Comments on: Where to find a good man http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/2008/05/30/where-to-find-a-good-man/ The things your father should have told you about men, had you asked. Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:48:53 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: mylovelifesucksass http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/2008/05/30/where-to-find-a-good-man/#comment-156 mylovelifesucksass Fri, 23 Jan 2009 00:47:47 +0000 http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/?p=25#comment-156 I tend to meet men at work. Both of my serious relationships have been with people I have met in such a way. My only requirement are that they guy has a good heart, likes to have sex occasionally, and won't fuck me over. My ex actually fucked me over many times-- including getting me arrested for something I didnt' do. That in additionn to his chronic addiction problems..(luckily the court thing was dismissed, but still-- way to stressful)... I don't care if he's not a lawyer, doctor.etc...If he only earns $8 an hour, but has a good heart and can hold that job, sounds good to me. (If I was wealthy, and he had a good heart, I wouldn't mind if he was totally broke, but as it stands, I'm totally broke and can't currently support anyone) My point is, I'm just looking for a guy with a good heart, who is not an addict, who I am at least moderately attracted to emotionally and physically, and who isn't totally insane I tend to meet men at work. Both of my serious relationships have been with people I have met in such a way.

My only requirement are that they guy has a good heart, likes to have sex occasionally, and won’t fuck me over. My ex actually fucked me over many times– including getting me arrested for something I didnt’ do. That in additionn to his chronic addiction problems..(luckily the court thing was dismissed, but still– way to stressful)…

I don’t care if he’s not a lawyer, doctor.etc…If he only earns $8 an hour, but has a good heart and can hold that job, sounds good to me. (If I was wealthy, and he had a good heart, I wouldn’t mind if he was totally broke, but as it stands, I’m totally broke and can’t currently support anyone)

My point is, I’m just looking for a guy with a good heart, who is not an addict, who I am at least moderately attracted to emotionally and physically, and who isn’t totally insane

]]> By: Nerk http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/2008/05/30/where-to-find-a-good-man/#comment-131 Nerk Thu, 09 Oct 2008 09:37:43 +0000 http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/?p=25#comment-131 Great guys are easy to find. The problem is that women are to selfish to accept them. Most women of this generation (born after 1980)are looking for Prince Charming. They want it all. Concerning good guys; you are either going to get the poor guy who gives you all the attention your needy ass demands, or you will end up with the successful guy that is involved with dealing with things that matter (your low self esteem stemmed from not having a father does not qualify for his attention). The other 95% of women will end up floating from loser to loser. Women love sociopaths, which there is no shortage of. These guys are lazy because it is human nature to do as little as possible and pick the low hanging fruit. The men who matter or care are but a small percentage, granted many of these men share sociopathic traits, they will never leave you holding the bag (they accept responsibility and can be depended on for the long haul). A question I like to ask women (I am a sociologist) is: if you could choose only one trait, would you prefer a man to be nice or honest? I am not shocked at the number of women who pick the nice guy. I have asked women 17-60 years old. I then remind the women that nice guys are usually nice to get one thing from women, and that Ted Bundy was nice. When they respond "Ted Bundy was a serial killer" I then asked them if they actually believed that Ted used the line "hey I want to rape then kill you. Will you get into my car?" Women really are foolish sometimes. Military men are seldom nice. Many rely on honesty to stay alive and possess a level of confidence women crave. I suggest letting Uncle Sam provide the vetting process for you, there are many single men in the military. Do something patriotic and date one. Great guys are easy to find. The problem is that women are to selfish to accept them. Most women of this generation (born after 1980)are looking for Prince Charming. They want it all. Concerning good guys; you are either going to get the poor guy who gives you all the attention your needy ass demands, or you will end up with the successful guy that is involved with dealing with things that matter (your low self esteem stemmed from not having a father does not qualify for his attention). The other 95% of women will end up floating from loser to loser. Women love sociopaths, which there is no shortage of. These guys are lazy because it is human nature to do as little as possible and pick the low hanging fruit. The men who matter or care are but a small percentage, granted many of these men share sociopathic traits, they will never leave you holding the bag (they accept responsibility and can be depended on for the long haul). A question I like to ask women (I am a sociologist) is: if you could choose only one trait, would you prefer a man to be nice or honest? I am not shocked at the number of women who pick the nice guy. I have asked women 17-60 years old. I then remind the women that nice guys are usually nice to get one thing from women, and that Ted Bundy was nice. When they respond “Ted Bundy was a serial killer” I then asked them if they actually believed that Ted used the line “hey I want to rape then kill you. Will you get into my car?” Women really are foolish sometimes. Military men are seldom nice. Many rely on honesty to stay alive and possess a level of confidence women crave. I suggest letting Uncle Sam provide the vetting process for you, there are many single men in the military. Do something patriotic and date one.

]]> By: tatyh http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/2008/05/30/where-to-find-a-good-man/#comment-125 tatyh Wed, 24 Sep 2008 23:33:14 +0000 http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/?p=25#comment-125 I just got dumped by a guy who went off to Antigua for medical school and I only wish I read your blog while I was in the relationship with him. He was so sweet which was why I loved him but I was always unsure and he attributed it to me being "untrusting" of him. I was unsure because he's always scoping out other women right from day one to the last day. He gave his phone number out to the filipino nurses where we worked and at the beginning of the relationship they made prank phone calls asking for sex even though they knew he had a girlfriend, which I didn't like and complained about (instead of reassuring me that he wouldn't go for them, he said I was no better then they were and probably would have had sex with them if I didn't want to). He accused me of not being there for him when he asked me to buy our plane tickets to florida together and I refused. He always reminded me that he could go find someone else, even his mother said those things, which my Albanian co-worker attributed to his culture (he's from Bosnia), but now I realize that it has nothing to do with culture, but that he just didn't love me and never thought of me as "the one". Thank you so much for your blog. I feel so much better after reading it. Had he never gone off to Antigua, he either would have cheated on me or we would have stayed together and I would have gone through abuse and be made to think I wasn't "good enough" for him all the time... I would have eventually ended up in the poor house or the crazy house! Keep up with the blog, it gives me hope. I just got dumped by a guy who went off to Antigua for medical school and I only wish I read your blog while I was in the relationship with him. He was so sweet which was why I loved him but I was always unsure and he attributed it to me being “untrusting” of him. I was unsure because he’s always scoping out other women right from day one to the last day. He gave his phone number out to the filipino nurses where we worked and at the beginning of the relationship they made prank phone calls asking for sex even though they knew he had a girlfriend, which I didn’t like and complained about (instead of reassuring me that he wouldn’t go for them, he said I was no better then they were and probably would have had sex with them if I didn’t want to). He accused me of not being there for him when he asked me to buy our plane tickets to florida together and I refused. He always reminded me that he could go find someone else, even his mother said those things, which my Albanian co-worker attributed to his culture (he’s from Bosnia), but now I realize that it has nothing to do with culture, but that he just didn’t love me and never thought of me as “the one”. Thank you so much for your blog. I feel so much better after reading it. Had he never gone off to Antigua, he either would have cheated on me or we would have stayed together and I would have gone through abuse and be made to think I wasn’t “good enough” for him all the time… I would have eventually ended up in the poor house or the crazy house! Keep up with the blog, it gives me hope.

]]> By: Akasha http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/2008/05/30/where-to-find-a-good-man/#comment-123 Akasha Mon, 22 Sep 2008 20:29:36 +0000 http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/?p=25#comment-123 All very good points to think about...thank you. If the opportunity presents itself I'll discuss it with him and if not I'll chalk it up as a missed opportunity and a lesson learned. Now that I've had time to get some male perspectives on the situation I feel like there was some very low self confidence on his part and my response was misinterpreted and now there is this wall he's put up to guard his emotions and I'll just have to wait until he's ready to talk to me. I'm not very old but I've lived long enough to know better then to think that anyone's going to be perfect I had weighed the pros and cons and was willing to accept the negatives that came with this person (I feel like he showed me a person on the inside that was a far better person then most people perceived him to be). It's too bad I haven't had the opportunity to say that to him but I'm not the only force at work here, I'm sure his friends are taking his side like mine would and have taken my side. And honestly, in the beginning it's the potential you see in someone that makes you want to try and make it work with them, isn't it? I've really just decided if someone is meant to be in your life for any reason at all they will stay in it. And if they leave, sometimes it's a good thing and sometimes they return just when you need them to. This doesn't mean I'm going to sit back and be completely passive but I'm not going to force the situation either. I'm just going to do a better job of conveying what I want if I get another chance. All very good points to think about…thank you. If the opportunity presents itself I’ll discuss it with him and if not I’ll chalk it up as a missed opportunity and a lesson learned. Now that I’ve had time to get some male perspectives on the situation I feel like there was some very low self confidence on his part and my response was misinterpreted and now there is this wall he’s put up to guard his emotions and I’ll just have to wait until he’s ready to talk to me. I’m not very old but I’ve lived long enough to know better then to think that anyone’s going to be perfect I had weighed the pros and cons and was willing to accept the negatives that came with this person (I feel like he showed me a person on the inside that was a far better person then most people perceived him to be). It’s too bad I haven’t had the opportunity to say that to him but I’m not the only force at work here, I’m sure his friends are taking his side like mine would and have taken my side. And honestly, in the beginning it’s the potential you see in someone that makes you want to try and make it work with them, isn’t it? I’ve really just decided if someone is meant to be in your life for any reason at all they will stay in it. And if they leave, sometimes it’s a good thing and sometimes they return just when you need them to. This doesn’t mean I’m going to sit back and be completely passive but I’m not going to force the situation either. I’m just going to do a better job of conveying what I want if I get another chance.

]]> By: Laurie http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/2008/05/30/where-to-find-a-good-man/#comment-122 Laurie Sat, 20 Sep 2008 03:23:31 +0000 http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/?p=25#comment-122 I think you are saying, Leslie, that your feelings about this guy-friend could make you think there is more potential than there really is. That is very true for Akasha's situation. Is she feeling this way towards him because she is lonely or has gone thru some other issues and wants to feel loved? Again, though, I think... honesty is the best policy. Why are you where you are? You have to be honest with yourself before you can begin to be honest with others. This can be a really difficult balance. That said, I am really not good at this! I think you are saying, Leslie, that your feelings about this guy-friend could make you think there is more potential than there really is. That is very true for Akasha’s situation. Is she feeling this way towards him because she is lonely or has gone thru some other issues and wants to feel loved? Again, though, I think… honesty is the best policy. Why are you where you are? You have to be honest with yourself before you can begin to be honest with others. This can be a really difficult balance. That said, I am really not good at this!

]]> By: Leslie http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/2008/05/30/where-to-find-a-good-man/#comment-119 Leslie Thu, 11 Sep 2008 03:29:38 +0000 http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/?p=25#comment-119 I know a guy like that, and he really is my best friend. Bu I cannot see myself with him. OK, once after a traumatic experience I had some serious PTSD. I asked him if we could try going out and he said no. Again, it was the state of mind I was in then, and even back then I knew I didn't really like him like that. While I would love someone similar to him, without all of his "drive-me-nuts" traits, I can't see myself with him. And he doesn't even have any cool guy friends! All of his guy friends suck! So now what? I know a guy like that, and he really is my best friend. Bu I cannot see myself with him. OK, once after a traumatic experience I had some serious PTSD. I asked him if we could try going out and he said no. Again, it was the state of mind I was in then, and even back then I knew I didn’t really like him like that. While I would love someone similar to him, without all of his “drive-me-nuts” traits, I can’t see myself with him. And he doesn’t even have any cool guy friends! All of his guy friends suck! So now what?

]]> By: Laurie http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/2008/05/30/where-to-find-a-good-man/#comment-117 Laurie Tue, 09 Sep 2008 05:17:02 +0000 http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/?p=25#comment-117 To Akasha, I say... you tell him. Be honest. That's the best policy, and if he really wants you, he will appreciate the honesty. To Akasha, I say… you tell him. Be honest. That’s the best policy, and if he really wants you, he will appreciate the honesty.

]]> By: sheridan http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/2008/05/30/where-to-find-a-good-man/#comment-113 sheridan Wed, 03 Sep 2008 14:57:44 +0000 http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/?p=25#comment-113 you mentioned that people should drop you an email if they had further questions about this post but I can't find an email adress can u send one to my email please? you mentioned that people should drop you an email if they had further questions about this post but I can’t find an email adress can u send one to my email please?

]]> By: Akasha http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/2008/05/30/where-to-find-a-good-man/#comment-99 Akasha Fri, 08 Aug 2008 21:06:31 +0000 http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/?p=25#comment-99 What if you knew this guy and he worked up the courage to make a move after several years, and you knew that you really, really wanted him, but you made him feel like you rejected him when you hadn't, you were just overwhelmed by the whole situation. How do you fix that? How do you get back to that place with him? I feel like I really bruised his ego and never intended to I was bowled over by the attention and didn't know how to react, but, I certainly knew this was a much better man then I had ever met in the past and I definitely wanted to savor the moment not rush it. What if you knew this guy and he worked up the courage to make a move after several years, and you knew that you really, really wanted him, but you made him feel like you rejected him when you hadn’t, you were just overwhelmed by the whole situation. How do you fix that? How do you get back to that place with him? I feel like I really bruised his ego and never intended to I was bowled over by the attention and didn’t know how to react, but, I certainly knew this was a much better man then I had ever met in the past and I definitely wanted to savor the moment not rush it.

]]> By: Prisqua http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/2008/05/30/where-to-find-a-good-man/#comment-97 Prisqua Tue, 05 Aug 2008 10:57:20 +0000 http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/?p=25#comment-97 Very very interesting... Very very interesting…

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