects herself? He isn’t, which leaves you to select from the men who do not respect themselves or you.
By describing yourself in a loathsome manner, the men reading this will treat you exactly based on your own opinion of yourself. You’ve already described what you think of yourself to the world, why should men treat you any different? Men will not take you seriously and cheating on you will most definitely be an after thought because to him, you really don’t matter. Because even in your description of yourself as a bitch, he will assume that you’ll be just that, a bitch! So of course if he’s good, you’ll be a bitch and if he’s bad you’ll still be a bitch so he has nothing to lose.
I’d suggest you think clearly about describing yourself in a manner that will attract real men and not dogs. However, that’s really up to you.

#3) Listening to your Heart and no one else:  When another female tells you that the guy is a known player (dog) it could be a ploy to keep you from being with him. However, when several women tell you the same thing, it’s fact! He has cheated on women before you and more than likely he’ll cheat on you too. Why fool yourself into thinking that he’ll change just for you? Oh, I know, because you’re special, right? Well guess what, so were the other girls he cheated on.
This is the easiest way to become a member of the “Broken Hearts Club.” Listen to what people are saying about a man you’re interested in, jealousy only goes so far and then truth begins to surface.

#4) Telling your damn business: It’s always said that men tell each other their personal business. No, lets be real, women do it as well and many of you have had your man sleep with your so called girlfriend because of it.
Lets face it, not every man can actually perform sexual marathons. So if you have one of these men it may be wise to keep it to yourself. Especially when some of the girls you call friend is with someone who may last 3-5 minutes on a good day.
Hell men do the same thing, especially when they are not sure if you are a keeper or not. It’s easy to tell, especially when all of the sudden you have one of his friends attempting to be extra friendly with you for no apparent reason.
Once my girlfriends best friend gave me a condom while we were visiting her. The next day she called and informed me that it was for she and I. When it’s that easy it’s hard to say no. She told me later my girlfriend had told her everything I had done to her and she wanted to experience it for herself.

#5) Not making him appreciate everything he has (you): My daughter asked me for a new bike. Being a father it is hard for me to tell he no, so of course I went out and bought her one. I got home with it and I was excited as she was. However, my wife was pissed! She thought my daughter should earn the money to purchase her own bike and she assured me that I would regret denying her the opportunity to do so.
Well, I regret it now! She rode that bike everyday for about a month. I just donated it to charity last week. It sat on the patio for months until the tires became flat and the dust became so that you couldn’t tell what color it was.
Why did this happen? Because since she didn’t earn it herself she didn’t appreciate it. Now her Ipod is totally different. She saved for it, worked for it and you’ll never see her without it and it’s going on a year. Damn, I was stupid!
The moral to this story is this: Anything given without effort will surely not be appreciated and this means you! So think about that when you’ve been with a guy for a couple of weeks, a month and you have that itch to take the next step when you know he really hasn’t earned that right.
Months later while he’s running around sleeping with someone else you’ll feel like that bike I just donated that was discarded on the patio. Then in the middle of the night when he hasn’t came home you’ll be saying what I said, “Damn, I feel stupid!”

#6) Using sex to get what you want from him: Some women although they profess their love for a man have this habit of holding back on the intimate side of the relationship until it fits their needs. There is nothing worse for a man to care about a woman and when you want to make love to them they give you all these excuses. I am not saying these excuses aren’t valid, I am just saying!
However, whenever they want something, the sex instantly becomes available. Oh, I saw some shoes at the mall I would live to have. Or, I am short on my rent or phone bill.
Most men have no problem with assisting the women they care for with finances. However, when sex is based on our bank balances a problem arises. I think some women do this and probably don’t even realise it. Hey, but men realise it, you can bet that!
You can also bet that he’s thought about it and is already making plans to replace your ass with someone a little more compassionate and a lot less expensive. However, most guys believe that you shouldn’t leave a woman until you have a replacement for her. So, yep! He’ll be cheating on you for a little while, so get prepared.

#7) Refusing to acknowledge the obvious:  His words doesn’t match his actions anymore. Things in the relationship have changed while you weren’t looking and you cannot understand why. He goes out and doesn’t call or even ask if you’d like to go with him. He guards his phone with his life and he gets text messages on the regular.
You haven’t been out together in months and you haven’t seen his parents or family members since you first started dating. You don’t talk anymore and he always seem distracted and when his phone rings he looks shocked (because you’re there) and then makes a reason to go out.
Well, he may not have cheated yet but more than likely it’s inevitable. You can stick around if you want to and go through the final phases before your heart is ripped apart. Or you can acknowledge whats going on and confront him. This way you can try to repair the relationship or end it and spare yourself the pain of what is coming.
Either way you should do something because if you do nothing it’ll only get worse. He may not have done anything yet, it could be in the planning stages. He may think you simply do not care anymore because it didn’t happen overnight and you remained quiet. Say something and hopefully he’ll snap out of it and remember he loves you and only you!

#8) Not paying attention to his friends:  We’ve all heard this, “Birds of a Feather”, right? If he’s your man and he has friends that are known dogs, you may have a problem. Especially if he spends a great deal of time with them. He may resist for awhile but if you drip water on a rock for a great deal of time, eventually the rock will crumble. Don’t tell him he cannot spend time with them, however it may be wise to attempt to limit the amount of time if possible. Particularly if he spends time with them and doesn’t invite you each and every time. Why should your man be out with them around woman you have no idea who they are and you cannot be there to speak on his behalf as well as your own?
# 9) Failing to take care of his sexual needs:  It’s frustrating to be with a woman whose sexual drive doesn’t match my own. That “I have a headache” B.S. only goes so far with men and then masturbating becomes ineffective after awhile. Sometimes it simply wasn’t meant to be and this is a sure fire way to be cheated on. He may love you for who you are however his needs are greater than yours and it’s inevitable that eventually he’ll find release elsewhere. It amazes me that women fall into this situation. When you first begin making love it’s constant and once real love is established it’s gone. What, you guys think we only wanted to make love that much because the relationship was new?

#10) Being too modest during sex:  Hey, I draw the line at anything that causes pain. However, there are things that men like to do and if you will not do it, there’s a shit load of women who will.
I’ve known women who didn’t like oral, giving or receiving. I liked them but not enough to spend my whole life with so I moved on.
You want to know what men’s fascination with prostitutes is? Because if you pay the money you can do anything you like, anything you’d like to try. Then her ass leaves with no emotional ties what so ever until the next time.
Also, sex is too much fun to be serious! Look at the faces we make during the act. It’s enough to make you want to laugh. So if he wants you to dress up like a school girl or get butt naked with nothing on but a pair of red socks, do it, he’ll be happier and so will you. It’ll also make him stay home and out of trouble.

#11) Having a male or female friend that makes your man uncomfortable:  We all have friends prior to starting a new relationship do we all agree on this? However, when you have a male or female close friend that makes your mate uncomfortable it could cause him to stray. How so, I am sure you’re thinking?
Well, sometimes you may have a male friend that you have been friends with for years. Hell, he could even be an ex-boyfriend for all your new man knows. When asked about it, if you don’t properly describe the nature of that friendship it will lead to more questions then answers that you have. If done incorrectly your new man will never accept your response regardless of how truthful you may have been. For whatever reason most men are intimidated by the thought that their woman has a male best friend. There is simply not enough room for two men in your life. That’s the way men think, also I am sure that if your male friend has a girlfriend, she’s thinking the exact same way as your boyfriend.
Female friends are different. I know we all refer to the same saying about friends: “A friend is a person who knows everything about you, and loves you anyway.” You’ve heard that saying right? You’ve also heard the one I stated earlier in the post, “Birds of a feather, flock together.” Well, if your female friend has a reputation for being, how shall I say, loose, then your values could be questioned. You know how people like to talk, right? It’s sad,, but that’s life.
It only takes one sorry ass person to make a false statement that links you and her to doing something your man may not approve of to start the ball rolling.
Once he’s not comfortable anymore and becomes insecure in the relationship, cheating is unfortunately a possibility.
So think about your current friendships and make sure you define each male and female friends so that your man understands the roles they have in your life and make sure your friends understand your mans roll as well, so there are no misunderstandings.

These are just some of the reasons that men cheat on women. Like I said earlier there is not one simple reason that men stray, it’s a multitude of reasons that can cause this to happen. The ones above are just to give you a small glimpse of what to look for in your own relationship and possibly change it before it becomes a problem.
Hopefully, you’re keeping him content and busy with you leaving him no time to wonder anywhere else. A friend once told me, “Smart women take up all of their men’s free time. Therefore eliminating the possibility or need for him to stray.” Be a smart woman and you’ll both be happier in the end.