Are there any old fashioned romantic traditional men out there? Or have we allowed them to make all new rules?

FWB may work for some but from personal experience it hasn’t worked out well.

I had a wonderful FWB about 5 years ago, and purposely tested the “F” part and lost him. Since then, I’ve had two relationships that have gone bad. He, on the other hand, is getting married very soon to a wonderful woman (I know her, but she doesn’t know about me). I am very happy for him, but I am still alone.

My advice is to really think about the FWB relationship you’re having and whether you really do want it to be long term.

Don’t know how those of you that can make the FWB arrangement work do it, but we both sucked at it. Taking a little longer for me to heal or callus over emtionally I believe than it did for him. Not at all upset or angry with him. Honestly, got to know him better and found him to be a wonderful man. The tricky part now is to try and go back to just being friends. Neither one of us resents the other, actually it is quite the opposite. Problem for me is, I don’t trust myself around him at all right now. No offense men, and don’t mean to brag, but I don’t think he will say no to me. Been referred to as the little blonde MILF by quite a few guys, not to mention really young ones too. It’s just to bad that I seem to posses a very strong monogamy gene.

Anyhow, good luck to those of you who want to try it out. Buyers beware! Thought I could handle it too.

On the other hand, none of those arrangements were with ex’s. That’s not something I’d ever suggest, and the one time it was offered to me, I turned her down.

Each of the FWB relationships I’ve had were with people who were always “just” friends, and we remained friends even after the bennies ended. Maybe that’s unusual, maybe I’ve been lucky, I don’t know. I think mostly it’s that — as fun as the sex was — we kept the emphasis on the “friends” part and not the “bennies”.

It’s a very, very, very hard line to walk, to have sex for the sake of getting laid and not put yourself in a situation where one or the other gets hurt, jealous or develops feelings.

I think you have once again written a terrific post!

I’ve been there, as a guy, where the both of us decided we wanted to go out and chase other people, have a good time, and that we were too young to constrain ourselves to monogamous committment. But we still wanted to spend time together, we wanted the intimacy of the benefits and the comfort and fun of the friends. And we agreed that calling it an open relationship was out – anyone else we picked up would feel threatened by the other member.

We both came to the decision together, and had a fantastic time. I didn’t bring it up, suggest it, or push for it. I didn’t want to end up in a situation where I was taking advantage of her attachment to me.

She got to go out and chase boys, guilt-free, and have her share of fun, in exchange, I got the same. My friends envied the arrangement, but she was far from a joke to them. They knew her as my best friend, and that I would lose them far before I’d put up with them maligning her.

We’re still together. She found herself wanting a “real” relationship again, so we got back together formally. And we’re both loving it. (Ok, she’s off travelling, so I’m a little less than thrilled, but otherwise…)

It’s easy to see that there are emotionaly abusive “friends with benefits” and “open” relationships – but there are just as many equally abusive normal relationships. Don’t condemn the unconventional just because it’s not a traditional monogamous relationship – I know more people who’re happy in an open relationship of some sort than are happy in a conventional one.